An eccentric elderly woman:

-Even her hot flashes are lukewarm.

-Her age is her business, but she never talks about business.

-Her birthday cake has been declared a fire hazard.

-Her last birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

-Her real age is the only secret she would keep.

-Her Social Security number is 2.

-Her teeth are the only things she has that aren't wrinkled.

-It took her ten minutes to blow out all her candles on her last

birthday.

-She admits approaching 30. I wonder from which direction.

-She doesn't learn history. She remembers it.

-She gets winded playing checkers.

-She gets winded watching television.

-She had a driver's license for covered wagons.

-She had the lemon concession at the Boston Tea Party.

-She has more wrinkles than a pound of prunes.

-She has more wrinkles than a road map.

-She remembers when Heinz had only three varieties.

-She was born in the year only the Lord knows.

-The last time she lit all her candles she needed ten matches.

-The only time she will see 60 again is on a speed limit sign.

-When I asked her to pass the salt and the pepper, she had to make

two trips.

-Whenever someone asks her for her real age she only tells half of it.