Buffy Quotes, Season II

When She was Bad

Snyder: One day, the campus is completely bare, empty. The next, there are children everywhere ... like locusts! Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating, destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist.
Giles: Well, I do enjoy these pep talks. Have you ever considered, given your abhorrence of children, that school principal, was not, perhaps, your true vocation?

Giles: How was your summer?
Jenny: Extreme! I did Burning Man in Black Rock. Oh, such a great festival! They had drum rituals, mobile sculptures, naked mud dances! You would have just ... hated it with a firey passion.
Giles: Uh, I ... I can't imagine finding any redeeming, uh ... naked?

Willow: Giles!
Xander: Yo, G-man! Wazzup?
Giles: Nice to see you and don't every call me that!

Buffy: I had weird dreams.
Xander: Dreams are meaningful.
Willow: Tell me about it! The other night I dreamt that Xander ... uh, it wasn't Xander. In fact, it wasn't me, it was a friend's dream, and she doesn't remember it.

Willow: Angel stopped by? Wow, was there, well, I mean ... was it having to do with kissing?
Buffy: Willow, grow up. Not everything is about kissing.
Xander: Yeah, some stuff's about groping. It wasn't about groping?

Buffy: Your the watcher. I just work here.
Giles: Yes. I must consult my books.
Xander: Oh, 8 minutes and 33 seconds, pay up! I called 10 minutes before you'd consult your books about something.

Snyder: There's some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: Well actually, that would be one of the five.

Willow: She's possessed!
Giles: Possessed?
Willow: That's the only explination that makes any sense! I mean, you should've seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy!
Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? ... She's possessed.

Cordy: What an ordeal! And you know what the worst part is? It stays with you forever! No matter what they tell you, none of that rust, and blood, and grime comes out! I mean, you can dry clean 'til judgement day. You are living with those stains!
Jenny: Yeah, that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat - the stains.
Cordy: I hear ya!

Buffy: I don't think I can face them!
Giles: Of course you can.
Buffy:: I can't! What am I supposed to say? "Sorry I almost got your throats slit, what's the homework?"
Giles: Punishing yourself like this is pointless.
Buffy: It's entirely pointy! I was a moron. I put my best friends in mortal danger on the second day of school!
Giles: What are you going to do, crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?
Buffy: Would it have cable?

Some Assembly Required

Giles: What I'm proposing is, um, and I don't mean to appear indecorus is ... um ... a social engagement, a date, if your amenable ... Oh, you idiot!
Buffy: Boy, I guess we never realized how much you like that chair.
Giles: Just working on ...
Buffy: Your pick up lines?

Buffy: Then if you don't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might want to leave off the idiot part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.

Buffy: You also might wanna avoid words like amenable and indecorus, you know? Speak English, not whatever they speak in uh ...
Giles: England?
Buffy: Yeah, you just say "I gotta thing, you maybe have a thing, maybe we should have a thing.
Giles: Well thank you Cyrano.
Buffy:I'm not finished! Then you say "How do you feel about Mexican?"
Giles: About mexicans?
Buffy: Mexican. Food. You take her for food, for which you then pay.

Xander: So this chair woman, we are talking Ms. Calendar, right?
Giles: What makes you think that?
Xander: Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarassing news to her.
Buffy: And she's the only woman we've ever seen actually speak to you. Add it up and it all spells "duh!"

Xander: Now is it time to have a talk about the facts of life?
Giles: You know, I'm suddenly deciding that this is none of your buisness.
Xander: You know, cause that whole stork thing is a smokescreen!

Giles: Grave robbing? That's new. Interesting.
Buffy: I know you meant to say gross and disturbing.
Giles: Yes yes yes. Of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it ... dammit.

Xander: So we're set then. Say nineish, BYO shovel?

Cordy: Why are these terrible things always happening to me?
Xander (coughs): Karma!

Jenny: It's just such a rugged contest.
Giles: Rugged? American football?
Jenny: And that's funny because ...
Giles: Well, I think it's rather odd that a nation that prides itself on it's virility should feel compelled to strap on 40 pounds of protective gear just in order to play rugby!

School Hard

Buffy: That was never proven! The fire marshal said it could've been mice!
Snyder: Mice?
Buffy: Mice that were smoking?

Buffy: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse, and it's neither creamy nor rinsey.

Xander (about Angel): OK, that's it! I'm putting a collar with a bell on that guy.

Inca Mummy Girl

Willow: I don't think it's that bad.
Buffy: It's the Ubersuck!

Buffy: Have you ever done and exchange program?
Xander: My dad tried to sell me to some Armenians once. Does that count?

Buffy: I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence, do I?
Xander: The important thing is, you believe that.

Giles: You have responsibilities that other girls do not!
Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices. Blah blah biddy blah. I'm so stuffy. Give me a scone!
Giles: it's as if you know me.

Buffy: one day I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying.

Willow: So Ampata, your a girl?
Ampata: Yes, for many years now.

Willow: Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life.
Buffy: Good for you!
Willow: Well I didn't choose yet.

Buffy: Hey! Look at us! We came up with a plan! A good plan!
Giles: Alright, we'll meet here tonight, after it closes.
Buffy: No! Bad plan! I have other plans! Dance plans! (pause) Cancelled plans.

Ampata: I like you too.
Xander: Really?
Ampata: Really!
Xander: That's great! Really?
Ampaata: Really!
Xander: That's great! You're not a praying mantis are you? Sorry, someone else.

Reptile Boy

Giles: just because the paranormal is more normal and less para of late, that is no excuse for tardiness or letting your gaurd down.

Willow (to Angel): You're gonna live forever, you don't have time for a cup of coffee?

Willow: I can't believe she lied to Giles. My world is all askew.
Xander: Buffy's lying. Buffy's going to frat parties. That's not askew. That's cockeyed.
Willow: Askew means cockeyed.

Xander: I've gotta keep an eye on Buffy. Those frat guys creep me.
Willow: You wanna protect her?
Xander: Mm-hmm.
Willow: And prove that you're just as good as those rich, snotty guys?
Xander: Mm-hmm.
Willow: Maybe catch an orgy?
Xander: If it's on early.

Buffy: I told one lie. I had one drink.
Giles: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.

Halloween

Buffy: You're begining to scare us, Giles. You need to have some fun. You know, there's this place you can go, right? And you sit in the dark, and there are these moving pictures, right? And the pictures tell a story.

Giles: I'll have you know that I have very, um, many relaxing hobbies.
Buffy: Such as?
Giles: Well, um ... I enjoy cross-referencing.
Buffy: Do you stuff your own shirts or do you send them out?

Buffy: Ms. Calendar said you are a babe!
Giles: She said what?
Buffy: Um, she said that you are a hunk of burning ... something or other. So whadda ya think of that?
Giles: Um, I don't know. I don't ... a burning hunk of what?

Giles: Babe, huh? I can live with that.

Giles: Janus. Roman mythical god.
Willow: What does this mean?
Giles: division of self, primarily. Male and female. Light and dark.
Ethan: Chunky and creamy. Oh no, sorry. That's peanut butter.

Giles: Hello Ethan.
Ethan: Hellow Ripper.

Ethan: It's quite a little act you've got gong here, old man.
Giles: It's not act, it's who I am.
Ethan: Who you are? The watcher? Sniveling, tweed-clad gaurdian for the Slayer and her kin?

Giles: Break the spell, Ethan. Then leave this place and never come back.
Ethan: Why should I? What's in the bargain for me?
Giles: You get to live.

Lie to Me

Giles: How will I know what to wear?
Jenny: Do you own anything else?

Giles: Buffy, you aren't by any chance giving away your secret identity just to impress cute boys, are you?

Giles: I, I've ... I've always .... I've always been interested in, uh, monster trucks.
Buffy: You took him to monster trucks?
Jenny: I thought it would be a change.
Giles: It was a change.
Jenny: Look, we could have just left.
Giles: What? And mis the nitro-burning funny cars? No, couldn't have that.

Buffy: Willow, do we have to be in total share mode?
Xander: Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing something wrong I wanna know about it, cause it gives me a happy!

Ford: If you guys already had plans, would I be imposing?
Xander: Oh, only in the literal sense.

Willow: That's Angel.
Xander: He's Buffy's beau, her special friend.
Ford: He's not in school, right? He looks older than her.
Xander: You're not wrong.

Ford (shaking Angel's hand): Whoa! Cold hands!
Xander: You're not wrong.

Angel: I guess I need help.
Willow: Help? You mean like on homework? No, cause you're old and ... you already know stuff.

Angel: A hundred years of hanging out, feeling guilty. I really honed my brooding skills.

Xander: I'm gonna have to go with dead boy on this one.
Angel: Could you not call me that?

Giles: A book! It took one of my books!
Jenny: Well at least someone in this school is reading.

Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by the pointy horns or black hats. And uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.

Dark Ages

Giles: Must we have this noise during your calisthenics?
Buffy: It's not noise, it's music!
Giles: I know music. Music has notes. This is noise.
Buffy: I'm aerobicizing. I must have the beat!
Giles: Wonderful. you work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears.