Electrical Appliance
Evilness Ranking Chart

Kitchen Appliances

1. Electric can opener       (2)
        I ask thee, what is wrong with a regular manual can opener?  They art reliable, and thou art in direct control 
        of the opening of the can.  Electric can openers art slow and dangerous.  Hast thou ever heard of anyone 
        cranking off their own finger with their own hand?  No.  Hast thou ever heard of an electrically corrupted can opener 
        clamping down and gnawing off an innocent digit?  Yes.
2. Microwave           (6)
        God gaveth man food, and to cooketh the food, He gaveth man fire.  The nourishment we put into our bodies was never 
        meant to be "nuked" or "zapped" by such a contraption as the scorcher box, or "microwave" as they calleth it.  It 
        remains a paradox as to why people everywhere prefereth home cooking (made with natural heat), yet returneth to 
        McDonald's time and time again.
3. Coffee maker        (3)
        
4. Toaster        (3)
        
5. Dishwasher         (4)
        This aweful kitchen appliance hath made many a women soft and lazy.  The temptation to let electrically powered soap
        and water "scrub" and "clean" the dishes is too much for a growing number of wives in our modern day.  The dishwasher
        hideth behind cleanliness so as to disguise its trenchant intent to infiltrate your kitchen with an ever growing flow of
        electricity.
6. Refrigerator          (5)
        
7. Blender        (3)
        The blender wast invented for those who have not learned the patience needed to properly dice food.  They obviously 
        have also not learned how to chew food that hath not been liquified.
        

Entertainment Appliances

1. TV           (6)
2. Radio         (4)
3. Remote control        (3)
4. VCR         (4)
5. Tape player         (4)
6. CD player          (5)
7. Disco ball       (2)
8. Nintendo
9. Sony Playstation
10. Playstation 2

Office Supplies

1. Telephone        (3)
2. Electric pencil sharpener       (2)
3. Calculator      (1)
4. Paper shredder       (2)
5. FAX machine          (5)
6. Xerox machine          (5)
7. Computer               (10)

Toys

1. Teddy Ruxpin             (8)
        Many innocent children see Teddy Ruxpin as a cute and cuddley talking bear.  They are wrong.  This deceptive creature
        is a modern ursine terror.  The fact is that Teddy Ruxpin is a very close ally of Barney.  It is also rumored that Barney
        is secretly controlled by The Nissan Guy.  If this "toy" ran on steam and wind, it would still remain a colossal source of
        evil.  The fact that it runs on electricity just makes it all the worse.
2. "Tickle Me" Elmo           (6)

Tools

1. Chainsaw       (2)
       What is wrong with the trusty ol' ax?  At least chainsaws use mostly gas power.
2. Drill        (3)
3. Air Compressor        (3)
        Many a person say to themselves, "Air compressors art powered by air pressure, not by electricity."  Well, how dost
        thou think the air becomes pressurized?  Electricity!  Admitedly, an air compresser dost convert the power of
        electricity into a consciously acceptable form, which is why it is only given a ranking of 3.
4. Welder             (8)
5. Jigsaw        (3)
6. Circular saw         (4)
7. Table saw           (6)
8. Electric sander        (3)
9. Grinder         (4)

Automotive

1. Car            (7)
2. Radar detector       (2)
3. Cigarette lighter      (1)
4. Car wash             (8)

Other

1. Flashlight       (2)
2. Walkie talkies         (4)
3. Light bulb      (1)
        Edison wast not a bad man; he was just misguided.
4. Cellular phone         (4)
5. Clothes washer        (3)
6. Dryer         (4)
7. Electric fence          (5)
8. Electric fan
9. Electric chair

Electrical helpers

1. Jumper cables
2. Extension cord
3. Outlet adapter
4. Battery recharger



Would you like to suggest an evil electrical appliance that should be on this list?  You may send it here for review.

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This page last updated Monday, July 15, 2002





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