Talk about a Hollywood moment. Ashton Kutcher, star of Dude, Where's My Car?, knows where his car is: He's waiting for the valet to bring it. He's also gabbing on his cell phone about the buddy comedy, in which he costars with Seann William Scott. In fact, our entire conversation takes place with Kutcher in his auto. Fortunately, he's taking a long drive, so there's plenty of time to rap about his new flick, not to mention his role as bell-bottomed--and slightly dazed and confused--heartthrob Michael Kelso on That '70s Show.
Kutcher may have spent his early years on a farm in Iowa, but he has been upwardly mobile as an actor and model ever since he left the cornfields for New York. Now he's getting a little crazy in his new party-dude comedy, and he'll next be seen in the much-anticipated Texas Rangers.
In Dude, Where's My Car?, Kutcher and Scott have such a sweet night they can't remember where they left their ride. They badly need to find it to get what's inside: presents that should smooth things over with their ticked-off girlfriends. Let the good times roll.
I was thinking about how Pierce Brosnan said he felt pressure to get the famous "Bond, James Bond" line right. Did you feel the same pressure for the scene in which you say, "Dude, where's my car?"
That was the hardest day of the movie, because it's the title...the words you're going to see on the theater marquee. If you don't get it right, nothing works. I was losing my voice and feeling a little sick, but I gave it my best shot.
Were you practicing for days?
Actually, for months before I did the movie, I would just walk outside and look around for my car and be like, "Dude, where's my car?" and act like my car was gone. I practiced a lot in my back yard.
I guess we won't be giving away the plot if we say a lot of wild things happen in the movie.
It's crazy. It's just nuts. I mean, it's basically me and Seann William Scott having a good time during my summer break from [That '70s Show]. I did some pretty far-out things, like wearing a Speedo; that's pretty far for me. I'll sacrifice almost anything for the sake of comedy, as long as I'm making fun of myself.
The movie has some action scenes, including one in which you stand up to an ostrich. I don't think I've ever seen Arnold or Mel or Bruce or Jackie do that.
It's a challenge, because an ostrich is an uncontrollable animal. They had ostrich handlers on the set, but they really couldn't do anything, because ostriches are like giant chickens with minds of their own. They're 350-pound, 9-foot-tall dinosaurs with feathers. It was freaky.
Did you really chase down a crazed ostrich that was going berserk on the set?
Yes, but we weren't rolling film, which is kind of a bummer. That was my heroic, "Tom Cruise saved someone's life" moment. This ostrich took off and started charging a group of people. It was bearing down on us, and it had a sock on its head, so it couldn't see where it was going. Everybody started running, and I just grabbed it by the neck and threw a shoulder into it, and it stopped--thank God.
You play a lovable, dim-witted guy on That '70s Show, and your character in this movie sort of belongs to the same club. Did that concern you?
I don't know that I thought about that. When I first read the script, it was a lot more edgy; it probably would have been R-rated if we had shot exactly what was on the page. I don't think Jesse, from the movie, is as naive as Michael, from the TV show. Jesse knows what's going on. He's kind of the leader of the duo.
If the other half of this dude-duo, Seann William Scott, didn't have real comic chemistry with you, the movie wouldn't have worked.
Seann was definitely the guy for me. We just clicked. He's from the Midwest; I'm from the Midwest. We liked the same football teams. We both had somewhat of a small-town upbringing, so we really just hit it off immediately, which is great.
You also had Kristy Swanson for a costar. Are you a fan?
I actually had a huge crush on her long before she was in our movie. I saw The Chase when I was about 13 years old and immediately fell in love with her. She was my dream girl. When everybody would list off the girl they were going to spend the rest of their lives with, mine was always Kristy Swanson. I would make everybody watch the video to check her out. Then, the next thing you know, they cast her in the movie, and I'm like, "Oh my God!"
Did you tell her?
Yeah, of course. I told her she was, like, my goddess growing up--what Farrah Fawcett was to all the boys in the '70s. It was ridiculous. It was really, really crazy.
What was her reaction?
She laughed and hit me.
Well, whatever you feel for Kristy Swanson obviously hasn't stood in the way of a long-term relationship with your girlfriend, January Jones, has it?
I guess not, because we've been together three years.
So, you're a loyal dude.
I enjoy having a companion through all this stuff. January appreciates the things I do for her; she laughs at my jokes even if they're not funny, and she takes care of me. I really believe in the Freudian idea that every man wants a woman who's like his mother. And she's like my mom.
In what way?
She takes care of me. If I'm sick, she makes me chicken noodle soup; if I'm hungry, she cooks me something; and if I have a tummyache, she'll rub my belly. Those are the things that make me happy, and then I do the things that make her happy. She's like my mom; I'm like her dad.
Since she's an actress pursuing her own career, don't you guys have to deal with being separated?
Yeah, it's tough, but we survive. Right now, she's away shooting a movie called Bandits with Bruce Willis, Cate Blanchett and Billy Bob Thornton. I miss her, but what are you going to do? She has her job, and I have mine, and we respect each other's space and our work.
We'll also be seeing you soon in Texas Rangers, with James Van Der Beek, Dylan McDermott and Usher.
I play an Old West kid on a cattle drive with his family. The drive is raided, and I'm the only survivor. I link up with James, and we join the Texas Rangers.
Were you riding the range?
Yeah. I wasn't a great rider when I started the film. I'm a much better rider now, because I rode every single day I was there for, like, two months. I got pretty good.
Obviously, you're keeping your day job as Kelso on That '70s Show. Did you expect it to be so popular?
A lot of people were skeptical about it, saying, "Oh, do we really want the '70s to come back?" Then we got some bad reviews, like, "It's going to be a crazy bunch of kids running around doing drugs." I'm just happy we've stuck to our guns, doing what we believe in. Finally, we're really starting to take off.
The show may be doing well, but Kelso's love life isn't.
I think Kelso's getting his just deserts. He's learned some lessons. He's cheated on his girlfriend, Jackie, and then had the girl he was cheating with, Laurie, turn around and cheat on him. He's seen the flip side of the coin. He's seen what he was doing to Jackie. But it's no fun for him to be a good boy, either.
It sounds like Kelso and Jackie are meant to be.
In my mind they are, but I don't write the show. From what we've done, it doesn't appear to me that it's going to happen in the near future. But I have a gut feeling the relationship was there for a reason and that it will come around.
You said you'll do just about anything to be funny. Where do you draw the line?
I have no reservations. I'm only going to be young and alive once, and I don't care if people think I'm a goofball. I don't care if people think I'm not smart. I don't care if people don't think I look good. I have no qualms about that. I'll say whatever I want and do what I want, you know...within the guidelines that our laws demand.
One last question: What's your reaction now when you hear someone say "dude" in real life?
I really have a hard time not laughing.