BEER PAGE 'O HUMOUR

A Brit, an Irishman, and a Scot go out to a pub and order 3 pints. They each find a fly
floating on the top of their mugs.

The Brit says, "Bartender, can I have a spoon?" and quietly removes the fly from his brew.

The Irishman says, "Get out of there!" and flicks the fly away with a finger.

The Scot picks up the fly with his fingers and says, "Alright ya wee bastard. Spit it out. Now!"

McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down
his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No," replied McAteer. "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out," said the Irishman.

This guy walks into a bar with a large bullfrog perched on his head.

"Where the hell did you get that?" asked the barman.

"Well," the bullfrog replied, "you won't believe it but it started as this little wart on my ass!"

A grasshopper walks into a bar, pulls up a stool, and orders a beer.

The bartender pours him a tall, frothy mug and says "You know... we have a drink named after you..."

To which the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named Bob?"

Two old Irishmen were sitting at the local pub drinking a few beers. So Paddy says to George,
"George me buddy ol' pal. When I die could you pour a couple of beers o'er me grave?"

George says, "Why certainly, but could I pour it through me bladder fist?"

After the Great Britian Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go
out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says "Hey Senor, I would like the world's
best beer, a Corona."

The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of
Beers', a Budweiser."

The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give
me a Coors."

He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says "Give me a Coke."

The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"
and the Guinness president replies "Well, if you guys aren't going to drink beer, then
neither will I."

Empire State Bldg. (a true classic bar joke)

This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It
looks like a nice place and he takes a seat at the bar.
"This is a nice place. I've never been here before," he says to the guy next to him.
"Oh, really?" the other man replies. "It is a nice place. It's also a very special bar."
"Why's that?" the first guy asks.
"Well, do you see that painting on the far wall? That's an original Van Gogh, and this stool
I'm sitting on was on the Titanic."
"Gee, that's amazing!", says the first guy.
"Not only that, but you see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind
does strange things outside that window. If you jump out, you'll fall about 50 feet before
the wind catches you and you're pushed back up."
"No way! That's impossible!" The guy scoffs.
"Not at all. Take a look." The other man replies, and with that he walks over to the window
and opens it. He climbs over the sill and falls out. He drops 10...20...30...40...50 feet,
comes to a stop, and whoosh! He comes right back up and sails back through the window.
"See? It's fun. You should try it," he says.
"Try it? I don't even believe I saw it!" the first man shouts.
"It's easy. Watch, I'll do it again." And with that, he falls out of the window again. He
drops 10...20...30...40...50 fee, comes to a stop and whoosh! He comes right back up and
sails back through the window.
"Give it a try. It's a blast," he says.
"Well what the heck, I'll give it a try," the first man says, and proceeds to fall out the
window. He falls 10...20...30...40...50...60...70...80...100 feet and splat!! He ends up as
road pizza on the footpath. After watching this, the second guy casually closes the window,
heads back to the bar, and orders a drink.
The bartender arrives with the drink and says, "You know Superman, you're a real asshole
after a few drinks..."