TRUST

Alone and frustraited
I don't know what to do
Or how to react
When someone says, "I love you"
Should I trust them completely
Giving them my all?
Or should I turn away in pain
Thinking that they don't mean it at all
It's so hard to trust
When you've been hurt and misused
You begin to have trust issues
Then no trust at all
Although I don't know how to express it
I know that I need to
Somehow ashamed of the way I feel
As though my untrust for people
Has left me full of sin
Is it that hard to learn how to trust again?
It seems that way
During every moment of every day
Thinking about how to say I'm scared
Scared of what people think
Scared of my thoughts
Scared I may be dead in the next five minutes
I know I must confide in people
But I'm afraid to
As if when I did, people would think
That I'm naive and trusting
When I really know better
I guess I can never trust again
I need help trying to recooperate!
Into my old self
Trusting, but not naive
Oh someone please help me to learn!
I can't do this by myself
It's alright now
I'm dead, gone forever


STRANGE LANDS

I hear the raindrops
Hitting the glass like bells
Harder and faster
Until suddenly, it ceases to exist
I am in a world of dreams
No hunger, no pain
Everyone is happy
I'm hearing bells, lots and lots of bells
Ringing in the air
There is NO PAIN
The bells are the laughter
The laugher of small children playing in a park
Suddenly...the skies grow dark
The thunder is cracking
Lightning is flashing
Children are crying
What is is that caused all of this pain?
Everyone is scared of this thing
This thing called Reality.


THE UNFORGIVABLY IGNORANT CREATURE

Through the darkness I see him
Ghastly this grotesque shape
Cringing when he touches me
Fearing a worser fate
Will he dare violate me again
Or let me stay pure
As he comes closer
His presence I cannot endure
Imaturely he acts
Much younger than his years
Not as a child of innocence
But as the demons we fear
His obsenity is revolting
His arrogance quite clear
The hatefullness he shows
Is psychotic as he jeers
Has he always been as such?
A question I fear to ask
Because he is so fake
Finding out would be an uneasy task
As I sit here trapped with this creature
With no hope of escape
I try to understand what makes this liar
Search everyone with such hate
The lies are quite trivial and shallow
Trying to make you believe he is something he's not
He likes to manipulate people
And grow angry when you doubt the lies he's got
He should fear for his life
The way he reduces people's control
For one day someone will surely kill this creature
And I shant be one they need to console


TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT

Sometimes to close for comfort
Sometimes not close enough
When shall we reach
That togetherness we search?
I long to be with you
For you to hold me in your arms
When I'm without that
I feel empty inside
When we reach that closeness
Will it be too close for comfort?
We speak about the past
Sometimes the future
But never about the present
Our feelings seldom shared
About how we feel about things
But when we do
We reach no compromise
Who know what the future really holds for us
If we try we can make the future what we want it to be
Strenuous effort must be put forth
In order to get what we want
In every effort we put forth
We must give our fullest
Or else our dreams will be shattered into thousands of pieces
For now we must strain to keep our minds open
And maybe we can put ourselves in each others place
Maybe then we can comprehend what we both feel
When one of us does something that hurts
Thinking about our priorities
Not just for the moment, but also for the future
We will understand how to compromise
Until an agreement is finally made
Then our feelings will always be
Underdstandable to each other
And them we won't be
Too close for comfort


TOO HEARTS COMBINED

Smile, and I'll smile with you
Touch, and I'll touch you back
Love, and love will be given
Two hearts combined
Will cherish each other
And comfort each other
Cry, and I'll cry with you
Shiver, a blanket will be wrapped around
Shake, my arms will hold you close
Two hearts combined
Will take care of each other
And support each other
Laugh, and I'll laugh with you
Give me heart
And you will have mine
I'll give you my soul
If your two hearts combine


WHERE ARE YOU?

Where are you
I can't see anything
Where are you
I can't feel anything
Where are you
I'm alone in this darkness
Where are you
They're chasing me down
Where are you
I can't take this anymore
Where are you
The pain is much too deep
Where are you
I can't just sit here
Where are you
I don't want to be alone


TORCHED THROUGH TORTURE

Death flies over me
Hunger comes and goes
Thirst never quenched
The longing is always there
Fear making me tremble
Your power making me humble
The magic over powering
It takes over my soul
Tuning in the darkness
I feel the presence
Slipping on the drops of blood
Shed out of my eyes
The demonic force
Wickedly grinning at me
Going over crossroads
Carrying the pain
Stopping at every corner
Watching out for more victims
Passing the enchanted forest
Going through hell
Hatred coming
The times cherished
Are all gone
I find myself crying
Restlessness loses hold
And the rain never stops


ANCIENT TIMES

Reaching out into other worlds
But alas, they do not answer
The smoke form the insence
Emits characters from other worlds
Twisting and turning
As the yellow smoke engulfs us
The sweet smell of ancient towns
Reaches our senses making them tingle
Ahand from the smoke
Appears and reaches out
Begging for us to enter
The black hole from which it came
We reach for it
But it goes through our fingers
Teasing us into a ghostly frenzy
We want to be a part of it
To join the freedom and floatation
But we can't
Crestfallen we breath in the fumes
Sensing it going through and cleaing our spirit
For we will never be in ancient times


UNTITLED

Rushing through the darkness
Blindly grasping for hope
Reaching towards the unknown
Running from fear
Touching the glass
That separates us from light
Trapped in the darkness
Screaming for help
No one can hear
The torment deep in my soul
For everyone
And everything
Thier own world
Is pure hell


UNTITLED

The days go by
I feel myself growing closer
I find myself falling harder
I lose myself...in you
Dwelling on past experiences
Fearing the worst for the future
I try to block my feelings
That would let me love you
You light the single torch
That guides me through the darkness
Every tear you shed inside
Dims the light in your eyes
I miss you even now
As if you were gone already
I don't want you to leave
I need you more than you know


UNTITLED

Lost without hope
Wondering how many times this has happened
Wondering how many more times are coming
I guess I truly am alone now
I guess I'll be alone forever
Should I be surprised
Probably not
Yet I always try to hope
I always try to dream
Everytime the hope is shattered
Everytime the dreams are smashed
Why should I bother?
My world has ended
My everything is gone
All I wanted was you
All I needed was you
Everything I ever wished for
I found in you
Depression sets in
Tears flow violently
Inner turmoil raging
Maybe soon time will stop
Maybe soon, it will all end


UNTITLED

Lost
Words unspoken
Alone
Feelings gone unshared
Time passes
And I feel more unsure
Frustration
And anger comes
Sarcasm
My patience wearing thin
Violence
Someone dies
Peace comes
Only because I'm dead


02-02-02

Alone
Bewildered
Voice gone unheaded
My opinion doesn't count
Shout and Scream
Speaking softly
It makes no difference
Always ignored
Always spoken over
Should I even exist
Should you even care?
Longing for recgnition
Never to be had
Craving your attention
Lost and forgotten


12-30-97 FOR JENNIFER

Hopeless remembrances
You forever gone
Dreams and lives shattered
Someone fell from grace
Ripping your soul from your body
Someone that you knew
Or a stranger to us all
Has a wieght upon thier shoulers
Upon which lies a head we'd like to crush
Watch over us in our sleep oh angel
Protect us from a worser fate
And guide us through our grief
Giving us hope and strength


06-26-99

Tortured, the lack of passion showed
Finding a new way of feeling alone
There is always more....
Long lost love
Thrown away with no thought of remorse
How can your passion be so dissipated?
Am I compared to she?
Do you see her when you see me?
Do I hold a candle?
I fear not, for I am no beauty
Nor experienced in the knowledge of your hidden soul
Three long years...
Need I still be afraid?
Do you still dream of a love
You dreamt of long before?
Anguished by the thoughts of what she did?
Is my passion not great?
Do I not outshine the love once lost?
Love me with all
Or leave me with a dream
That what we once had
Must have been more
Than a love once lost


VARY THE RAMBLINGS IN A COLLEGE COFFEE HOUSE 09-18-99

Punk Rock Girl, Punk Rock Girl..why is your phone ringing...you're not that cool...put your life on hold..read a newspaper, RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE, as your pages rustle. Waiting for my drink please. Where are you? OOH sip that tasty beveratge. 'bout time you bitch! SUCK SUCK SUCK. Cigarette is down to the butt. Talk about your friends, your friend's boyfriend. How he treats her like shit. Computer nerds are so sweet, hee-hee! Ooh yes! Lets mix up those cliques. It's so much better that way. Yeah, untill the intellectuals goet sick of the frat boys, and beat the shit out of each other. TALK TALK TALK my voice is SO LOUD! I must really want people to notice that I'm speaking. OOOH my contract of my employment...yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah! Eat that bagel and snicker at the comics. Yeah buddy, it's cool. I wish my date would talk to me. Just staring at each other is getting boring. WHAT? He askes as if he doesn't know. Look at all these people talking, why can't we? Punk Rock Girl. Punk Rock Girl. How I wish I was that free! STUDY STUDY STUDY everyone must Learn!Learn!Learn! Mommy won't pay for my living expenses unless I pass! Better study! SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP I wish people would pick up their damn trash! MUMBLE MUMBLE MUMBLE I need a real job! Watching people live thier lives. OOH! Hee hee! KISS KISS! It's so good to see you! Where have you been? Oh, my sorority is running to Florida next weekend! Punk Rock Girl! Punk Rock Girl!


05-13-02

The passion building
Emotions all aflame
You cannot quench this thirst
You must engulf yourself in it
Dripping with yearning
Lost in the power
Surrounded by the feeling
Tormented by the touch
You are dominatied
Dominated by the overpowerful passion
Overflowing with the ecstacy
Needing someone, or something
To fill the void
Succumb to your weekness
Give yourself to it
And let it
Give itself to you


05-14-02

Trapped
Confined in tiny spaces
No escape
Tormented by the pressure
Slipping on tears shed
Shaken
Unable to retaliate in the way I want to
Do you hear me screaming?
Do you feel the anger in my voice?
Can you begin to imagine?
Hatred blossoming into abhor
Banging on walls
Wanting to escape
Enveloped in the pain
Surrounded by extreme torment
It's time to meet your makers


09-06-02

Dreams washed away
Torrential flames
Why can't I stop crying?
Tormented with anguish
Mesmerized by the pain
No release
Everything flashing over and over again
Why can't I stop screaming?
Endured so much
Conquered so much pain
Why can't I conquer this?
Why won't the pain just end?
Tears flow freely each time
I think of her on my doorstep
Relief floods over when I see her face
But the re-occurring anquish
Of unknowing forces me to the floor
Again and again
It's always the same


09-10-02

I can't get over this
I can't stop crying
Why am I so upset?
It's been almost a full year
I personally had no one die
Yes, there was a scare
A scare of a lost one
Yet she was found
I can't get over this
I can't stop crying
The tears burn my eyes
Am I stupid?
Am I overly sensitive?
I feel like a huge wieght
Is just sitting on my chest
It won't leave
I can't think strait
I can't concentrate
I can't get over this
I can't stop crying


11-27-02

She had no idea how long it would last
Squeezing her arms around herself
Holding herself tightly, she sighs
To be so close to something
Just within one's grasp
Afraid that at any moment, it would end
That's when the pain would start again
The terrible lonelyness
The desire to be able to give her love freely
And to have it returned, tormented her
If it was not meant to be, she could accept that
But, the ever hopefull spark of maybe
Was always there
Plaguing her
Hugging herself tighter
She waits
And she dreams