Genesis
Ally

Chapter 30

He knew she was there. Before he even opened his eyes he could sense her presence. Watching over him, soothing him with her touch as he fought against the darkness. He could vaguely remember losing consciousness, of falling to the floor even as she tried to support him with her own fragile weight. To lessen the potential injury he might have caused himself.

But the pain was still there, escalating with every second he became more aware.

But he was no longer in her room. The mattress beneath him was hard and unyielding but a vast improvement to the floor onto which he had crashed.

He could hear her breathing beside him, could feel her hand covering his own, her fingers curled around his thumb as she stroked it gently. He would recognise her touch anywhere.

Not yet able to open his eyes he squeezed his own fingers in to the back of her hand, rewarded when he heard her voice, drifting towards him like a summer breeze.

"Sshhhhh, it's okay. Don't try to move. It's okay."

He could hear her tears and the knowledge she was crying was enough to force his eyes open. It took a while for her face to swim into focus. He felt groggy, out of himself somehow. But he silently watched her as a tiny, tremulous smile twitched across her lips.

Her blue eyes were clouded with concern, her pale skin streaked with tears she had no doubt shed for him as she watched over him. Waiting for him to awaken and for the first time he was aware of the sunlight that streamed through the gaps in the blinds drawn closed at the windows.

He ran his tongue over lips that felt dry and cracked.

"What time is it?" he managed finally.

Scully shook her head.

"It's Tuesday, Mulder."

Mulder's mouth dropped open as he attempted to sit up, Scully's hand placed firmly against his chest effectively blocking him. He gave up and dropped his head back down.

"Tuesday?"

She nodded

"*Tuesday?*" He repeated numbly. "But . . ."

Scully reached up a shaky hand and smoothed a strand of hair from where it had fallen towards his eyes. Eyes which were now clouded with a combination of confusion and pain.

"You've been unconscious for almost two days. When you fell, you opened up the wound. They got you down to surgery in time but you lost a lot of blood."

Her eyes shone with fresh tears as her tone hardened slightly.

"You almost died, Mulder. How could you be so stupid?"

He shrugged, wincing as he did so.

"I needed to see you."

Scully snatched her hand from his, her anger finally boiling to the surface as she looked down at him. Saw the way he just shrugged off his own well being for the sake of hers. And she was angry, so damn angry she could shake him.

"I'm not worth dying for, Mulder. I don't deserve for you to give up your life just because you worry about how I'm feeling. I'm not worth it. No one is."

He didn't even flinch as the harshness of her words hit him. Instead he simply shook his head.

"You're wrong, Scully." She dropped her gaze from his, her anger evaporating as quickly as it had come.

"I almost killed you," she whispered brokenly. "I pointed a gun at you and pulled the trigger without a second thought."

She was crying hard now, all pretence at composure abandoned as she choked out the words. Words that had been haunting her since that terrible night and Mulder grasped her arm, feeling the delicate bones beneath his fingers. She had lost weight since he had last seen her.

"You didn't kill me, Scully. You couldn't have known what they did to you. We were played - the two of us. You know that. You had no more control over your actions than a pawn in a game. Besides . . ." he grinned crookedly, "we should be thankful your aim was off."

Scully didn't return his smile. "Mulder, don't. Don't joke about this. Shout at me, curse at me, hate me even for what I did. But don't reduce it down to something we should just dismiss. Because I can't dismiss it. Every time I close my eyes it's *there*. I can't escape it."

Mulder swallowed heavily, feeling his eyes begin to burn with his own unshed tears.

"Is that what you believe? That I should hate you? Is that what you really want?"

Scully turned her gaze back to him. The sight of him lying there, so pale and tired and used-up brought the guilt sharply back into focus.

*She* had done this to him. Because regardless of how much he tried to alleviate her guilt, she knew she was responsible for him being in this bed. For yet another scar left on his body to remind them constantly of what they had gone through.

"You should hate me. God knows, I hate myself right now..."

Mulder cut her off, raising his voice for the first time and ignoring the pain the added exertion caused him.

"Don't lay this at my feet, Scully. If you want to wallow in self-pity, then go right ahead. But don't you expect me to help you justify it. Because I can't. I won't." He paused, taking a deep breath as the pain washed over him once again. "This isn't your fault. None of it."

She met his gaze squarely.

"Then who's is it, Mulder? If it's not mine, if I'm not *responsible* then who the hell is?"

But this time he didn't answer. He simply reached for her, drawing her towards him until she could lay her head against his chest, the sound of his heartbeat reverberating in her ears, it's cadence strong and regular.

"You hear that?" Mulder whispered, not waiting for her to respond. "That's the only thing on this earth you're responsible for. Because without you it would have been silenced long ago."

His voice was hoarse as he battled the tears that threatened to spill over, trying with all his heart and mind to make her understand how much she meant to him. That without her by his side, he would have died years ago. That the thought of losing her scared him so much sometimes that it stole away all rational thought.

"Nothing you could ever do will change that, Scully. Nothing."

He was rewarded when her arms snaked around him, holding him against her as she listened to the sound of his heartbeat, telling him without words everything he needed to know. Telling him that she understood everything he was trying to say. Telling him that somehow, everything would be alright between them again.

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