"Okay, here's something I don't get," Xander said.

They were in their usual late Sunday morning position - sprawled on the extra long living room sofa, their heads propped up on opposite arms and their feet resting in the middle against each other's hips - and Spike didn't look up from the Arts section of the newspaper when he replied.

"I told you, pet. They're not actual monkeys; they're little shrimp."

Xander nudged Spike's leg with his knee.

"I'm not talking about Sea Monkeys, though I still want to get some. I was just thinking -"

"Never a good sign," Spike commented.

Xander nudged him again, this time less gently.

"I was thinking that you vampires have missed out on a really good idea. You should turn some scientist guy so he can invent things that would help you."

"You want me to turn someone?" Spike asked, raising his eyebrow and glancing up.

"No, not you. Vampires in general. 'Cause then you'd have this vampire mad scientist on your side."

Spike blinked and held out his hand. "All right. Give me that. No more comics for you."

"This is the Science section," Xander said, rattling the part of the newspaper he was holding. "There's an article about sunscreen and how it blocks out different parts of the light, and I was thinking a scientist could invent something vampires could put on their skin so you wouldn't burn up in the sun. Like super-powered sunscreen, but not in those weird colors life guards wear on their noses. I mean, who thinks that looks cool?"

"So you think we should turn some scientist and have him do it."

"Yeah, 'cause I don't think he'd be willing if he were human. I guess he might if you paid him enough, but if he's a vampire he's kind of got a vested interest in it."

"Your mind is a frightening place, pet," Spike said, going back to his paper.

"I just don't know why no one's done it before."

Spike sighed. "Maybe because most vampires don't have the endless patience I've learned living with you, so they wouldn't want to wait for some bloke in a lab coat to play with his bottles until he came up with something."

"That doesn't make any sense to me, either," Xander said, scooting down a bit further on the couch. "I mean, you can live forever, if you don't get in the way of pointy sticks and sunlight. You'd think vampires would be more patient than humans, not less."

"Xander?"

Xander looked over to see Spike glaring at him.

"Read the paper and stop thinking so much," Spike said firmly.

The next article in the Science section was about how the Pacific was over-fished, though, and Xander soon said, "I don't know what your problem is with Sea Monkeys. They're cool."

"They're shrimp."

"Yeah, but..."

Spike put down his paper.

"I love you more than unlife itself, pet, but we were up half the night playing that stupid trivia game with your friends and the other half arguing about what the right answers were, and if you don't stop thinking so much, or at least talking about it, I'm going to be very tempted to try to drown myself in the tub."

"But you don't breathe," Xander said.

"At least sound travels differently under water."

"You're no fun when you haven't gotten enough sleep."

"Depends on why I didn't get it," Spike replied with something of a leer. It wasn't one of his best.

"Fine. I'll be quiet," Xander said, sighing.

"Thanks, pet. Maybe after the paper I can find a way to make it up to you."

Xander perked up immediately.

"Really? 'Cause I was reading about this thing where if you're flexible you can -"

"Xander..."

"Sorry. I'll just read this article about breeding chinchillas."

Returning to his paper, Spike nodded absently and then looked up in horror as Xander's words sank in. He snatched the Science section from Xander's hands.

"Too much reading is bad for you. Go watch the telly. Off you go."

Xander glanced over his shoulder at the clock on the bookcase.

"It's time for that home improvement show, anyway. I think this week they're talking about putting in skylights. It looked pretty easy from the preview."

Spike glanced up at the ceiling before tossing the paper to the floor and flipping around to crawl up Xander's body.

"The paper can wait until after I've stopped you thinking," he said. "And I know just how to do it."

"Works for me," Xander replied, smiling. His arms automatically slid around the vampire. "And you're super-flexible, so maybe we could try that -"

Whatever he was thinking was cut off by Spike attacking his mouth with a kiss.

~end~