My Coming Out
Hello Everyone-
There's no sense in stalling or "sugar-coating" this, so I'll just say it, I'm gay. Yes, a homosexual. I decided to go ahead and send a single e-mail to everyone rather than spending the next few years trying to decide when the right time would be to tell each and every one of you. Also, I figured this way no one would be put on the spot and expected to give an immediate response, because, as I have discoered over the past year, most immediate responses are negative. I will do my best to explain things for those that are interested. I want to say right now, however, that I have prepared for the worse, and realize that some of you may not be able to accept me. The only thing I ask in that case, is that you don't respond. I have enough to deal with. I want only positive relationships in my life, and from this day forward, to accept me means accepting all of me. I realize it will take time to get used to the idea, but a little effort truly does go a long way.
Let me say right off, that the sterotypes are wrong. I don't wear women's clothes, sleep around,m have AIDS, or any of the other ridiculous things that our close-minded society has branded the gay community with.
I suppose,m in trying to explain things, I should start with why I decided now was the time to "come out." Basically, Matthew Shepard. For those of you that on't know who that is, I'll give a brief run down. Matt was a 21 yr old University of Wyoming student who died on October 12 after being pistol whipped, robbed, and flung over a wooden fence in the middle of nowhere left to die. This happened because he was gay. What Matt went throughis every minorities worse nightmare. I decided now was the time, because I could end up like Matt at any moment. It's not fair to you or me to leave this life without you ever knowing who I really am. Again, I realize that you may not agree with my lifestyle, but would you have me end up like Matt? There are those who would.
In case any of you are thinking that I can change, or I just haven't met the right woman, let me say, I've tried. I've always known I was gay. (At least as long as I've known what gay was.) I denied it for years. I threw away my childhood because of it. Many people wonder why I worry so much about everything. This is why. It took me almost throwing my life completely away at 18 years old on a girl I didn't love to realize what I was doing. I did not choose to be gay. I chose to accept what God made me, and to live my life happily. Since I accepted myself, I actually believe that I can be truly happy. Before, I thought I would spend the rest of my life miserable and lonely. I have to face a lot of ridicule, but at least I know tthat at the end of the day, I'm not living a lie. I spent my teenage years hoping that I would not live to see 20. I had no hope for the future. I had no desire to strive for anything past high school graduation. Because I have now allowed myself to live the way I was meant to, I know that the sky is the limit, and I know that I will be successful and happy.
As far as the moral aspect of it, let me first say that I hold myself to very high standards. I do my best to be pious and strive to remain true to myself. One thing that has come out of all of this, is that my belief in God has become unshakable. I know the aruements that ultra right-winged Christian conservatives give, and I can argue each and every one of them. I don't care what they say, however. All I know is that I asked God to show me the way. I asked God to protect me. I asked God what he wanted me to be. I am here today because God has accepted me. For almost ten years, I would ask God to take me away from this life. I finally realized that I couldn't go until I started living the life he had intended. I truly believe this to be fact.
So where do we stand now? I could try to convince you all that I was born this way, and that it's okay to be a homosexual. I realize, however, that that is something each of you must figure out on your own. For thse of you that live in the KC area, you will most likely be seeing me from time to time on the news or in the papers. I have decided that I must be active in the Gay Rights Movement. I have to do it for me, for Matt, and for all of us that have to fear walking down the street. Yet another reason why I felt now was the time. If I have to die like Matt, I refuse to go without a fight. I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of being ashamed. One in ten Americans are gay or lesbian, and one was bound to show up in this family eventually. I will never return to the "closet" to avoid shaking a narrow mind.
I want you all to know that I love you. You are my blood. I would hate to lose any of you, but realize that the possibility is there. I've sat through years of gay bashing jokes, cruel comments, and feeling less than human because it is still okay in America to hate homosexuals. I just can't force myself to laugh at anymore, "A man walks into a gay bar..." jokes.
You have two options. You can click on the reply tab, or you can delete this letter and forget. You you can't accept, I don't need to hear about it. I can assume that if I don't hear from you than I never will.
Love Always,
Aaron
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