Remorse, the Master of my Soul

The world saw a remorseless man executed recently. His name was Timothy McVeigh. Having seen and heard the things reported about him I must admit he was heartless until the end. From my experience of existing for twelve years on Alabama's Death Row I'm proud to say that many of us are fill with bitter regret for our actions. Not merely for the effect those actions had upon our lives, but for all the grief we've caused others.

I am sorry! I am sorry for taking your loved one from you. He deserved better! To live out his natural life without my interference. To grow old and play with his grandchildren. It took me years to fully understand what I have done, and I am sorry.

I know your pain, because I've existed with your pain. Not a day passes that I do not reflect upon your loss, because I am the reason for it. I understand why you hate me, a hate that shall never pass. And I do deserve it.

Feeling the hatred from you lead me to take a long look in the mirror. After I stripped away the armour and reflected, I did not like what I saw. There I was, a man in his early 20's that had never grown up. A boy that still wanted to take the easy way throughout life. A selfish boy whose main flaw was greed, for it was greed that lead to destruction.

I had to change. Because if I did not change, I'd be committing the sin of stupidity and I would have wronged you again. I needed to grow and improve from that flawed teenage boy. And I did. I desire now to keep existing, for every day I breath helps to change me into a better man. I wish you could see me as I now am. No, I don't expect you to be proud of me, but maybe you would realize that I was never the heartless person you thought me to be.

I shall never ask for your forgiveness. I'm wise enough to know I don't deserve it. The guilt, the grief, and the remorse I carry shall forever be mine. I am not the master of my fate. I am not the captain of my soul. The guilt, the grief and the remorse will always master my soul.

Gary Davis Hart II, Z-519
Holman 3700, 7-D-11
Atmore, AL 36503
USA

Something to think about

Words from death row......

For a full list of articles written by Juveniles on Alabama's Death Row, go to the complete list of titles at Stories.