Golf Joke
 

A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to find the ball he discovers a witch stirring a bubbling cauldron.
Out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing. "A magic potion" she replies.
"Well what's it for" he asks.
"This potion will make anyone an excellent golfer" says the witch.
 At this, he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. The witch is agreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on his sex life. After a short period of soul searching he decides to try the potion.
He goes back out onto the course and completes an excellent round of golf. Next, he challenges the course pro and beats him easily. He then spends every possible moment of the next year playing golf at every course he can. He has a wonderful time, always winning.

After a year he happens to be playing at the same course where he had met the witch. Out of curiosity he purposely slices one into the woods so he can talk to the witch again.
"Well" she asks, "How has your game been"
"Great!! It has been the best year of my life. I've played all over the country, and never lost a game."
"And, how about your sex life??
"Oh, not too bad actually"
"Really? This stuff can really ruin guy's sex life. Say, how many times did you have sex in the last year"
"Hmmmmmm, it was three, no, four times"
"And you call that not bad?"
"Well, for a priest with a small parish..."


A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome  teed off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing  the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to  the man and immediately began to apologize.

She then explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his "pain."
"Please allow me to help, I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd  just allow me!" she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied as he remained  in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

The woman takes it upon herself to begin to "ease his pain." She began to massage his groin.  After a few moments she asked, "Does that feel better?"

The man looked up at her and replied, "Yes, that feels pretty good...but my thumb still hurts like hell!"


 Three men are traveling and need a place to sleep. They stop at a farm and ask the owner if they can spend the night. The farmers says okay, but one has to sleep with the pigs, one has to sleep with the cows and the other has to sleep in a room with his 18 daughters.

The next morning...
1st Man- "I feel like a pig, I slept with pigs all night"
2nd Man- "I feel like a cow, I slept with cows all night"
3rd Man- "I feel like a golf course. I've been in and out of 18 holes all night"



There's this guy who has been stranded on a deserted island, all alone for
10 years. One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself,
"It's not a ship."
The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat."
The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."
Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit
and SCUBA gear.
She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a
cigarette?"
"Ten years!" he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her
left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights
it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a nice cold beer?"
He replies, "Oh, God, it's been at least 10 years!"
She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls
out a dry ice pack from around an ice cold beer, hands it to him and watches
as he take a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"
Then she starts unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her
wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had
some REAL fun?"
And the man replies, "Good God, woman! Don't tell me that you've
got golf clubs in there!"