"Casualties Of War"
by Andra Marie Mueller

Disclaimer: Paramount is the legal owner of the characters of 'Star Trek: Voyager'. I just borrow them for my own nefarious purposes and to give them real lives

**********************************

"A broken friendship may be soldered, but will never be sound."
-Thomas Fuller

Glancing around her battered Bridge, Janeway wondered which was in worse condition: her ship or her relationship with her second in command. Their pursuit of the Equinox and skirmishes with the aliens had taken a heavy toll on Voyager and her relationship with her first officer had been one of the casualties. Chakotay had made no secret of his disapproval of her behavior over the last few days, up to and including taking matters into his own hands when he thought her methods had become too extreme. His open defiance of her had forced Janeway to relieve him of duty, an action that threatened to sever the tenuous bond of whatever remained of their personal relationship.

I never thought it would come to this, she thought sadly. It never occurred to me that we could find ourselves in a situation that would force Chakotay to choose between his loyalty to me and his loyalty to his conscience.

It wasn't the first time the two had been on opposite side of a given issue, nor in all likelihood would it be the last. But Chakotay's decision to contradict her orders regarding Noah Lessing had forced her to confront her own insecurities about the choices she had made regarding the Equinox.

Maybe Chakotay was right, she mused. My obsession with capturing Ransom very nearly cost me my XO and closest friend.

"Captain..."

Janeway turned to see Tuvok standing a few feet away, his presence triggering a brief wave of guilt over their earlier encounter. Is there anyone on this ship I haven't managed to treat like dirt in the past few days? she wondered idly. "Yes, Commander?"

"The remainder of Captain Ransom's crew have been secured in the brig," Tuvok told her. "They have agreed to accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate and have asked me to extend to you their sincere apologies for their actions."

The captain managed a weary smile. "How magnanimous of them," she replied sarcastically. "Their apologies and a pair of replicator rations will buy me a cup of coffee."

Tuvok arched an eyebrow in confusion. "Captain?"

She waved a dismissing hand. "Never mind. Assemble them in the conference room at oh-eight-hundred tomorrow morning and I'll inform them of their punishment then."

"Aye, Captain. What of Commander Chakotay?"

"I'll deal with him myself. You have the Bridge."

Tuvok nodded in silent acquiescence as Janeway headed for the turbolift.

****************************************

Chakotay lay on his bed in his darkened quarters, listening to the hum of the ship around him as he pondered the day's events. Janeway's obsession with capturing Ransom had gotten completely out of control, as evidenced by her willingness to endanger Noah Lessing's life to uncover the young man's knowledge of his captain's whereabouts. The Kathryn Janeway he knew beheld life as a sacred gift, one that was to be approached and treated with the appropriate reverence. Yet her self-declared vendetta to bring Ransom to justice had twisted her morals beyond recognition and replaced his Janeway with someone he didn't care to know.

Her desire to see him brought to justice has blinded her to the lines she's crossing to accomplish it, he mused. Instead of listening to reason she ignores my opinions and relieves me of rank.

His frustration over being relieved of duty was compounded by the fact that with his security clearance temporarily restricted, he was unable to determine the status of the ship and/or its captain. He had never been good with idle time, and his concern for Kathryn was beginning to take its toll.

For all I know the aliens have killed her and I won't find out about it until Tuvok shows up to reinstate me as Captain.

The chime of the door interrupted his thoughts and, given the hour, there was no question in his mind who his visitor would be. Releasing a resigned sigh, he wandered out of his bedroom and crossed over to open the door. As expected, Janeway stood in the corridor, looking tired and disheveled but thankfully uninjured.

"Commander," she greeted formally. "May I come in?"

Chakotay wordlessly stepped aside to allow her entry and she walked into the center of his living room. She allowed herself a brief glance around the room before focusing on him, idly noting that he was still attired in his regulation T-shirt and uniform pants.

Unless he's taken to wearing his uniform twenty-four hours a day, he obviously knew his loss of rank was only temporary.

"I assume from your presence here that you finally caught up with Ransom," Chakotay said.

Disappointment briefly flickered across Janeway's refined features. "Not before his conscience did," she replied. "He tried to surrender, but his first officer relieved him of command and commandeered the ship just before the aliens attacked again. Ransom managed to transport the remaining officers aboard Voyager, but the Equinox was destroyed and he went down with his ship."

"I'm sorry."

Janeway met his gaze then, knowing the apology was for more than the loss of Ransom. "So am I," she responded softly.

"What do you intend to do about his crew?"

"I don't know yet. I certainly can't keep them in the brig for the rest of the trip home."

Chakotay flashed her a small smile. "Why is this discussion suddenly starting to have a familiar ring to it?"

Janeway returned the smile. "It's rather ironic that the Maquis are now the good guys," she remarked lightly.

"What's happened to you, Kathryn?" Chakotay asked suddenly, repeating his question from earlier that day. "When did your quest for justice turn into an obsession for revenge?"

"It was never about revenge," Janeway answered defensively.

"Wasn't it? Wasn't your main reason for chasing after Ransom your need to prove to him and everyone else that you're better than he is?"

Irritation took up residence in her tone and expression. "The only thing I needed to prove to Ransom was that Starfleet captains are expected to adhere to their oath of service regardless of the circumstances. The last five years haven't exactly been a walk in the park for Voyager either, but I certainly could never and would never justify genocide in order to get this crew home."

"The bad guys don't always wear black, Captain. Sometimes they wear Starfleet uniforms."

"Speaking from experience?" Janeway asked sarcastically.

"This isn't about my past; it's about our present."

"Ransom chose to wear the uniform, Chakotay, and by doing so agreed to uphold the values that it represents."

"The uniform doesn't make a person a leader, Captain; the individual beneath it does. Ransom was a scientist. Regardless of his achievements, Starfleet never should have put him in the big chair."

"I was a scientist before I became a command officer, too," Janeway pointed out.

"But the difference is, you underwent specific training to prepare you for command. Ransom makes one miraculous discovery and suddenly someone decides he should have a couple extra pips on his collar and his own ship."

"Ransom's command training or lack thereof had nothing to do with his ethics. He knowingly and willingly instigated mass murder for personal gain. That's unacceptable any way you look at it."

Skepticism was evident in the XO's handsome face. "So your obsession with capturing him was motivated strictly by your sense of justice and not a need to be the enforcer of all things Starfleet?"

One auburn eyebrow quirked upward. "Are you intimating that I had a personal stake in this?" she asked coolly.

"I'm saying it flat out," Chakotay replied. "Ransom violated your trust and effectively shredded all of the standards you hold to. You can't look me in the eye and tell me that on some level that didn't make this vendetta personal."

"Of course it's personal. His duplicity endangered my crew, Chakotay; the bodies lying in Sickbay are my officers."

"So that makes it all right that you were willing to sacrifice Lessing in order to make Ransom pay?"

"I had no intention of sacrificing anyone," Janeway countered. "If you had trusted my judgment and not intervened, he would eventually have broken."

"If I hadn't intervened when I did, Lessing would be dead, and that would make you as much a murderer as Ransom," Chakotay retorted.

Ouch, Janeway thought, chagrin briefly flickering across her face. He's never been one to mince words but I never suspected he thought I was capable of the same atrocities as Ransom. Uncertain what disturbed her more-Chakotay's accusation or the emotions that had prompted it-Janeway forced a neutral tone as she replied, "That was uncalled for, Commander."

"The truth hurts, Captain!" Chakotay shot back. "Your anger at Ransom was blinding you to what you were really doing, the lines you were crossing to emerge the victor in your private little war. Take it from someone who knows, Captain: even the victor suffers casualties."

He fell silent then, allowing her a chance to absorb what he had said before continuing. "I'm your first officer, Kathryn; ensuring that you adhere to certain rules of conduct is part of my job. So is protecting you, even if it's from yourself."

Brown met blue. Chakotay watched a myriad of different emotions flicker across Janeway's elegant features as he awaited her response.

If we turn our backs on our principles than we stop being Human.

The fragment from her debate with Ransom popped unbidden into her mind, and she suddenly understood why Chakotay had countermanded her orders. He was trying to make me see that I was starting to travel down the road Ransom had taken and didn't want Voyager's crew to meet the same fate as the Equinox's.

"Computer," she said at last. "Return Commander Chakotay's duty status to active and reinstate all command privileges."

"Acknowledged," the computer responded.

"Does this mean I'm no longer grounded?" Chakotay asked, forcing a lightness he did not feel.

"I don't want our relationship to be a casualty of this war, Chakotay. Whatever our personal issues are, I can't run this ship without you. But I need to know that I can trust you."

"Trust is a two-way street, Kathryn. I can't do my job effectively if I'm worried about losing my status every time we disagree. You may not agree with my opinion, and you may not like it, but if I am going to remain your first officer I have to be allowed to express it."

"So where does that leave us?"

"I don't know. I promised you once that I would stay by your side and do whatever I could to make your burden lighter, but quite frankly I'm not sure where we go from here."

"We go on. We all make mistakes, Chakotay, but if we can learn from them and come away better for it than perhaps that makes them bearable."

"Maybe it does."

Brown met blue as their gazes met and held for a moment, their eyes reflecting all of the things pride and protocol would not allow them to express aloud. After a lengthy silence, the captain graced him with the ghost of a smile as she spoke again.

"I'll see you on the Bridge tomorrow morning, Commander."

"Good night, Captain."

Janeway crossed to the door but just as it opened, she glanced over her shoulder at Chakotay, only to find him watching her, regret etched in his handsome face. Blue met brown. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"So am I."

She stepped over the threshold and the door swooshed shut behind her.

**************************************

The End.