Adelle smiled as she walked down the road package in hand. Glancing at the piece of paper she held, Adelle double checked the name of the man she was on her way to thank- Citoyen Deputy Paul D E9roul E8de. Earlier she had asked Sebastian if he remembered the name of the stranger who showed up at the attack and stayed with her till it was over. Luckily he had. She of course had totally forgotten. The memory of that afternoon was a blur and the only face she could conjure up in her head was that of her attacker. Names and other faces had not stuck with her at the time, they had been seemingly unimportant. As the days passed by she felt the need to thank the stranger. He had not done much of course, but standing by to make sure she remained safe was enough to warrant a thank you in her mind. Not long after an idea of what to do struck her. That next week she had spent her free timing cutting, trimming, and stitching. She'd taken some gray wool she'd purchased and cut it down to the desired size. The costume stock at the Theatre had numerous Republican sashes some authentic, some cotton. The cotton ones were softer and more lightweight but were used since they still looked real from the stage. Taking two cotton models of the Republican sashes Adelle had cut them the same length as the wool and sewed them together then attached them to the wool. After trimming, fraying, and making some last minute stitches she had a handsome finished scarf for the approaching fall weather fit for a Deputy of the Republic of France. With deep blue thread s he embroidered a small message in the corner which said simply. "To P.D with thanks-Adelle". Wrapping it up in brown paper and tying it with twine she had left her apartment that day to deliver it to the Deputy himself. Re-reading her slip of paper to get the name right and make sure she had the right address she walked in the building and asked for Citoyen Deputy Déroulède. "I'm busy" the man in the front told her gruffly. "He's in there." Heading in the direction he'd pointed, Adelle rapped soundly on the door.
Was sitting behind his large desk that was swamped with files and
stacks of paper. Paul had a lot of work. He had several laws to check
before the next Committee meeting and he also had prison lists to go
through and check the trials that will be held in the week. And most
of all the plans for the Queen's rescue which held in that he had to
get the job of the Governor of the Concergerie and he needed to think
of a proper, unsuspicious reason for it. But no reason would come.
His mind was tired, his will drained and he had so much to do that no
end was near.
Then he heard a knock and he was thankful for it. He needed a
distraction from all this paperwork and heaved a sigh of
relief "Entrez!" Curious to see who it is, since there were no
appointments, he leaned back in his arm chair and kept his eyes
fixed on the door...
Timidly she opened the door and stepped into the office. There were papers and books strewn everywhere and the man at the desk looked very busy. "Citoyen D E9roul E8de?....?" She hadn't been paying much attention that day, she didn't know if it was him. "I didn't mean to interrupt." She looked nervously at the pile of work on his desk. "You might not remember me Sir but my name is Adelle and you aided me a week or so ago? Outside the pub?" Patiently she waited to see if the situation rung a bell.
He recognized the woman from the moment his eyes fell on her. A smile appeared on his face "Yes Citoyenne" Bowed his head and stood up so he could see her better while he listened to her words. Words which only confirmed his thoughts but slowly, as he kept staring at her, old painful memories reappeared and troubled his heart with a deep pain. She looked so familiar and not just from a week ago. He knew her from something else. A memory from the past, a heartache from the past and something which he hid deep within himself for the pain it caused was too grand for him to live with. Then it hit him, suddenly, unexpected and he reached for the desk to keep his balance "A..Adelle! Oh my God!" He swallowed and he looked like he saw a ghost. Only it's not a ghost, but an angel from his past......
Really seeing him for the first time Adelle smiled. So this was the man that came to her rescue that afternoon. She was just about to remark on how familiar he looked when he burst out and clutched at his desk. Adelle reeled backward in surprise as if his outburst had been physical and stared in shock. But the way he said her name and the pained expression she had become so accustomed to one rainy night in her past brought it all back and produced a similar reaction in herself. "Oh Mon Dieu...." She dropped the package she held and her hand flew to her mouth. She turned away and shut her eyes tight, trying to block the flood of memories rushing at her. The way he'd smelled, his words, his soft promises and even softer touch. The man s he had let herself believe and the first man she mourned over. That was the man whose office she now stood in. As Adelle absorbed all this her hand returned to her side and she slowly opened her eyes. She bent low to pick up the package and took her time raising upright again, not ready to face him yet. "So do you still get those headaches Paul?" she asked hoarsely.
He trembled over his entire body while he stared her in the eyes. The
nerve she had to come here after all these silent months unsettled him
and he needed to sit down. Although it was more falling. Then he ran
a hand through his hairs and looked at her with an icy glare "Yes and
the pain now is twice as worse thanks you m'dear" Knew the words were
cold and harsh and with some shame he lowered his gaze to a document
that laid on his desk...
Her mouth gaped open and she stood there dumbfounded. Anger bubbled up from inside her as his words sunk in. "Just what are you implying Paul? That they are worse because of *me*? I did everything I knew how to do that night for you! I gave you medicine, made you as comfortable as I knew how, gave you my time,.....Paul I gave you my heart!! Which I later find you really didn't care that much about! And you dare tell me you are worse and it's *my* fault?"
Jumped up when she spoke about her heart "How dare I! Mademoiselle you
are the one who ignored countless letters, who never even thanked me
for rose gardens I wasted on you. I gave you everything that day. I
gave you my heart, my soul and you took it gladly and used it to your
own desire. Then threw it away when you had no need for it" Walked to
her "Why exactly did you do that? Why did you fool my heart with words
of love and caring when in fact you didn't give a damn?"
Why was he so upset? Talking with Marguerite that night had convinced
her that Paul hadn't completely meant all that had occurred. Her knees
grew weak as he demanded to know why his affections weren't returned.
Why would that matter unless..... "Paul." Adelle said quietly, wide-
eyed. "You mean...you were sincere?"
In disbelief Paul shook his head. It hurt him that she felt the
need to ask that question "After everything that happened that
evening you still don't know" He sighed and took a hand to his
forehead. Then softly rubbed it "Mademoiselle I unlocked feelings
deep within me which I thought only belonged to someone else. B..But
then you came and those feelings suddenly shifted. My heart suddenly
belonged to you and my life was yours as well. There was nothing I
wouldn't have done, nothing I wouldn't have faced for you. I truly
loved you Adelle but apparently my hopes to gain your love and
affection were false. And once again someone made me look like a darn
fool but never again" Straightened himself and walked to the window.
Then to hide the tears which were welling in his eyes he stared
outside, back to her. He swallowed "So what can I do for you
Mademoiselle?"
The man could not sound more sincere. Paul had turned away to keep her from seeing what? Tears? She could not take more of this, she was near tears herself. But somehow someway this had to be false. Life was not so unfair that it would cause her countless grief and have her shed numerous tears over a love that was genuine. She turned on him unwilling to believe just yet. "Paul when I walked in you were kissing Marguerite with just as much feeling, if not more, then when you kissed me! Was I just supposed to ignore that?! You couldn't get her so you'd settle for second place?"
"I kissed her. Yes but not with as much feeling or more. I kissed her
with less. And I kissed her because I had feelings for her but when I
saw you it all changed. When I kissed you that one kiss to someone I
thought I loved didn't matter anymore. It vanished into thin air and
you became the one that stole my heart and the one I loved" Didn't
look at her once while speaking. For he couldn't bare to see her..
Her stomach turned and she fell into the nearest chair. This wasn't
happening, this *couldn't* be happening. "Paul" she said barely above
a whisper." what was in those letters?" She feared the answer. She
was truly frightened. For if this man told her it was all letters
along the lines of what he just said, she would have thrown away it
all on a guess. On pride. On the reasoning that had sounded so
accurate when it came from Marguerite. If Paul told her they had
contained more words of love and ascertain of his feelings she
wasn't quite sure what she'd do. That would mean that the proof of
the love she had spent months mourning she'd thrown away with the
trash. That her good judgment she'd relied so heavily upon on these
years was dead wrong. And Adelle wasn't sure she could deal with that
just then.
When she said his name he lifted his head slightly and listened. Then
what Adelle said next hurt him beyond belief. She didn't even read his
letters? He no longer could control his tears and as his eyes
wandered aimlessly outside tears rolled freely down his pale cheeks.
He swallowed, focusing on speaking without letting his voice tremble
from the pain his heart felt "N..nothing but meaningless
words...a..about my love for you Mademoiselle" Hung his head and took
a trembling hand to his eyes, covering them while a sob escaped his
lips. Why did she return just when he got over losing her?
It was as if the wind was knocked out of her. For a moment she could
barely breathe and then it got worse-Paul began to sob though he gave
his best effort to conceal it. She felt obligated to go to him,
provide comfort somehow, but her limbs felt like lead and wouldn't
budge. Not that any comfort from her would have been welcomed. Unable
to go to him and too shocked to be of any real use she sat,
unmoving. "Dear God please.....I thought..oh if you only knew." She
said mournfully as the tears began to flow freely from her own eyes
at her foolishness. "Marguerite and I..we....we decided that since
you had just kissed her and were so ill to begin with that.oh Paul! I
became convinced that you didn't mean it, that you either weren't
fully aware of what you were doing or that you meant it but it was
influenced by your sickness and wasn't real. I didn't read your
letters because I thought you were just being overly polite and
apologizing for yourself or wanting to see me again to make up for
our behavior or....oh I don't know *what* I was thinking! It all made
sense when Marguerite explained it yet all this time you..." Her
sentence hung in the air as she wrapped her arms around herself and
bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling as it was. "Paul I didn't
know! I didn't know!" She said, burying her head in her hands,
knowing that it all made no difference now.
The moment he recognized the girl that had walked in his office an icy
mantle settled around his heart. He had to do this for he had thought
of her every day. Not once did she leave his mind and now that she was
here he was afraid he'd do the same like he did 2years ago. He's
afraid that he'd lay his heart and soul at her feet again. Offering it
to her to do with it as she pleases. But last time he did this he got
hurt more than he ever thought love could hurt and it literally tore
him apart inside.
Now he hasn't looked at her for a while. He did not give her a glare,
a look or a peek when she spoke. He kept his eyes away from her
because Paul knew that he's not good at hiding emotions. He knows that
his eyes are the window to his soul and reveal all that he feels now
in his heart at this unpleasant reunion. Still if she would ask he'd
open the pathway to his heart and let her in like in the past. But he
wouldn't be the first to make a move.
He kept looking outside. Then he heard her words, her explanation and
her pain and slowly but surely the icy mantle melted and after a while
he turns around. With tears in his eyes he watches her. Seeing her sit
there, wrapped in herself made his heart ache even more and he walked
towards her. When he's close to her he kneeled down and laid a hand on
hers "Adelle I...I forgive you"
There had been silence in the room and Adelle had assumed that Paul
had left or worse was glaring at her, not able to believe her story.
But as soon as she felt his touch she knew it was alright. He'd
believed her, and amazingly, was willing to forgive her for her
coward ness and exceedingly foolish actions. Slowly she took her hands
away from her face and caught his gaze. And trust was all she
saw. "Forgiveness? Paul I have no right to be granted that. I let
myself be too quickly swayed by the opinions of others and did not
follow my heart. In doing that I not only knowingly broke mine but
yours as well. I should not be allowed to get away with that." She
squeezed his hand but dropped it not long after and looked away
again. " I have caused both of us to suffer but you more so than I and
I do not deserve anyone's forgiveness or blessing for being so easily
persuaded out of the truth. But you have no idea how sorry I am."
With hesitation he laid a hand on her cheek and made her look at him.
Immediately he noticed her eyes and he also took his other hand to her
face. Softly, wanting her to relax he stroked her cheek "Adelle I do
know. I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your words and the
guilt that you let gnaw at your heart and soul but I do forgive you.
It's not your fault. The situation was a bit odd. You had never
met me, probably never even heard of me but Marguerite did. She
should've known my feelings for you were just. At least if she knows me
which I doubt now that she does. And also she should not have gotten
involved in this. It was not her place to talk to you about me. To
talk about whether or not my feelings were honest. But I repeat you are
not to blame and I know now that you have suffered just as much as I
did" He sighed and wrapped his arms around her body. Then he hugged
her
She nodded tearfully as he reiterated his words of forgiveness but
interrupted when Paul began to talk about the actress. "No Paul,
Marguerite was just being concerned for my sake, for the both of us.
She went on what she knew which happened to only be the fact that you
probably would have said the same to her had she been more
enthusiastic about your advances and that at the time you were a very
sick man. It is not her fault." Adelle was unsure of what to do when
he hugged her. She wanted to repair the damage that had been done to
their friendship, but...... in spite of the fact that she had past
feelings for Paul that had lasted a long while, those feelings were
slowly being overridden by feelings for Edward. She hugged him lightly
back but made sure the embrace was short. "Paul....I..." She
paused. "So we can be friends now?" She left it at that. As much
passion as they had started to share that one night, it was Edward
who held her heart and she did not want any more confusion.
He admired her defense of the actress but in this matter he is not so
understanding and he knows he'll let Marguerite know what she did to
him by getting involved in matters which absolutely did not concern
her.
When she broke off the hug he rose and stood in his full height. He
knew from that moment that the love, the passion had died and that she
did not feel for him what he thought she once did. He turned around on
his heels. Paul was no longer able to look at her. That and he
wouldn't allow her to see what he was going through. He had to stay
strong. Had to keep it all hidden within himself. Only to let it all
free when he was alone. No. She was not going to be a witness and see
him breakdown for a love he lost. Something he did so many times when
he was alone and tormented himself by reading Adelle's letter over and
over again. He sighed and forced a stern look on his face. Then Paul
turned around. For a moment he stood there like a statue. Cold,
emotionless and stern but the truth was completely the opposite. His
heart had never gone through so many different emotions at the same
time as it did now and the deputy had a hard time to keep them hidden
from the woman sitting in front of him. A woman he once loved with all
what his heart could muster but a woman who also hurt him more than
anyone ever did. She said it was unknowingly but didn't he countless
times convince her he was not playing games? He knew he did for that
evening had replayed in his head many times to see how she was able to
fool him so and he knew he talked to her about it all. He knew he
convinced her, or at least thought he did, that his love had never been
so true. Told her that the kiss he gave Marguerite was a mistake and
that she was the one that held his heart. He sighed. It all was a
mystery to him how this all went so wrong. How she took the word of
someone who had no idea above his. The only word that should have
mattered. She never even bothered to read the letters. Letters which
he wrote with words that came from the depths of his soul. Words which
he never said before and which he would only say to that special girl.
He chuckled to himself. At least she didn't see them. See what a big
fool he made of himself and he turned around again. His back facing
her because the memories which now flew through his head brought to
many pain to his heart and soul and he closed his eyes filled with
tormented love. Friends? After everything she did could they still be
friends? Paul shook his head. It wasn't possible. He couldn't bare the
pain her presence brought. So never to see each other was the best
solution for both of them. Coldly he answered her question "I don't
think so Mademoiselle" Keep it on a business level he said to himself.
It'll be over quicker "It's best we never see each other again. Only
then I can go on with my life in peace and without pain" With these
words he went back to his window and stared thoughtfully outside at
the square. Thinking of what he'll do next...
Adelle had never considered that he would refuse. She knew it had been a
painful and upsetting experience for the both of them but to not even be able
to see her at all, just as friends two and a half years later? It took her
breath away and she took a minute or two to get over the initial shock and
let Paul's words sink in. He didn't want to see her. Couldn't see her. Ever.
"I....suppose I must accept that" Adelle said shakily, still stunned by the
news. With unsteady steps she walked over to where he stood and gently
embraced him, chin quivering with the threatening tears. "I'm sorry Paul" she
said quietly. "....good.....goodbye." Slipping the package she had come so
naively to bring in his hand she turned and left as quickly as her feet would
carry her.
With a frown of surprise he stared at the package in his hand.
Then he with haste steps he followed Adelle "Adelle wait!" Laid a hand
on her shoulder and turned her around "W..what is this for?" Looked at
her questioningly..
She did not look at him but remained staring at the floor. If he
didn't care to see her then she did not want to stay long in his
presence. But then why did he bother running after her? "It was...a
thank you for helping me that day. Out on the street, outside that
pub." She spoke quietly. All she wanted to do was leave why must he
detain her so if her presence was so abhorrent?
The street? Oh god he didn't even recognize her. Had he hidden her
memory so deep within himself he didn't even recognize his first true
love? He shook his head. He can't belief it he stood face to face with
her and neither seemed to react to the other. He sighed but then shook
it all of and with eager fingers he opened the present. He was just
like a kid at Christmas day. When he saw what was wrapped inside his
eyes widened "Oh Adelle it's beautiful" He took out the scarf and
dropped the brown paper on the ground. Then he let his fingers run
over the soft, warm fabric and looked at it closely. He loved it and
his eyes carefully looked at every detail. Then his gaze fell on the
dark blue embroidered message in the corner. Silently he read it "To
P.D with thanks-Adelle". Without really thinking of his action he laid
a hand on her arm, pulled her close and gave her a friendly kiss on
the cheek "It's just lovely. Merci" Gave her a smile as he tied the
scarf around his neck....
She was glad he liked it so but how could he act like this if he
said he couldn't see her anymore just moments ago?! Confused and
upset she looked him square in the eye. "I'm pleased you like it but
Paul you don't say things like" we can't see each other again" by
accident! Either you mean it or you don't. I don't understand how you
can say that then follow me out and talk like you never uttered those
words! I can't go back and forth like that...."
He lead her back inside the office and to a chair in front of his desk
"I know I have uttered those words Adelle and to be honest. I
regretted them the moment I said them" He sighed and took a seat on
his desk in front of her "It is hard to say it to someone who you've
come to care for a great deal in such a short time and I still have
feelings for you Adelle. Perhaps not so strong anymore because I've
become careful with expressing my feelings but I do still love you.
Now if that is love among friends or love among lovers I can't say.
What I can say it was quite a shock to find you here in my office and
immediately all the feelings rushed back into my heart and it was a mix
of different and painful emotions which frightened me. So I chose the
best and less painful solution. Which is burry it all again. Now I
don't think it's such a good idea and if we want to get over this we
should talk it out and not throw away what we once had. We should look
back upon that evening with positive thoughts and let whatever caused
us pain be in the past and try to salvage our friendship. Do you agree
Adelle?"
She allowed herself to be led back inside and tentatively listened to his
explanation. " I agree most emphatically. And I realize it must have been a
shock, I didn't recognize you either." She smiled, thoughtful. But Paul still
loved her. He wasn't sure *how* but he did. Maybe she could make it easier
for him to decide. "If you want to talk it out, as you say, I am more then
willing." Here goes nothing, she thought. "Paul, after what happened I was
devastated. It took some time before I made myself available to any suitors
again. A few weeks ago I met....well, I met someone. The Englishman that
showed up after you did." She gulped unsure how he would take this. " Like
you ,he confessed to having strong feelings for me within a few hours.
Because of what happened before I got scared and for a time my fear stopped
all communication between us. But...I think I truly care for him Paul. And I
don't want to let what happened between us happen again for me. I cared about
you long after I thought we were through. Do you not think that I didn't
think of you every time I walked into that dressing room? It took a long time
to get over what I imagined we had, and as it turns out, we *did* have. But I
buried those feelings when I buried the memory Paul. And I'm not sure I could
get them back." There. She had said it, out loud. Adelle just prayed it
wouldn't bring anymore pain to the kind man in front of her. She wanted to be
friends with him, and was fairly certain she didn't want more.
He folded his arms and looked with piercing eyes in hers. He tried to
read her soul and figure out her feelings for him. Tried to see if this
was the soul of a woman who cared or of a woman who had forgotten him.
See if there was still a slight sparkle of hope for their love to be
rekindled. But then he heard her words. Slowly the painful words
penetrated his brain and the smile vanished. His hope was dead.
Nothing was left within him which could make him smile and he heaved a
long sigh of sadness. Calmly he got up and went back to the sanctuary
of his window. He gazed outside, not wanting for her to see his empty
eyes "I see Adelle. Well that's nice then. I'm happy for you" but
these words were not spoken with happiness. There was no emotion in
them because Paul forced the feelings out of his heart....
"No you aren't" She said sadly. "Paul you don't have to be
false with me. I know it wasn't what you wanted to hear but the two
of us have been through enough and I didn't want to create another
painful ordeal by not being open with you." Adelle nervously fiddled
with the folds of her dress, staying in the chair. Why did everything
have to be so difficult for them? "Paul, that doesn't mean I don't
still care about you. I do, very much so, just...not in the same way
I once did."
Paul looked up and followed a bird that was doing some acrobatic
flying. Briefly a smile appeared on his face. He always enjoyed the
birds or other things like stars. He could watch them for hours and
forget all around him but now not even this bird could make the pain
he felt in his head and heart disappear completely. He sighed as
different thoughts flew through his head. Then he could not resist the
urge and uttered one out loud "I wonder if you ever did Adelle"
A hurt looked flashed across her face. "Paul" she said in a small
voice. "of *course* I did. I couldn't have said......I couldn't have
done what I did if....Paul that letter was a complete fabrication."
Turned around with a snap. His breathing was heavy and fast "A
fabrication?" Stared at her in shock as he reached for something in
his inside coat pocket. As he kept his eyes on her he took out an
envelope. "You mean every word in this is fake?" Waved with it in front
of her eyes "All the pain it caused and still does wasn't necessary?"
Closed his eyes and shook his head. Then walked to her and threw the
letter in her lap "How could you?" Tears forming in his eyes as he
spoke "How could you lie to me like that? How could you ignore
everything that happened that evening and believe Marguerite? How
could you throw away my letters? Letters where I poured my heart and
soul into" Tears rolling down his cheeks as he turned his back to her
"How could you hurt me so Adelle? Just tell me how"
Adelle stared down horrified at the letter that burned a whole in
her lap. He'd kept it that close by for two and a half years?! "What else was
I supposed to do? I believed you, but then I believed Marguerite and I
thought the only way to end it and still retain some shred of dignity was to
lie. You don't know how confused I was! Paul you seem to think the pain was
completely one sided--it hurt me too! I should have gone with my instincts
and not Margot, yes. I should have told the truth and not what was in the
letter, yes. I should have read your letters and kept your flowers but I
can't take that back *now*!" Her face was flushed and she was breathing hard,
eyes moist. "I don't know what else to say except that I was wrong and I'm
sorry!" She said, her voice pleading with him to end this. He had already
forgiven her but it seemed that mercy had been revoked.
"So you stripped me from mine and let me think I was a fool for
believing your caresses, your words, your kisses meant something" He
sighed "Ah lets forget it. It doesn't matter anymore. You continued
your life and I continued mine. So lets just pretend nothing ever
happened and I wish you well Adelle and I mean that" He enjoyed the
warmth the scarf brought him and he walked back to his chair. Then he
sat down and stared at Adelle while leaning back and folding his
arms..
She appreciated the effort he was making to bring about a semblance of
normalcy into the situation but doubted that he meant it. "Paul if my being
here upsets you I can leave. But thank you for that. I do wish we could put
it behind us."
He sighed and lowered his eyes. He wasn't sure what to do. She had
hurt him beyond believe and to now suddenly reappear in his live
seemed like a dream or more a nightmare because all the pain he felt
rushed now through his heart like a hurricane and slowly it
was bringing him to his knees again. Just like it did before. Paul
closed his eyes and shifted a tad bit uncomfortable in his chair. On
one side he never wanted to see her again because the pain was
something he couldn't handle. And on the other he still had strong
feelings for her. Especially since they never had the chance to
explore their love for each other. Absently he stroked a paper on his
desk as he thought about it. Finally he spoke up but without looking
at her "I wish that too Adelle but it's not easy. The pain is still
imminent in my heart each time I think or look at you"
"Do not forget that you weren't the only one involved." Adelle replied quietly. "Most of the blame for this awful situation rests in my hands. That is not so easy to get rid of either." Adelle felt very young, more so then her already youthful nineteen years. This all seemed over her head and all she was able to do was wish that she knew *what* to do.
"You let our love die voluntarily Adelle. I on the other hand wasn't
given a choice" He took a pencil and started to scribble on the
piece of paper in front of him. Not with his thoughts really there he
drew some circles and more meaningless stuff....
Adelle was more then aware that most of this was her fault but couldn't he
see her side? "I didn't think I *had* a choice at the time Paul! I didn't
wish it away you know" In becoming defensive she was easily becoming angry.
Paul was making it out to seem as if she just let it happen without so much
as a backward glance when in actuality she had suffered as well. Her pain
could not and would not be discounted.
He noticed the anger in her voice and he heaved a sigh "Then I still
don't understand why you didn't come to me and ask the questions which
you needed answers to"
"I was too ashamed! I was seventeen and thought I'd been taken advantage of,
played for a fool. I was scared of letting that happen again and everyone
else's arguments sounded so convincing I felt I didn't need to. I know it
was wrong and that mistake caused more trouble then I can foresee but try to
see where I was coming from Paul!:" Adelle took a deep breath trying to calm
down. " I thought that you were what was wrong, not everyone else's
suppositions, so why would I come to you?"
"And where are you coming from Adelle? Hmm?" chuckled silently "Guess
I shouldn't expect more from a 17 year old" Stared at the paper
in front of him and he sees a ruined an official document. He chided
himself and threw his pencil on the desk in frustration.....
She sat there in stunned silence. She had come to his office to
thank him, had found out who he really was and apologized for her
mistakes in the past, and he insults her. To he face. Somehow she
regained her voice enough to reply "I was naive Paul, not stupid. But
maybe I shouldn't expect someone who forgets what it's like to be
that age to sympathize." Quickly she gathered her things and rose,
preparing to leave.
He rose up from his chair and watched her slightly confused "What do
you mean by that Adelle?" While he waited for an answer he walked
around his desk and towards her...
"I mean exactly what I said!" Adelle said indignantly. "Do you
remember what it was like to be that young? Naive, maybe a little
gullible, a little too emotional, too trusting? I can't claim that
I've grown up so much as to have surpassed those attributes in the
last two years but I couldn't help it Paul. If you can't recall what
it was like to be young and impressionable and at times irrational
then you couldn't understand half my situation then at all."
He looked at her in silence. Then turned around and walked back to his
window while speaking. "I wasn't allowed to be those things Adelle but
what my youth was like hardly matters here and if you wish to hide
behind your age fine. It doesn't matter either. Nothing matters. We've
both moved on so I guess that's it then. You apologized. You explained
your reasons for what you did and I listened to them but that doesn't
mean I have to either like it or understand why you did it. All that
I feel right now Adelle is pain. Pain because when I look at you I
think of what I thought we had and I think of what could've been. But
it was an idle dream and it's shattered now. It's all gone"
"Nothing matters" Adelle echoed. This scene was terribly unnerving and there
did not seem to be a resolution in sight. "That's it then" she said,
repeating his earlier statement. "I suppose you summed up our situation as
well as possible." Her mind had grown so numb from all the startling news
that had been revealed in the few minutes she had been there that her body
seemed to function all on it's own. She moved without thinking and spoke
without a great amount of emotion. Collecting her things she gave Paul a
polite smile, a small nod, and left the office, this time for good.
Paul heard her leave and he sighed deeply. This entire event had given
him a headache and he made no effort to stop her. He just stood there,
staring outside and wondering how this all came to be. He found no
answer and sunk in his own thoughts, searched in his mind for that day
when he met her and it all brought his spirits down. At first
happiness, now pain. Paul couldn't figure out how it all changed so
fast and sadly he walked back to his chair and let himself fall back
in it. He closed his eyes and heaved a deep sigh. Then he remained
there in the darkness, trying to deal with this entire situation....