"A Separate Peace"
by Andra Marie Mueller

PART TWENTY : 'An Unexpected Gift'

SUMMARY : Chakotay has left Kathryn something to remember him by

See Part one for author's notes and disclaimer

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On Voyager, Janeway was in Sickbay, sitting on the biobed in patient silence as Fitzgerald finished his tests. Giving her a final scan with his tricorder, Fitzgerald turned it off and flashed her a small smile.

"All done, Captain."

Janeway slid off the biobed. "So what’s the verdict, Doctor?" she prompted. "Am I going to live?"

"Of course, but you may want to sit back down for this just the same," Fitzgerald answered.

"Sounds serious."

"It is. According to these test results, you’re nearly three months pregnant."

Janeway immediately blanched. "Pregnant?" she echoed in a near whisper. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Janeway shook her head. "This is unbelievable…" she mumbled.

"It gets better," Fitzgerald said. "You’re carrying twins."

"I think I will sit down again," Janeway replied and did just that.

"With all due respect, Captain, you have to have recognized your symptoms at least in theory," Fitzgerald chided. "Morning sickness isn’t exactly a common cold."

"I’m well aware of that, Aaron. But I thought my system was just reacting to all of the emotional stress of the past three months. It never occurred to me I was pregnant."

"Perhaps under the circumstances you didn’t want to acknowledge the possibility," Fitzgerald suggested. "Given the circumstances of the conception…imprisoned in a Maquis encampment…"

Still reeling from the discovery she was pregnant, Janeway did not immediately interpret the implication in the doctor’s tone. But a moment later it suddenly registered on her, and she shot him an admonishing glance. "I wasn’t raped, Aaron," she stated firmly. "I don’t have the time or inclination to give you the full story, but I will tell you that I was – am – very much in love with the man who is the father."

"I apologize if I offended you, Captain," Fitzgerald replied. "I just wanted to make certain you were aware that if you had been sexually assaulted, there were alternatives to continuing the pregnancy."

When he opens his mouth, it only seems to be to change feet, Janeway thought idly. Forcing a smile, she addressed Fitzgerald. "Your concern is duly noted, Doctor," she responded with light sarcasm. "I need a few days to absorb my condition, then I’ll relay the information to the crew as I see fit. In the meantime, I would appreciate it if this conversation stayed between us."

"Of course. I’ll give you a small supply of Tedrazine, which you can take to counteract the morning sickness, and I will provide you with a list of nutritional supplements that you will need to add to your diet to help nourish the fetuses."

"Thank you."

Fitzgerald gave her a reassuring smile. "This is obviously a shock to you, Captain, but if it’s any consolation, you’re in perfect health, as are the fetuses. As long as you follow my dietary guidelines and get plenty of rest, in six months you will be the proud mother of twins."

Janeway managed to return the smile. "Boys or girls?" she prompted.

"One of each."

The captain nodded in silent acknowledgement, and the doctor excused himself to get her medicine. Once he was gone, Janeway gently placed a hand on her stomach and smiled to herself in wonderment as she softly spoke aloud to the empty room.

"I’m going to be a mother," she said. "Oh, Chakotay, my love…I wish you were here to share this with me."

 

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA

Inside his house on the outskirts of the city, Mark Johnson was preparing for work when the doorbell signaled the arrival of an unexpected guest. Walking to the front door, Mark swung it open to reveal Janeway standing on his doorstep, dressed in civilian clothes. "Kat…I wasn’t expecting you until tonight," he said.

"I apologize for showing up early unannounced, but I needed to see you," Janeway replied. "May I come in?"

"Of course."

Mark stepped aside to allow her entry, than followed her into the living room. "Do you want some coffee, or some lunch?" he offered.

Janeway’s stomach churned in protest at the mere mention of food. "No, thank you. I’m not hungry."

Mark nodded. "So how did it go with Starfleet Command? Although given your attire, maybe I shouldn’t ask."

Janeway managed a faint smile. "I’m on personal leave," she clarified. "Doctor’s orders."

Mark frowned. "Doctor’s orders?" he repeated, and shot her a concerned glance. "Are you sick?"

"No, I’m pregnant. With twins."

Surprise instantly flashed across Mark’s features, which was quickly replaced by a delighted grin. Yet Janeway’s somber expression registered just as quickly, and his smile faded

"I take it from the expression on your face that I’m not the father?" he asked quietly.

"No."

. Mark stared at her in silence, his expression unreadable. After several minutes, he spoke again, his tone even. "Who else knows about this?"

"Only Doctor Fitzgerald. I’m not quite ready for my pregnancy to become public knowledge, but I wanted you to hear about it from me."

"It’s unfortunate you couldn’t have managed the same courtesy when you reconciled with Chakotay."

"My reunion with Chakotay wasn’t orchestrated to hurt you, Mark, and it certainly wasn’t planned. It just happened."

"Just out of curiosity, if it hadn’t ‘just happened,’ or if you weren’t pregnant, would you have accepted my proposal?"

"I won’t answer that," Janeway responded tightly.

"Then tell me this: were you still in love with Chakotay when you agreed to change the nature of our relationship?"

"A part of me was, yes."

"I don’t understand you, Kat," Mark replied. "Fifteen years ago he dumped you to go play terrorist with the Maquis, breaking your heart and leaving me behind to pick up the pieces. Then he shows up out of nowhere three months ago and takes you hostage, only to break your heart again by getting himself killed and leaving you alone to raise his children. Yet in spite of all of that, you’re going to waste your life pining for his ghost?"

"That was a cheap shot, Mark," Janeway retorted. "You knew I was carrying scars from my relationship with Chakotay even before you and I became romantically involved. Yet you indicated to me that with time and effort we could heal those wounds and move on."

"At the time I believed we could," Mark responded. "But given what’s transpired during the last three months, it’s painfully obvious I was wrong."

Janeway sighed. "I don’t know what you want me to say, Mark. We can argue about this until the twins are born, but it won’t change what’s been done, and I’m sorry that I hurt you. But I can’t marry a man I’m not in love with, and I won’t give my children a substitute father."

"So instead you’re going to deprive them of one completely?"

"How I’m going to raise my children is my concern, no one else’s," Janeway snapped.

"Well I wish you luck, Kat, because martyrs are good for history books but somehow their ghosts just don’t measure up as parents," Mark retorted.

"I don’t want to fight about this anymore. I came here because at the very least I owed you the courtesy of telling you about my pregnancy in person. I don’t have the time or energy to pour salt in old wounds or open new ones."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you left my bed for Chakotay’s."

"Maybe I should have," Janeway allowed. "Take care of yourself, Mark. I hope someday you find a woman who is worthy of being your wife, and that she makes you very happy."

Janeway started for the door, but stopped when Mark called to her.

"Kat…"

Janeway turned expectantly, and he flashed her a faint smile.

"Good luck with your children. You’re going to be a wonderful mother."

Janeway returned the smile, then left the house.

 

BLOOMINGTON, INDIANA

Materializing in the front yard of her parents’ home, Kathryn fervently hoped she didn’t look as nervous as she felt, uncertain of how her parents were going to react to her pregnancy.

They still haven’t forgiven me for reconciling with Chakotay, she thought anxiously. How are they going to react to the news that I’m carrying his children?

The creak of the opening screen door shattered Kathryn’s train of thought, and she glanced up to see Phoebe step onto the porch. Relieved that it was her sister and not her parents, Kathryn flashed Phoebe a faint smile.

"Hi, Little Sister," she greeted. "Long time no see."

"Kath!" Phoebe exclaimed in delight, and quickly made her way down the steps to embrace her sister in a warm hug. "I didn’t know you were home."

"I took a couple days of personal leave," Kathryn explained. "I needed to come home and talk with Mom and Dad. I wasn’t exactly in the best frame of mind during our last conversation."

Kathryn’s casual reference to her shattered emotional state following Chakotay’s death earned her a sympathetic smile from Phoebe.

"It was perfectly understandable under the circumstances," Phoebe assured her. "At any rate, it’s good to have you home."

"It’s good to be here," Kathryn returned.

Noticing that Kathryn’s complexion was slightly paler than usual, Phoebe shot her a concerned glance. "Are you feeling all right, Kath? You look a little pale."

Her sister’s innocent question caused Kathryn to lose her grip on her already fragile emotional state, and she let out a resigned sigh as tears trickled down her face. "I’m pregnant, Phoebe," she confessed wearily.

"Oh, Kath…are you sure?"

Kathryn nodded. " I’d been feeling out of sorts for a couple of weeks, and nearly passed out during a meeting with Starfleet Command, so I asked Doctor Fitzgerald to run a few tests. Turns out I’m three months pregnant with twins."

Phoebe sent her sister a pained glance as she wiped away the tears on Kathryn’s cheeks. "You certainly don’t do things halfway, do you?" she chided. "Have you told anyone?"

"Only Mark. I wanted to tell Mom and Dad before I told my crew."

"I imagine Mark took the news pretty badly."

"Very badly."

"Are you sure you’re up to this?" Phoebe pressed. "Considering the emotional roller coaster Mom and Dad put you through after you lost Chakotay, maybe you should wait a little while longer before you tell them."

Kathryn managed a small smile. "If I wait too much longer, they’ll be able to figure it out just by looking at me," she pointed out. "I need to tell them, Phoebe. I can’t do this without their support, even it is tempered with anger or disapproval."

"Well, for whatever it’s worth, I think it’s wonderful," Phoebe declared, "and I know that if he were here, Chakotay would be delighted, too. Remember how much he loved you, Kath, and let it give you the strength you need to get through this."

Kathryn sent her sister a loving smile through a fresh round of tears. "I’ll do that, Phoebe. Thank you."

The women exchanged a fierce hug, then Phoebe pulled back to give Kathryn a final encouraging smile. "I love you, Kath."

"I love you, too."

Summoning her courage, Kathryn wiped her face dry before making her way inside the house. Hearing voices in the kitchen, Kathryn walked through the foyer to stand in the entryway to the dining room. Edward was seated at the table, with Gretchen in the kitchen, and the two were engaged in a casual conversation about their respective plans for the day. Wanting a chance to gather her thoughts, Kathryn watched them in silence for a moment, envying them their affectionate camaraderie.

Mutual love and respect guide everything they do, she observed. Chakotay and I should have had this, too.

Shaking off her melancholy thoughts, Kathryn lightly tapped the doorframe to make her presence known. "Do you guys mind some company?"

Gretchen and Edward glanced up expectantly, and both broke into smiles at the sight of their eldest daughter.

"Katie…" Gretchen said. "This is a nice surprise. I didn’t know you were home."

"I thought Voyager was supposed to be going to the Bestas Colony to negotiate the peace treaty," Edward added.

"The mission was postponed for a few days due to an outbreak of Norellian flu on Bestas," Kathryn explained. "I decided to take advantage of the down time and come home for a couple of days."

"Phoebe was just here," Gretchen replied. "Maybe the two of you can spend some time together while you’re home."

"I ran into Phoebe outside," Kathryn revealed. "We had a brief talk."

"Kathryn, you and Phoebe have never had a brief discussion in your lives," Edward replied. "If you talked for less than half an hour then something must be wrong."

Kathryn shook her head. "I don’t know why I bother trying to keep secrets from you," she grumbled.

"Neither do we," Gretchen added. "What’s the matter, Katie?"

Realizing the simplest way to handle her parents would be to tell them the truth, Kathryn took a deep breath. "I’m pregnant."

The announcement was met with dead silence, and Edward and Gretchen exchanged surprised glances. Their expressions made it clear they could not have been more shocked if Kathryn had pulled off a mask and revealed herself to be a two-headed alien beast. Edward was the first to find his voice and asked: "What are you going to do?"

Kathryn shot him a look that was part disbelief, part anger. "Do you really hate Chakotay that much that you could even ask me that?" she asked quietly. "I’m going to have these babies, and I’m going to give them all of the love I was robbed of giving their father."

"Babies?’ Gretchen echoed.

"Yes. I’m carrying twins."

"I didn’t mean my question the way it sounded, Kathryn," Edward interjected. "I was merely asking if you’d made any decisions regarding Mark."

"I made my decision about my relationship with Mark when I reconciled with Chakotay on Cornellia."

"I was under the impression the two of you were trying to work things out," Edward replied. "Mark’s a good man, Kathryn. He would be a loyal husband to you and a good father to your children."

Kathryn shot her father a frustrated glance. "Why are you pressing the issue, Dad? Are you so bitter at Chakotay that you would have me sacrifice the only part of him I have left? Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I have no intention of allowing Mark or any other man to be a father to these children. When the twins are old enough I’ll tell them about Chakotay-the good and the bad–but until then I will raise them as I see fit."

Shooting her husband an admonishing glance, Gretchen crossed over to stand in front of Kathryn. "Whatever you do is fine with us, Katie," she assured her. "We love you, and we will support you."

Kathryn sent her mother a grateful smile as her eyes welled with tears, and the two exchanged a hug as Edward got to his feet and walked over to join them.

"I’m sorry that I upset you, Kathryn," he apologized, "and for the record, I don’t hate Chakotay. I won’t deny that I am angry over the way he handled your relationship, but I know that you loved him, and that you will love these babies. If you’re happy about this, than I’m happy for you. I love you, Kathryn."

Father and daughter exchanged a hug.

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Part 21