Well into the wee hours of the night, Spike let himself into the silent house. It was completely dark, and that fact depressed him further. It's not like he couldn't see where he was going, but Xander usually left a light on for him when he went to bed. Not tonight.

Spike hung his coat on the rack by the door and tried not to let his unhappiness overwhelm him. This new house was supposed to be theirs together, to be a refuge where the two of them could just be themselves. It was supposed to be a place of warmth and love.

Instead it was cheerless. It wasn't a home to Spike; it was just a sign of yet another failure in his life. Xander had been getting back later and later in the evenings, and he was so tired that he was barely able to say hello before falling asleep. With no reason to remain, Spike had taken to leaving as soon as the sun had set, long before Xander arrived. If he wasn't there to wander around the empty rooms, he wouldn't be so painfully aware of Xander's absence and of how bad things had become.

He knew the signs. He knew that Xander's loss of interest and unwillingness to make time to be together signaled the end. Nothing good ever lasted in his life, but he had hoped that he might hold onto this happiness for a little while longer. Obviously, it wasn't the first time that he had been wrong.

Going out tonight had been a bad idea. All of the Christmas spirit and happy couples he had seen had left him even more dejected than before. Their joy and even their frenzied shopping for those they loved had just highlighted how empty he felt.

Trying not to dwell on his feelings, Spike turned toward the TV room and prepared to spend another lonely night attempting to forget how miserable he was.

He got halfway across the foyer when one of the double doors to the living room opened. Spike never went in there, since its big windows were not yet covered by more than flimsy drapes and since there was no television or anything else of interest to draw his attention.

Xander peered out of the room, rubbing his eyes and squinting into the darkness.

Was he trying to avoid me? He knows I'd never look for him there, Spike wondered.

"Spike? Is that you?" Xander asked.

"Yeah."

"You're home late."

"Yeah."

Not much point in being here, he didn't say.

"Guess I fell asleep," Xander said with a laugh. "I've got something to show you."

"Blueprints for the new project? Some other night, pet." Spike started across the foyer again.

"It's not blueprints. Please? It'll only take a second."

Unwilling to deny Xander anything, despite his own aching heart, Spike sighed and nodded.

"What is it?" he asked, coming close enough to feel the warmth from Xander's body. He squared his jaw and managed to meet his gaze.

"Close your eyes," Xander said, grinning.

The excitement rolling off of him was palpable, and Spike found himself tensing with anticipation and dread. He didn't have the energy to fake enthusiasm, but he would have to manage somehow. It was for Xander, and Spike still loved him.

After Spike shut his eyes, Xander took his hand and led him into the living room. Spike let himself be tugged and turned just so, and then Xander let go.

"Okay. You can open them."

Spike was prepared to see a model of Xander's latest building project or maybe some new furniture for this home that they supposedly shared. What he saw instead struck him speechless.

There were honey-colored wooden shutters on all of the windows, each panel obviously hand-carved and carefully installed. By the fireplace was an intricate tree stand with holy carved around the base. Casting a twinkling glow around the room were strands of white Christmas tree lights draped along the molding and across the hearth.

"I thought we could pick out the tree together," Xander said, watching him. "But I did the rest. I used Rick's workshop. It's why I've been so busy."

Spike swallowed around the lump in his throat and nodded. Relief was rising in his chest so quickly that he felt as thought he might burst. He noticed the two stockings, one marked 'Xander' and the other marked 'Spike,' hanging from the new mantel, and he let his fears get swept away by the love for him made physical in this room.

"Is it okay?" Xander asked.

"You did this for me?"

"For us. For our first Christmas together in our new house."

"I haven't been much for Christmas in over a century, pet," Spike said. Xander's smile began to falter, and Spike reached out to grip his hand. "This year I think I'm beginning to feel the spirit."

Xander pulled him closer.

"So it's okay?"

"Show me where the mistletoe is, and I'll show you what I think, love."

~end~