You know, Los Angeles is a great place to stay in for all the demons and stuff. City of Angels…my city. So it should be natural that I am comfortable here.

But I miss home. Home being Sunnydale of course…there’s Buffy, and there are all the others. There were all the painful memories of course, but hey, there were the better ones. And there is Willow.

Yeah, Willow. It’s finally in the open now. I miss her the most.

I loved Buffy. Honestly, I did. But see, although she thought she loved me, she did not. I’m not saying she’s stupid or anything…it’s just that she thinks she loves me and tries hard to convince herself that, when in fact, her heart was lost from me so long ago.

Actually, since the night when my grand-childe Spike walked into her life.

She loved him, even if she didn’t know it. Maybe at first, she disliked him. Not surprising, considering the fact that he had wanted to kill her…for me, that would have been one big turn-off. But that changed gradually.

They fought. (Of course they fought.) And every time I met her, that was all she ever really talked about. His moves, his strength, his grace…and then, it drifted to what a great boyfriend he was to Drusilla, and it was a shame she had to stake him. Then, she would assure me, that she, of course, still hated him. She was assuring herself. I had all the faith in the world for her, till she talked like that of course.

Spike on the other hand…I always wondered why he seemed all out to pick a fight with her. Spike was my childe…I knew him better than most. He didn’t seek the slayers out. He let them seek him out for his own convenience when he killed them.

And when I lost my soul…that night, my moment of happiness occurred only because I allowed myself to believe that it was me she was making love to.

In the months after that as Angelus, sometimes, I would pass by Spike’s room in the day on the way to Dru’s room. Once, I heard him call out her name in his sleep. He called her Buffy. In his waking moments, he would only call her Slayer, but as he slept, he smiled as he called out her name. Angelus just smiled sardonically…he enjoyed the torment of Spike, thinking Spike could never be with the Slayer. What a bastard.

But Spike, like Buffy, tried to deny his nature. He teamed up with her to get Dru back, to show himself and the world that he was a normal vampire who hated the slayer.

Didn’t fool me.

When he came back months after I returned from hell, I knew he had come back sobbing not for Druscilla, but because he needed her. I wondered how other’s could not see the affection they had for each other as they fought physically and verbally, trying to deny what they felt.

When Spike became jealous, he lashed out at us with some stupid theory on love. He thought I wouldn’t see why he lashed out, but his head could be very transparent. As Buffy told him to duck while she attacked the intruders with holy water, I could almost see a silly smile on his face. After that, he fought better than I had ever seen him fight.

Mortal enemies? Crap shit.

After he left, for a while Buffy seemed to belong to me again…like she was gradually coming home, even though there was our little break after Spike left. Obviously, she was shaken by his appearance and ‘decided’ she needed some time to pick herself up. I believe, that out of guilt, she came back to me, being the best she could be.

“Spike.”

That’s what she called out once when she fell asleep on my couch. It wasn’t a bad dream…she was smiling.

But that wasn’t why I left. I had stopped looking at her like a lover long ago, although I played along, feeling guilty myself, because I was falling…for Willow.

Willow’s innocence, her ready acceptance of me, of everything I am…her intelligence, her beauty…everything about her captured me. Was I supposed to stumble away? Obviously, that was the case.

It’s been a year now,with Cordy here in L.A. I know Spike is back home, and I’m happy…because he would be close to Buffy and vice versa. And sooner or later, the whole ‘enemies’ thing was bound to get old. I’m betting on later though, the two of them are both too stubborn to face facts.

I know, I slept with Buffy once this year, but it was fulfilling both our guilt to each other. And I know I looked like I was jealous of that Riley guy, but the truth was, I was half mad because he was ruining everything for Buffy and Spike. The other half was because I just don’t like the guy. He annoys me. I can be such a woman…

But I really miss home. Maybe I should go home…but I’d rather not. The thought of seeing Willow with another woman…would make me not only heartbroken but very uncomfortable.

Sorry, I was born two hundred years ago…can’t blame me for being too old-fashioned about this kind of stuff.

Tell the Author what you thought.
Other People's Fanfic
Home