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The Shortest-Lived NPC Ever
GM: Augs (The Band of Rorax)
Sys: Star Wars

A Rodian (NPC) in the pay of Durga the Hutt - arch-rival of the infamous Jabba - is dunning smuggler Ganelon Shrike (Dariel) for the money he owes the crime lord.

Ganelon: "Maybe we can bargain ..."

Rodian: (growl) "Jabba does not bargain!"

Ganelon: "Hmmm ... you mean you're taking Jabba's money?! Durga will be very interested to hear this ..."

The Rodian blinks, pales, then draws his blaster and blows his own brains out. A simple slip of the tongue can be very detrimental to one's health.

The two warriors of the party (Augs + Barry) and my NPC elven bard have entered the tomb of a long-dead elven king and queen in search of the magical weapons that will allow them to defeat the evil things invading the land. As they search, the ghost of the elven queen appears to them and at first tries to frighten them away, then when they pass her test, gives them information.

I was in fine role-playing form that night, what with our holding the game under the stars on the roofdeck and being really in the mood. The elven queen’s ghost spoke in an eerie tremolo that set the atmosphere very well, Augs and Barry were really into it - until they asked about a place I hadn’t mapped yet.

(Barry): "Tell us, O Queen, how may we make our way to where the Horde sleeps?"

Queen: (still in tremolo) "I wish I could tell youuuuu …"

Augs has to retire his character, Aelfred von Tobler the Swiss Elf (named for his weapon preferences: halberd and heavy crossbow), because he’s going to be away for a while. So he asks for a "glorious death." Request granted. That night’s adventure revolved around a massive orc raid into a newly settled valley (ala Beyond the Black River) and they had to shepherd the fleeing settlers to safety. As the orcs came closer, Aelfred took his stand over a narrow wooden bridge and challenged the orcs’ champions. He defeated several of them, until an ogre waded across the stream and chopped him down.

[GM (Dariel)]: "You see two half elves falling on either side of the bridge …"

And later; a party of dwarves finds the party standing over the body of their comrade, lying amid a heap of dead orcs.

Dwarven Leader: "He was but a turd-eating elf … (dramatic sob) but he died like a dwarf …"

Egos Galore!
GM: Victor  (The Band of Rorax)
Sys: D&D

The following scene occurred the morning after the characters had decided to work together. Feran del Kanar, a haughty nobleman cum assassin (Dariel) and the warrior-mage Mie-houzu (Augs) have been having problems with each other’s egos since the night before. As the party begins to stir and break camp …

Mie-houzu (Augs): "Hey you! What did you say your name was again?"

Feran (Dariel): (supercilious glance) "You may call me Lord!"

Mie-houzu: "And you must call me God!"

The Art of War
"Pendragon: Boy King"
GM: Adrian Martinez (AEGIS)
Sys:  Pendragon

*note that Sir John the Brave is somewhat like Johnny Bravo rendered as a Pendragon Knight

It was an act of pure madness - seven British knights taking on a Saxon army of 30,000.  We had sneaked behind the Saxon camp at night and cut their horses loose, which we planned to drive with noise and torches through the tents and so scatter the army.   Yelling, clashing our shields and waving torches and laughing like madmen, we dashed through their camp, spreading chaos.

But Sir John the Brave (Dennis) had a truly fiendish plan to finish the foe ...

Sir John: "Burn the outhouse!  I'm going to burn the outhouse!"

GM: WHY?

Sir John: "Because if a man cannot GO in peace, there CAN BE NO PEACE!!!"

Student Swordswoman
GM: Dariel Quiogue  (The Band of Rorax)
Sys: AD&D

Barry, a kensai, has just acquired a new student - a young noblewoman. He outfits her with a sword he forged himself, a uniform, and a sashimono - a rectangular banner that is worn on the back.

She asks, "What’s the sashimono for? You’re not affiliated with any clan."

Barry: "Oh, it just says `Caution: Student Swordswoman’"

While in the sewers under Kelven, the party led by The Picard (Ron, who shares with the great captain a certain distinguishing feature), is attacked by a band of toughs from the slaver guild. The party gets split, and The Picard finds himself fighting alone beyond the range of the party’s lantern.

Picard (Ron): "Light! Somebody give me light!"

[Augs]: "I’ll cast a Light spell on his sword. That’s shiny enough to reflect well."

[GM (Dariel)]: "Unfortunately, The Picard is in the thick of a fight right now - his sword won’t be still or even visible long enough for you to center your spell on it. However, you do notice something else that’s shiny …"

[Augs]: "Right! I cast my Light spell centered on The Picard’s head!!!"

[GM (Dariel)]: "DONE!!!"

[Ron]: "What?!"

[John]: "Do I see that? I fall to my knees and worship The Mighty Picard!"

The party has come upon the object of their quest, an abandoned temple that has become the villain's hideout. The arrogant mage Mie-houzu (Augs), totally in character, marches up to the temple's great bronze-bound doors and pounds loudly on them with his staff.

Mie-houzu:  "I, Mie-houzu, great mage of the Saiyan, challenge thee to single combat!  Come out and show me your power!!!"

Feran (Dariel) + Jenna (Barry): "INCOOOMIIIING!!!!" (Everybody dives into the dirt)

When nothing happens, Feran raises his head and looks at Mie-houzu.

Feran:  "Hm, maybe he IS a god ..."

The rest of the party left to infiltrate a hobgoblin town.  Left behind in the brush was the party's druid Arghan (Rally).  Lightning struck and a brushfire raged, trapping the druid.

At this point Rally did not know what to do and was panicking.  Louie grabbed his character sheet and looked it over.

Louie:  OK, Rally ... you have a spell there that can save you.  (The spell was "resist fire")

Rally (still panicking):  ah ... ah ... ah ... I KNOW ... I'll turn into ... a TREE ("tree" spell)

no further comment.

Hit me!
Renegades
GM:  Louie Toledano (ROUGH)
Sys:  Marvel Superheroes

The mission of the Renegades was to locate and recruit Fiona Peterson (Mike Wu) whose power is energy absorption and discharge.  It would have been a piece of cake if some vampire-mage didn't interfere.  So lightning bolts were blasting our heroes left and right all over the grounds surrounding Fiona's dormitory and everyone was avoiding the strikes.

But for Fiona, she needed an energy charge to join the fray.  So off she went a-taunting...

Fiona (Mike):  ALL RIGHT YOU (%&#*#*#%(# @!@r COWARD !~#&y@%#&##%^* IDIOT (#&#&@ !@^@&&^@&@ C'MON, HIT ME!!!

A BIG lightning bolt strikes Fiona

Fiona: OOOOOOOH!   THAT FEELS GOOOOD!  (looks down) ... where are my clothes?

The JLA just returned home to their embassy from a funeral held for three fallen comerades.  The stress had been building up on the team the past few days and now they are very short-handed and their nerves are all frayed.  Adrian Foxx (Tommy), a very handsome and well built new applicant to the JLA steps into the hall and is about to speak to Max Lord. 

Meanwhile, Beatriz da Costa (Fire, played by Carl Vergara, oblivious to the new arrival) decides to pack her bags and quit the JLA.  She storms down to the main hall, bags in tow and blasts away at Max Lord.

Fire:  THAT'S IT, MAX! I'VE HAD IT WITH THE LEAGUE!  I'VE HAD IT WITH THE STRESS! I'M PACKING, I'M LEAVING, I ... I... (she turns, sees Adrian up close and quickly does an about face) ... I gotta go up and change ....

The party was at the door of a room that has been rigged with a multitude of crossbow traps. The party took to throwing stones onto the floor, and succeeded in tripping some of the pressure plate triggers; however, it was generally agreed that there were probably several more that had not been set off. Nobody wants to enter the room, save for one brave soul - Rorax Bonebreaker (Augs), who has set upon himself the task of clearing all traps.

[Augs]: (throwing one last stone). "Nothing happens? All right, I saunter in!"

[GM (JJ)]: "You what?!"

[Augs]: "I SAUNTER in!"

Twang! Twang, twang, twang, twang …

Barry’s character was a young fighter with dreams of becoming a paladin. So when on a dungeon crawl he sees a golden statue of a magnificent war horse, he just has to get in its saddle. Alas, the statue was trapped, enchanted to generate electrical shocks.

(Barry): (Making bronco-rider’s motions) "Yeeee-hah! Yeeeee-hah! Yeeeee-hah!"

An Eastern European Count (Patrick), possessed of mysterious powers of mesmerism, has been shot in the kneecaps by Vermilion (Victor). When Vermilion and co. converged upon him, he mesmerized them with the order "Take me to a healer!"

They make their way to the hotel, where Dr. Hamilton Felix (Ralph) is; the count mesmerizes him too. What he doesn't know, poor bastard, is that Felix’s idea of first aid is a BIG syringe of morphine ...

Count (Patrick): "Heal me!" (mesmerizing glare)

Felix (Ralph): "OUI!" (plunges in the needle in with BIG grin on his face)

Four shots of morphine later ...

Felix: "Hey Count, aren't you in pain?"

Count: "Nah, I'm cool!"

Famous One-Liners
Various Games

Castle Falkenstein "Carne Perin" (RPG-SIG)
"RAT FIGHT!" Bro. Jamaal Motombo (Henry Vargas), currently possessed by the ever-playful Baron Zamedi, Voudon God of the Dead while wading through a sea of rats, picking up a few, and twirling them in the air by their tails.
(comment:  The God of the Dead is the life of the party)

White Wolf (West) (RPG-SIG)
"Gurash, Goulash, Garbage, Trash...What’s the difference?" Agnes St. John (Farah Lozano)
(comment:  Don't get on Gurash's bad side...he's a demon after all...but try telling that to a spunky vampire who went on to knock Gurash down single-handedly)

Twilight Age (AEGIS)
"HOW MANY SABOTEURS ARE THERE IN THIS CARAVAN?!!" Lord Alasdair, Rhiyanna Noble (Tommy Lim)
(comment:  this was after Alasdair captured one saboteur and foiled another saboteur who killed another saboteur...)

Bubble Gum Crisis (RPG-SIG)
"The blind man...HE’S the spotter!" (Ralph Go)
(comment:  do we have to comment on this?)

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