Confessions of a

NAPSTER User

I have a shocking confession to make. This isn’t easy, but I think it’s high time I own up to it and make my peace with the world.

I use Napster to download MP3s for my own personal use.

I know what you must think of me; the thoughts you must have running through your brain at this very moment. "How dare you? Taking money from the mouths of poor, innocent people like Lars Ulrich and Dr. Dre!" "You monster! Don’t you know that every song you download takes food from the mouth of some $1.25 an hour child laborer in Mexico who has one less CD to press, thanks to your ungrateful self?"

Or, you’re more likely saying to yourself, "Huh? Clint wrote a new column? When did that happen??!?"

In my own defense, I must say that the MP3s I have downloaded are only for my own personal nature, and I’m not doing anything illegal with them. My career as a "song archivist" began in the late ‘70s, when I found that I could use my $14.95 Radio Shack tape recorder to tape songs off the radio, if I held the recorder to the speaker.

Sure, the tapes I made were punctuated with inane DJs chattering over the songs and the occasional voice of my father screaming at me to turn the radio down. Sure, the first 5-15 seconds of each song were usually cut off due to my fumbling around to grab the recorder and tape the song. Sure, the sound quality was only slightly better than if I had used a couple of tin cans to transmit the sound. Still, I had the songs, and when you were as poor as my family was at the time, it beat not having the songs at all because I couldn’t afford the albums.

It’s odd, though, how I’ve used Napster. I assume some use it to download some really hip tunes by the latest artists. Some might use it to discover underground treasures that they might otherwise have no chance of hearing.

I, on the other hand, look at the collection of music on my hard drive, and I can only come to the conclusion that I put the "geek" in the term "music geek".

I have a reasonable collection of live recordings from Pearl Jam, some great performances from MTV Unplugged by various artists, and even (yes) some Metallica. However, I have some items that I am sure will make me lose "cool points" with even my closest friends:

• A clip of 32 "d’ohs" from "The Simpsons", which is just one of many, many "Simpsons" clips I have.
• A Ben Folds Five cover version of the Oasis classic "Champagne Supernova", done in a super-goofy country style.
• The Cornholio Megamix, a house remix of sound bites from the godlike alter ego of Beavis from "Beavis and Butthead". Don’t ask me why; it’ll just make your head hurt.
• "I Really Want to Know You" by Gary Wright. This one was kind of a Holy Grail for me. I remember hearing it on a K-Tel compilation in the early ‘80s, and I had fond, romantic memories of the song. I could never remember the artist’s name, but I knew I had to have a copy of this song one day. I finally tracked it down on Napster, and just like the girl you knew in high school as being so sweet, this track turned out to be a bit different from how I remembered it. In fact, now I’m a bit embarrassed that I downloaded it.
• A song called "Prison Bitch", that I and a friend of mine heard late one night on a road trip to Louisville KY. It cracked us up when we heard it, and luckily we happened to have a camcorder with us to record our reactions to this song. Ever since then I have wanted to have a copy of "Prison Bitch" to play for Diona, whenever. Now, thanks to Napster, I do!
• Several "South Park" clips, ranging from a mix of various cries of "TIMMY!" to selections from the Bigger Longer and Uncut soundtrack, to the inevitable meeting of Eric Cartman and Beavis & Butthead. A true classic, I can assure you.
• Television themes from various shows, including Jeopardy, Scooby Doo, King of the Hill, and even Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. (Attention Crystal Cress: stop laughing NOW!!!)

Then of course, there are the requisite selections of relative oldies, new tracks by artists I think will be headed on a one-way trip to One-Hit-Wonder City. But the items listed above are ones that I could have never found without Napster, for better or worse.

I’m not a criminal, I’m not a pirate, I’m not even ungrateful. As an artist, I can understand the fear expressed by Dr. Dre, Metallica and others that this will lead to the dilution of their talents. However, I feel that this is as harmless as the taping I did back in high school. It’s for my own personal use, so what’s the big deal?

I think the resolution to this entire affair is to make these files like the songs taped off the radio way back when. Napster could randomly insert "faults" to ensure that these songs and clips would be good, but not perfect. To simulate the home taping experience, these "faults" could include:

• Static, to simulate taping a station that’s just on the edge of your reception area.
• Files that start late or end early, to get that "Hurry up, the song’s starting" or "Dangit, I ran out of tape!" effect.
• Inane station interruptions, including station call signs, and DJs talking over the song.
• And of course, what early 80’s home tape would be complete without a parent in the background screaming "You’d better be asleep, dammit!", or a sibling purposely talking over the song just to tick you off?

I believe that if Napster would just add these small elements into the mix, that record companies could stop worrying over digital downloading, and get back to what they do best: severely overcharging music fans for the music they want to hear, whether in concert or on disc.

Oops, I gotta go. They’re playing "Stairway to Heaven" on the radio. How many times will that ever happen in my lifetime?

Ó 2000, Clint McGuire