"Food For Thought"

by Andra Marie Mueller

Disclaimer: Paramount is the legal owner of the characters of 'Star Trek: Voyager'. I just borrow them for my own nefarious purposes and to give them real lives

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Inside her Ready Room, captain Kathryn Janeway stood by the window, staring out at the passing stars as she mentally reviewed the day's events. Q had surfaced in her quarters the night before, rambling about his grand plan to save the Continuum by impregnating Janeway, thus creating a savior for the omnipotent race. The captain had dismissed the idea out of hand for obvious reasons, and eventually Q had turned his affections toward the female Q who had been his companion for several millennia. Yet despite the absurdity of Q's proposal, it had stirred up feelings in Janeway she wasn't aware still existed, and could no longer deny.

I thought I had resigned myself to never having children, she mused to herself. But Q's appearance makes me wonder if I made the right decision.

The chime of the door shattered her train of thought, and Janeway turned away from the window as she called out, "Come in."

The door opened to admit Chakotay, and he walked over to stand beside her, a data padd in one hand and the other concealed behind his back.

"Keeping an eye out for supernovas?" the First Officer taunted.

"Bite your tongue. I've had enough of omnipotent beings with attitudes to last me the rest of the trip home."

"I know the feeling," Chakotay said, then handed her the data padd. "The final systems checks have come in from the rest of the ship and everything seems to be in order. All of the damage that was done when we encountered the shock wave is gone."

Janeway glanced at the padd, then dropped it on the coffee table. "Well, it would seem that whatever else they're lacking, at least the Q have the courtesy to clean up their own messes."

"You've had quite a day," Chakotay remarked. "Since things seem to be status quo for the moment, maybe you should get some sleep."

Janeway afforded him a sideways glance. "Kicking me off the Bridge twice in less than twenty-four hours, Chakotay?" she prompted lightly. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were after my job."

Chakotay smiled. "Your chair is more comfortable," he allowed, and withdrew his other hand from behind his back to hand her single, perfect red rose.

"What's this for?" Janeway asked.

"A thank you, for turning Q down."

Janeway accepted the rose with an affectionate smile, then shifted her attention back to the view. "To be perfectly honest, as ridiculous as it was, Q's proposition as given me some food for thought."

"In what way?"

Janeway let out a small sigh. "I made a decision when I joined Starfleet that I would not have children unless and until I reached a point in my career when I knew I could be a mother first and an officer second. Yet each time I became involved in a relationship that could lead to marriage and motherhood, something always happened either by chance or by choice to prevent it from doing so."

"And now you're wondering if the decision you made all those years ago was the right one," Chakotay finished.

Janeway nodded. "I want children, Chakotay," she declared in a fierce whisper. "Sometimes so badly my heart hurts. For so long I settled for mothering my crew, and allowing my duties as a Captain to prevent me from dwelling on what it would be like to have a child. Q's offer has made me realize that I don't want to settle anymore. I want to share the joy of a child's first laugh and dry their first tears. I want to see their eyes widen with delight when they first discover chocolate, and witness their pride as they take their first steps. I want what my parents had with my sister and me."

Chakotay was silent for a long moment before responding. "When I left Starfleet to join the Maquis, I did it knowing that I was sacrificing my chances of ever becoming a parent. It would have been incredibly unfair to bring a child into the world in the midst of war, and force him or her to grow up without a father, or have one whom was a wanted criminal. Yet even knowing all of that, I still longed for someone to share my heritage with: a son who could carry on the traditions that my father had passed on to me, or a daughter whose smile could light up a room. I want someone to read bedtime stories to, and share ice cream sundaes with, and I want to teach him or her all of the things that make life worth living."

Chakotay finished his declaration and glanced at Janeway, who was watching him with tears in her eyes, an expression akin to wonder on her face. They maintained eye contact for several moments, neither speaking, until the captain at last broke the silence.

"You never cease to amaze me, Commander," she said quietly.

"I'm glad to hear it," Chakotay responded dryly, then grew serious. "For whatever it's worth, Kathryn, I think you would make an exceptional mother."

"It's worth a lot, Chakotay. Thank you."

"You're welcome. If you need anything else, I'll be on the Bridge."

Chakotay started for the door, but stopped when Janeway called to him.

"Chakotay…"

The commander turned expectantly. "Yes, Kathryn?"

"Since things seem to be status quo for the moment, how would you feel about accompanying me to the Mess Hall for an extra large ice cream sundae?"

Chakotay smiled. "As long as I don't have to call you 'Mom', I'd love to," he responded wryly.

Janeway shook her head in amused exasperation as she crossed over to join him, then the two exited the Ready Room.

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The End.