Checking my slipknot for frays i cry for this death of my outside to the birth of my inside . you know that life eats and life wants so much from one single person . Will it ever end ? My obsession ball to forever hit you again in a game of dodge ball pilot series introduced . a full forever please . ITs the catch of the day . Its what im wanting . Not a half life . Pertruded by a loss of words and feelings . But a full lasting reunion of two souls forever . Maybe your gone away and feeling nothing for me now around your friends . Im not existence , i am feelings , i am dreams , i am torn , i am hold me . I am fragile to know . Im a way of letting go of life . I am a suicide to your outside . If you will only let me be this . Its came to this a premarital bliss of a communication failure . Im needing much while you take all . How can i show you this everything that i hide from the masses when the masses still prod . Get along with me or without i want to mind . I want to hold you . You say step at a time and i stiff for the arrow that just pierced my knowing loving heart . I wanna take a step at a time at a cadence not known to any band . a speed ballad if you will to a deepness that i call home . its gonna be an intro baby . a glorious redeeming of a past made career . with you by my side . Dont you know , cant you see me love for a picture of thee . Id give up everything again , and again . for you to know im here . God my life would never want and pant for something more . I dont want you to run to other for your deepness to show . I cry for this everythnig that i feel when you talk about us . how trivial it may be to you to talk as if were together . Its so personal its so annoying that when everything is so fucked up you smile and shove the little hate underneath the table . I wanna rip everything apart . I wanna feel again i rip my arm to shreds , smile as the blodd flows to the floor . I wanna feel damn it ! I want you made into us . Life is so dead and hollow . dont make me one of the wise made dumb to the masses . If i cant find deep enough to dream here . Il slide and il go away to ride a wave into another system of a fault . Where my life is meaningful joyous and powerful . Make a difference you bastard the flip side of my parents once said . Hate flipped sides , i say combing my hair on the sofa . My deep peircing fingers of tired fateful nights slide through my sweaty hair . I can't think of a system without you in it . Or at least someone like you . And il kill and hurt until i find this thing that i need . I gotta go nervously shaking the door knob . You wont let me go . You touch me again and i cant fight for the wounds ive conducted over my rage of a deepness loss . Every wave a grateful deadening nerve sends needles through my mind . I wanna leave like a scared animal . Im tired of all the fake deep ones with their deep confessional nothings . I want a real you a real you that left me . Your in love ! Oh i said with whom ? You said with me ! I was over joyed wanted a life . Wanted to let everything go to follow this dream i thought i seen . You left to go again with a guy i couldn't stop . You showed me everything a fateful night alive . So many meaningful conversations . So many lifes that i have left to give . My nineth is slowly receeding . OH i criecd at the ocean . I cried meaningful hurts into mother earth sand . Her myrth i felt for the bruises that she and i shared . She so deep and meaningful , and i so wonderfuly needed . We were made again that night with the waves crashing over my now salty back . you enjoyed your life on the boardwalk . I screamed to die . Took a seashell to take my own life . Life screamed no and fate took hand as the wind blew and you fell from the peer . I gasped as i watched you again in trouble to a hateful star . I raced to your side as your back lay against the rocks to pain . I prayed your dreams were with me but you looked up far away as every last one of your organs stopped their rythm . I cried in your hair . I remeber its smell as a dew covered morning . I cried because i lost a hope . I lost a hope to lips of crimson to hands cupping my face . You said i was beautiful . You wanted me so much . I took you into the sea i wanted to die with you . I drank of the salt until it filled me . I cried over you more , tracing your lines . trying to kiss away your pain . I went down with you . Down to a bottomless forgot forever . A hope for maybe another chance to truely show you myself in another world . We shared little here . But what may repay on another side of a maybe . You smiled in the laudry mat at me again . I looked straight down . Felt my heart pound again as you touched my arm . It was all coming back now . I was only imagining that fate when you said hello . I looked into those blue eyes , wiped a tear away and shook those hateful nothings away . Silk shirt buttons tapped against the lenolium floor on that day as i took your hands . Told you my deep love and i sang in your eyes . I told you my world and you told me yours . I danced over your rebirth . (laughs) i danced over mine . My forever wanting dream . Scream so i can hear every word that knows the strings in my heart to pluck . Please let me feel . You know what i mean as i take down to downy pillows again . The tv is snowing and outside it doesnt look much better . Im taking you down again for the second still motion camera angle . Boom boom the heartbeats are like tribal happenings . I take you again and yes darling i feel . I feel for another time until you die inside . I keep renueing what i hope to be something that lasts . I grace my own self with the beauty you show me . I smile as you alive spend your time wanting this thing that i show you . For a system of a happiness up and running carousel of loving memories known . 2/21/02