WAR of the FOOLS
By: Cory B.
Usually, it’s considered wrong to hurt, inconvenience, or play a prank on someone, but there is one day of the year that this behavior is encouraged, some people play friendly pranks on their friends, some play them on complete strangers, and then again, some people take it to the extreme…
(Wufei is exercising on his weight set, he gets done and walks into his kitchen to grab a bottle of water, his eyes passed over the calendar.)
Wufei: Oh…my…god…
(Quatre is looking over his busy schedule and catches what the next day is.)
Quatre: oh no…
(Trowa is listening to the ring master tell him when they are gonna move next, when he gets to the date of the move…)
Trowa: god help the world…
(Heero is working on his laptop, he looks at the date on his computer.)
Heero: March 31st, oh no, that means tomorrow is…
All(each in their separate quadrant of the screen in usual anime style.): April fools day…
(Duo is just waking up [at 11:00 am] and looks at his calendar, he looks immediately awake.)
Duo: YESSSSS!!!!!!
(Duo dances around the room.)
Duo: Tomorrow all my hard work will pay off!
(Quatre is on the phone listening to a dial tone.)
Wufei: yeah?
Quatre: Hey Wufei.
Wufei: Hi Quatre, what is it?
Quatre: You know tomorrow is (gulp)…well…you know.
Wufei: Unfortunately, and I live only three blocks away from Duo!
Quatre: That’s why I called you first, I’ve arranged with the other gundam pilots to meet at your place later today so we can plan how to fend off and finally prank Duo.
Wufei: Sounds good, I’ll make dinner.
Quatre: thanks a lot Wufei, and by the way, lock the doors and windows when we are inside!
Wufei: Gotcha.
(Quatre hangs up.)
Quatre(thinks): we may finally do it this year…
(Duo is in his garage, drawing on a blueprint paper and notepad.)
Duo: Let’s see, should I put it there? No, there. Maybe not… Ooh! Idea!
(Duo begins scrambling down stuff on the notepad.)
Duo: it’s genius…pure genius!!!
(Duo laughs evilly.)
(Somewhere on the street, a man in a black trench coat, glasses, and hat walks along, he looks up to a building, the Homemillion apartment complex, he taps on the door. A slot opens up.)
Wufei(through the slot): What’s the password?
MIB: operation payback.
(The slot closes, the sound of about 12 locks opening, then the door is opened, the MIB steps inside, the locks lock again. The MIB is led up to Wufei’s apartment where Heero, and Trowa are waiting. The MIB takes off the trench coat, hat and glasses to reveal he is Quatre.)
Quatre: Now that we are all here, I’ll bring up the topic, tomorrow is April Fools Day, and Duo is just three blocks over in the junkyard.
Wufei: I’d like to suggest that we secure our gundams, he might give them a nasty paint job or something.
Quatre: That’s a good idea, anyone else?
Trowa: We could stay together all tomorrow to prevent him from separating then executing us.
Quatre: Noted, Heero?
Heero: We could kill him…
(Everyone gets a thinking look on their faces like they are considering it.)
Quatre: Nah, too messy.
(Three blocks away, Duo is looking through a pair of binoculars towards the window to Wufei’s apartment and wearing a ‘Super Ears’ sound amp in one of his ears.)
Duo: heh heh, yeah that’s it, tell me all your plans…
(Duo smirks evilly.)
(Back at the apartment.)
Quatre: No! I said there is to be no killing Duo!
Wufei: But that’s the only way I can think of stopping him and besides he’s been asking for it for a long time!
Quatre: NO!
Trowa: I’ve got an idea that’ll get him back and keep him off our tails.
Quatre: Does it involve killing him?
Trowa: Well I was thinking we could put a Mobile Doll System in his gundam and set him as the target…
Quatre: FOR THE LAST TIME NO KILLING HIM!!!
(Duo is cracking up at his house.)
Heero: We could incapacitate him by shooting and breaking both his legs…
Wufei: That wouldn’t kill him…
Quatre: No but we’d have to pay for the doctor bill!
Wufei: I got an idea…
(Wufei pauses and looks out the window, sees Duo cracking up on the floor with the binoculars.)
Wufei(flatly): well. I, guess we will, never. Beat him.
Trowa: What?
(Wufei whispers into Trowa’s ear)
Trowa(flatly): it. Seems that, you are. Correct
(Trowa passes it on to Heero, Heero passes it along to Quatre.)
Quatre: It seems, that. All our plans are, useless. Against, Duo’s migh,ty good pranking.
Heero: Let’s get out of here.
(All but Wufei walk out of the apartment.)
(Back over at Duo’s house.)
Duo: Well, I guess I won’t have any competition this year!
(Duo runs into his garage to unveil his ‘creation’)
Duo: Yes! The Gundam Rearranger is complete, now I will proceed to unnecessarily reveal my plan to you in typical mad scientist fashion! I plan to switch the gundams around to their improper pilots, and even if they do secure them they will not be able to prevent the switch! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(lightning) AHHHH!!!
(Duo runs and hides under the table.)
Duo: Hilde?!
Hilde(from upstairs.): Yes Duo?!
Duo: Is the storm over yet?
Hilde: Yes, you come out from under your table now!
Duo: Thank you!
(Duo nervously gets out from under the table, assumes the mad scientist look again.)
Duo: But that is not all I have in store for them! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
(Lightning, Duo runs under his table again.)
(The following morning, Duo is asleep and looks like he’s been working through the night. Wufei is just waking up at his apartment.)
Wufei: (Yawn!) Huh?! What the?! I can’t see! I’m blind!!!
(Wufei feels his face and finds that electric tape is over his eyes.)
Wufei: Dammit Duo!
(Wufei rips off the tape and gets out of bed, his foot land in some slime.)
Wufei: DUO!!!
(After cleaning up the slime he goes to the kitchen, when he opens the fridge about 100 strung snakes pop out and bury him, loud muffled cursing comes from the pile, after cleaning that up Wufei gets some eggs for breakfast, he cracks them against a bowl and opens them above a pan, they are hard boiled.)
Wufei: Ack! I hate hard boiled!
(Wufei pours himself some cereal, but it’s all rubber lizards.)
Wufei: I’m gonna kill him once Quatre goes back to the colonies! Maybe Nataku will cheer me up.
(Wufei goes into his abnormaly sized garage.)
Wufei: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
(Quatre is getting out of bed, he steps in some mud.)
Quatre: Great, it starts…
(Quatre comes out of his bedroom and goes over to the cabinet and gets some pop tarts, he heats them up but when he bites into one the filling is rubber.)
Quatre: I’m gonna have my work cut out for me if Wufei is getting hit as bad.
(Quatre goes over and gets a carton of milk, faces it away from him and opens it as 4 spring snakes fly out.)
Quatre: figures.
(Quatre gets a hotpocket, to his delight it’s real, as he eats it he walks over to his garage.)
Quatre:………ok now he’s gone too far!!!
(Trowa is waking up, he reaches over to stop his alarm clock but it won’t stop, he takes the batteries out but it’s still not going off, he smashes it against a wall and it still wont go off, he looks in the wreckage and finds a little battery powered speaker, he smashes it.)
Trowa: So begins the yearly day of hell.
(Trowa goes into the kitchen to get breakfast, he puts two pieces of toast in the toaster, it instantly begins to glow and the toast disintegrates. Trowa disconnects it and looks on the under side of it, there’s a little label that says ‘Noin’s Novelty Shop’)
Trowa: figures.
(Trowa goes and gets some cereal, he put a spoonful in his mouth only to discover it’s all nuts n’ bolts, he spits them out.)
Trowa: I’m tired of this already!
(Trowa goes into his garage, looks up, then kicks the railing giving it a good dent.)
(Back at Quatre’s place, he is on the phone with Wufei.)
Wufei: GET YOUR SANDROCK OUTTA MY GARAGE AND GIVE ME BACK NATAKU!!!
Quatre: I already told you! I was asleep all night! Duo did this, besides, I have Heavy Arms, oh hang on, a call is waiting.
(Quatre presses a button on the phone.)
Quatre: Hello.
Trowa: Hey, did you notice tha…
Quatre: Yeah I did.
Trowa: Do you hav..
Quatre: Yes I do.
Trowa: Good, I’ve got Altron, Wufei is gonna be really pissed at me regardless, who got Wing Zero?
Quatre: Wing Zero is still with Heero, Duo knows he always has a gun so only us three get screwed over!
Trowa: Well that’s not fair!
Quatre: Oh well, I’ll get washed up and we can meet somewhere to exchange our gundams.
Trowa: Sounds good.
(Quatre pushes another button on the phone.)
Quatre: Hey Wufei, Trowa has Altron.
Wufei: WHAT?! I’LL KILL HIM!!!
Quatre: NO WUFEI!!! FOR THE LAST TIME DUO DID IT!!!
Wufei: OK THEN I’LL KILL DUO!!
Quatre: NOBODY IS GONNA KILL ANYBODY!!! WE’RE ALL GOING TO MEET SOMEWHERE AND GET OUR GUNDAMS BACK!!!
Wufei: But…but I don’t know how to pilot weak pathetic little Sandrock
Quatre: SANDROCK ISN’T WEAK AND PATHETIC!!! HE COULD WIPE THE FLOOR WITH NATAKU ANYDAY!!!
Wufei: YOU INSULTED NATAKU!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!
Quatre: Wait…wait, calm down, Duo wanted this so let’s not give in.
Wufei: Right, but your gonna have to something pretty miraculous to stop me from KILLING HIM AFTER THIS IS OVER!!!
Quatre: Never mind, I’ll see you then.
(Quatre hangs up before Wufei can yell some more.)
Quatre: Guess I’ll get washed up.
(Quatre goes into the bathroom.)
(Later, somewhere in a vacant lot, Heavy Arms waits with Quatre inside.)
Quatre: Where ARE they!?
(Sandrock and Altron land behind Heavy Arms.)
Trowa: I’ll be glad to get out of this weird mobile suit.
Wufei: DON’T INSULT NATAKU IN FRONT OF ME!!!
Trowa: Whatever.
(Off in the distance, Deathscythe hell stands.)
Duo: hehe, let’s make things a bit more interesting…
(Back in the lot.)
Quatre: Ok now that we’re here let..what the hell? My camera is out!
Wufei: Mine too!
Trowa: Me too!
Quatre(grimly): Guess we’ll have to get out…
(Quatre gets out of Heavy Arms. Trowa and Wufei both start to laugh out loud.)
Quatre: SHUT UP!!!
(Quatre has black hair instead of blonde.)
Quatre: Duo put black hair dye in my shampoo! Before I noticed it was too late! Now get out and let’s get out of here!
(They both stop laughing.)
Quatre: What?!
Trowa: Oh well, I might as well since you did.
(Trowa gets out, his hair is blonde, and the bangs are clipped.)
Quatre: Wow, that looks…weird…
(Trowa has a birth mark shaped like the OZ symbol on his forehead where the bangs covered.)
Trowa: Of all the rotten luck to have this birth mark and Duo to know about it, why do you think I kept it this way after the hair gel incident! Duo put some bleach in my hair gel and cut off my bangs while I was asleep, I hadn’t looked in a mirror before you called.
Quatre: Sorry to hear it, Wufei your turn.
Wufei: no
Trowa: We came out, now you!
Wufei: I’m not coming out.
Quatre: You wanna get Nataku back don’t you?
Wufei:………………………..Damn you Quatre!
(Wufei gets out and both Quatre and Trowa look and fall to the ground laughing, Wufei’s hair is pink, he throws a knife at Trowa so it lands centimeters from his leg so they’ll shut up.)
Wufei: Duo put pink dye in my hair shine.
Quatre: Well let’s get this over with.
(They all get in their rightful gundams and go home.)
(Back at the junk yard, Duo is really laughing it up!)
Duo: I can’t believe how good I am!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
(Lightning, Duo hides under his desk.)
Duo: But, there’s not a cloud in the sky…
Me: Figure it out lamebrain! Every time you laugh like that lightning strikes!
Duo: Well then I just woHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
(Lightning, Duo cringes.)
Duo: Hey knock it off! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
(Lightning.)
Duo: I said HAHAHA ok ok!!! I give!!! I’ll do whatever you want!!!
Me: APRIL FOOLS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
(Lightning.)
Me: AHH!!
(I hide under my desk. Duo starts rolling on the ground with the kind of laughter that won’t start lightning.)
(At Duo’s place, Wufei steps in with Mihoshi.)
Wufei: Ok Mihoshi, remember that paint job you gave Nataku?
Mihoshi: Who’s this Nataku?
Wufei(angry look): Altron then.
Mihoshi: But that’s your name.
Wufei: MY NAME IS WUFEI!!! ALTRON IS THE OFFICIAL NAME OF MY GUNDAM BUT I CALL IT NATAKU ALL THE TIME , IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH AN EXPLANATION!?!?!
Mihoshi: Huh? I was looking at that picture on the wall.
(Wufei falls over in anime fashion. He walks in the garage with Mihoshi and turns on the lights.)
Wufei: See that gundam over there? The black one?
Mihoshi: Yeah
Wufei: I want you to paint it like you did mine.
Mihoshi: oh, ok.
Wufei: I’ll just leave you to your work then.
(Wufei walks out and closes the door.)
Wufei(through the door.): Remember to lock up when you are finished!
Mihoshi: ok.
(Wufei walks out of the apartment, out of the complex and on to the street and goes to Quatre’s house.)
Wufei: You done yet?
Quatre: We’re almost done, put that right there.
Washu(Typing on one of those little consoles she makes appear out of nowhere.): K, hold on a sec, almost there, right. Duo’s apartment is now in another dimension!
Quatre: Thanx Washu, make sure you get Mihoshi outta there when she’s finished painting Death Scythe Hell.
Washu: Of course I will, I’ll see you around then.
Quatre: Bye
(Washu makes a portal appear and goes through it, it closes. Trowa walks in.)
Trowa: Operation Payback phase one is complete!
Quatre: Right, all we need to do now is wait.
(Later that day, Duo is coming home from work, he goes in his apartment.)
Duo: Whew, am I tired………WHAT THE HELL?
(Duo is in a field of flowers.)
Duo: Dammit! Where’s the fridge!
(A fridge appears in front of him and opens.)
Duo: Whoa, cool.
(Duo gets a root beer out and chugs it down. Gets another one and takes a drink.)
Duo: ahh, that’s good, ok, done with the fridge, need a couch and TV.
(The fridge disappears and a couch and TV appear, Duo sits down and starts watching Dragonball Z, after about 15 minutes, he starts to nod off.)
Duo: (Yawn.) Bed please.
(A bed appears, Duo plops down on it and falls asleep.)
Quatre(on a radio): Move in.
(Duo wakes up in his bedroom everything is back to normal.)
Duo: Well, that was a good dream. Whew! What’s that smell……oh it’s me………I guess I’ll go take a shower.
(Goes into the bathroom and looks in the mirror.)
Duo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(His hair is blonde and like Sailor Moon’s, he immediately cuts off the two big streamer like pieces of hair and cuts the rest of it short so he has a buzz cut.)
Duo: I HATE YOU GUYS!!!
(Duo goes into the kitchen and grabs another root beer, when he opens it and it explodes and he is covered with fizz.)
Duo: I guess I do have some competition this year.
From the garage: Hey! Help! Someone, I can’t get out of here and it’s dark and gloomy and I’m scared!
(Duo goes and unlocks the door and let’s Mihoshi out.)
Mihoshi: Thank you whoever you are!
Duo: What’re you doing in my garage Mihoshi?
Mihoshi: Come see Death Scythe’s cheery new paint job!
Duo(Heard from miles around like in ‘The Shop’): WHAAAAAT?!?!?!?!
(Death Scythe Hell is now pink and white with a red ribbon on it’s head in place of the usual crest.)
Duo: WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!?!?!?!
Mihoshi: Cus Altron told me to.
Duo: WUFEI!!!!
(Duo storms out of his garage and walks to his door and opens it, Heero, Quatre, and Trowa are standing there with Washu on one side of them and Serena on the other.)
Quatre: Hi Duo.
Duo: I suppose I deserved this…but why screw up my hair!?!?!?!?
Serena: Hey don’t insult my hairstyle!
Heero: Payback was pretty sweet, and we’ll do it again until you stop taking April first to the extreme.
Duo: That’s not enough to make me…
(Heero points a gun at Duo.)
Duo:…actually it is, I don’t know what came over me before.
Trowa: That’s better.
Duo: So what’d you do?
Quatre: Well, Wufei had Mihoshi paint Death Scythe as she did Altron before.
Washu: And Quatre had me put your room in another dimension.
(gives Duo the peace sign.)
Serena: And I did your hair!
(Gives Duo the peace sign as well.)
Duo: Yeah well Serena’s sense of hair style amazes me, and do you know how long it takes for me to braid my hair by myself?!?!
Serena: And do you know how long it takes me to make those streamers?!?!?!
(Serena and Duo glare at each other.)
Quatre(clears his throat.): If we can continue… Trowa put drugged root beer in your fridge which made you fall asleep so quick and we made the changes while you were knocked out.
Duo: Well, that was really mean! What do you have to say for yourselves?
All except Duo: APRIL FOOLS!!!
Duo:……………I guess I deserved that too, hey where’s Wufei?
(Wufei taps Duo on the back.)
Wufei: I’m right here.
Duo: AHHH!!!!!
(Duo starts running. And Wufei chases him around the room, down the stairs, and down the street.)
THE END