VACATION
By: Cory B.
Now enters a time of peace for the pilots, the dreaded reign of Duo is over for April Fools Day, all the gundam pilots are back on their feet, and the gundams are in prime condition. So now that everything is settled, why not take a break? Sit by the beach, kick up your feet, have some fun! But then again these are after all the g-boys we’re talking about…
(A van drives up to a Six Flags amusement park, the gundam boys, Hilde, and Relena step out.)
Duo: Finally here!!!
Wufei: Yeah, we’re glad we don’t have to listen to your excuse for singing anymore.
Duo: Hey! I sing great!
Trowa: Last time I checked I’d rather listen to a cat getting grinded up in the wheels of a semi.
Duo: You just don’t know talent when you hear it!
Hilde: Your lucky Wufei, I have to LIVE with him.
Duo: Hey! Whose side are you on?!
Quatre: Why don’t we quit arguing and go in, I’ve got our cash right here.
Wufei: Oh so NOW you want to go in! We had to pry you outta your house to get you to come!
Quatre: Is it my fault I’m scared of Roller Coasters?!
Duo: Maybe…
Quatre: Shut up Duo.
Wufei: Hey that’s my line!
Quatre: I don’t care! I’ll use it whenever Duo is annoying me.
Heero: I prefer *Omae o korosu.
Wufei: We know that!
Heero: It works even better though, you should try it.
Quatre: Who says whatever you say is copyrighted Wufei?!
Wufei: Don’t hit me with this industry crap!
Quatre: At least I know about this industry crap! You wouldn’t know a stock from a bond!
Wufei: You die!
(Wufei reaches for his sword.)
Quatre: I don’t think so!
(Quatre reaches for his…oh wait no he doesn’t, he doesn’t even have one.)
Quatre(sarcastically): Thanks for reminding me!
Wufei: At least he remembered this time.
Me: I also remembered that Wufei didn’t bring his sword!
Wufei: What?!
(Wufei looks in the van for his sword.)
Wufei: I guess I’l have to kill you with my bare hands!!!
(Wufei tackles Quatre and is about to punch him when a gunshot pierces the air, Heero is holding up a gun to the sky.)
Heero: Get in the park before I get any more annoyed!
(They all quickly get inside.)
Relena: Heero?! Where did you hide that gun?! I told all of you not to bring any guns! Now all of you fork over all you’re carrying!
(In a few minutes there is a large pile of weapons on the ground.)
Relena:……………where did you hide all…
G-boys: Don’t ask!
Relena: Umm, okay, then Quatre will put all this back in the van, lock it and give me the key!
Quatre: What?! Why me?!
Relena: Well look at the time, I guess we better get going if we’re gonna have as much fun as possible!
(They all go their separate ways leaving Quatre behind.)
Quatre: Hey wait a second! Dammit!
(Quatre starts gathering up the weapons.)
(Hilde and Duo are waiting in line at the Goliath.)
Duo: This looks cool! First, a 256 foot drop, and at the end a helix that pulls four G’s!
Hilde: Sounds pretty scary.
Duo(Teasing): I’ll be right by you if you get scared.
Hilde: Nice offer but I think I’ll pass.
(Later, after they’d gotten off, Duo is walking along shakily.)
Duo: That was great!!!
Hilde(Rubbing her arm): Yeah and you gotta good grip too! How scared were you?
Duo: Umm, I was about to fall off, that’s it.
Hilde: But what about those big stra…
Duo: Look at that! Let’s go on that!
(Duo drags Hilde over to another roller coaster. Wufei is waiting in line.)
Wufei(Sarcastically): Oh joy, I get to ride with Duo…
Duo(Equally sarcastic): I love you too Wufei.
Hilde: Hey Wufei, what ride is this?
Wufei: The Viper
Duo: Sweet! Hey it’s our turn!
(Duo gets into the front seats with Hilde and Wufei sits behind. The ride starts up as they go up the initial hill, then come down REALLY fast!)
Duo: Yahoo!!!
(They go through one loop, the next loop, the third loop, various other twists and turns. The ride ends.)
Duo: I loved that!!!
Hilde: That was great!!!
Wufei: I couldn’t tell, your braid was whipping me in the face constantly!
Duo: Not my fault you sat behind us.
Wufei: Yeah well that’s the last time! I’m gonna get a corndog.
(Wufei walks off. Some official looking people walk up to Duo and hand him a piece of paper and walk away. Duo looks puzzled, then looks at the paper.)
Duo: ORDER OF COURT APPEARANCE?!?! From Yahoo.com, FOR USING THEIR SLOGAN WITHOUT A COPYRIGHT?!?!?!?!
Hilde: Umm, I think I’ll go get a burger…
(Hilde backs away nervously from Duo who is now thouroughly pissed.)
(Somewhere else, Trow and Heero are trying to get Quatre onto a roller coaster.)
Quatre: NO!!! I won’t! Why don’t you two just go!
Trowa and Heero: Because it’s the kiddy ride in bugs bunny land!
Trowa: I was planning on going on something a bit more extreme.
(Trowa looks over to the towering Superman ride.)
Heero: Quatre, get on the ride!
Quatre: Not so tough with out your gun are you?
(Heero pulls out a dillinger and points it at Quatre, the various little kids around scatter.)
Heero: Get on the ride…
Quatre: Umm, ok…
(Relena walks over at hearing the commotion.)
Relena: Heero! I thought I told you to fork over every weapon you had!
(Quatre gets in the ride beside a six year old.)
Heero: I did.
(Pulls the trigger, a flame comes out of the barrel, it’s a lighter. The ride starts.)
Quatre: HEERO! I’m gonna get you for this!
(The ride starts, Quatre starts screaming.)
Quatre: I want off I want off!
Kid: Shutup! Your bugging me!
(At Superman, Trowa is waiting at the end of the line, he looks ahead to the 50 people ahead of him.)
Trowa: hmm, must be a good ride.
(Duo comes walking up with Hilde at his side.)
Trowa: Hey Duo, Hilde. You gonna ride this too?
Duo: Yeah, looks really good, judging by this line.
Hilde: Make sure you still have it.
Duo: Yeah I got it right here.
(Duo pulls small fruit pie out of his pocket.)
Trowa: Huh? What’s that for?
Duo: At it’s peak, Superman achieves about 6 seconds of pure zero G!
Hilde: He saw a guy make a red ball float in the air when he was at the peak, he didn’t bother to bring a ball so he bought a small fruit pie.
(Wufei is ahead at the line, at hearing Duo’s voice he turns around.)
Wufei and Duo: Not you again!
Wufei: Well I shouldn’t be worried, I’m 12 people ahead of you so I should get a seat AWAY from you!
Duo: Lucky me I won’t have to listen to your constant complaining!
Wufei: I wouldn’t be complaining if you hadn’t been born!
Hilde: Ok ok that’s enough! We came here for fun, not to tear each others faces off! Guys….guys? Aw crap!
(Duo and Wufei are glaring at each other unblinkingly. The line advances, until they are next, finally, a fly lands on Duos nose and he blinks.)
Wufei: Ha! I win!
Duo: Hey hang on a second! I was acted upon by an outside influence!
Wufei:…………………………I didn’t know you knew such big words.
Duo: Like what?
Wufei: an
(Duo and Wufei lunge for each other but then.)
Hilde: Our turn!
(Wufei and Duo stop in their tracks, Wufei had came back to have the staring contest with Duo and now they were stuck in the same ride with only four seats open in the front, Hilde was in the one on the right, Trowa was in the one on the left.)
Wufei and Duo: NOO!!!
(Duo and Wufei are strapped in [to their chagrin right by each other.)
Operator: Hold on tight folks! The ride will start in 5…4…3…2…
(Duo gets his pie out.)
Wufei: What’s that for?
Operator: 1
Duo: You’ll see.
(The cart launches out and they quickly accelerate to 100mph.)
Duo: Wahoo!
(The ride reahces the peak and Duo gets the pie out and lets it go, it floats.)
Duo: Alright it works!
(Wufei reaches over and opens the wrapper.)
Duo: You hungry or something Wufei?
(They start going down, when they get out duo has lemon pie all over his face.)
Wufei: You know, that suits you.
Duo: Shut up Wufei!
(Tackles him, they start fighting and a crowd gathers as Hilde tries in vain to stop the fight.)
Relena: Now see Quatre wasn’t that fun?
(Quatre is huddled up in a corner of the snack stand and shaking.)
Quatre: No…
Heero: You make a disgraceful gundam pilot. Outside of your gundam that is.
Quatre(gets up): What’s that supposed to mean?!
Heero: The fact that you can pilot a gundam and not go on a roller coaster really amazes me.
Quatre: Yeah well I’ll show you! I’ll go on the biggest coaster they got here!
(Heero points over to the goliath.)
Quatre: (Gulp)…I’m a gundam pilot I’m a gundam pilot I’m a gundam pilot…
(Quatre keeps chanting as he walks along rather nervosly.)
Relena: Heero! Blackmailing him like that! He’ll get scared out of his wits!
Heero: It’s for his own good.
Relena: Okay, that does make sense…I guess. Hey, wanna share a cup of Pepsi?
(Heero starts walking away, Relena follows.)
Relena: Ok how bout…
Heero: no
Relena: What about…
Heero: no
Relena: why don’t we…
Heero: no
Relena: ooh, that looks..
Heero: no
Relena: Well I’m gonna go get a…
Heero: no
Relena: Ok I’ll just stay with you then.
Heero: No wait, go get whatever you were gonna get!
Relena: Nope too late, you want me to stay here.
Heero: No I don’t!
Relena: Why not?
(Heero starts to walk off again with Relena tagging along.)
Heero(under his breath.): Shoulda killed her when I got the chance…
Relena: Aw come on, you know you love me!
Heero: Nope
Relena: Do too!
Heero: Do not!
Relena: Do too!
Heero: Do not!
Relena: Do too!
Heero: Do not!
Relena: Do not!
Heero: Do too!
Relena: Ha!
Heero: Wait, but, you…argh!
(They walk off.)
(Quatre is in line for the Goliath, Wufei is behind him.)
Wufei: What’s the matter with you Quatre? You can pilot a gundam pulling 5 G’s but you can’t take a roller coaster?
Quatre: Quit making fun of me, I’m gonna go on this ride so there!
Wufei(Rolling eyes): Great comeback, I bet Chris Rock couldn’t do any better.
Quatre: Give me a break for once Wufei!
(Someone comes up with a Kit Kat bar but Wufei elbows him before he can start singing.)
Wufei: I hate those stupid commercials!!!
Operator: Okay you two, your up!
Quatre: I think I’ll just go.
(Wufei is holding a knife.)
Quatre:…get on the ride.
(Quatre gets in the cart, Wufei is behind him.)
(After they’d gotten off, Quatre is walking shakily.)
Quatre: so, so, high.
Wufei: Quit whining Quatre.
Quatre: No, actually that was pretty good.
Wufei: Great, now you’re not as much of a panze as you were before!
Quatre: I am not a panze!
Wufei: Panze.
Quatre: I’m not a damn panze!
Wufei: Panze.
Quatre: I said…
Wufei: Panze.
Quatre: Ok fine! I’ll ride another one!
(Quatre starts heading for Superman.)
(Duo and Hilde are walking around looking for something to ride.)
Hilde: hmm, how about that one?
Duo: nah, I’ve rode it about a million times.
Hilde: Maybe this one?
Duo: Too dull.
(They hear Heero and Relena bickering.)
Heero: Look, Relena, there’s a cliff over there why not find out how long a thing of your weight would take to hit the bottom!
Relena: Aw come on Heero, can you at least ride a roller coaster with me?
Heero: No
Relena: You know you want to.
Heero: Do not.
Relena: Do too.
Heero: Do not.
Relena: Do too.
Heero: Do not.
Relena: do not.
Heero: Do not.
Relena: Do too.
Heero: Do too.
Relena: Do not.
Heero: Ok then I won’t go.
Relena: Wait, I mean…
Heero: Too late!
Relena: Guess you finally beat me.
Heero: Yes I did.
Relena: No, wait, you cheated!
Heero: Did not.
Relena: Did too.
Heero: Did not.
Relena: Did not.
Heero: Did too….argh!
Relena: Ok I guess I won then.
(Relena starts dragging Heero over to the Viper. Duo and Hilde are cracking up by the hotdog stand.)
Heero(From the viper line): SHUTUP DUO!!!
Duo: Whoa, he heard me from that far away.
Hilde: Guess he has a sixth sense about when he’s being insulted.
Duo: Yeah, Wufei should have that.
Wufei(From across the park.): WHO SAYS I DON’T?
Hilde and Duo:…………whoa……
(Quatre is walking along shakily.)
Quatre: W-w-w-what a r-r-r-rush……(Shakes it off)…I’m beginning to see why people like those rides, well, better meet up with the others back at the entrance.
(Quatre walks to the entrance, they aren’t there.)
Quatre: huh? I thought they were supposed to be here by now, it’s already 4:00 PM, better go look for them.
(Quatre wonders off.)
(Trowa is waiting at the entrance, looking at his watch.)
Trowa: Almost time to go…
(Duo and Hilde walk up.)
Trowa: Glad to see you remembered, we were afraid you wouldn’t come and just stay in the park.
Duo: Yeah, then my fun wouldn’t have to end just cus Quatre is afraid of getting mugged at 6:00 PM.
Trowa: Thankfully we put the tracking device on you.
Duo: Say what?
(Trowa walks over and takes off Duo’s hat, theres a little blinking gadget in there.)
Duo: Oh that hurts…not even trusting me to make it back in time.
Trowa and Hilde: No we don’t!
Duo: Geeze, so sue me.
(Wufei comes walking up.)
Wufei: I’ve been looking for an excuse to do so.
Duo: That figures.
(Heero walks up with Relena tagging along at his side.)
Duo: Hey Heero, did you survive being with Relena the whole day?
Wufei: hmm? What happened?
Duo: Me and Hilde were looking for a ride when…
(Heero has a dillinger pointed to Duo’s head.)
Duo(sweatdrop.): Umm, nothing happened at all!
Relena: Oh, don’t mind Heero Duo that’s just a lighter.
Heero: Damn you Relena! Oh wait, this isn’t the Midnight run. Blast you Relena!
Hilde: Hey Duo, what did you do about those lawyers anyway? Five minutes later you weren’t angry at all!
Duo: Lets just say I called a friend.
Lawyer: HELP!!! SHINIGAMI IS AFTER US!!!
(The lawyers from Yahoo.com are running with Death Scythe Hell flying behind them while firing it’s head vulcans at their heels, they go off in the distance. Everybody looks at Duo.)
Duo(sweatdrop again.): Umm, er, WHO STOLE DEATHSCYTHE!?!?!
(The rest get in the van ignoring Duo’s pathetic excuse for a cover up. A voice comes from the speakers around the park.)
Speakers: Would some one come and claim a lost boy by the name of…Quatre Rebarba Winner.
Relena: Oh no, I thought I hadn’t seen him in a while. I’ll take care of this.
(Relena walks off.)
Heero: Let’s go NOW!
Wufei: But what about Relena?
(Heero glares at Wufei.)
Wufei: nevermind…
(Back in some office, Quatre sits huddled up in the corner with a sucker in his mouth and tears in his eyes like a five year old.)
Guard: Well, cold you give us a description?
Quatre(sniffs.): They were…I WANNA GO HOME!
(Quatre starts crying. Relena walks in.)
Relena: I’m here to get Quat…
Quatre: Mommy!
(Quatre runs up to Relena and hides behind her back like a kindergartener in a new class room. Relena goes blue in the face in Anime fashion.)
Guard:………I’m assuming he’s yours………
Relena(sweatdrop.): Umm, yes…he’s retarded…
Guard: right… you can leave now.
(Relena walks out with Quatre holding her hand.)
Quatre: That was scary, there was that one time I was lost…and, and then I was looking for you, and then there was this one time…
(Relena slaps Quatre.)
Relena: What’s gotten into you! Have you any idea how embarassed I was?!
Quatre: Sorry, when I got lost I started having hallucinations about the time I was lost in ‘REALLY HUGE SCARY MONSTER LAND’ when I was three on Halloween Friday the 13th..
Relena: But Halloween’s not on…
Quatre: Anyway, once I got out my parents were’nt too happy to see I found my way out, don’t know why though.
Relena(under her breath.): how many guesses do I get?
Quatre: Huh? What was that?
Relena: Nothing!
(The walk along to the gate.)
Relena: umm, where’s the car? Oh well, I’ll just have pagan bring the turbosine so we can catch up.
(Relena gets out a cell phone.)
(The g-boys [except Quatre] and Hilde are in the van with Wufei at the wheel.)
Duo: You sure it was alright to leave Quatre and Relena behind?
Heero: yes
Duo:……okaaay then.
(the Turbosine drives up behind them.)
Relena(with a megaphone.): Hey Heero! You forgot a few!
Heero: Oh crap! Wufei! Move over!
Wufei: What, why? Ack!
(Heero throws Wufei in the back seat and gets in the drivers seat. He floors it. The turbo sine is gaining..)
Heero: Must go faster…must go faster…
(Heero looks in the rearview mirror, Relena is staring at him twith her head out the window, a the bottom of the mirror it says ‘OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR’.)
Heero: FASTER!!!
(Heero pulls a really tight curve tossing everyone to the right.)
Duo: Take it easy He…
Heero: SHUTUP!!!
(The two car drive down the road at insane speed as the suns slowly starts to set.)
THE NED…er…I mean, THE DEN…no wait…THE DNE, aw forget it! Stupid typos!
THE END!!!!