Turn It Back . . .

eena_angel2001

Email: igrewal@sfu.ca or eena_angel@hotmail.com
Rating:  PG-13
Pairing:  W/Sirius
Summary:  Response to the Quickie Challenge, Pairing #30.

Have you ever wanted to turn back time?

No seriously, I want you to think on that.  Have you ever really wanted to turn back time?  Not in some half-assed attempt to save yourself embarrassment or anything, but for a real reason.  To make things right, to fix what went wrong.

Have you?

I have.

I did.

I didn't go back an infinite number of years.  Hell I didn't even go back a full five.  No, I only went back four years, to that summer to fix things from going wrong.

I had a choice back then, something no one knew about.  I never told a soul, not even Buffy.  After all, I had made my choice. I didn't want to leave my friends; I didn't want to leave my home. And back then; I didn't want to leave Oz.  That changed pretty quickly.

But back on track, with the story.  I went back.  I won't bore you with the details, because I'm not sure I could tell you exactly what happened.  I was there, so lost, crying away in Xander's arms and wondering how it had gone so wrong.  There had to be a link somewhere, something that drove life onto the horrible course it was now on.  There had to be a point in which all of this was sealed. And there had to be a way for me to fix it.

Maybe it was the wish, a vengeance demon or something the like listening in on my thoughts.  Or maybe it was just the sheer amount of power I had in me at that moment and the force of my will. All I remember was the pain, the grief, and then the flash.

Not too original huh?  A flash of light and all was changed.  Well, I would like to tell you something original, but that's what happened. There was a light, and I wasn't with Xander on the bluffs anymore.

No, I was in the one place I hadn't been in years.  I was sitting on my old bed, in my parents' house, staring at the letter in my hands.  I was thrust back into that previous me, catching her last strains of thought before my older consciousness took over.

I fell over in tears under the weight of it all.  It was too much for my brain at that point, acknowledging what four years time had done to me and to everyone else.  I nearly retched at the thought of Buffy and Spike, doing all those nasty things.  My brain was in denial, screaming about Angel.  Of course, this was after
graduation.  Buffy was still deliriously in love with Angel and pining after his departure.

Xander and Anya, well, that was a shock as well.  One that had me laughing.  From my point of view four years ago, that whole situation was damn comical.  Then came Dawn, which only confused me some more.  Dawn didn't exist yet, but with my older consciousness, I remembered Dawn and all the manufactured memories those monks had made for them at her creation.  I looked over my shoulder to a portrait of the Scooby Gang then, Giles, Buffy, Xander, Cordelia, Oz, and me.  There was a flicker in front of my eyes, adding the thin outline of a young Dawn to Buffy's side.  I shook my head to clear it, not wanting to dwell on that bizarre situation.

And then finally, Oz.  Four years in the future, I had dealt with Oz and his betrayal.  But right now, I was stunned by it.  It wasn't long before I was reduced to tears once more.  I found the future images of Oz and Veruca in her mind and I wanted to die.  My eighteen-year-old heart was breaking and right then, I wanted to disappear.

And that's what did it.  That's what sealed my fate.  I dried my tears, looked down at the letter in my hand.  I had forgotten about it over the years, throwing it away as soon as it came, but not now.  This was it, the point in time my wish or will had brought her to.  That one decision I had to make in order to make things right.

I replied in the positive, giving the letter back to the owl that had brought it.  I watched it soar off, disappearing into a puff of clouds.  My heart lightened at that moment, and I was certain that this was the right thing to do.  I turned, picking up the phone to call Giles first of all.

My friends hadn't taken it well.  Buffy and Xander were very upset with me, claiming my departure was just my way of abandoning them.  I rolled her eyes and told them it was for the best.  And no, I would not clarify on that.  They just had to trust me.

Breaking it off with Oz had been easier than I thought.  He had some stuff to say on growing and other bull, but I barely listened.  I was a bit miffed at him, for his future indiscretion, and just broke it off.  Giles had been the only one in support of my decision.  It was a good opportunity for me and the such.  Giles was
the only person to see me off at the airport.

I landed in London four days after sending off my reply.  I made my way to the school with one stop to the Leaky Cauldron.  All my supplies had been waiting for me there, in the hands of the pub owner Tom.  Apparently Dumbledore wanted me at the school as fast as possible.

The train ride had been nice and peaceful, giving me time to think over everything so far.  My mind still reeled with the events of my former future, causing me to laugh and cry at random times.  People had to think I was insane or something.

My first sight of the school had been fun.  A nice sprawling castle that was absolutely beautiful to behold.  My awe must have been evident on my face, causing my employer to chuckle at my amazement when he came to collect me.  Introductions were brief but friendly.  I could feel the underlying tension under Dumbledore's façade, knowing the wizard felt pressed under the weight of recent developments.  My experience in Sunnydale, helping Buffy track the bad guys with magic and my brains, made me the perfect solution to his problems.  Now, I wasn't the strongest Scooby at that point, but I was the only witch.  And that made all the difference to the school governors, and an invitation to me was the only one approved.  He was depending on me to help with the situation, and I would.  I would do my damnedest.

I won't bore you with the details of that year of cat and mouse chases.  Let's just say, tracking that man had been hell.  Dumbledore knew that the Dementors would be no real obstacle to him, seeing as he had escaped from right under their noses once before.  For my part, the Dementors were more of a hindrance than anything else.  They kept catching up to me during my pursuits and had me choking on the memory of Tara and what I would have done to Warren.

But again, I won't bore you with the details.  I came very close to catching up with him several times, but he always eluded me.  But I was able to chase him off several times.  By the end, with the young Mister Potter's revelation of all that had transpired between him and the fugitive, Hogwarts was obviously no longer in
need of my services.  But Dumbledore allowed me to stay, to help the new DADA teacher in the coming year.  I stayed, for lack of anything else to do.

Moody, the new teacher, was interesting, but strange.  When his true identity would be revealed, I would be in genuine shock.  I hadn't been paying as much attention to my superior as I should have been.  But I really couldn't help it.  I was distracted.  Because even though he was no longer a threat to Hogwarts, Sirius Black was still here.

I knew he was talking to Harry, I expected nothing less.  But he was being damn risky, sneaking closer and closer to Hogwarts in order to converse with his godson.  I picked up on his presence not too long into the school year, and I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with him.  Did he have some sort of death wish?  He hadn't actually been cleared of anything and yet he was walking around as if he wasn't the most wanted man in the Wizarding World.

I was torn.  I didn't know what to do.  I could either go to Dumbledore or the Ministry to tell one of them that Black was sniffing about, quite literally, and that Harry had been in contact with him.  That was the responsible thing to do.  Black was a fugitive, and a dangerous one at that.

But my heart wanted me to do the right thing, and actually help Harry meet up with Black.  Or at least keep it secret for the sake of those two.  And in the end, that was what I.  I left them be, though I kept an eye on it.  And I thought I was pretty discreet about it.  But I wasn't as discreet as I thought I was being.

It started with Harry's rather weird behaviour to me.  The boy was winking at me during DADA class.  Moody picked up on it, and thought he had a crush on me.  That made me want to laugh.  Imagine, someone having a crush on little old me, Willow Rosenburg.  It had been too damn laughable.

And yet, Harry was winking at me.  And one day, during the winter break, he had come upon me in a hurry.  He pressed a note into my hand and then winked once more before trotting off to rejoin his
two friends.  Imagine my confusion to find a note demanding my presence in the Astronomy Tower at midnight.  Signed by HIM.

It got me curious, I'll admit that.  But there was no way I would be led that easily into a trap.  No, I went twenty minutes earlier just to get the jump on him.  But apparently, all the while I had been watching him, I failed to notice that he had been watching me.

"Right on time."

Those were the words to greet me when I entered the Astronomy Tower.  I heard the door shut behind me and cursed myself for a second.  My eyes sought him out in the darkness of the room, a glare coming to my features.

"How did -"

"I figured you would want to get the jump on me," was his reply.  "And that wouldn't do, because I wanted to catch you by surprise."

"What's your game?" I demanded.  There was a laugh in response, before he slinked out of his corner.  I was unprepared for how handsome he looked.  I guess all that time away from Azkaban really did him some good.  Well, a lot of good.

He stopped right in front of me, looking down at me with amusement in his eyes.

"I have no game," he replied.  "I just wanted to spend some time with you."

That was not the answer I had been expecting.  It threw me off for a few seconds, but his smirk made me recover quickly.  I put a defiant look on my face, and stared him right in the eye.

"Why?"

He shrugged and then smiled at me.  He seemed to have a habit of doing that.  It was getting might annoying.  I felt my eyes narrow and he only smiled wider.

And then he leaned over and placed a kiss on my lips.  I went stone still with shock; green eyes watching him kiss me.  When he withdrew, I was still stuck like that, causing him to laugh some more.

"You're interesting," he told me.  "I like that.  Come here again, in two weeks.  We'll talk more then."

And then he was gone.  I was still standing there in shock.

Then his words penetrated and I was furious. Come back in two weeks? Who the hell did he think he was?  Telling me what to do.  I didn't have to listen to him.  I was my own witch, capable of making my own
decisions.  And there was no way he was going to play these games with me, no matter how hot he was now.

No, I wasn't going to fall for his game.  And I was going to prove it to him too.  In two weeks time.  But that's all.

No way was I coming back for more smoochies.  Not a chance.

The End