"I'm afraid it is entirely up to your sister when the wedding is"
he answered to Joy with a smirk. "She is a remarkably strong woman
to be able to resist me for this long, but we'll see how long she can
last," he said with a twinkle in his eye.
Julie gave an overly dramatic sigh. Just when she had gotten the
situation under control. And now they were talking of wedding's!
Julie looked at Roland in exasperation. "I don't believe we've gotten
to that point yet, sir! We are not even close."
Joy was puzzled. She looked at her sister and then their long
time friend. Julie had always loved Roland...Joy couldn't understand
what was wrong now. "But Julie...you love him don't you?" She turned
to Roland. "She loves you, right?"
He was enjoying this little scene to no end. Roland simply
shrugged his shoulders at Joy. He then looked questioningly at Julie
with a smirk spread across his face, awaiting her response.
Julie glared at him. "Oh, you are loving this, aren't you?" She
turned back to your sister. "Joy, there are some things you discuss
in polite company and some things you do not..."
It took every ounce of composure he had left in him not to burst
out laughing. It was for some reason quite an amusing scene to the
frustrated lover of late.
Joy shrugged. "I wouldn't exactly call Roland polite
company...I've seen him do a lot of things." She giggled, recalling
childhood memories. "But seriously, you two have obviously already
discussed things. Don't leave me out! I want to know what is going
on! Julie?"
Julie just turned away from her sister. "Perhaps you should go
out and try again," she said through her teeth.
Joy walked up to Roland and gave him her sweetest look, the one
she reserved for when she really wanted something. "Roland, my
dearest friend..." She grabbed his arm and tugged at is
playfully. "Tell me what it going on between you and my sister!"
"Oh no you don't!," he said with a laugh. "Your dear sister
would have my head if I discussed our personal affairs with you. I
need to be in her good graces and I am not about to risk falling
out of them." After a pause he whispered to Joy. "Ask me again when
we're alone." As he said this he glanced at Julie with a broad and
mischievous grin.
Julie wanted to scream in frustration. "Would you two like me to
leave so you can pour over my emotional turmoil and plan out the
details of my future?"
Joy giggled and shrugged, looking at Roland. She did really want
to know, but she didn't think either of them wanted to make her
sister angry.
Uh-oh, Roland thought. She was already worked up after their
long...conversation and the LAST thing he wanted was for this
beautiful day to end with Julie being upset. He went over to Julie
and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Angel, Joy and I are only
kidding. Today has been trying for both of us, I know. Perhaps you
should get some rest." As he spoke her ran one hand over her back,
trying to calm her agitation.
Joy noticed the "angel" and the way Roland lightly caressed her
sister's back. She smiled. "It's alright." she said softly. "I think
I have my answer. I am going to go change for dinner...I will save
this dress for the ball. We should be dining within the half hour
Julie, with lessons afterwards. Would you like to stay Roland? I dare
say father would be thrilled to have you."
He caught Julie's eye briefly before answering. He knew she had
requested space and time but dining with Joy and Mr. Hensley can
hardly be considered an opportunity for the type of scene that had
occurred earlier. "Well, if it's alright with Julie I would love to
join you for dinner." He reached down and took Julie's hand in his,
giving it a quick squeeze of reassurance. "Would you like to rest
for a few minutes before dinner Julie? If you feel anything like I
do, my angel, you could probably use a few minutes calm."
Joy smiled at Roland's gentle kindness to her sister. She could
imagine them married already!
Julie was not sure what was worse, the love scenes of earlier or
this placid domesticity. Of course she did not mind if Roland stayed
for dinner. But he would have to behave himself. What on earth would
she say to her father if he looked up and saw Roland giving her one
of those gazes or calling her "my angel"? "If you think it is alright
Roland, you may stay. But you must behave yourself...completely. You
must simply be our friend returned from France. Can you do that?"
"It appears I will have to," Roland said with a light
laugh. "Somehow I don't think your father and your tutor are quite ready to be brought into
this little scenario just yet. Lud, *I'm* not even quite sure what's
going on so there isn't a chance in the world that I could explain it
to them." He looked down at his hand, with Julie's still entwined in
it, and laughed bemusedly. "I am assuming that we should not enter
the dining room like this," he said with a light sigh. "But until
then..." And as he spoke he gave her hand a gentle squeeze lightly
ran his other hand down her soft hair before halting himself,
realizing that he was going on his word just moments before.
Joy smiled and quietly slipped out, assuming wrongly her sister
might want a few moments alone with Roland before dinner.
Julie once again pulled away from Roland. "Yes, see, like
that...you can't even say you won't speak of love...without speaking
of love." She paused. "But I trust you. I know you will be able to
behave during dinner. By all means, stay."
Exhausted and suddenly slightly irritated he heaved a sigh. "Well
thank you for that rousing vote of confidence Julie," he said,
unsuccessfully trying to hide the bitter undertone of his comment
with teasing. The past few hours had taken all his strength and he
felt himself weakening with the strain of extended bouts of extreme
emotion.
But Julie heard the bitterness behind the comment. She heaved a
sigh. Roland was not the only one with abused
emotions. "I said I trusted you didn't I? What more do you want from
me? You promised me a moment ago, no more of this tonight."
Without thinking he turned to her with pleading eyes, but still
with bitterness in his voice and said vehemently. "No more of what?
No more worshiping you? No more allowing myself to be ruled by the
possibility of one day having you for my own and waking up with you
in my arms every morning? No more loving you?" he said simply. "I'm
sorry Julie but I can't promise you that! I can try and keep the
outward displays in check, I can resist the urge to tell you
precisely how much I love and cherish you...but I can not stop my
feelings." As he finished he lowered his head, exhausted and
defeated.
"Please Roland, don't do this! Don't you think I know about
keeping emotions in check? I did not ask to be worshipped- I don't
want to be worshipped. Real people are not worshipped! And I am
not...I am not attempting to stifle your emotions...only their
display!" She sighed. "Please don't be angry."
"Oh, my darling angel, I am not angry," he said, tears again
beginning to fill his sea green eyes. "But this is so difficult for
me. I want nothing more than to take you in my arms and never let
you go, to protect you from everything that could harm you, to
cherish you and love you, but I can't...and it takes all the strength
I have to be able to resist." With a great sigh he gazed at her,
trembling with the effort it took for him not to run to her and fold
her in his arms and never let her go.
"Roland, I know. I know because I have been there. I have felt
it. And I will not put myself through it again. No matter what. So
please, no more pleading, no more sighs and longing gazes. They will
not change my mind. Not tonight. Certainty takes longer than a few
hours. And you promised..."
With a heavy sigh he looked up at
her. She knew him all too well. Nothing, except perhaps Julie
herself, was more sacred to him than his word and she knew it. "You
are right. I did promise and I intend to keep that promise as best I
can." He thought a moment, contemplating all that had gone on that
day. It took great effort for him to make the next admission, but he
knew it was true. "And you're right, angel, certainty does take
time...and I want you to be absolutely certain." In a quiet,
reverent tone he spoke again. "And you deserve to have a love you
can believe in no matter what may come. I can promise you that I
will always be here, but you must know it in your own soul."
"So we are agreed then? No more words of love tonight. Because we
both know, for all their beauty, words only mean so much..." Julie
had never come so close to giving in to mere words. But she knew she
wouldn't...not tonight. She simply was not ready yet.
"We are agreed," Roland said with a mixture of relief and
reluctance. He knew she was right and continuing this conversation
was only causing both of them agitation. "I daresay it is almost
time for dinner."
"Yes. I must go dress for dinner. I can hardly go in this."
Julie was ashamed to look at down at her dress and see it smudged
with dirt from the garden. She knew her hair and face must be a mess
from the crying. "You will be alright here on your own a few minutes?
I will tell Father you are here and have an extra place set at the
table." It would be good to have a few minutes alone, to clear her
head.
He smiled lovingly at her. "Take your time angel. I shall be
right here when you return."
Julie gave Roland a small smile and left him alone in the
sitting room.
As she left he followed her with his eyes. He hardly knew what
to make of all that had happened today. He silently walked to the
couch and wearily sat down. What was going to happen now? Julie
needed time, but did that mean she would one day love him? Or was
she going to take the time she claimed to need and then realize that
Roland isn't the man she wants? At that last thought he shuddered
noticeably and made a silent, passionate prayer to heaven that he
would never have to live without at least the hope of her love. As
painful as it was to be so near her and not be able to hold and kiss
her as he wanted, it would be infinitely more so to know that she did
not, or could not, love him. She was his angel of hope, making even
the darkest time bearable, and he could not bare to think of his life
without her. Heaving a deep sigh he sunk back into the couch to wait
for his angel to return.
Lord Hensley was pleased enough to hear that young Roland
Woodridge was back. He had always been a great friend of the boy's
father and anything he could do for the returned son would be a
tribute to his memory. Julie had told him the boy was waiting in the
sitting room and would be joining them for dinner. Splendid!
Splendid!
Lord Hensley made his way to the room. "Roland my boy!" he
said, "Finally tired of those bloody Frenchies?" Lord Hensley was a
true English gentleman and the murdering French were, of course,
nothing but trouble.
Roland was startled from his reverie by Lord Hensley's entrance.
He was happy to see Lord Hensley after his long absence. He had
always been so kind and generous to Roland and his family and with
Roland's own father dead Lord Hensley was the only father figure he
had to turn to. With a laugh he answered Lord Hensley. "Did you
think I could resist coming back to England forever? Just try and
find a decent piece of mutton in France. I tell you it's
impossible!"
"Demmed right, my boy. Not much good out of there. Good to have
you back. It wasn't right, not having a Woodridge across the way."
Lord Hensley patted the boy's shoulder absentmindedly. "Glad you're
home." Roland was a good boy. A good man now, he thought. Ah, he was
getting old and sentimental. A shame what happened to the Woodridges.
The boy had a promising future...if only the past could be forgotten.
"Well thank you, sir. It is good to be back where I belong.
Here with Julie is where I belong." It took him a moment to realize
what he had said. Lud, but that wasn't what he meant to say! Lord
Hensley was not in a position to know what was going on between he
and Julie yet. Quickly he tried to cover his slip. "And with
yourself and Joy of course. With the entire family." He was
flustered and had started rambling. He felt his face go hot and
glanced down at the floor, trying to regain his composure.
Lord Hensley was not the brightest of English gentlemen...but he
was wondering if perhaps young Roland had a partiality to his
daughter. "Ah the entire family. And Julie of course." He watched the
boy's face for his reaction.
A smile lusciously spread across Roland's face at the mention of
Julie's name. After a moment he realized that he was standing there,
grinning like an idiot, and vainly attempted to regain some of his
dignity. Roland coughed lightly and responded in what he hoped was a
calm fashion. "Julie, and Joy as well, were always my closest
friends. It is wonderful to be reunited with them." He only hoped
that he had been successfully nonchalant.
"Ah, I still know a few tricks." The old lord was smugly
satisfied with himself. So, the young man had designs on his
daughter. He wasn't sure what he thought about this. But Julie had a
strong will- he doubted he'd get much thought about it at all. Roland
was of good family. His problems would blow over. If not, who cared
much? He'd leave it up to the girl. He shrugged, looking his
daughter's prospect over. "Eh...she could do worse, my boy. Is there
something I should know?"
Roland carefully considered what to say. He couldn't lie to
Lord Hensley but he was unsure as to how much he should really tell
him. Honesty was the best policy here, but restraint was also called
for. "Well sir, nothing is really official yet, but I must confess I
am quite taken with her. She is an enchanting creature and I will
do my best to win her. I will be sure to keep you abreast of any
developments, sir." Speaking of Julie had put him in an amazingly
cheery mood and he asked, with his smile beaming, "I wonder where in
the devil the girls could be? Dinner must be almost ready."
Lord Hensley laughed and slapped Roland on the back. "I admire
your honesty my boy. To you task then and I wish you the best of luck
with it! My daughters, I am sure, are waiting for us in the dining
room. You must be far more anxious to join the young beauties than
waste your time with an old man like me. Shall we go?"
Roland was relieved to have Lord Hensley's blessing. That was at
least one less thing to worry about. "I appreciate your blessing,
sir. And now, let's find those two lovely young ladies who we're to
dine with." Roland's heart began to beat faster at the prospect of
seeing Julie again. As they neared the dining room Roland paused
briefly and took a deep breath to calm himself before entering.
Lord Hensley laughed and shook his head as they approached the
dining room. "It is not my blessing you need," he muttered.
As Roland and Lord Hensley approached the dining hall he heard
Julie's voice coming down the hall. He momentarily paused to enjoy
listening to her lilting voice before entering the dining hall to
join the girls and Mssr. Chenard for dinner.
Meanwhile...
"It is not something I wish to discuss right now," Julie told her
sister yet again as they left their rooms, now appropriately attired
for dinner. "Please, it has been a long, difficult day."
"Difficult?" Joy asked. "The man my sister has loved all her
life returns her affections and she calls it difficult. Oh my, you
have my extreme pity!"
Julie turned and glared at her sister, almost missing the door
to the dining hall. She paused. "Listen Joy, I would tell you all,
but there is nothing to tell! There is currently nothing between
Roland and I..."
"Currently is the word that makes me want to hear more. Are the
passions of love blooming..?"
"Monsieur Chenard!" Julie stopped short at the sight of their
tutor already in the dining hall. "Joy was just playing Romeo and
Juliet again."
"Oh, bien mes petites, but shouldn't you be studying Hamlet?
That is after all your latest assignment." With a slight chuckle he
continued. "But it always does this old teachers heart good to see
his pupils studying more than they have to." He truly was oblivious
to what was going on but he was perfectly contented that way. "So
tell me chéris, did anything interesting happen this afternoon?"
"Oh very interesting Monsieur Chenard," Joy began, giving Julie a
wicked smile. "In fact, Julie was just commenting..."
Julie stamped on Joy's foot hard, stopping her in mid-sentence.
If her sister wanted to play games, she was in for it. "We always
find our studies wonderfully interesting, Monsieur." She gave the
French teacher an angelic smile.
As this little scene was occurring Roland entered with Lord Hensley
and the two men stood in the doorway watching. Roland knew exactly
what was going on and couldn't help but laugh a little. Lud, but Joy
was almost as bad as he was! Finally Roland decided it was time to make his
presence known. He cleared his throat lightly and, slipping Julie a
mischievous and knowing glance said, "Is dinner nearly ready? I
trust we are not interrupting anything."
"You are interrupting nothing at all Roland." Julie assured,
looking pointedly at her sister. "Have you met our tutor Monsieur
Chenard? Monsieur Chenard, Roland Woodridge." As Julie completed the
introductions, Joy pouted petulantly behind her back.
Lord Hensley was used to his daughter's antics and they amused
him more than anything. Turning to their guest, he said, "Why don't
we all sit down? How was your day girls?"
"Oh very interesting..." Joy began as Julie glared at her.
"Don't start." Her sister warned. The girls took their normal
places besides each other as Lord Hensley moved to the head of the
table. The other head of the table was rightfully Roland's- he was
the guest. Yet the place across from the girls was also open...Lord
Hensley watched to see where the young man would choose.
As the group assembled at the table Roland carefully considered
where to sit. Would it be looked at badly for Roland to sit at
the open seat near the girls. His heart was telling him to sit as
near to Julie as possible and, after some consideration, Roland gave
a slightly embarrassed smile to Lord Hensley and sat down at the place
across from Julie.
Joy couldn't help nudging Julie at Roland's choice. As she looked
around, Julie noticed that even her father was smiling at them. So he
knew too!
As he took his seat he glanced about him and the entire room
seemed to be staring. He blushed slightly and smiled apologetically
as he arranged his napkin on his lap.
In exasperation, Julie turned to the end of the table-
where Roland should have been seated, to converse with the only
person she was sure was not hearing wedding bells ringing in his
head. Julie thought for a moment- she couldn't discuss Hamlet, she
hadn't read it...Well, that was as good as a topic as any. "I have a
confession to make Monsieur Chenard. I did not do my reading this
afternoon." There, she knew her tutor would have quite an answer to
that.
"Julie I am surprised! You are normally so attentive to your
work." Softening somewhat he added, "but you will have time to catch
up tomorrow. Just be sure that you don't get too far behind."
Joy put a look of surprise on her face and stared at her
sister. Stamp on her foot, would she? She was going to get Julie to
admit what was going on! "I can't believe it Julie. What on earth
could be soooo important as to make you miss your studies? Even I
read Hamlet." She smiled sweetly at her sister and received a sharp
kick under the table for her pains. Julie conveniently ignored her
and turned her attention to the food being brought in.
"Well Julie, I must admit I am interested to know why you did not
do your reading myself." She was normally such an attentive student
he was interested to know what could possibly cause her to skip her
work.
Julie smiled- she could handle this. "Well our dear friend
Roland was back from France," she gave him a bright, if rather fake,
smile across the table, "And I simply had to hear all about what he
did there."
"Oh, I must have missed that conversation when I was reading
and you and Mr. Woodridge were alone together. You did spend an awful
lot of time alone. So tell me, Julie, what did Roland do all that
time in France?" Joy smiled and received another well aimed kick at
her shins. This time she kicked back.
Lord Hensley's head had shot up at Joy's last statement. The
boy could woo his daughter...but he did not like the idea of them
spending extensive amounts of time alone. It was not proper.
Julie froze. She hadn't spoken to Roland at all about France.
All she knew was that he continuously thought of her there and she
could hardly share that...
Roland's heart stopped for a second when Joy asked Julie about his
time in France. He knew she knew next to nothing of his time in
France and was not about to let her be made to look foolish on his
account. Speaking up just in time Roland said with a lazy tone, "Oh
there really is nothing to tell. I wouldn't want my dear Julie to
have to recount my rather unexciting travels." As he concluded he
glanced quickly around to see how the resy of the table was reacting
to his statements.
Joy smiled as Roland played the white knight. She enjoyed
tormenting her sister, but it was about time he stepped in. She
kicked Julie under the table, a playful kick this time.
Julie let out a sigh of relief. "Yes," she said, "All dull and
boring. He said nothing could compare to the things he had left in
England." Well, she figured that was true enough...he had said that
among his professions of love. It was difficult not to blush at the
thought of all the things that had been said in the fits of passion
that afternoon. Julie looked down at her plate, concentrating on
moving her food around with her fork. She couldn't really eat...not
after this afternoon with Roland now sitting straight across from
her, her sister stirring up trouble at every opportunity, and her
father sitting like some discerning judge at the head of the table.
Roland smiled lightly at Julie. It made him wonderful to be able
to help her, even if it were in such a minor way. With a meaningful
gaze at Julie he said, "France may have it's advantages, but nothing
can compare to being here, in England with my friends." Nothing can
compare to being with Julie, he thought, but dared not say it aloud.
At the head of the table Lord Hensley nodded in relief- this all
seemed innocent enough. It would be normal for the two friends to
spend time discussing France...but now that he knew Roland's
intentions, he would have to make sure the two were properly
chaperoned.
Julie blushed under Roland's gaze and continued to mix her food
into an unidentifiable mess. "As I said, we are very glad to have you
here." she muttered into her plate.
Joy smiled up at Roland and kicked him under the table. Once she had his
attention, she gave a suggestive nod towards Julie. She knew exactly
what...who Roland was referring to. Oh, she loved romances!
Roland looked up at Joy and nodded subtly, with a reverent smile
on his face. He turned his gaze to Julie and quietly admired her
while she was unaware of his gaze. Lud, but it seemed as if she grew
more beautiful every time he looked at her.
"Julie, you must not mumble so. How am I to take you anywhere? And
with the Prince's ball coming up."
At the mention of the ball Roland perked up. The mere thought of
an evening with Julie put him in a rather cheery mood. "La, but I
nearly forgot. Sir," he said turning to Lord Hensley, "I most humbly
request the pleasure of escorting your lovely daughters to the
Prince's engagement ball." He turned and glanced knowingly at the
girls before turning back to his meal.
Julie glanced up from her food, her eyes wide. She had forgotten
about the ball. Joy gave her a nudge and smiled. "If you kick me one
more time, I will kill you." Julie hissed at her out the side of her
mouth.
"Likewise." Joy hissed back.
Lord Hensley looked up from his meal and eyed Roland
suspiciously. "Both of them?"
He wasn't quite sure how to respond to this. Of course he would
escort both the girls but they all knew he would watch Joy go running
off the second they arrived and would spend the evening at Julie's
side. "Well yes, sir. I would hate to leave either of them without
a proper escort for what will id one of the biggest events to happen
in quite some time."
"Of course he is taking both of us Father!" Julie added. "He
wants the pleasure of my company...and someone must keep poor little
Joy out of trouble."
Lord Hensley nodded. "By all means my boy. I hope you all have
a wonderful time."
"I'll poor little Joy you," Joy muttered. She smiled at
Joy. "And of course we all know how much Roland loves the pleasure of
your company."
"Of course I adore Julie's company," he said as he caught her
eyes with his own. "It isn't often that I get to spend time with
such an beautiful, intelligent, kind woman." He held her gaze and
smiled at her lovingly, hoping he had not embarrassed her.
Julie smiled sweetly back at him. "Two of them," she reminded
him. "Though Joy can be rash, thoughtless, and manipulative, she
often still falls into the other categories. I won't have you
forgetting my darling sister."
Joy gave a fake little sigh of despair. "You forgot me easily
enough this afternoon. It was just you and Roland...and poor little
thoughtless me sitting in the garden, reading my Hamlet! I guess I am
easy to forget next to Julie Roland."
With a laugh Roland answered. "I could never forget you, Joy!
Even if I tried." He laughed heartily and smiled at Joy playfully as
he awaited her response.
Joy was getting frustrated. She had been ignored, uninformed, and
placated all evening. No one would tell her what was going on. Julie
kept kicking her. And despite the tension she felt between Julie and
Roland, they gave no real indication that they were in love. Her
father knew something, she could tell. It was all too much for the
excitable Joy to handle. Oh demm it all!" she shouted in
exasperation, "Why can't you two just admit you are in love?" She
sighed and looked around at the stunned table. "Father, would you
please pass the salt?"
He was shocked. And that was putting it mildly. He had no idea
how to even begin to respond to that. Finally he spoke in a quiet,
calm tone. "I never made any denials of that fact Joy. But if you
want it spoken in explicit terms, so be it." He turned to Julie,
eyes wide with love and excitement, and took a deep breath before
speaking. His voice was softer now, and had a touch of reverence in
it as he spoke to Julie. "I love you, Julie. I always have and I
always will. You are my angel and my world would be empty without
you." He gazed at Julie as sat down, barely able to comprehend what
he had just done.
Julie felt the world going in slow motion. It was as if she could
actually see the words coming from first Joy and then Roland and
could do nothing to stop them. She was utterly mortified. Her
personal affairs were now known by everyone. She had just received
love declarations in front of everyone. They were nothing new to her,
but she could tell Joy, Monsieur Chenard, and her father were stunned
by them. The two people she trusted most in her life seemed to be
conspiring against her. She considered running away,
screaming...throttling Joy within an inch of her life...but what good
would any of that do now? Roland had promised no more love
declarations tonight...ah well. She took a deep breath as Roland sat
back down. She smiled at him. "May I have the salt when you are
finished with it Joy?"
Immediately upon finishing his final sentence he knew he
shouldn't have taken Joy's bait. He had promised Julie to cease with
his proclamations of love for the evening and he had gone back on his
word at almost the first opportunity, and in front of the rest of the
house. And now she was completely ignoring his statements. He knew
how incredibly foolish he must look right now to the rest of the
group. Not only had he proclaimed his love for all to hear like
a silly school boy, he was then *completely* ignored by the woman whom
he had just sworn his love to. He was certain that he had just
ruined any chances he had with Julie and his heart was breaking.
With his whole body trembling he stood and turned to Lord
Hensley. "Will you excuse me sir?" And without waiting for a
response he walked calmly from the dining room. As soon as he was
out of the room he broke into a run as tears flowed freely down his
cheeks. HE ran blindly down the hall, stumbling to the door that led
into the garden. He pulled the door open and heaved himself onto the
bench where only a few hours ago he had sat with Julie. He sat,
broken and humiliated, with his head in his hands as tears of
humiliation and pain surged down his cheeks.
As soon as Roland was gone, Lord Hensley turned on his daughters.
He was tired of their foolishness. "I thought I had raised you two to
be women." he said softly, his voice shaking with rage. "I see now
that you are still very much little girls. What you have put poor
Roland Woodridge through tonight is more than any man could rightly
bear. Joy, if you weren't truly eighteen and actually the child you
have been acting like, I would belt you soundly. Now out of my sight,
both of you! I wish to finish my dinner in peace. If you have lost
him, Julie, you have lost a good man." Ad with that he would not utter another word to his wayward daughters.
Joy took Julie's hand and led her from the room. Julie was
staring numbly into space. The words kept resounding through her
head: "If you have lost him. If you have lost him...more than any man
could rightly bear." What would she do if she lost Roland? She wasn't
even thinking of love now...just him, as a person, as a friend, as a
presence in her life. Whatever would she do if she lost him? Thinking
this, she allowed Joy to lead her into the sitting room. She turned
to her sister.
"He's gone Joy. He's gone." Julie started crying
hysterically as Joy tried to comfort her.
"I am so sorry." Joy repeated over and over.
"It is my fault. It is all my fault." Julie couldn't move. She couldn't think. Her emotions had so exhausted her. "What do I do?" She asked Joy. The sisters that had been warring just minutes ago were now united in a common goal. Their
warring had caused their dearest friend suffering - they must relieve
it.
"I am sure he has headed home." Joy said. "I will catch him."
Julie tried to stand, but fell back against the couch. "I will
come too. I must apologize."
"No." Joy stopped her. "What will you do, crawl after him? I
will bring him back to you. Wait here." Without another word, she
left the room, pulled her cloak on and headed out into the darkness.
She would have gone straight to Woodridge Manor...but she heard the
sobs of despair from the garden and discovered Roland's huddled form.
She gently placed a hand on his back. "Roland." She began. "We are
foolish girls. Please forgive us."
He turned to Joy, confused and exhausted by his
emotions. "Forgive you? For what Joy? You have done nothing
wrong. I am the one who cannot even keep a simple promise to the
woman he loves." As he spoke tears streamed down his face and his
whole frame shook with his sobs. "I would not blame Julie if she
could never trust me again after that display." His heart broke into
a million pieces as he spoke those words; "Julie could never trust me
again." They echoed in his mind, deafening all of his senses except
for the ever increasing sorrow at the thought of losing his Julie,
his angel of hope. Oh God, what has he done? He cold not think
anymore, his mind raced constantly with the thought of his life
without Julie and he truly thought that he was going to die.
Joy wanted to shake some sense into Roland. Both him and her
sister- they were normally decent, sensible people. Perhaps love
wasn't all she had always envisioned it...Julie and Roland seemed
miserable. Joy sighed and patiently explained. "It is my fault, not
yours. I provoked you." She took his tearstained face in her hands,
trying to make him focus on her words and not his own pity. "Now stop
feeling sorry for yourself. You upset too easily. Right now there is
a girl in the sitting room sobbing because she believes she has lost
YOU forever. I swear, you two could drive a person away from the very
idea of love! Julie does not hate you! You do not hate Julie! Now I
think you two should get face to face and share these new exciting
ideas."
Julie thought she had lost him? She was in the sitting room
sobbing? Oh his poor Julie, he had to go to her! Roland leapt up,
nearly stumbling with his exhaustion. "I must go to her! Joy, thank
you my dear. You are forgiven for everything." And without another
word he dashed back into the house and ran to the sitting room.
Joy smiled as Roland ran off. "Finally." And here she was again,
stuck on the garden bench while Roland and Julie performed love
scenes in the sitting room. This could get old quickly! Joy shrugged
and headed back towards the dining room. She was sure her father's
temper had cooled by now...and she was hungry.
Julie sat by herself in the sitting room, rocking back and forth
on the couch. Joy would bring Roland back, she knew it. But what
would she say to him? Apologize? Tell him she cherished him as a
friend and could not bear to lose him. As she sat, she swore to
herself that there would be no more love discussions entertained.
They were causing enough trouble. Truly at this point she would let
Roland say whatever he wished as long as he forgave her.
As he entered the sitting room, his cheeks still streaked with
tears, he looked at Julie and his heart broke once more. The vision
of his darling angel, with her tear stained face buried in her hands
gently rocking herself brought fresh tears to his eyes. Silently he
went to her and, sitting close to her, cradled her in his arms and
gently rocked her back and forth. His own voice choked with tears he
whispered softly, his lips close to her ear, "I am here now angel.
Everything is all right" and placed a gentle kiss on her tear stained
cheek.
Julie looked up at him. Was he angry? "I am so sorry Roland. I
know the scene in the dining room was not your fault. And they way I
reacted...I hurt you...it was cruel and selfish and...I'm sorry."
"All is forgiven, my angel," he said in a soothing whisper as he
calmingly caressed her back. Gently he lifted her face to his and
placed a soft kiss upon her trembling lips. "I am as much, if not
more so, to blame than you. None of this would have happened if I
could have kept my promise to you." His voice lowered slightly as he
spoke, breath a bit uneven with the emotion of the moment. "It pains
me to see what my foolish behavior has put you through." A single
tear rolled down his cheek as held her tightly in his arms, slowly
rocking both of them back and forth like a frightened child.
In her emotional agitation, Julie allowed him to kiss her yet
again, but regretted it afterwards. This could not continue. But she
was so relieved he was not angry with her~ that she had not lost
him...as a friend. Her father's words had frightened her terribly.
Now with Roland's arms around her she felt secure again. Slowly she
unwrapped herself from his arms and held his hands in hers. She
looked into his eyes. "Roland we have both been foolish in our own
ways. I almost wish we could take back the day...all the tears...at
least start it over. Perhaps..." Julie trailed off, thinking to
herself. How would she handle the day if it started over? She shook
herself out of her thoughts and smiled at Roland. "We can at least
start this little fiasco over." She stood and extended her hand to
Roland. "Sir, you have been in France a long time. I am sure my
family would love to see you. And I am loathe to let you run away
quickly after such a long separation. Would you join us for dinner?"
Quietly Roland stood and took her tiny hand in his. "Dinner
sounds simply lovely angel, do lead the way," he said with a smile.
He was relieved to have the trying scene that had occurred at dinner
behind them, but he couldn't shake the feeling that Julie was still
not happy about the days developments. She had talked of taking the
day back, of starting over. Did this mean that she was unhappy that
he loved her? Did she wish that he had not told her of his love?
The questions raced through Roland's mind, causing his head to spin.
If she could not love him than he would simply have to stop this
insanity here and now. There was no use to him pouring his heart
continuously if there was no hope of it making her feel for him the
way he felt for her. Half way down the hall to the dining room he
stopped and turned to face Julie. Still holding her hand he looked
deep into to her eyes. "Angel, I must ask you something and...please
just tell me the truth." He took a deep breath to steady his nerves
and continued. "Will you ever love me?"
"What a question! Roland you are my dearest friend. I will always
love you. I could not stop if I tried." Julie doubted that answer
would satisfy him, but it was the truth. She smiled at him and
started to continue towards the dining room.
As she started to walk away towards the dining room he grasped
her hand to stop her and pulled her back towards him desperately.
With a pleading and desperate tone in his voice he gazed at Julie
searchingly and said, "Lud Julie, you know what I mean!" Quieter
now, his gaze softened. "Please angel, I must know."
Julie sighed. "Roland, if I knew that, if I knew for sure...what
would be the point of this waiting? It would be cruel to both of us.
Do I have the potential to love you in...that way...is that what you
mean? I think I do. I did once."
With a relieved grin on his face he squeezed her hand lovingly
and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Fair enough. I understand you
can't tell me more. In the end we will be all the happier for taking
this time, I'm sure, even if it is trying for us." With a deep
breath he gazed at into her lovely green eyes. "But never doubt that
I love you, my angel. Time could never change that."
Julie smiled. "Thank you." She had decided that was the easiest
and wisest way to deal with any love declarations that flew her way
until she knew what to do with them. "And I know I am very lucky to
have your love."
She said it innocently but it made his heart leap. "You have
made me so happy, angel." As he gazed at her he leaned in closer to
her upturned face and, taking it in his hands, placed a small lovely
kiss on her delicate lips.
In the dining room...
When Joy returned to the dining room her dinner was still hot and
her father was still cold. But she gave him her best and brightest
smile and started chatting away amicably until he could do nothing
but laugh and forgive her earlier behavior. Joy had always had the
power to charm her father.
After some time went by, Lord Hensley
interrupted her talk. "Where is your sister?"
Joy shrugged. "With Roland."
"Alone?" This alarmed Lord Hensley. As good a man as he thought
the Woodridge boy to be, Roland had been in France for years...what
if he had picked up their ways. It was never a good idea for young
men and women to be together unchaperoned. The protective father
started to kick in.
Joy shrugged. "Sure."
Lord Hensley abruptly pushed his chair back and stood up. "Well,
not for long." His daughter would not be left alone with that boy.
AFTER THE KISS...
Lord Hensley entered the hallway just in time to see that young
upstart Roland kissing his innocent little girl.
Julie pulled away from Roland's kiss. "Roland, please don't."