The DIET

Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every

diet in the world

in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet,

the Navy

diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked.

Then, one day, he was reading the Washington Post when

he noticed a

small ad that read:

Lose weight

Only $1.00 a pound

Call (202) 555-0238

The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A

voice on the

other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"

The man responded, "Ten pounds."

The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card

number and

we"ll have a representative over to your house in the

morning."

About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on

the door.

There stood a beautiful redhead, completely naked except

for a sign

around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have

me."

Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over

sofas,

through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting

and

wheezing like a dog, he did catch her. When he was

through enjoying

himself, she said, "Quick, go into the bathroom and weigh

yourself."

He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten

pounds, >>

right to the ounce!

That evening he called the number again. The voice on the

other end >>

asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"--to which

the

somewhat-less-overweight man replied, "Twenty pounds."

"Very well," the voice on the phone told him, "Give me your

credit card number and we"ll have a representative over to

your house >>

in the morning."

At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a

knock on the

door. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde

dressed only >>

in track shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "If you

catch me, >>

you can have me." The chase took a good while longer this

time and >>

the man nearly passed out, but he finally did catch her.

When he was >>

through she told him, "Quick, run into the bathroom and

weigh

yourself." He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost

another 20 >>

pounds!

"This is fantastic!" he thought to himself. Later that evening

he called >>

the number again and the voice at the other end asked,

"How much weight >>

do you want to lose?" "Fifty pounds!" the man exclaimed.

"Fifty pounds?" the voice asked, "That"s an awful lot of

weight to >>

lose at one time."

The man replied, "Listen buddy, here"s my credit card

number, you

just have your representative over here in the morning!" and

he hung up >>

the phone.

About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed,

splashes on >>

some cologne and gets all ready for the next representative.

At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door. When he

opens the door, >>

he sees this large gorilla with a sign around his neck

stating,

"IF I CATCH YOU, I'M GOING TO SCREW

YOU."