“Betting on William Bennet”

Gambling? Hey since the early 90’s I’ve lost only $8 million dollars, give or take a few hundred thousand! During a two-month period I bet only 1.4 million. I ask you, did my family starve while I was in Las Vagas slaving a way, pulling on those $500 slot machines? NO!

Did I let gambling prevent me from speaking at conferences talking about the morals, or lack of them, and charging $50,000 a lecture? NO!

You gotta understand being moral like me, the pressure is intense. Intense I tell you!

Those “experts” say heavy gambling is like drug use, can lead to divorce, domestic violence, child abuse, and bankruptcy.
Well, I’m still married and haven’t traded my wife in for two twenty year olds, don’t do drugs, never beat my kids unnecessarily, and have avoided bankruptcy. I’ll wager you $25,000 that you didn’t know gambling is legal in only 28 states? Excuse me, gotta take this call…

Yeah… Joey!…Hmmm, yeah? Okay, put me down for twenty thousand on the Yankees… What else you got? Yeah? Nooo kidding? Okay, add another thirty- no forty g’s more on Lonesome Rider to show…. No, I’m not going to Vagas this weekend, probably Atlantic City instead. Do me a favor, have them get my suite ready, you know the drill, name registered under Mr. Values. Yeah, sure, I understand, money up front… okay… later.

Now were was I? Oh yeah, gambling. I've gambled all my life and it's never been a moral issue with me. Being a good Catholic, I liked playing bingo at church when I was growing up. Bet you $15,000 you didn’t know I use to play poker. Just low stakes with fellow prominent conservatives, Robert Bork, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, and Chief Justice William Rehnquist. Great guys, but all they want to do is talk about-- hey I’ll bet you $10,000 on what they wanted to talk about? No? Come on, $5000? Still no? Okay, it was a sure bet. All they wanted to discuss was politics! Politics during poker! I had to stop playing with them. Now, I mostly play video poker and the slots. Lost $625,000 once, but hey, I won $25,000! How many people can say that?

The organization I co-chair, Empower America, is opposed to the spread of casino gambling. Yeah really! Bet you $30,000 you didn’t know 5.5 million Americans are “problem” or “pathological” gamblers. Of course I don’t fit in that category cause I don’t let it disrupt my life or my family.

With my book sales, and I’ll bet you $10,000 dollars that ten more copies are being bought right now somewhere in the US as we speak…No? How bout $5 grand? No? Okay.

As I was saying, my book sales along with my speaking engagements I’m a wealthy man. For $50,000, I’ll give you the odds of 50 to 1 someone will be calling me in the next fifteen minutes wanting me to speak at their luncheon. Come on, bet me! No? Okay, 100 to 1! No? Not even for $25,000? I can handle my losses. I lost only $340,000 in one day. I’m getting better, in two days I lost $500,000. So my odds are getting better, this weekend I might lose only $225,000. If fact I’ll bet you $50,000 right now, I won’t.

My philosophy about gambling is like drinking alcohol, if you can’t handle it, don’t do it.

Remember, I’m the leading spokesperson for our nation’s virtues and take personal responsibility seriously. The pressure is intense and-- excuse me, I got another call…Joey! What’d you got for me?

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