SnOwDaY
By: Cory B.
Sure, every day can be classified a good day (in some desperate people’s minds.) but there are those very special days… (Cory hears the phone ring and goes to answer it.)… in winter involving water vapor in the atmosphere condensing into liquid form, however when it reaches freezing temperature which is about 30 degrees or below, these liquid drops crystalize and fall to the ground (WASHU GET AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER!!! [Cory gets back in the seat])and if it remains cold enough these ice crystals will pile up into a blessed thing, and for those of you who don’t care for technical crap you just wasted your time reading this cus the story starts just below!
(Wufei is just about to walk out the door at 9:00 Pm from his job at the Chinese restaurant.)
Kione: Remember your chains Wufei, those roads are icy and they say it’s gonna snow tomorrow.
Wufei: Yeah right, the last time it snowed down here was because Duo dumped an entire contents of a soda cooler on my head.
Kione: geeze, excuse me for caring! (a watch on her wrist beeps.) Uh oh, gotta go to my next part time job! Mihoshi get over here!
(The sound of breaking glass comes from the kitchen.)
Mihoshi:……oops……
Wufei: You have a job this late?! Maybe you should just work at the junk yard and get a free house.
(Wufei has a vision about Kione working with Duo AND Mihosh.)
Wufei: ugh, nevermind.
Mihoshi: Bye Altron!
(Wufei falls over anime style.)
Wufei: MY NAME IS WUFEI!!! ALTRON IS MY GUNDAM!!!
(Wufei walks out and gets on his motorcycle and drives away.)
Wufei(thought): I hope it doesn’t snow tomorrow, Duo likes only one thing more than April Fools and it’s a snow day.
(The next morning, Wufei is just waking up.)
Wufei(yawn!): Well, looks like it won’t be a day of hell after alAHHHHHHH!!!!
(Wufei looked out the window, everythings is covered in about 1 foot of snow.)
Wufei: Dammit!!!!
(Duo is just waking up,he looks out the window.)
Duo: YEEESSSS!!!!
Hilde(from downstairs.): Duo keep it down! I’m playing Endless Duel!
Duo: sorry…
(Trowa I just waking up, he looks out the window.)
Trowa: Oh great, if only Duo lived on the other side of the planet I might enjoy myself today…
(Quatre is just waking..)
Quatre: They know I’m just waking up so why bother telling them again and again?
(Quatre puts his hand down his pants.)
Quatre: Hey, I didn’t do that!!!
Me: Then quit complaining!
Quatre: Ok ok!
Me: Now we’ll start over after the interruption.
(Quatre is just waking up, he looks out the window.)
Quatre: Oh cool! Snow!
(Quatre face turns from excitement to worry as he remembers how close Duo is.)
Quatre: oh no…snow… James!
James(from downstairs.): Yes Master Quatre?
Quatre: Could you go and get the heavy snowball armor?
James(from downstairs.): Yes sir.
(Later that day, Wufei is strolling down the street, kids are playing in the sidewalk and lawns. Mihoshi comes out of one of the apartments at the ‘No need for Houses’ apartment complex.)
Mihoshi: Hey Altron!
(Wufei falls over anime style.)
Wufei: MY FREAKIN NAME IS FREAKIN WUFEI!!!!
Mihoshi: Umm, okay Wufei., anyway, since the manager couldn’t make it today he called me and Kione and told us not to come to work today, Kione told me to tell you too.
Wufei: Why couldn’t Kione just tell me herself?
Mihoshi: Because the cold temperature makes her dandruff and dry scalp itch a lot.
Kione(From the apartment window): MIHOSHI!!!
Mihoshi: oops, gotta go, bye Wufei!
(Mihoshi runs back in the apartment.)
Wufei: Great, my one shelter from Duo and it’s closed today.
(A bunch of snow from a rooftop falls on Wufei.)
Duo(from rooftop.): Hiya Altron!
(Loud muffled cursing from the snow pile, Wufei manages to stick his head out.)
Wufei: IF YOU EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN I WILL (censored.) AND THEN (censored.) AND AFTER THAT (censored.) AND COULD YOU GET ME OUTTA THIS SNOW!!! IT’S FREEZING!!!
(Wufei looks around, Duo is nowhere around and the parents of the children on the street are holding their children while covering their ears, a few mothers approach.)
Mom1: How dare you say those things in front of our kids!!!
Wufei: But all I said was…
Mom2: You should clean out your mouth young man!
Wufei: Do you even know who I…
Mom3: Get him!!!
Wufei: Hey wait a second, get those purses away from me!!! Ow! Hey stop it!! OW!!! Who’s got the bricks?! Ow!!!
(Quatre is building a snowman in his extra thick coat for heavy snowball armor.)
Quatre: Let’s see, got the head, got the middle, now I need the bottom.
(Wufei comes walking up.)
Quatre: Hi Wufei!
Wufei: Hi Quatre, the restaurant is closed today so I have nowhere to hide from Duo but here.
Quatre: Fell free, hey you look a bit banged u…
Wufei: Don’t ask.
Quatre: Umm, okay.
Duo(from on top of the hill.): Quatre! Here’s your bottom!!!
(A very large snowball comes down the hill getting larger and larger. It hits Quatre.)
Quatre(from inside the snowball.): little help?
(Duo runs away laughing.)
Wufei: We’re gonna have to get back at him…like we did on april fools.
Quatre(with his head sticking outta the snow.): Yeah, but we’d need to be original, besides Serena is on vacation in florida and Washu is now a wanted criminal.
Wufei: And Mihoshi is way far away.
Quatre: You wish.
Wufei: Hell yeah I do!
Quatre: Got any suggestions?
Wufei: We could..
Quatre: With out killing him?
Wufei: nevermind.
(Trowa is walking along with shifty eyes, a rustle comes from the bushes.)
Trowa: Aha!
(Trowa dodges a snowball, scoops up some snow and throws a snowball into the bushes. Catherine comes out with snow on her head.)
Trowa: Thought you could get me huh?
Catherine(While wiping snow off her hair): Almost did too! I can throw knives with the greatest accuracy so why can’t I throw a snowball!?
(Suddenly gobs of snow come from the bushes and buries them both. Trowa sticks his head up.)
Trowa: Duo?!
Duo: In the flesh.
(Duo steps out from the bushes with a large device.)
Trowa: Duo! That’s a snowblower!!!
Duo: I’m good huh?
Trowa: No you are going for overkill!!!
Duo: I know, if somethings worth doing it’s worth doing right!
Trowa: Apply that to your social skills and maybe I won’t severly injure you!!
Duo: Funny, you’re the first one not threatening to kill me today!
Trowa: Would you rather I did?!
Duo: Not really.
Trowa: Then stop complaining!!!
Duo: Okay, bye now.
(Duo walks away.)
Trowa: Hey wait Duo!!! Get us out of here!!! Duo!!!
(Duo is running from tree to tree with a snowball in his hands.)
Duo: Let’s see, where is she…
(Duo gets snow dumped all over him, he sticks his head out from the heap of snow.)
Hilde: Ha! Gotcha!
Duo: Hilde! I thought we weren’t gonna use the snow on the branches!
Hilde: You also told me you wouldn’t ambush your friends!
Duo: What friends?! Save for Quatre they all wanna kill me!
Hilde: Trowa wants to severely injure you, Quatre doesn’t wanna do nothing, and Heero is a bit indifferent since he’s always gotta gun. Only Wufei TRULY wants to kill you.
Duo: hmm, guess I didn’t know how lucky I am.
(A pink limousine drives by, Relena gets out.)
Relena: Hi Duo, Hilde. Have you seen Heero anywhere?
(Duo smiles evilly.)
Duo: Yeah, he’s in his apartment at the Homemillion apartment complex.
Hilde: Duo! I thought we weren’t gonna tell her!
Relena: And why not?! Even if you didn’t my lawyers would get it out of you one way or another!
(Relena gets back in the limo and drives off.)
Hilde: Great now Heero WILL wanna kill you.
Duo: Hey, tis tradition for me to get them all one way or another on a snowday.
Hilde: You sure they won’t get you back like they did April 1st?
Duo: Nah, that was a one time gig. I don’t think they have the resources to gather their forces with something this sudden.
Hilde: Well you better be careful where you step from now on till tomorrow.
Duo: Okay.
(Heero, Quatre, Wufei and Trowa are sitting in a booth at a diner somewhere in town.)
Quatre: Ok, now that we’re all here I’d like to discuss…
Wufei: We know what we’re here to discuss Quatre!!! Knock it off with the rich kid crap!
Quatre: You know, I think you’re just jealous!
Wufei: Me? Jealous of you?!
Quatre: yeah!
Wufei: Hey look I’m Quatre! I’m too rich for my own good and I’m extremely stupid and childish!!!
Quatre: Shutup!
Wufei: Not so tough with out your Magunac corp eh?
Heero: Both of you shut up!
(They both quiet down.)
Quatre: Well, first Duo shoved a bunch of snow on Wufei.
Wufei: And then put my threats under consideration of the censors for the afternoon version of gundam wing. In the middle of the most sensitive street in town!
Quatre: Umm, right… And then he ambushed me with a huge snowball.
Trowa: Then he buried Catherine and I in snow.
Heero: And he won’t touch me.
(Suddenly a pink limo drives up.)
Heero: Oh my god!!! Get me out of here!!!
(Heero breaks through the glass and steals someone’s motorcycle and rides down the road with the pink limo in hot pursuit.)
Quatre: And he told Relena where to find Heero.
Wufei: How bout we…
Quatre: With out killing him.
Wufei: Screw not killing him! I’m gonna reprogram his gundam and put him as the target!!!
Trowa: That was my idea!
Wufei: I don’t care!
Quatre: Hey wait, you just gave me an idea…
Wufei: Oh hallelueah! My friend has finally experienced brain activity! Tell us Quatre how did it feel?
Quatre(stands up): SHUTUP WUFEI!!!
(All the people in the diner are staring at Quatre.)
Quatre: ummm…
(Quatre sheepishly sits back down.)
Wufei: Nice move Einstein.
(Quatre is about to say something but he can’t come up with a good comeback so he shuts up.)
(Duo is walking through the woods, looking around cautiously.)
Duo: Great, I’m not supposed to be the one who gets paranoid.
(Suddenly Washu comes out from one of her portals and sends Duo reeling back into a tree.)
Duo: Don’t do that!!!
Washu: Sorry, anyway I wanted to see if you liked my new invention!
Duo: What?!
Washu: You’ll be interested!
Duo: Ok ok what is it?
(Washu pulls a large gun looking device out of the portal.)
Washu: The Ultra Super Snowball Thrower 2000!
Duo: Oh cool!!!
Washu: It uses an antigrav vacuum to suck up snow then shapes it into a ball and launches it!
Duo: Cool, can I see a demonstration?
Washu: Sure, watch!
(Washu points it at a tree and fires, instead of a snow ball a laser beam comes out and mows down the tree and all the ones behind it.)
Washu(Sweatdrop): umm, seeya later bye!
(Washu disappears through the portal.)
Duo: …Right…
(Suddenly the telltale "Kawating!" of a gundam landing is heard and the ground shakes, Duo looks around nervously.)
Duo: Umm, hello?
(Gundam foot steps getting closer and closer. Duo starts running back to Hilde’s house.)
Duo: Hilde!!! They’re after me!!!
Hilde: Who?!
Duo: Them!!!
(Duo points back, the four gundams besides Death Scythe are all walking towards the house.)
Hilde: Duo!! You know how much damage they’re gonna do to my house?!
Duo: Oh great, no one worries about the guy who is about to get killed!
(Duo runs into the house, comes out the garage in a car.)
Hilde: Hey! My car!!!
Duo: I’ll return it!
(The car drives off and the gundams chase after it.)
Quatre: Remember, only attack when he’s in his gundam.
Wufei: Get this straight jacket off me!!! I’m gonna kill you for putting this doll system in Nataku!!!
(Wufei is strapped down in a straight jacket in the cockpit, an MD system is driving Altron.)
Wufei: MY NAME IS WUFEI!!!
Me: I was talking about your gundam!
Wufei:……oh
(The car drives up to Duo’s house, Duo jumps out and goes into his garage and gets into Death Scythe Hell.)
Duo: Now we’ll see how you fare against me!!!
(D-hell comes out of the garage and charges the others with it’s scythe blazing, it swings at Altron but misses and turns around.)
Quatre: We’re not here to kill you Duo!
Wufei: I am!!!
Quatre: Pay no mind to Wufei. We’re here just to get revenge for what you did to us today!
Duo: Oh no……
(Quatre pushes a button, Wufei’s jacket lets go and he regains control of Altron.)
Wufei: Ha!!! Now to kill you!
(Altron puts both dragon fangs up, but Wufei can’t activate them.)
Wufei: What the heck?! Argh! Are you censors still here!
Censors: Yes, we do not believe a story of this type has to have swaring in it.
Wufei: Hey look a un edited copy of Ghost in the Shell!
Censors: Where?!
(The censors walk off.)
Wufei: Better, what the hell?
Quatre: I disabled the Dragon fangs.
Wufei: Damn you Quatre!!! Hey, I don’t have my beam trident either!!!
Quatre: No but you do have the flame throwers and the tail cannon.
Wufei: Oh, yeah.
(Altron truns one of the flamethrowers at Sandrock and fires, but snow comes out.)
Wufei: What?!
Quatre: See, you don’t kill him, you smother him.
(Wufei gets an evil grin.)
Duo: Oh great.
(Wufei fires the snowthrowers at D-hell but the shots are all dodged.)
Duo: Ha! Two can play at that game!
(D-hell swoops down and grabs a hand full of snow [a lot!] then jets up again narrowly avoiding another shot from the snowthrower. It then flies up at Altron and smashes the snow over Altron’s eyes.)
Wufei: Duo!!!
Duo: One down!
(Duo takes an armful of snow off a couple trees and dumps it on Altron.)
Duo: Three to go!
(Sand rock steps up, with it’s new cold shorters. Sand rock swings one of them and a snowball forms from mid air and goes careening at D-hell, which easily dodges it.)
Duo: Ha! Don’t forget my gundam is the fastest!
(A spray of snowballs come from Heavy Arms’ Snow gatlings, Duo dodges the barrage but is brought down by the next, D-hell stands up and wipes some snow off but is tackled by Altron. D-hell pushes Altron off and narrowly dodges another barrage from H-arms, then Wing Zero points it’s double buster snowblower at d-hell.)
Duo: uh oh…
(Wing Zero fires and D-hell is engulfed by a beam of snow, D-hell falls to the ground, it’s wings frozen off and it’s scythe destroyed.)
Duo: I’m not down yet!
(D-hell makes a huge snow ball and throws it at Heavy Arms, the snowball lands in the snow gatling and jams it, the gatling expldes off Heavy arms arm.)
Trowa: Great, there goes my main weapon!
Wufei: Hey Quatre, wanna reengage the dragon fangs, I won’t kill him.
Quatre: Oh alright!
(The clamps on the Dragon Fangs let go and Wufei extends them, grabs up some snow in each one and whips them at Duo at super speeds, D-hell can’t get out of the way fast enough and is rammed into a tree by the impact.)
Duo: Oh man, not high velocity snowball rounds!!!
(Wing Zero starts to aim the buster snowblower at D-hell again when..)
Relena: Heero! There you are!
Heero: I thought I ran you off a cliff!!!
Relena: This limo has inflatble pontoons!
Heero: Just get away from me!!!
Relena: No cus I know you’re never gonna kill me!
Heero: umm….bye!
(Wing Zero flies off.)
Relena: Pagan! Follow that gundam!
(the pink limo drives off after Wing Zero. D-hell throws another giant snowball at Altron which is easily blocked by the dragon fangs. Altron loads up the dragon fangs again and snadrock throws one of the cold shorters at D-hell, Duo catches it and cuts off both dragon fangs on Altron with it.)
Wufei: How dare you!!!
Duo: Just surviving!
(Heavy arms fires off a few snowmissiles, D-hell dodges outta the way and they hit Altron, freezing it solid in the process.)
Wufei: No! Nataku!!! Trowa!! I’m gonna kill you!!!
Trowa:…oops…
Duo: Three down! Two to go!
Quatre: You’re mobile suit’s not gonna come outta this un scathed!
(Quatre launches the two snowmissiles out of the shoulders, D-hell narrowly dodges them and Heavy Arms has to dodge them.)
Quatre: Dammit.
(A load of snow falls on Sandrock and buries it, it drops the last Cold shorter.)
Duo: Only you and me Trowa! Trowa? Where’d he go?
(Suddenly D-hell gets hit in the back with a bunch of snow balls, so much so that the weight makes the suit fall over backwards.)
Trowa: Now to finish you off!
Duo: C’mon Death Scythe! Get up! Get up! Dammit!
(Heavy Arms opens up it’s shoulder compartments and is about to freeze D-hell when Washu comes out of one of her portals again.)
Washu: Hey Duo! I think I got it right this time!
(Washu shoots the Ultra Super Snowball Thrower 2000 in some random direction, it now has a really powerful beam of snow, it send Heavy arms Reeling into a tree and buries it in snow.)
Duo:……Washu, you are a genius.
Washu: Yes I am! But that wasn’t the effect I desired so back to the drawing board for the genius! And besides, the cops are after me!
(Washu goes back through the portal.)
Duo: Guess I taught you guys a thing or two about messing with me on a snowday! Woop!
(D-hell loses it’s footing as it tries to get up, it falls forward onto one of the cold shorters Sandrock dropped and freezes solid. Laughter comes from all the other pilots.)
Duo: Aw shut up!!!
Wufei: Hey Quatre, next year just drop a cold shorter and let Duo do the rest! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
(Wing Zero flies up and lands.)
Heero: Hey what happened here?
Trowa: Just the snowball fight of the century, think you can help us all out of these heaps of snow?
Heero: Sure.
Duo: Hey Heero, how’d you lose Relena?
(A pink limo is driving in the snow.)
Relena: P-p-pagan where are w-w-we? It’s s-s-s-so c-c-c-cold.
Pagan: I d-d-d-don’t know m-m-madam.
(The limo drives on……surrounded by penguins in the arctic.)
(Back at the battlefield.)
Heero: I gave her the cold shoulder.
Wufei: Why do I have the feeling you just pulled a Shwarzenegger?
Heero: Nevermind, I’ll start digging you all out.
(Wing Zero digs Altron, Heavyarms, and Sandrock out.)
Duo: Ok Heero, my gundam can’t move so could you pick it up? Heero? Hey where’re you going?! Heero!!! Get back here!!! You forgot me!!! Heero!!! Get back here!!! HEERO!!!
T-t-t-the E-e-e-end