"MWAHAHAHAHAHAH EAT LEAD TERRORIST BASTARD!!!" Deadeye yelled as he dispatched another terrorist from across the warehouse using the scope on the Bullpup rifle. He was playing Counter-Strike in case you were getting worried. Meanwhile, Dragonett, Nix, Kobra, and Jason were trapped in the living room.
"Why did he have to be playing that right in the dining room?! The Celebrity Deathmatch marathon is going to commercial break and we can’t get any snacks!" Dragonett said and punched a hole in the wall.
"You know that IS Deadeye’s wall." Kobra said.
"Really? In that case…" She replied and then punched another even bigger hole into another wall.
"Forget I said anything…"
"Why don’t we just go in and get some snacks? C’mon he’s just playing a computer game!" Jason as he was about to step into the dining room. Nix grabbed his shoulder.
"Are you crazy!? He’ll think you’re a terrorist!" Nix said as she pulled him back. "Where do you think Majin is?"
"Uh, I thought he went home."
"Nope, look." Nix said and pointed to under the table in the kitchen, Majin sat curled up into a fetal position trembling. Around him were a few bullet holes.
"SOME BODY HELP ME!!!" He yelled desperately.
"DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK?!" Deadeye said and then blindly shot a few shots in the general area of the table, one nearly hitting Majin’s foot.
"Oh, well wouldn’t he just ki blast me anyway?" Jason said, and then realized he shoulda kept his mouth shut.
"You’re right!" Nix said and pushed him out into the open. Deadeye turned his head and spotted him then got up from his seat in front of the laptop.
"JASON!….TERRORIST!……JASON IN A TERRORIST OUTFIT!!!…….but Jason not terrorist…..terrorist not what Jason usually linked with…" Deadeye said and scratched his head.
"He’s confused, GO!" Dragonett shouted then charged toward the outlet the computer was hooked to. Deadeye got out another gun and started shooting as Dragonett dove for it and unplugged it.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Deadeye said and then fell to the ground and started twitching as the screen froze and faded to black. Majin got up with a look of pure hatred on his face and then walked over and kicked him in the gut.
"THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR YELLING AT THE WEBMASTER! BEHOLD MY ACK!!!!"
"Behold my ack? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kobra asked, and then saw Deadeye holding him up off his feet by the collar of his shirt.
"Was that you that just kicked me?"
"…uh, no it was Jason!"
"DON’T YOU THINK YOU’VE HARRASED ME ENOUGH?!" Jason shouted.
"No, I think it was you." Deadeye replied, holding a piece of the network wire he was using for his connection.
"Aw damn."
Several minutes later…
"Yeup, I think he’s back to normal." Nix said as she looked up at Majin who was hanging upside suspended by a network wire and wrapped in tinfoil.
"That’s it, I’m taking down Endless Waltz RFC!" Majin threatened as he struggled against the wire.
"So what did I miss?" Deadeye said as he sat down on the couch.
"Everything, the credits for the last episode are over, next is a TRL marathon." Kobra said as she thumbed through the guide book.
"Dammit…"
"Hey it says it’s gonna snow tomorrow!" Dragonett said as she clicked through the channels since there was nothing left to do.
R.F.C. SNOWDAY:
BLACKOUT MADNESS
DEADEYE
At the MTV studios…
Troy stood ready at the phones, he didn’t know who this guy was or why he kept asking for KoRn. But he remembered there being one wavelength of sound being the same in every voice, he’d recorded it, researched it, had it presented to the FBI, and they had agreed to assist. Suddenly, the phone rang, and all eyes darted to Troy as he picked up the phone.
"Hello this is TRL hotline."
"KoRn! IM VOTING FOR KoRn!!!" said the voice, an FBI agent motioned for Troy to keep him stalled whilst they traced where it was coming from.
"Uh, yeah, KoRn, I uh, like them, how about that, uh, Freak on a Leash huh?"
"IT WAS MADE BY KoRn!!! IT IS AUTOMATICALLY BETTER THAN RADIOHEAD!!!"
"WHAT?! RADIOHEAD’S OVERLY LONG STUPID SONGS HAVE DEEP ARTISTIC MEANING OF SOMESORT!!! HOW CAN YOU SAY KoRn IS BETTER THAN THEM!!!"
"UGH NOW YOU’RE GONNA YELL AT ME I’M LEAVING!!!" the voice yelled and hung up. The FBI agent gave a thumbs up, while another one walked up to Troy.
"We appreciate your cooperation, but we’re gonna have to take you (dramatic pose) down town."
"What? Why?"
"For being stupid, Radiohead has also been detained, maybe you’ll have a good time BEING IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR WITH THEM! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!" The FBI agent laughed.
"WAIT! YOU CAN’T DO THIS! NOOOOO!!!" Troy yelled desperately as several SWAT troops came in and started beating him with batons, especially made to be completely titanium.
"You know what this means…" Said the FBI agent to the other FBI agent.
"Yes, we have a name, and with more pay after this case longer visits to the strip club." The other FBI agent replied.
"Have you seen Monica’s new dance?"
"No, but I want to, LET’S GO!"
"YEAH!"
The Android’s House…
17 held a large bag of groceries while he fumbled for the right key with one hand. He found it and was about to insert it into the keyhole when…
"HEY TRL IS ON!!!" 16 said randomly as he burst through the door sending 17 flying backwards and into the pavement. He got back up to look around at the various grocery items scattered around him.
"Dammit 16 what have I told you about getting the door/answering the phone/making an human contact whatsoever?!" 17 said angrily as he crouched down to pick up the nearest loaf of bread.
"I’m sorry 17, I’ll never do it aHEY FROSTED CHEERIOS!" 16 said and ran over and started eating them from the box.
"Where’s 18?" 17 asked as he somehow managed to hold all the separate groceries in his arms.
"upthers thakin nthe picthur of hrthelf." 16 replied.
"16, swallow, THEN talk."
"(gulp) sorry. She’s upstairs taking nude pictures of herself."
"Oh ok…WHAT?!" 17 gasped and then ran inside to find 18 sitting on the couch.
"Hey 17, did you remember the scones?" 18 said innocently.
"Have you been…ya know…again?"
"No, what gave you that idea?" 18 replied, suddenly a Playboy contract fell out of her vest.
"What’s that?"
"What? …OH THIS?! UM…It’s 16’s, they’re having a special Playgirl crossover. Besides, with 16’s sexy body, what porno company could resist?" 18 replied, 16 posed.
"God nevermind…" 17 said and shielded his eyes as he went into the other room hastily.
Back at Deadeye’s…
"Yah know, I wonder why everyone always comes to my house for special television events?" Deadeye asked as Nix was about to leave.
"Maybe it’s just that FREAKIN 56 INCH OVER THERE!" Nix said and left. Deadeye looked at the TV.
"Well, it is pretty big!" Deadeye said proudly, suddenly his right arm started drifting towards the mouse on his laptop. "Oh no hand, not now, no more Counter-Strike today…come back!…NO DAMMIT!" Suddenly his left hand started drifting towards the directional keys. "SHIT! YOU TOO?! WELL THEN MY FEET WILL STOP YOU!!!" Deadeye said and tried to move his feet but they were walking over to the seat in front of the laptop. "ALRIGHT THAT’S IT! NO MORE PIZZA!" Deadeye yelled, suddenly his limbs returned to his control. "That’s better, bedtime…" Deadeye stated and then fell down to the ground immediately. Considering he’d played Counter-Strike for three days straight it wasn’t a very unexpected action.
The next morning…
17 slowly opened his eyes, then blinked a couple of times before groggily sitting up and squinting at his alarm clock. It read 7:31 AM. He could already hear 16 downstairs making breakfast. He then got to his feet and opened the window.
"…AAAAAH THE HOUSE SUNK!!!" 17 yelled as he looked down to see snow five feet down despite the fact that the floor he was on was fifteen feet off the ground.
"Don’t be stupid it just snowed freakin ten feet overnight!" 18’s voice come from the other side of 17’s door.
"Dammit, who’s turn is it to dig out the drive way?" 17 asked nervously.
"Yours."
"…NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" 17 screamed in horror. After recovering he dejectedly walked downstairs and sat down at the kitchen table. He looked down to find some oddly shaped cereal flakes in his bowl.
"16 what the hell are these?" 17 asked. 16 sat down and took off the headphones to his CD player.
"KoRn flakes!" 16 replied, 17 promptly fell over anime style.
"Hahah real funny, now what are they?" 17 said grimly.
"Seriously, I was at a Music Warehouse and bam! There they were on sale!" 16 said through mouthfuls of KoRn flakes.
"Crap the next one to make a KoRn joke gets it." 17 said through gritted teeth as he started eating his cereal. 18 sat next to him.
"This snow really came on quick, now I can’t send these photo’s to Playboy." 18 said as she too started eating her cereal.
"Yeah that sucks…wait a second what did you say?"
"UM, I SAID ‘Now you can’t get your latest issue of Playboy’" 18 replied hastily. 17 eyed her suspiciously for a second then resumed eating. 18 finished first and then went upstairs.
"Dude, suddenly I feel like dreaming about sex…" 17 said and looked at his cereal oddly.
"Uh, 17, you just made a KoRn joke." 16 said.
"Yeah so whUUUUUNGH!" 17 yelled as his fist automatically came up and punched him in the face.
At Deadeye’s house…
Deadeye woke up looking at the brown carpet of his living room floor. He got back to his feet and rubbed his head where it had hit the floor when he fell down.
"That’s it, no more Counter-Strike for a month!" Deadeye said. Then he walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, the light did not come on…
"…no…it, can’t, be…" Deadeye said Captain Kerk style then ran into his living room and turned his TV on…nothing…
"…that…that’s alright…because I can turn on the lights!" Deadeye said nervously and flipped the lightswitch…nothing…
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Deadeye climbed out of the tunnel he had made from his door to the top of the snow, all he could see of his house was a part of the chimney poking out.
"Greeeeaaaat, at least I can still have a fire…" Deadeye said sarcastically and started walking towards the grocery outlet. Suddenly a snowball hit him right in the ear causing him to fall over sideways.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! I FINALLY CREAMED DEADEYE! WHO DA MAN?! IT’S ME!!!" Jason rejoiced as he jumped up and down. Suddenly a snowball with a diameter of five feet hit him deadcenter causing him to fly backwards into a tree. Jason managed to stick his head out from the giant snowball to see Deadeye standing beside a large crater in the snow.
"Did you really like getting cut into four pieces Jason?"
"Uh, that wasn’t real."
"Would you like it to be?" Deadeye said menacingly and then continued walking. Jason gulped and then started to dig himself out.
At the Android’s House…
"WEEE!!! THIS IS FUN!!!" 16 said as he drove around madly on his snowmobile with 18 sitting behind him. Pedestrians fled in any direction they could to avoid his chaotic driving.
"16, aren’t we supposed to going to the post office so I can mail these photos?" 18 asked as she looked back at another run over pedestrian lying face down imbedded in the snow.
"I thought we were supposed to be going to grocery outlet to get some water." 16 said.
"Uh, right, that’s what I said!" 18 replied.
"Okay then we’re off!" 16 said as he took off double speed, another pedestrian flew over 18’s head. They finally left the culdesac their house was on. 17 watched as he was shoveling the snow above their drive way.
"Damn you…I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!" 17 yelled dramatically then noticed several people staring. "Um…forget it."
At the Grocery Outlet…
Deadeye walked down the dug out tunnel in the snow to the front door of the store and walked in, it was lit up like normal. He spotted a clerk.
"Hey, why is this part of town lit up and not my part of town?" Deadeye asked.
"Dunno."
"Okay then where’s the bottled water?"
"Dunno."
"Can you breathe?"
"Dunno."
"What color is the sky?"
"Dunno."
"You’re useless!" Deadeye said then powered up and blasted the clerk into oblivion. He spotted another clerk and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.
"Where’s the bottled water? AND DON’T SAY DUNNO!"
"I don’t have knowledge to where it is."
"What’s your name?"
"Um, Bob…"
"WEEEEELL Bob, you see that pile of ashes over there?"
"(gulp) Uh, yeah…"
"He didn’t know where the water was either."
"But I don’t know either!" Bob cried.
16 drove up with blood all over his windshield and got off the snow mobile.
"So where’s the store?" 18 asked as she got off too.
"Hmm, maybe IT’S HIDING! WEEHEE HIDE AND SEEK LETS GO FIND IT!" 16 said enthusiastically then took one step forward and tumbled all the way down the tunnel. "FOUND IT!" 16 yelled up the tunnel as he got back to his feet.
"16, you have so many uses." 18 said as she walked down the tunnel and into the store.
"Thanks! Um, what’s going on over there?" 16 said and pointed to Deadeye yelling at Bob who was tied to a chair.
"WHERE’S THE WATER?!"
"I DON’T KNOW!"
"WHERE’S THE WATER?!"
"I DON’T KNOW!"
"WHERE’S THE WATER?!"
"KNOW NOT I!"
"OKAY YODA ONE MORE CHANCE! WHERE’S THE WATER?!"
"Deadeye?" 18 asked as she walked up, Deadeye turned his head.
"Oh, hey 18, 16, wanna help me beat up this punk?" Deadeye said. Bob anime sweatdropped.
"BUT I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT IS YOU’VE GOT TO BELIEVE ME! IT JUST DISAPPEARED!!!"
"What? HOW?!" Deadeye asked.
"Last night a customer wanted some water and then asked if I could get a price check on it so then I went and when I came back he was gone and so was the all the bottled water!" Bob explained.
"Um, price check? Couldn’t you have looked at the label on the water?" 18 asked.
"…DOH!" Bob said and slapped his forehead.
"Ok ok, common sense tells me to destroy you now but I have a hunch, what did this guy look like?" Deadeye asked grimly.
"eep, um he was wearing green robes, had a stupidly gruff voice, and had a third eye on his forehead." Bob replied.
"Hmm, who could it be? Maybe three eyed man, or ROBE MASTER!" Deadeye pondered dramatically.
"Oh yeah he also had a midget clown with him."
"GASP! THAT COULD ONLY MEAN CYCLOPS X AND HIS SIDE KICK CLOWN BOY!" 18 said.
"TO THE BAT CAVE!" 16 said, they all were about to walk off dramatically when they accidentally bumped into each other’s foreheads and fell backwards.
"This feels…oddly familiar…" 18 said.
"Wait a second! What about Tien and Chaoutzu?!" Deadeye said, 18 then slapped him.
"Don’t EVER use that kind of language in front me!"
"Sorry, Wait a second! What about Tenshinhan and Chaoutzu?!" Deadeye said.
"Very good, here’s a cookie!" 18 said as she threw a cookie in the air.
"DO YOU THINK I’M SOME KIND OF PET YOU CAN…Hey Chocolate Chip!" Deadeye said and then zanzokened into the air and caught it.
"So how shall we handle this situation?" 16 asked.
"I dunno, Deadeye?" 18 asked.
"(munch) What?"
"Would you go and get that water from Ten and Chaoutzu for us?"
"(swallow) Sure I need something to do."
"Right then, LET’S GO!" 18 said and led them all out.
"um…guys…I’m still tied up…guys?…help…come back…untie me please…yo…little assistance!"
Outside…
The two androids sped off on the snowmobile and Deadeye set off to the mountains to find the two Z-senshi then kill and/or maim them. Suddenly a snowball hit him in the back of the head and he fell face down in the snow.
"That was way too easy Deadeye." Said a familiar voice behind him. He got up to see Dragonett standing behind him.
"(ptoo) Must everyone greet me with snowballs today?" Deadeye asked after spitting out the snow in his mouth, suddenly another snowball hit him in the face sending him falling backwards. He wiped the snow off his face to see Nix wiping snow off her gloves. "I guess so…"
"So what brings you out here in the middle of nowhere?" Nix asked as she walked up.
"Well, I was going to get some bottled water from the store since my plumbing is all frozen but evidently Chaoutzu and Ten stole it all for some reason and now I’m on my way to the mountains to kill and/or maim them." Deadeye explained Dragonett nodded.
"Yeah, but how about killing and/or maiming and/or torturing them?" she replied, Deadeye thought for a second.
"Cool, anyway, wanna come?" Deadeye asked, suddenly Nix disappeared and another snowball hit Deadeye in the face when it was originally gonna hit her in the back of the head. He wiped it off then looked in the direction it came from.
"No actually, we’re snowball fighting with Ten and Chaoutzu right now." Dragonett explained as she scooped up another ball of snow and threw it at them, knocking Chaoutzu’s ass right outta the sky. Deadeye zanzokened over to them.
"Hey Deadeye, wanna be on our team?" Tenshinhan asked as he helped Chaoutzu back up to his feet. Deadeye grabbed him around the neck and punched him right in the face.
"Ugh…what the hell was that for?!" Ten yelled after spitting out several teeth and bringing a hand up to hold his bleeding nose.
"That’s for stealing all the water from the store!" Deadeye replied.
"But we were preparing for Y2K!" Ten said, Deadeye punched him again.
"ARGH!…What was THAT one for?" Ten said as he tried to put his nose back in place.
"For being stupid, it is currently the year 2001, Y2K went without there being one problem! Now where is the water?"
"Dammit Chaotzu I told you our calendars were out of date!" Ten yelled as Chaoutzu tried to make a big snowball.
"Oh so it’s my fault as usual, Chaoutzu this, Chaoutzu that! You’d think I never did anything right!" Chaoutzu replied near tears.
"No Chaoutzu I didn’t mean it that way!"
"Just leave me alone!" Chaoutzu cried as he ran off into the woods.
"NO! Chaoutzu! Dammit Deadeye we were gonna go snowboarding after this!" Ten said, Deadeye punched him again and then dropped him in the snow.
"AGH! SHIT YOU HIT MY THIRD EYE! >.< WHAT WAS THAT ONE FOR?!" Tenshinhan yelled while gripping his forehead.
"THAT was for hitting me with that snowball!"
"Oh really? I thought that was Goku."
"Does Goku wear jungle fatigues?"
"Uh, no."
"Remind me to punch you later for being stupid again. And if you don’t you’ll get punched twice!"
"eep"
Deadeye then flew off to find where ever it was that Ten and Chaoutzu lived.
Back at the android’s house…
17 swore repeatedly as he shoveled more and more snow in a futile attempt to reach their front door. He heard the snow mobile driving up and stormed out of the hole.
"GOING OFF AND HAVING FUN WITH OUT ME EH?!" 17 yelled while powering up. The two other androids sweatdropped. "WELL HERE’S WHAT I SAY TO THAT!" 17 then pointed his palm at the snowmobile and blasted it to pieces. 18 and 16 barely had time to jump off.
"17, what the hell is up with you?" 18 yelled, 17 powered down.
"I guess I just needed to get that off my chest."
"…you’re stupid."
"…"
"WELL That’s okay cus I can just poof another one!" 16 interrupted, the other two stared at him oddly.
"…er, how exactly do you ‘poof’ stuff?" 18 asked.
"Like this, you just think really hard…and then…
POOF!!!
Suddenly a bigger ass boom box (an upgrade of the big ass boom box) appeared and started playing ‘Somebody Someone’ and 16 started head banging.
"Hmm, lemme try!" 18 said and concentrated…and then…
POOF!!!
"Um, where the hell am I?" Said the black haired man.
"SQUEE! KEANU REEVES! HEY DO THAT THING WHERE YOU DODGE THE BULLETS!" 16 said hopping up and down.
"Calm down, that was just a mov…
BLAM! BLAM!
AGH I’VE BEEN SHOT!" Keanu Reeves screamed then fell to the ground.
"16! You just shot my guest/sex toy!" 18 said angrily.
"What did you just say?" Reeves asked.
"Nothing, here let me help you "guest"" 18 said and knelt down beside him.
"Um, I think I need to go to a hospital, I’m losing a lot of blood and I’m kind of dizzy. Besides, your twitching of your fingers is scaring me."
"Oh no, here, come to my room and we’ll talk this over!"
"…SOMEBODY HELP ME!"
Back at the store…
"Um, somebody, anybody? Oh thank goodness you showed up could you untie me I’m getting really dizzy from having my circulation cut off by these rop…"
"Hey, where do you keep the ice cream?" Said the brown haired boy, he wore mostly black and had his hair in a braid.
"Isle 3, could you just untie these rop…HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"
"Oh just borrowing a few things." Duo said as he raided the ice cream fridge.
"WAIT YOU CAN’T DO THIS! HEY COME BACK AND UNTIE ME AT LEAST! DAMMIT!"
In the mountains…
Deadeye flew over the mountain range looking for the small house Ten and Chaoutzu lived in. He spotted it and landed only to sink down into the snow up to his neck.
"AGH! COLD!" He yelled and then powered up, melting the snow around him. He then stepped onto the front porch and opened the door.
"…SWEET MERCIFUL ALL MIGHTY GOOD LORD GOD IN HEAVEN!!!" Deadeye yelled as he recoiled at the site of the main room colored pink with various Teletubbie merchandise, and at the other end of the room there was a banner saying ‘Tenshinhan & Chaoutzu Forever’.
"Ok…just, gonna, go in there and get the water…then get out, but what if I have to look for it? Shit that means I’ll be in there for at least ten whole freakin seconds! I couldn’t last that long! The stupid in the air would kill me! …wait…maybe there is a way!" With that Deadeye flew off to get his secret weapon.
Near the android’s house…
The FBI Agent leaned on a console looking at a screen. He was wearing a kevlar vest and had a 9mm Glock in his holster.
"Heh, now we’ve got them for kidnapping and attempted murder as well…" He said as he saw 18 drag Keanu Reeves, kicking and screaming, into the house. "Three arrests in one bust, I love it!"
"But how what charges are we gonna arrest that other black haired guy under?" Asked the other FBI Agent.
"Well Other FBI Agent, he’s carrying a gun, and being a DBZ character with a gun is a severe criminal offense." Said FBI Agent.
"FBI Agent, I checked and he has a permit for it."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…DON’T JUST STAND THERE GO DO SOMETHING!!!" FBI Agent roared at Other FBI Agent. He promptly got onto the computer and erased 17’s permit from the records.
"Other FBI Agent, come here and check again!"
"You know, my name is Will."
"Fine, Billy, get over and check again!" FBI Agent repeated, Will got in the seat and typed for a couple seconds.
"Hmm, seems he doesn’t have a permit." Will said, FBI Agent smiled.
"Good work Mandy, now ready the assault weapons! Call in the Counter-Terrorist team, we’ve gotta hostage situation!" FBI Agent said dramatically.
"But sir this only calls for SWAT…"
"DO WHAT I SAID MOLLY!"
"YESSIR!"
Back at Deadeye’s house…
Deadeye stomped in the front door to see Jason sitting in front of his fire.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" Deadeye yelled. Jason nearly leaped five feet in the air with surprise.
"Well after I dug myself out of your snowball I had to come in here lest I catch Hypothermia!" Jason explained, Deadeye shook his head and went into his room. "Wouldn’t you usually do something rather unpleasant to me right now?" Jason asked.
"In a few minutes, right now I need to get some things." Deadeye said, minutes later he came out carrying full SWAT gear and an M4A1 Carbine automatic rifle with attached silencer.
"What’s that for?" Jason asked.
"I have to get some things from Ten and Chaoutzu’s house and the air is full of stupid so I have to wear all this to be able to breath and defend myself." Deadeye explained.
"But couldn’t you just ki blast whatever is in there?"
"Nah, Teletubbies are too stupid to know when they are in pain so I have to use these bullets which are coated in intelligence which would kill them instantly!"
"Oh…can I have a sandwich?" Jason asked, Deadeye fell over anime style. Minutes later he stood at the surface of the snow holding Jason off his feet by the collar of his shirt.
"1…"
"What are you gonna do to me?!"
"2…" Deadeye brought back his arm and aimed straight up into the sky.
"OH SHIT!!!" Jason yelled, but it was too late…
"3!!!" With that, Jason went sailing into the atmosphere until he was just a tiny dot on the horizon.
"There, now to get back to business." Deadeye said as he returned inside to put his gear on.
Back at the Android’s house…
"Thanks for saving me from your sister." Keanu said as 17 handed him a cup of tea.
"Hey, it was the least I could do after 16 shot you twice." 17 said and then walked downstairs. 18 looked at him angrily.
"You just never let me have any fun!" 18 said and then turned away.
"Wait, I never let you have any fun? Let’s back up a little, who was it that constantly complained while we were on our way to Goku’s house? Who was it that blew away that kick ass forest we were bombing around through?!" 17 replied.
"Psh, I’m going to my room!" 18 said and walked upstairs.
"Okay then, be my guest!" 17 yelled and sat down again, soon he could hear the knob to his room where Keanu was being turned repeatedly.
"It’s locked Juuhachi!" 17 yelled up.
"Damn."
Outside…
"All units in position?" Said the SWAT Captain, after receiving positive messages from all his troops the slowly and cautiously advanced on the house, ready to respond to anything that happened…
snap…
BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!
A SWAT troop lay dead, shot through the chest four times by his own squadmates who’d reacted when he’d stepped on a twig.
"Um, he was clearly attacking that innocent twig in cold blood, you all saw that right?" Said the captain, brandishing his MP5 submachine gun. The rest quickly nodded. "Right, move in!"
Back at the dangerously stupid mountain cottage..
Silence…it was suddenly broken when Deadeye kicked down the door and looked around, M4A1 at the ready, when he saw no one he quickly made his way into the basement and turned the lights on. He saw stacks of bottled water in the corner, and his readings showed the amount of stupid in the air was minimal so he took off his gas mask and walked over to them.
"Good, now just to get these back and then…"
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!" Said a cutesy voice behind him, the hair on the back of neck stood on end and he quickly put his gas mask back on to counter the stupid that was filling the room we speak, except we’re not really speaking you’re just reading a fanfi…aw screw it! He turned around and beheld the four Teletubbies.
"TINKY-WINKY!"
"LAA-LAA!"
"POE!"
"DIPSY!"
"TOGETHER WE ARE, THE TELETUBBIES!" All four of them aid at once and posed Ginyu Force style.
"Scared huh punk?!"
"Think you’d steal from US?!"
"Well we’ve got other plans!"
"Now prepare to be CUTIFIED!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Aren’t you gonna attack me?" Deadeye asked as he lowered the barrel of his M4A1 a bit.
"Um, no, PBS doesn’t like violence."
"Oh, in that case." Deadeye proceeded to put a few bullets into each of the stuffed monstrosities. As the intelligence flooded into their system, they quickly realized how stupid they were and exploded. "Knew that would work!" Deadeye said and picked up the entire stack above his head then walked out and flew away.
Back at the Android’s house…(your getting tired of me saying that aren’t yah? Well TOUGH SHIT!)
Keanu sat sipping his tea and watching TV, when he heard the lock click and the door opened. 18 stood there holding the pin she picked the lock with. She then threw it aside, walked in, and slammed the door behind her. Keanu got an anime sweatdrop on his forehead.
"GET OUT OF THERE BRIAN! WE WANT DALY!!!" 16 yelled at the TV. But then got up and started dancing as they played the KoRn video at number four after the KoRn videos at numbers five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten. Suddenly, the windows shattered as a squad of armored SWAT troopers jumped in and started yelling.
"GET DOWN YOU STUPID BABY MOLESTING MOTHER F(bleep)ERS OR I’LL BLOW A F(bleep)ING WHOLE IN YOUR HEAD!!!" Said the squad captain.
"Uh, sir, we weren’t arresting them for child molestation. Someone here just tricked the TRL hotline people." Explained the second in command, whom we’ll call Tina for now. "But my name is Terry!" Said Tina. 16 and 17 threw their hands up in fear, FBI Agent came in followed by Will.
"Well, seems everything is under control, where’s the blonde? Tell us and we’ll shoot!" Asked FBI Agent.
"Er, don’t you mean tell us or we’ll shoot?" 17 said nervously.
"No."
"Damn, she’s upstairs in her bedroom." 17 said and sighed in defeat.
"Psst, 17, I need to tell you something!" 16 said quietly as he leaned towards 17.
"Not now 16 can’t you see I’m about to have a near death experience?!" 17 replied angrily.
"But…"
"SHUT IT!"
"yessir…"
Upstairs…
"LOOK! FOR THE LAST TIME I’M NOT INTERESTED IN YOU!!!" Keanu said as he hid behind the bookcase he’d tipped over.
"That’s what they all say!" 18 said as she leaped over the bookcase, Keanu scrambled for the window but 18 appeared right in front of him. "You’re MINE!" 18 said. Suddenly the door was busted down and several SWAT troops stormed in.
"CEASE HER!" Said FBI Agent, they did so and started dragging her down stairs.
"OH THANK GOD YOU GOT HERE SHE WAS ABOUT TO…" Keanu started, but one SWAT troop looked back for a second.
"SQUEE!!! KEANU REEVES! HEY DO THAT THING WHERE YOU DODGE THE BULLETS!" He said as he unholstered his 9mm.
"OH GOD NOT AG…
BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!
AAAAAH MY LUNG!!!" He screamed as he fell to his knees, hand clutching at his sucking chest wound. FBI Agent walked up and kneeled beside him.
"Don’t worry trooper, he’ll open his eyes and be alive within the minute, he’s the One after all!" FBI Agent said and walked away with the rest of them.
"HEY!!! I’VE JUST BEEN SHOT SEVEN TIMES THROUGH THE COURSE OF THIS FIC AND NO ONE HAS GIVEN ME ANY MEDICAL ATTENTION AT ALL!!! OH MY GOD LOOK AT ALL THE BLOOD I’M LOSING!!! IT’S HORRIBLE!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!! JESUS AND MARY IT HURTS!!!" Keanu yelled desperately.
Downstairs…
"Okay, ready…" Said the captain to the SWAT team lined up with guns at the ready.
"Psst, 17, I really have to tell you something!" 16 said again.
"Quiet 16, these are our last moments together, make them silent so I can remember you as not a stupid raving lunatic." 17 said as tears streamed down his cheeks. He solemnly tied on his blindfold and lit a cigarette.
"Aim…"
"Um, okay, suit yourself!" 16 said and gave up.
"FIRE!"
BLAM!!!!!!
At Deadeye’s house…
Deadeye landed by his house and dragged half of the water down the hole in the snow to his door then stashed it in his garage. After getting his SWAT gear off and putting away his M4A1 he grabbed the other half of the water then took off toward the android’s house, not knowing what the hell was about to happen…
Back at the android’s house…
18 was being dragged down to be executed, she’d already heard the gunshots go off and knew 17 and 16 were dead. Right now she had to bargain for her life.
"Look, if you were a woman in my situation, you would’ve done the same thing. Hell, a lot of women went to see the Matrix simply because of him! You can’t tell me you don’t understand my situation!" 18 said as she was being dragged down the stairs, the troop dragging her looked back.
"Well shit, I’m not even a woman and I envy your position!" He said and started drooling, 18 anime sweatdropped. Soon they were in the room and 18 looked in amazement that 17 and 16 were still standing, unharmed!
"What the hell is going on?! We’re supposed to be dead! IT’S A MIRACLE! GOD ON MIGHTY HATH HAD MERCY UPON OUR UNDESERVING SOULS!!!" 17 said and dropped to his knees, 16 tapped him on the shoulder. "WHAT IS IT 16?!?!?!" 17 yelled.
"I was going to tell you that we have an incredible amount of ki, we’re androids remember?" 16 said. 17 paused for a moment.
"…oh yeah! We are aren’t we!" 17 said in comprehension, "Psh, forget you God!" 17 continued, suddenly a lightning bolt tore through the roof and struck 17 straight on the head. "(cough)…ow…"
It was a very odd situation, and everyone was about to anime sweatdrop when Deadeye walked in holding a few packages of bottled water.
"Hey guys I finally got the……um, did I come at a bad time?" Deadeye said with a nervous smile on his face. Everyone turned to look at him.
"…um, SHOOT HIM!!!" Said FBI Agent.
"But sir he didn’t do anything." Will said.
"Aiding and Abetting a criminal!" Replied FBI Agent.
"Sir, do you even know what Abetting means?"
"…uh, sure I do! It means laying down your money at the craps table, right?"
"…"
"(loads gun) RIGHT?!" He repeated, all the troopers quickly nodded in agreement. "Good, now Jenny…"
"Will."
"Jill, I’m going to let your personally shoot this armed criminal!" Said FBI Agent.
"Wait a second FBI Agent, I have permission to carry a concealed weapon!" Deadeye said and reached into his pants pocket and brought out a laminated card then handed it to FBI Agent.
"Hmm, ‘Deadeye aka Cory B: Counter-Strike Player and Professional Ass Kicker’…well all seems good and well." Said FBI Agent as he handed Deadeye the card back. "BUT I’M STILL GONNA ARREST FOR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Suddenly there was a tremendous flash of light, and when it died down, all that was left of FBI Agent was his smoking shoes, and a large hole was in the wall, shooting through the snow and revealing outside. Deadeye lowered his hand and powered down, Will walked up to him.
"Thank you so much, he has abused me for so long! A matter of fact, I think he only killed his higher up to get more money!" Will said and shook Deadeye’s hand.
"Uh, no problem!" Deadeye said. Will ordered the SWAT troops out and away and all was peaceful. However, a man with black hair dragged himself down the stairs.
"NEED…DOCTOR…" Deadeye looked down at him and recognized him.
"Hey! You’re Keanu Reeves, could you do that thing where you…"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
"…dude, calm down I was just kidding."
"…oh, I knew that!"
"Hey, did you know that you have seven bullet wounds on your body?" Deadeye observed.
"Yeah, no one noticed until now!" Keanu said.
"You know, I can heal people instantaneously!"
"REALLY?!"
"Yeah, it’s called a Heal Other spell."
After healing Keanu…
It was getting into the late afternoon, Deadeye was leaving for home when he ran into Dragonett and Nix again.
"Hey Deadeye, watcha been doin?" Nix asked.
"Well, long story really, first I had to get some water from Ten and Chaoutzu’s house like I said, and then I fought off some over controlling FBI Agent." Deadeye replied.
"So basically it’s a short story?" Dragonett said, Deadeye stopped in his tracks.
"…um, well you see, what I meant was…KUSO!!!" Deadeye shouted.
"Turned out to be a pretty weird day after all!" Dragonett mused, the were at the chimney of his house and he was about to go back in when he turned around and looked around.
"What’s wrong?" Nix asked.
"I dunno, something just feels…unfinished…eh, it’s probably nothing!" Deadeye said and shrugged then went back into his house, Dragonett and Nix walked off to, you know, mug someone or whatever.
Back at the Android’s house…
"Well, it turned out to be an interesting day after all!" 18 said as she sipped her tea, 17 relaxed on the couch. Trust me he needed it.
"Yeah, I felt like I’ve gone through another one of Majin’s ‘Misadventures in such and such’ fanfics!" 17 said as he changed the TV to the Playboy channel.
"…"
"…"
"…HOLY SHIT!!! SOMEONE WAS TAPING ME?!?!?!" 18 said, which happened to be the best excuse she could come up with at the time.
Outside Deadeye’s house…
……………………………..
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
SLAM!!!!!!!!
Jason painfully dug himself out of the hole in the snow, Deadeye heard the commotion then looked out and saw him.
"Oh! That was what it was, okay NOW the fanfic is over!"
"WAIT A MINUTE!!! I’M STIIL TIED UP!!! ISN’T ANYONE GONNA HELP ME!!! PLEASE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY SOMEONE HELP ME!!!" Suddenly the lights turned off and Bob was engulfed in darkness.
"DAMMIT!!!"