Skool Daez
By: Deadeye aka Cory B.
Edumacation, I mean education, it is what’s needed in this world to get ahead, however some people don’t have this education, or they have it but the world is unaware of this fact. School, in the long run is a good thing, BUT I DESPISE THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE US DO ALL THESE TESTS AND HOMEWORK ON TOPICS WE KNOW LIKE THE BACK OF OUR HANDS!!!!…….sorry…
(Duo is working in the junkyard with Mihoshi. He picks up a radiator.)
Duo: Let’s see, aha, try the internal engine heat releaser A.C. 200.
Mihoshi: But I need a radiator!
(Duo falls over anime style.)
Duo: This is a radiator, didn’t you guess by the name internal engine heat releaser!
Mihoshi: umm, no.
Kione: Mihoshi! Get the radiator and lets get out of here!
Mihoshi: Is the heat making your dry scalp itch again?
Kione: MIHOSHI!!!
Mihoshi: Oops…
(Mihoshi and Kione pay for the radiator and walk off.)
Duo: Another satisfied customer, oh, here comes another one, how may I help you sir?
Truant Officer: You’re about 15 right?
Duo: uh, yeah.
Truant Officer: Aren’t you supposed to be in school?
Duo: But I already know all that crap!
Truant Officer: If you are reffering to simply reading and writing I am not imressed a matter of fact you need to know a lot more, I am a truant officer you see and my job is to make sure young men like you attend one of the fine educational facilities of this country.
Duo: But I have already gone to sch…
Truant: No you haven’t, Cory told me so.
Duo: What?!?!
Me: Anybody who messes up my Shenlong and Nataku models is gonna get it one way or another!
Duo: I hate you!!!
Me: Too bad! I’m writing this story!!!
Truant Officer: Now come along with me young man so I can enlist you in one of these contrie’s fine educational facilites.
Duo: But the others don’t have to…
Truant Officer: What others?
Duo: Nevermind.
(The truant officer holds a tape in front of Duo.)
Truant Officer: Tell me or I make you watch this.
Duo: NO!! NOT THAT!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!
(A week later, all five pilots are riding on a bus on their way to Brainmillion Elementary. They are all scowling at Duo who is trying to look as innocent as possible.)
Wufei: Great Duo, you got us all caught for something we didn’t need to worry about in the first place!!! I am very intelligent!!! How the hell do you think I know how to repair Nataku!?
Duo: Well it’s not every day the Author betrays you.
Wufei: What?!
(Cory looks away from the monitor and whistles innocently.)
Trowa: I wonder what grade they’ll put us in.
Wufei: Well I know where they are gonna put Quatre.
Quatre: Shut up Wufei! I passed Kindergartenwith flying colors!
Wufei: Yeah! Finger paint all over the place!
Quatre: I hate you!
Wufei: Oh really I hadn’t noticed!
Duo: Both of you shutup, maybe we can still get outta this.
Heero: I wouldn’t do that.
Wufei: YOU? Get US out of this?
Heero: Here it comes.
Wufei: YOU are gonna get US outta this?! WELL WHO GOT US INTO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!?!? Was it Quatre? NO IT WASN’T!!! Was it me? NO!!! IT WAS YOU!!! AND NOW YOU EXPECT TO GET US OUT WITH THAT DINKY LITTLE BRAIN IN YOUR HARD HEAD!?!? I DON’T THINK SO!!!
Heero: Ok, yelling period is over.
Duo: What?
Heero: I said to knock off the yelling.
Duo: What? I’m still recovering from Wufei’s outburst! What’d you say?!
Heero: nevermind..
(Later, in the principles office, the boys sit in chairs staring at the principle. Duo is looking a bit tense. The principal continues writing on his notepad.)
Duo(thinking.): Oh great, what are they gonna do to me, how much trouble am I in, what’d I do? I know all this algebra crap, I know lot’s of stuff, I can do this!
(Duo looks for a bit of sympathy in the eyes of his fellow pilots, but their scowl at him is even worse now.)
Duo(thinking, sweatdrop.): Oh great, first I got the law after my butt, now my friends are after me… What’s next?
(Duo starts shaking as visions of his meeting with his old principal flashed before his eyes.)
Principal: Well boys…
Duo: I DIDN’T DO IT!!! (Falls over in chair. Gets back up again sheepishly.)
(Duo looks over and sees the others holding back laughs.)
Principal: Umm, right…anyway, about these records, there are none, so the procedures are to start you off in…
G-boys(from about a mile around.):WHAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!
(The five boys are sitting on the floor surrounded by five year olds listening to "Puff the Magic Dragon")
Duo: Great, we don’t only get put back in scholl we get placed in Kindergarten.
Quatre: And who’s fault is that?!
(They all look at Heero.)
Heero: Hey, I had to delete the files to maintain stealth ok?
Teacher: Ok class, recess, um, what is it Billy?
Billy: Since Duo has a braid does that make Duo a girl?
Duo: Hey!!!
Teacher: Billy, you shouldn’t criticize others hairstyle.
Billy: Kristisize?
Teacher: Nevermind, go to recess all of you!
(They all run out, the g-boyz bring up the rear.)
Trowa: Well this is gonna suck.
Wufei(smirking): Quatre seems to be enjoying himself.
Quatre: Am not!
Wufei: Oh teacher teacher! Sing it again!
Quatre: Shut up Wufei!
(Gasps from all around.)
Jonny: ooooooh, Quatre told somebody to shutup! I’m telling!
Teacher: Quatre! Go have a time out!
Quatre: But I don’t wanna!
Teacher: Quatre! Time out!
Quatre(holding onto the teachers leg while on his belly.): But I don’t wanna!
Wufei: Yes, Quatre, the peak of maturity.
Quatre: He started it teacher!
Wufei: Did not!
Quatre: Did too!
Wufei: Did not!
Quatre: Did too!
Teacher: Hush, both of you! Quatre! Now!
(Quatre goes and huddles up into a ball in the corner.)
Wufei: Well there goes one of our problems.
(A little kid comes up to Duo.)
Bully: Ok new kid hand over the lunch money or I pound your face!
Duo: Umm, no.
Bully: Really?! I guess you wanna knuckle sandwich then!
(The little kid swings his fists in the air at Duo’s face, but obviously doesn’t connect.)
Duo: Yeah right, run along little…………………
(Duos eyes go wide and he falls over groaning in agony after the kid kicked him in the "OW!", the bully goes up to Wufei.)
Bully: Hand over the lunch money!
Wufei: No.
(The kid starts to kick but Wufei grabs his leg about an inch from connecting and makes him fall over. The kid gets up.)
Bully: If you don’t give me your money right now I’m gonna call my dad and he’s gonna come beat you up!
Wufei: You know, my friend Nataku could kick your dad’s butt.
Bully: Oh yeah?! Well my dad knows karate, hey what are you doing?
(Wufei is drawing on a sketchpad, when he drops the pencil on the ground he gets a smirk.)
Wufei: Wanna know what Nataku can do?
Bully: Uh, ok.
(Wufei shows the kid the drawing, he runs away screaming and crying.)
Heero: Wufei, what’d you draw?
(Heero grabs the drawing and takes a look at it, his eyes go wide.)
Heero: Geeze, he’s just a kid.
Wufei: Yeah but when he goes into a crazy vegetative state over this, these kids won’t get hassled anymore.
Heero: I guess you gotta point.
(Heero throws the paper away. A bunch of kids come up to Duo who is still on the ground in agony and start kicking him.)
Kid: This is what we do to sissy little boys who make their hair like girls!
(The kids start kicking harder.)
Trowa: Think we should help?
Wufei: Are you nuts? This is quality enertainment!
Teacher: Children time to come in!
(The kids beating up on Duo adopt the typical little boy look and come inside, Quatre, Wufei, Trowa, and Wufei walk in as well, Duo can’t get up yet.)
Duo:………little…….help?…….please…..
(Back in the classroom, the class is going over shapes.)
Teacher: Okay class, what is this shape? Trowa?
Trowa: That’s a triangle miss, umm, miss. It has three line segments and three angles, all angles in said shape must have measures that when added together make 180 degrees.
(Trowa sits back down.)
Teacher: Umm, okay, Wufei? What’s this one?
Wufei: A square, four line segments, four angles, each angle must have the same measure of 90 degrees and each line segment must be the same length or else it is a rectangle.
Teacher: Do all of you five know so much?
(They all nod, except for Duo who is in a neck brace.)
Teacher: Okay then, you get to move up!
G-boys: YES!!!
Teacher: To first grade!
(All five of the boys fall over anime style.)
(In the first grade class, drawing time. The teacher is walking among the tables looking at what each kid is drawing. She walks over to the gundam boy’s table.)
Teacher: So, Duo, what are you drawing?
(Duo holds up a piece of paper. The teacher looks puzzled.)
Teacher: Umm, that’s not very appropriate for this grade, but the detail is astounding.
Duo: Thankyou teacher person. Thought: What else am I gonna call her?
(Duo looks at his very detailed picture of Death Scythe cutting a Leo in half.)
Teacher: Wufei?
(Wufei holds up a paper, the teacher looks shocked.)
Teacher: Wufei! Don’t ever make something like this again in class!
(Shows the G-boys the picture, Altron is hitting Duo straight on with it’s dragon fangs.)
Duo(sarcastically): Oh that looks really nice Wufei. Especially considering I ALREADY SUFFERED A CONCUSSION TODAY!!!
Wufei: Yeah, that was funny!
(Duo falls over anime style. Gets up again.)
Duo: Ow, that hurt my neck.
Wufei: Then don’t do it nimrod!
Duo: I can’t not do it.
Wufei: Why?
Duo: Reflex
(Wufei falls over anime style.)
Duo: See!?
Wufei(without getting back up.): Shaddup!
Teacher: Now Trowa, what did you draw?
(Trowa hands a paper to the teacher.)
Teacher: That’s very nice Trowa!
(It’s a picture of Trowa standing on the shoulder of his gundam.)
Teacher: Now, Heero.
(Heero hands the paper over to the teacher.)
Teacher: Heero! Don’t ever draw this again!
(The picture is of Relena falling off a cliff onto some spikes and some nuclear missiles just above her and all five gundams ready to fire on her and [edited for space])
Teacher: Now, Quatre, I hope you didn’t draw anything bad, oh how nice!
Duo: Bet it’s him with Sandro…
Teacher: what nice flowers and bunny rabbits! And the sun has a happy smily face!
(All four g-boys besides Quatre fall over anime style.)
Duo:…….ow…
(The end of the day, the boys are walking along the street.)
Trowa: Well, at least with our current knowledge we got into 4th grade for today.
Duo: Yeah, and hopefully tomorrow we get outta there.
Wufei: Or we could get some help from Heero’s friend in a high place.
Heero: Oh hell no, not her.
Trowa: Fine, go on with this stupid escapade that Duo got us into.
Duo: But I’m telling you it was…
Wufei: Quit with the excuses Duo.
Duo: But I’m no, nevermind, this is my house, seeya guys!
(They don’t respond and walk off.)
Me: hehehehe.
Duo: Shut up you!
(Duo suddenly gets 20 hours of homework.)
Duo: Hey, knock it off!!!
Me: Yawn, ok, I’m going to bed.
Duo: Hey wait, what am I gonna do with all this, ARGH!!!
(The next day in the principal’s office, the five boys are negotiating. The principal is looking over a report card.)
Principal: hmm, all A’s in all subjects, well I guess you can advance farther, to sixth grade.
(They walk out.)
Trowa: Well at least we got two grades up this time.
(A pink limo drives by, Relena sticks her head out the window.)
Relena: Hi guys!
Heero: AHHH!!!!
(Heero jumps behind Wufei.)
Relena: Finally going back to school huh?
Duo: This wasn’t our choice!
Wufei: And it was all his fault, Ow, Heero! Let go of my arm! She’s not gonna pounce on you or something.
Relena: Oh by the way have you met my new friend Fifi?
G-boys: Fifi?
(A large pit bull jumps outta the limo and starts chasing Heero.)
Heero: AHHH!!! CALL IT OFF CALL IT OFF!!!
Relena: Here Fifi
(Fifi comes and sits by the limo.)
Quatre: This is just terrible Relena, we already know this stuff and they don’t believe us.
Relena: Well I could spring you out for a price.
Quatre: How much?
Relena: I don’t want money, I want…
Heero(froma mile around.): NOT THAAAAT!!!!!
Relena: yup.
Heero: I am NOT gonna say that.
Relena: Ok, I guess you and your friends aren’t getting out then.
(They all glare at Heero.)
Heero: Ok ok, guys, close your ears.
(They all plug their ears.)
Heero: ………….I
Relena: Yes?
Heero:…..I…..I
Relena: Yes? Yes?
(heero whispers something.)
Relena: I can’t hear you.
Heero: I love you!!! NOW GET US OUTTA HERE!!!!
(Relena jumps for joy out of the limo and starts rushing around the office signing documents in typical anime fashion. Then comes up to Heero.)
Relena: Well, your out, wanna go share a coke?
Heero: Ha! You can’t prove I said that, besides you and me,
there were no people who heard me say that!
(Relena holds up a tape recorder and several reporters pop out of the bushes.)
Heero: Damn you Relena!!!
Relena: Come with me and I won’t put it in the papers.
(Heero doesn’t say anything.)
Relena: We’ll just say that’s a yes!
(Relena drags Heero in the limo and they drive off.)
Wufei: I have true pity for him.
Quatre: Hey Duo, what did the Truant officer threaten you with in the first place?
Duo: A…Barney tape…
(They all shiver.)
Trowa: Those guys are truly evil.
Wufei: Well let’s go home.
(They walk off.)
(Later that night as Duo is playing checkers with Hilde, Heero jumps in the roof with a gun.)
Heero: I AM GONNA KILL YOU DUO!!!!
Duo: Whoa?! How’d you get outta Relena’s devious little trap?!
Heero: Burnt the tape, killed the reporters.
Duo: Hmm, simple enough.
Heero: Ok, NOW YOU DIE!!!!
Duo: But it was Cory!!!!
Heero: What?
Duo: He ratted on me!!!
Heero: He did?! WHERE IS HE?!
(A dark figure walks past the door.)
Heero: There you are!!!
Me: Oh crap, blew my cover!!!
(Heero chases me down the street taking potshots at me every few feet into the sunset.)
Thuh End