Ancient Words For Today - 69
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness. Proverbs 15:1-2
When people disagree about an issue, an argument often ensues. It may become progressively elevated with voices raised, shouting and screaming, tempers flaring, and terrible, cutting and deeply hurting words may be exchanged. Such arguments, if left unresolved, can lead to short-term or permanent loss of friends and strained or lost communication with other persons.
It is important to remember that it takes two persons to keep an argument going. While we have little control over what another person says, we can exercise control over our own responses. Our words can either add fuel to the fire, causing the argument to intensify, or we can calmly and carefully answer in a way that fosters a peaceful and reasoned resolution of the issue. One of the biggest obstacles to choosing the latter approach is our pride. We don't want to look bad in the eyes of others so when someone challenges our values, beliefs or opinions, takes exception to the things we do, or utters hurtful comments about our character, our basic instinct is to defend and vindicate ourselves - showing that we are right, that we have superior understanding of the circumstances or issues and upholding our good reputation. Here is what the Book of James has to say about this:
If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. Behold, we put bits in the horses’ mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.
Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom. But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace. from James 3:2-18
If you become involved in a disagreement with someone, and it appears to be escalating to an argument, try answering softly, both in the amplitude of your voice and in the softness of the words you choose to respond with. As James instructed in the scripture above, we should exercise the meekness of wisdom, letting our words be pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to discuss and yield, full of mercy, impartial and sincere. In most cases doing so will work to defuse the powder keg and foster a peaceful and right resolution of the issues.
Dear Lord, help us remember to engage in prayer, seeking Your wise counsel, before engaging our tongues, so that we might direct the course of disagreements to a right and peaceable solution. Amen!