"A Separate Peace"
by Andra Marie Mueller

PART FIVE : 'Food For Thought'

SUMMARY :Kathryn has a chat with Gray Feather

See Part one for author's notes and disclaimer

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Across the room, Janeway stared into the fire, uncertain how she was going to handle the revelation that Chakotay was her captor.

Fifteen years ago I would have given up my life for him without a second thought. Now I have to trust him not to take it from me.

"Kathryn?"

Janeway turned at the sound of her name and found Gray Feather standing beside her.

"Are you all right?"

"As all right as I can be under the circumstances," Janeway replied. "Dinner was wonderful, by the way. Thank you."

"It was nothing. I am truly sorry for what Chakotay has done, Kathryn. If I had known of his intentions, I would have found a way to stop him."

Janeway flashed the younger woman a small smile. "You know as well as I do that there is no way to stop Chakotay once he sets his mind to something. He's the most stubborn man I've ever known."

"If I didn't know better, I would think you were defending him."

Janeway's smile faded. "Don't go down that road, Gray Feather. It only leads to a dead end."

Gray Feather took Janeway's hands in hers. "Kathryn, I love my brother very much, but you are my friend. If you want to talk, I'm willing to listen."

"What do you want me say?" Janeway asked ruefully. "That I still love him?"

"Do you?"

"I don't know. I've had other relationships over the years, and the man I'm currently involved with has asked me to marry him."

"Did you accept?"

"I told him I needed some time to think about it."

"Because of what you don't feel for him, or what you do feel for Chakotay?"

"Chakotay crossed one line too many when he attacked my ship and kidnapped me, Gray Feather. I can't ignore what he did or the position he's placed me in. You yourself said that every one of the Maquis would like nothing better than to drive a dagger through my heart or at the very least to beat some of my Starfleet values out of me. Unless I cooperate with him, he's going to toss me back into a holding cell and leave me to their 'mercy'".

"Do you really think he would do that to you?"

"Up until two days ago I wouldn't have thought he would kidnap me," Janeway answered. "Now I don't know if I can trust him to tell me the time of day."

"What if I told you that he still loves you?"

"Is that what he told you?"

"He didn't have to. In his lifetime, Chakotay has only brought one woman home to meet our parents, and he has never brought a woman to this house."

"What about Seska?"

Gray Feather snorted. "That nonsense was over before it ever began," she declared. "She's just obsessed with Chakotay."

"I gathered that," Janeway replied dryly. "I appreciate you taking the time to listen to me, Gray Feather, but it won't change anything. If it's within my power, I will escape and return to Voyager."

"My father used to say that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a first step," Gray Feather replied. "Perhaps your presence here is a first step on your journey back to Chakotay."

"Even if our political differences weren't an issue, I doubt Chakotay and I could make it work a second time."

"There is only one way you're going to find out."

Gray Feather gave her friend a brief hug, then disappeared up the stairs. Janeway watched her go, then returned her attention to the fireplace. A few moments later she heard the approach of another person and glanced over as Red Hawk came down the stairs. "Captain," he greeted. "Where's Chakotay?"

"Outside somewhere," Janeway answered. "As long as you're here, though, I'd like to ask you a question."

"Go ahead."

"Earlier this evening when Chakotay introduced us, you asked him if I was the Kathryn. What did you mean by that?"

"I think that's a question you should ask Chakotay," Red Hawk evaded.

"I'm asking you."

"I'm not in the habit of divulging Chakotay's confidences, Captain. Aside from our personal relationship, he is also my captain, and I respect his faith in me by not jeopardizing it."

"Please, Red Hawk. It's important for me to know."

Red Hawk held Janeway's gaze for a moment in silent assessment, taking measure of the woman before him and debating whether or not to answer her question. Chakotay obviously still cares for her, he observed. Perhaps telling her what she wants to know will help him regain her trust.

His decision made, Red Hawk at last answered her question. "Shortly after Chakotay joined the Maquis, we were in a little tavern on Alpha Centauri having dinner when a trio of Starfleet officers walked in. One of them was a Human woman with long auburn hair and fair skin, with a body structure similar to yours. Chakotay obviously thought she was you, because he crossed the room like a bat out of hell and called her by your name. But when the woman turned around and he realized he'd made a mistake, his entire demeanor changed. He went from sheer euphoria to utter despair in two seconds flat, the fastest shift of emotion I've ever seen. When he came back to the table, I asked him who 'Kathryn' was, and all he said was 'the one who got away'."

Red Hawk finished his story and fell silent, allowing Janeway to absorb it. After a lengthy silence, she glanced back at Red Hawk. "Thank you for telling me," she said simply.

"Whatever reasons Chakotay has for bringing you here are his own, Captain, but it is obvious there is unfinished business between you. For both of your sakes I hope you find a separate peace."

Red Hawk headed for the stairs just as Chakotay walked back inside, and the latter gave his friend a smile.

"Calling it a night, Brother?" he prompted.

"I am indeed, Captain," Red Hawk confirmed, then inclined his head toward Janeway. "Tread carefully; she's in an inquisitive mood."

Chakotay frowned, and Red Hawk said, "Alpha Centauri."

"You told her about that?"

"She had the right to know."

Red Hawk vanished up the stairs, and Chakotay walked into the living room to join Janeway.

"Red Hawk tells me you've been prying him for information," he said lightly.

"I wanted answers, and since you weren't here to give them to me, I decided to ask for them from someone who was," Janeway returned.

"I'm sorry. I did promise you an explanation, and I should have been the one to give it to you."

"Gray Feather is under the impression that you're still in love with me," Janeway informed him.

"My sister is entitled to think whatever she wants," Chakotay replied.

"Are you saying she's wrong?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, actually, it does."

Chakotay sighed. "If it's true, then it means that I've been carrying a torch for you for fifteen years. If it's not true, then it means our relationship was nothing more than a casual fling. Why don't you consider those two options and tell me which one you think is the most likely?"

Unfazed by his sarcasm, Janeway gave him a faint smile, the first one she had bestowed upon him since her capture. "I think the truth is somewhere in between the two," she responded.

"I suppose it is," Chakotay allowed. "It's late, and we're both tired. We should head for my house."

"You don't live here?"

"No. I have my own place on the other side of the village. Shall we?"

Gesturing for Janeway to precede him, Chakotay opened the door, then called to Ebony before following Janeway into the night. They arrived at his house a few minutes later, and Chakotay glanced at Janeway to gage her reaction.

"Oh, Chakotay…it's beautiful," she declared.

Situated on a small bluff overlooking the ocean, the two-story structure was composed almost entirely of pinewood, the exception being the wall facing the water, which appeared to be made of glass. Chakotay walked over to the front door and swung it open to allow Ebony entry, then turned to Janeway.

"Home sweet home," he said, and gestured for Janeway to enter first. "After you, Captain."

Janeway walked into the house and took a moment to survey her surroundings. Sparsely yet tastefully furnished, Chakotay's home emanated an aura of warmth and masculinity that reminded Janeway of the man she had fallen in love with so long ago.

"What do you think?" Chakotay prompted.

"It suits you," Janeway answered simply.

"I'm glad you approve."

"So am I sleeping in the doghouse with Ebony?" Janeway prompted sarcastically. "Or do I actually rate bunking on the couch?"

"You can have my bed," Chakotay told her. "I'll get an extra blanket and sleep on the floor."

"I'm not sleeping in the same room with you."

Chakotay sent her an amused smile. "I'm crushed, Kathryn. Sixteen years ago we could barely drag ourselves out of bed to get through our shifts. Now the thought of just being in the same room with me seems to be as appealing for you as putting salt in an open wound."

"That's exactly what I would be doing."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately you don't have a choice. I'm not letting you out of my sight unless one of my people is with you."

"A few hours ago you were telling me that I would be treated with respect," Janeway reminded him. "It's not very respectful to provide me with a babysitter everywhere I go."

"The issue isn't open for debate, Kathryn. Unless you want to go back to your cell, you're going to have to play by the rules."

"Your rules."

"My house, my people, my rules. My bedroom is in the loft at the top of the stairs, and there's an adjoining bathroom. There's also a replicator so you can whip yourself up a pair of pajamas."

Or a phaser, Janeway countered silently.

Turning on her heel, she made her way up the stairs to Chakotay's room and closed the door behind her. Ebony was sprawled on the floor by the bed, half-asleep, and Janeway bent down to give him a light pat.

"Sweet dreams, Ebony."

Wandering over to the replicator, Janeway cast a cautious look at the closed door before inputting the specifications for a phaser into the computer. No sooner had she finished than the computer immediately emitted a loud piercing alarm, awakening Ebony, and Janeway stifled a curse as she cancelled the request.

"So much for that idea," she muttered, and cast an apologetic glance at the dog. "Sorry about that, Ebony."

Satisfied that all was well again, the big dog returned to his slumber. Letting out a sigh, Janeway replicated herself another uniform and stashed it under the mattress before replicating a pair of pajamas. All too aware of Chakotay's proximity, she quickly changed into her sleepwear, then began to investigate her surroundings. The floors were covered with thick, midnight blue carpet, an attractive contrast to the cedar wood bedframe and dresser. The walls were mostly clear, with only a couple of paintings adorning them, and a large window encompassed most of the far wall, affording a spectacular view of the sea.

"Quite a view," she said aloud. "And too high up to jump out."

Janeway turned to crawl onto the bed when a photograph on the nightstand caught her attention. Reaching over to pick it up, Janeway recognized it as one taken by her sister Phoebe over fifteen years ago. It was a picture of Janeway and Chakotay, seated on her mother's porch with their arms around one another and a sleeping Ebony at their feet, a large red ribbon tied around his neck.

"Chakotay's thirtieth birthday," she recalled.

Janeway smiled at the memory the picture evoked. Maybe there's something to Gray Feather's theory after all, she mused silently.


Chakotay was downstairs when he heard Janeway trigger the computer's alarm, and he permitted himself a small smile.

She's either trying to access the communications system or she's attempting to replicate a weapon. Have to give her points for effort.

Removing a small picture from the wall by the door, Chakotay entered his security code into the computer panel built into the wood, changing the access codes as a safety precaution against future tampering by Janeway. Replacing the picture, Chakotay grabbed a blanket and extra pillow out of a nearby closet before heading up the stairs. Slowly opening the bedroom door, he stepped into the room and discovered Janeway looking at the photograph. She glanced up when he entered, and he flashed her a small smile.

"Did you find everything all right?" he asked.

"Yes," Janeway said, replacing the picture on the nightstand.

"Well, in that case, let's call it a night," Chakotay said and settled himself on the floor next to Ebony. "Sweet dreams, Kathryn."

Janeway offered no response, so Chakotay turned onto his side and closed his eyes. Janeway stared at him for a moment before at last climbing into bed; then she reached over to turn out the light, casting a final curious glance at the picture as she did so. Pulling the covers to her chin, Janeway closed her eyes as she again pondered the picture's presence.

Why did he keep the picture for all these years?

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Part 6