Aino's Modus Operandi

... you start writing stories that should have been written and aired before it all went downhill AK (after Kronish).
... you start naming your kids or future kids after your favorite characters and try to squeeze them into all one name.
... there could be a natural disaster happening outside, but "that episode" is finally airing and the VCR is ready.
... you check the daily episode reviews to see if the episode is worthy of being added to your growing collection of Profiler tapes.
... you start picturing your friends and neighbors committing crimes.
... you start figuring out why they committed the crime and how long it will take the real cops to catch them at it.
... you instinctively always want to date men named John, Bailey, Nick, Marcus, Nathan, or George.
... you instinctively want to become friends with women named Sam/Samantha, Grace, Angel, or Chloe.
... you can not stand anyone with the name Rachel or Stephen.
... Martini's and Chinese food go real good together.
... the songs on the radio start fitting certain Profiler characters or certain situations that they have been in.
... your fanfic stories start using friends, family, or co-workers in situations that you have only dreamt about.
... you start pinpointing criminal behavior in the kids at your daycare, even though they are only 1 year old to 5 years old.
... you have this urge to visit Indian reservations, Boston, Atlanta, and abandoned warehouses.
... your vacations are planned around the writing of fanfics.
... you start visiting places on vacation and get ideas for new fanfics that involve your favorite Profiler characters.
... you start picking up the habits of your favorite characters.
... the I Ching starts becoming an important part of your daily routine.
... you instantly get chills and an intense sense of dislike when you are around men named Stephen, Donald, and Jack.
... you think that a chameleon would make a good pet for yourself or children.
... security cameras make you instantly aware of the other people around you and you immediately start to get suspicious of them and get out of there ASAP.
... you wonder what a profiler could tell about you from your purse, bookbag, bedroom, and car.
... after that profile, you change your ways to keep things interesting.
... you vary your routes to and from work, school, and shopping because you never know when someone is stalking you to learn your routines.
... your favorite characters start to remind you of snack foods and cookies.
... you get suspicious of strange emails from people you have never heard of.

... you have to suppress the urge to add "these characters belong to Sander/Moses and I am but a humble servant using them for cheap thrills" onto every letter, term paper, and grocery list you write.
... instead of categorizing your friends by age, hair color, or zodiac sign you see them as Believers, Skewed, or SABERs.
... every other song on the radio makes you sigh and go "Ohhh, that is *so* Sam/(insert love interest of your choice)."
... you actually find stale cigarettes and processed cheese snack foods *sexy*.
... you think Traci Lords might've been in a few movies before she was Sharon Lesher, but damned if you know what they were.
... any time you drive through a town named "Otis" you instinctively look for a police station and a bowling alley.
... the mention of the name "Donald Lucas" sends you into an inexplicable rage.
...you don't remember your next-door neighbor's name or your mother-in-law's birthday, but you do remember that poor old Ted Skowron and Norm Abbott were good bowlers.
... you spend hours adjusting the light from your computer monitor to get that electric blue Jack-o-vision quality.
... every time you're in the company bathroom you spray-paint "Steve Kronish smokes monkey crack" all over the stalls.
... your multiply-pierced purple-haired daughter is beginning to look like a little angel compared to Frances Malone.
... you'll never be able to go into that little Moroccan restaurant downtown ever again without flashing on the image of John and Rachel having a naked goat-eatin' smut-fest.
... your guy whispers "Happy Valentine's Day, Sweet Cheeks," and you start getting really nervous about what's in that box he just handed you.
... you know *exactly* what Bailey is going to say to George in chapter 7 of part 3 of that ten-episode novella you're writing, but you keep forgetting the mortgage payment is due on the 15th of every month, same as it has been since 1980.
... they give days off for presidential birthdays, election days, and religious observances, fer godsake, why is your boss being such a hardass about Fanfic Archive Update Day?
... you waste time writing (or reading) a "you know you're obsessed with 'Profiler' when...' list and can think of even more stuff to add to it. ;)

... you hear a news story about the police capturing a serial killer you think ‘amateur’.
... you instantly hide from every security camera.
... you think ‘what could Jack do with that?’ whenever you see nice, shinny, pointy objects.
... you buy your Boyfriend (or other form) a portable black light, and tell him/her "You’ll need it later".
... you show up at crime scenes and start telling the police what the killer was feeling, until they realize that you are not a profiler.
... you aren’t surprised when the profile you gave the police at the crime scene was accurate.
... you start writhing your English papers in Black Light Ink.
... you start to understand why Bailey likes Opera.
... you can never get into a bathtub until you make sure there are no electric wires around.
... you can never look at Nuns the same way again.
... you have your room rigged to be destroyed in under a minute.
... you try to pick up men by giving them your ‘theory’ on them.
... your typing skills improve drastically because you never know when you might need them.
... you realize you need a hobby, so you go out to see who you can stalk.
... you actually take the time to ADD more stuff to the "you know you’re obsessed with 'Profiler' when..." list.

... you sing along with the theme song (both of them), even though there are no intelligable words in the song(s).
... you know what each character is going to say next, in every episode, and how they're going to say it (... and then you say it along with them).
... you jump for joy every time the screen turns blue (even when profiler *isn't* on!).
... you hear a new song on the radio and think either:
a. "the profiler theme song is *so* much better than that!"
or
b. "Who gives a crap about 98 degrees when I could be listening to Bailey singing along with Italian operas!"
... you're still tring to figure out how to get those windows to flash profiler pictures, like how jack's computer flashed samantha's pictures; or, you have figured out how to get those windows to flash profiler pictures, and anytime someone sees your computer, you jump up and down exclaiming "Look, it's my profiler pictures, aren't they cool, huh?" with a crazed look in your eyes.
... your friends know the names of all the characters on profiler, yet they haven't seen even one episode.
... you still can't figure out why it takes the real FBI more than a week to solve a crime.

... everytime you see a man with a thumb ring you wonder "what does he see in this dude Rich?".
... you always wanted to answer the phone with a very curt "Malone".
... everybody you see out on the street has "serial killer" written all over them.
... you want to become a forensic psychologist, forensic pathologist, computer hacker, or FBI agent, and you are surprised to find out that they don't use all this fancy technology.
... you smile mysteriously when somebody calls you obsessed about something.
... you shiver everytime somebody mentions the name Jack.
... you HAVE to have the book "The Golden Rule".
... you ask the I Ching about the *real* important decisions in your life.
... you're more interested in Cuban cigars, scotch and Italian Opera than in your significant other's favorite hobby.
... you ALWAYS greet people with "Hey!", even if your boss gives you a strange look.
... you can't resist but answer annoying questions with nursery rhymes.
... you want to hack in someone's computer, but how the hell do you hotwire that thing through Romania?

... everytime you go out for a drink, you order Bailey's Irish Creme.
... everytime someone at work/school asks you how you figured something out, you say, 'I just sort of picture it happening'.
... your passwords are all related to Profiler.
... when you make sure your appointment book is specific and detailed to give the profiler as much information as possible in just in case you're murdered.

... you search the net for episode guides, planning your schedule around the episodes slated to come on.
... you start to give up your other shows just to watch court tv reruns everynight.
... you buy a blank tape almost every week.
... you meet someone with the name jack and dont trust them instantly.
... you start to profile your friends and family.
... you go to someone's house with a blacklight in their room and you get suspicious.
... you make your own profiler mix tapes and soundtracks.
... you get roses for valentines day and wonder what you did wrong.