Series: TOS, Kaki's Tupperverse and LJV's Einstein's Folly Pairing: K/S, S/m

Summary: Two Worlds collide with a whimper

It had been a long, long day for Captain James T. (for Tupper) Kirk. Finally the repairs had been ordered and signed off and the admiralty had accepted the last of the mission reports. Five glorious days of shore leave and Kirk planned to spend every minute with his Spock.

Kirk threw open the door to the apartment and sweetly queried, "Spock, are you home?"

When he got no answer, he giggled, "Oh goodie. I can get ready for him. He will be so pleased with me." He stripped off his uniform, tossing it into the appropriate receptacle so as to leave no mess to upset Spock, then stepped into the shower. "Mmmm.

Hot water feels kind of like hot Spock. I wish he were here to slide over my skin." At that thought he giggled again and soaped every square inch of his body, just in case. He blew himself dry with the warm air setting, then grabbed the almond oil. Just a touch behind each ear and in his navel to remind Spock of their last shore leave.

Waltzing into the bed room, he placed the bottle of almond oil in plain view on the bedside table. Checking the clock and assuring himself that Spock had to be home in just a few minutes, he lay down on the bed, one knee bent up modestly and his arm across his ribcage. 'He won't think I'm forward, but he can see everything I want him to see,' the wily Human thought to himself. Then he thought about his beloved Vulcan's strong hands and very warm tongue. Soon he presented a ready-to-be-ravished appearance, if he had to say so himself.

Twenty minutes later, after nodding off for the second time (after all, he had had a very long day), he began to worry. Ten minutes after that, he sat up and called Spock's office only to be told that Spock had left more than an hour ago. He agreed to leave a voice message for Spock just-in-case, then remembered he knew Spock's message code. Perhaps he could surprise Spock wherever he had gone, he could get the romantic part of the evening started. It had already been almost 48 hours since their last good snuggle, and Kirk was beginning to feel rather lonesome and, just a touch, moody.

He keyed in the message code and listened for several minutes.

He skipped through 3 meeting reminders, 2 experiment updates, one giggling girl with an apparent wrong number, and then, it happened. Something Kirk had never thought to experience. A deep, sexy, male voice seemed to fill the room. First a short laugh, a sexy one. Then "Spock, man, you changed your comm code!

Get your skinny ass to Einstein's Folly tonight--we're all gonna be there. 8pm."

Kirk lay back hard, then curled into a fetal position as the tears began to stream down his face. His Spock had a man calling him.

A stranger, at least to Kirk. He cried for several minutes, great wracking sobs. Eventually he calmed down and stood up. "He's mine. I'm going to get him back." He took a look in the mirror and gasped. His eyes were red and his face blotchy. Quickly he ran to the bathroom and washed his face in cold water. Patting himself dry, he got out his bottle of Tears B Gone and rinsed the redness right out of his eyes. He smiled at his improved reflection, used the facilities, then went back to get dressed.

He carefully selected his outfit - Spock's favorite wrap around shirt, gold with the tiny green-flecks to go with his eyes. And tight black jeans. He smiled as he remembered the last time he'd worn those pants; Spock had peeled them off him and nuzzled him while he undressed him. Then Spock had taken his.... Kirk made himself stop thinking about lovemaking and dressed himself.

There was no time to waste if he was to find his beloved.

He boarded the airbus the computer told him went nearest to Einstein's Folly. It had told him that it was a popular bar, popular among geeks and scientist. 'That explains that,' he thought, 'Spock would fit right in, but I never would.' He grinned, 'I do so love that about him. My snugly, little geeky, Vulcan. Well, sometimes.

When he isn't being big, strong, handsome, lover Vulcan.' By the time the airbus arrived at Kirk's destination, the now-smiling Human had convinced himself that his Vulcan would never make a date with someone else. 'No one would satisfy him like I do.

Maybe it's an old chess team he's meeting. Hmmm...I don't remember him changing his comm code lately.'

Kirk stepped out of the airbus, went down the stairs to street level, and walked toward the rather seedy looking bar at the end of the block. Gently he opened the door and peered in. He stepped through the door and entered, hugging the back wall. He did not wish to be seen until he had figured out what was going on.

He heard a familiar voice and, remaining where he was, he turned toward it.

SPOCK: Yes, Blair. Jim's still a bottom. But he's my bottom.

BLAIR: I'll drink to that! Jim's the best bottom. Jim's got the best bottom.

MULDER: Not fair, Spock. Last time you said I was the best bottom.

BLAIR: But you're not named Jim--I'm telling you, it's the name.

SPOCK: I do believe that the name adds--

MULDER: Hey! What happened to HunkaHunka Burnin' Vulcan Land? Did you, or did you not, claim I had the best ass in the quadrant last time?

SPOCK: Indeed. Perhaps I need another sampling.

MULDER: Scientific investigation.

BLAIR: That's what we're all here for, more science. I need another beer here!

SPOCK: Time is of the essence.

MULDER: Don't drag me up these stairs. You don't want me to fall and hurt my knees.

SPOCK: Fall onto your knees and I will ....

MULDER: Not so hard, you'll bruise the...

Both voices faded out as they rounded the corner at the top of the step.

Kirk's mouth hung open, aghast. Spock, his Spock, and that man.

His hand on his buns. Kirk staggered forward into the seat next to Blair.

KIRK: Barkeep, two of whatever you've got! White wine, beer, something.

BLAIR: Here, take mine. I've had enough.

KIRK: (Gulp.) Thanks. (Sob.)

BLAIR: Get your head off the counter, it isn't close to clean.

Kirk settled his head gently on the nice man's shoulder and blubbered for a long while.

BLAIR: OK, that's enough.

KIRK: You're right. I need to pull myself together and go get my Vulcan.

BLAIR: Your Vulcan. I only know one here tonight. (Blink.) You're Spock's Jim

KIRK: You heard him. (Small giggle.) I've got the best...(sob) or the second best (whimper)

BLAIR: bottom? Let me check it out.

KIRK: I don't!

Kirk stood and turned his back on the miscreant who had impugned his honor.

BLAIR: I'd say. Nice butt. Now put it back in this chair.

Kirk obeyed, too befuddled to do otherwise.

Thud, bump. Kirk looked up. Spock came down the stairs half- carrying Mulder. Both wore satiated expressions and wrinkled shirts. Spock looked up as he approached.

SPOCK: Jim. I did not expect to see you here.

KIRK: I guess not. I'm leaving you, Spock. How could you? I wanna be your best...

With that Kirk flung himself at Spock, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist, burying his face in the Vulcan's chest.

SPOCK: Jim, you are not yourself. You do not cry.

KIRK: (Moan.) I always cry when you hurt me. I was w-w- waiting for you. I had the almond oi-oi-oil out just for you. I wanted to be your bo... And now my heart is broken.

SPOCK: Blair, what did you do to him? I've never seen him like this before.

BLAIR: Half a beer. That's it. And he cried on me, too. You do have good taste in butts, though, Spock. He let me check them out just to see if his were best, man.

SPOCK: You will not check him out.

BLAIR: Didn't touch'm.

SPOCK (looking down at the sobbing Kirk): I am not inclined to let anyone touch him in this state. If he were more normal, perhaps you and he--

MULDER: Well, you're not getting me tonight, Sandburg. My ass hurts like...

KIRK: (wail.) You did that with hi-i-im? I hate you, Mr. Spock.

Silence.

KIRK: I hate you. (Whimper.) Don't you want me, Spock. Am I not worth sampling?

Kirk wriggled against Spock. Spock began to stroke his back, his face carefully concealing the questions in his mind.

SPOCK: Indeed. I desire you greatly. Do you wish me to sample you immediately?

BLAIR: I'm going to vomit, man.

MULDER: Hey, I'm insulted. Isn't my ass good enough for you, Spock?

(Spock and Kirk ignore them.)

KIRK: I want to prove to you that you want only me. Kiss me.

SPOCK: Agreed.

BLAIR: Girly. Utterly girl--

The door to the bar crashed open just as Spock's lips attached themselves to Kirk's. Footsteps thundered across the room. Kirk, lost in the kiss, didn't notice.

"You are mine. Cease this display!" a stern Vulcan voice demanded.

Kirk looked up. "Spock?" He looked up at both Vulcans. "Two Spocks? Oh, Spock," he squealed to the sexy, new Spock, his eyes filled with happiness. "You didn't cheat on me. You do love me."

The newly arrived Spock drew the happy human to him. "You should never have doubted me, my love."

Giggle. "No, I shouldn't have. Do you want to go home to the almond oil? And I will be your, did you hear what they said? I want to be that for you." He smiled seductively up at his faithful Spock.

"Mine. Always."

The two happy lovers walked out the door and out of Einstein's Folly forever.

BLAIR: Darn clones. They're everywhere.

SPOCK: Darn Spock clones. I wished to enjoy this experiment.

MULDER: Spock, he was girly.

SPOCK: It was a strictly scientific comparison of--

BLAIR: --screwing techniques as perfected by Jim Kirk clones, yeah yeah, that's what you said when you persuaded us to go into that screwy mirror universe with you.

SPOCK: My research interests--

MULDER: My ass knows all about your research interests. Have another beer.

The End