A Mother's Love

My name is William Knotts, and I am currently incarcerated on death row in Alabama. I am one of the growing statistics of Juveniles who have been sentenced to die.

For 12 years I have lived under the veil of death; as well as near the electric chair that will ultimately be what brings about my demise.

I have been given a podium from which I can speak about my situation. However, I do not want to talk about the fundamental or technical aspect, nor the injustices of how the death penalty applies to juveniles. I would like to talk about how my death sentence has and will dramatically impact on yet another victim – my mother.

I cannot give you her name because I do not want this to influence her any more than it already has. She lives in a community that is not as understanding as much as they are ready to place some fault upon her for my mistake.

My mother is the strongest individual I have ever known. She has 5 children all of whom are successful, except for myself. I grew up in a household disturbed by alcohol, abuse and a father who managed to bring the Vietnam war home with him. My mother managed to endure through her faith in God, as well as the values instilled in her by her in her own upbringing.

Although what my father and I put her through, she still has not lost who she is. She has grown stronger from the experience and her faith.

I was not a good son, I gave up on my mother and family when I found out I could not live as I chose. I thought in some way this would punish them. My mother was the only victim to the punishment, because while everyone gave up on me, she remained and continued to have faith in me throughout the worry the questions of where I was and if I was alive.

I gave my mother the gift of my incarceration and death sentence in return for what she gave to me as a mother. She knows I have failed in life, but she will not tell me that. She knows I have caused others pain that even I cannot comprehend. She will not tell me that either. What I will never know is just how much pain I have caused her.

I am still somewhat immature because I still dream of life away from all this. Even though I have no faith in winning my appeals, her faith lies within the fact that God will deliver me within his plans. I still struggle to have such faith. Even now, amidst the turmoil of this miserable situation, and know my mother as I do, I have not learned from her dedication to faith, hope and optimism.

My dream is really no different to anyone else in here. Nevertheless, my nightmare is one I think of often. How do I call or write my mother and tell her a date has been set to die ? How can I face my family on that last visit and know that the strength of their reassurance is a façade to their pain ? Why must my mistake find the innocence of so many victims ? These are the questions that I expect no-one to have answers to. It is a nightmare that I wish I could take to my grave. However, it is a nightmare I know my mother will unfortunately inherit.

William Knotts Z-543
Holman 3700, 4-U-6
Atmore AL 36503

Something to think about

Words from death row......

For a full list of articles written by Juveniles on Alabama's Death Row, go to the complete list of titles at Stories.