Surrounded by the remains of her graduation party, Buffy had finally gotten around to opening the presents that arrived by mail. So the presents were actually mostly cards, but they were presents.
Most of the return addresses on the cards were unfamiliar, but it was no surprise since her relatives seemed to be crawling out of the woodwork. Everyone who was even half a cousin had managed to send her something or appear at her graduation party. Even people she had never seen before in her life. Really, talking to some of them made her wish the Mayor had eaten the town.
Laying on her bed, Buffy started sorting her huge pile of unopened mail on the right side of her bed into very logical categories.
"Card," she lifted one and shook it, gauging its weight. "Card with money." She put it on the left side of her bed.
"Card with no money," Buffy checked the address, "Aunt Edna, I should have known. That woman reuses ziplock bags. No wonder she didn't send me anything." Buffy tossed the card on the floor, "I'll look at those later."
She started dividing her mail quickly; cards flying in different directions.
"Money." Bed.
"No money." Floor.
"Money." Bed.
"Money." Bed.
"No money." Floor.
"Money." Bed.
"No mon- What's this?" Buffy paused when her eye caught something under the pile. It was a package partially hidden beneath the unsorted letters, bearing the mark of delivery. "Oh, UPS. Mom must have signed for it." She scanned the new arrival from all angles. "No return address. Weirdness."
Carefully ripping open the tape holding it closed, Buffy found a card sitting on top of some Styrofoam packaging peanuts. Buffy eyed the peanuts warily; the last 'gift' she had gotten like this had been from Xander. He'd given her a rubber snake in honor of the late and still-unmourned Mayor Wilkins.
The card itself didn't appear too sinister. It was normal-sized with her name written plainly on it.
"Alright, Buffy. Open the card," she encouraged herself.
She tore open the envelope and read the front of the card.
I love graduations. My favorite part is at the very end when everyone takes off their hats and flings them up skyward in triumph! Nothing shows how smart you are like dodging hundreds of pointy objects that you just threw directly over you head. Congratulations!
Whoever had sent it to her had underlined the word 'pointy' in yellow highlighter.
Unsure of who had sent the card, Buffy looked inside and found that the someone had written her a note in small bold script.
Congratulations, I knew you would make it, no matter what.
Still, though I was only there for a short time, I would like to mention how much I will miss good old Sunnyhell High. We shared some really special moments in that building. There was the library where you and your little friends always seemed to be, the chemistry lab full of Weird Science, and you can't forget those ceiling passages we found on Parent-Teacher Night. Yep, sure will miss the place.
*It had to be a former Sunnydale Student,* she decided. *Do they know we blew up the school?*
Really, I have to tell you how much of an honor it was to meet you. You certainly are one of a kind. I've been watching you for a much longer time than you could possibly imagine, and meeting you changed my life forever.
*Okay, maybe a former Sunnydale Student-Stalker.*
I heard that you were voted Class Protector. About time they did that. (Ever have the feeling you were surrounded by morons?) You deserved it since you were the only one who noticed when it seemed that a dark and evil force was picking off students one by one. You were always able to strike right into the heart of the problem, usually with a sharp object.
*Who is this? Do they know I'm the Slayer? If this is from Xander, he is so dead.*
We didn't meet or part on the best of terms, nor did we spend lots of time together (which was probably for the best). But when we were together, ass was kicked.
*Now I fought evil with this non-person?*
So, good job. Have a nice summer. I won't miss you much since I'll see you soon. (Same time, same place, next year.)
*What? Do I see this person, socially? Do we have yearly meetings? Do I have yearly meetings with anyone?*
Eternally yours,
The card was unsigned.
*Who are you!!* Buffy ground her teeth in frustration. *Was there a sudden run on craziness?*
On the bright side, she didn't need to send them a thank you note.
Annoyed anyway, she dropped the card in the box and stopped. It had landed facedown, and she saw more writing on its back. She picked it up and began to read. Her face reflected a myriad of emotions, first confusion, followed by surprise, and then complete mirth.
She dug eagerly into the packaging as a giggle climbed out her throat. By the time she found her present, it had matured into a loud laugh. When she pulled out her gift to see for the first time, it had become a full-blown whoop for the hilarity of the situation.
"I don't believe it," she choked out.
"Buffy, are you okay?" Her mother rushed in at the noise, worry clear on her face. "I know you are having a hard time with Angel leaving. Do you want me to call Willow?"
"No, Mom." Buffy had tears of laughter running down her face. "It's not that."
"Then what is it?" Joyce had her hands on her hips, waiting.
"We got a present," Buffy tossed the object at her mother as she replayed the words on the back of the card over in her mind.
P.S. Give your mum my love. And about the present, remember to share.
Joyce reached out and caught the object. It was an unopened bag of marshmallows.
I recommend rereading the letter in a sarcastic tone of voice.
Fanfic
Now that you reread the letter, what did you think?
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