1. That he's not your superior

2. The word 'No!'

3. Anything else you tell hime in plain English

4. Why he shouldn't roll in the mud and then take a nap on your bed

5. Why you all suddenly leave the room when he has a wind attack

6. That you don't find it absolutely hilarious when, late one night, he

suddenly starts staring at an empty corner of the room with teeth bared and

hackles raised

7. Precisely what's wrong with practising his fiercest, gruffest bark at three

in the morning

8. That it's not funny to carry your discarded underpants into the room with

him in front of guests

9. That the furnature is not there for his personal amusement

10. Why it's wrong to back Auntie Joan into a corner and guard her

11. Why your leg doesn't enjoy it as much as he does

12. That other dog's bottoms are not the most fascinating things in the world

13. Why your cat has as much right to sit in the lounge as he has

14. Why he should get into the bathtub if he doesn't want to

15. Why he shouldn't steal the pate off the table if he can reach it

16. Why he shouldn't do exactly what he wants, basically