30 Ways to Tell If You’re an X-Phile

1. You wait for the phone to ring at 11.21 pm.
2. You suspect your microwave and cell phone are sending you subliminal messages.
3. You try to see how many times you can fit 'plausible' into a normal converstion.
4. You get arrested for assult when you grab a man by the collar and ask him what he knows just because he was smoking Morleys.
5. Your friends made a pact to hit you anytime you start quoting X-Files for no reason.
6. You spend $4000 on a flash light.
7. You fail history test because you answered 'Who shot President Kennedy?' with 'Cancer Man.
8. You decide to learn Navajo -- just in case.
9. You tend to answere your phone with 'Mulder' or 'Scully'
10. The power and lights blink on and off and you yell: 'We just lost nine minutes'
11. You're introduced to a girl named Bambi and you squeek: 'Her name is Bambi?' then tell her this is no place for an entomologist.
12. Anything for which you can't find an explanation immediately becomes classified as an X-File.
13. You mourn for Queequeg at the sight of Pomeranians.
14. You refuse to go on the family camping trip when your father says it will be a 'nice trip to the forest.'
15. In the middle of a chem lab, you hold up an Erlenmeyer flask and say to your lab partner:'OK,Mulder. But if this is monkey pee, you're on your own.
16. You burst into the girls' toilets yelling:' FBI, drop your wepons!'
17. You keep a spray can of paint in your trunk at all times.
18. You've added 'Mulder','Scully', 'Coprophages' and 'Syzygy' to the dictionary on your word processing program.
19. You really, really, REALLY want a black trenchcoat.
20. You're actually gaining weight from playing The X-Files drinking game with M&M's and popcorn.
21. You entertain your friends by letting them pull any episode from you tape collection and indetifying it by looking at one frame of film.
22. Instead od swear words, you start saying 'bleep' or 'blank'.
23. You jump up and down and scream when an episode is set in your home state. You become highly irate if the writers screwed up the geography of your home state.
24. Port-o-potties are a no-no.
25. Root beer is forbidden in your house, and all your friends and family members know they face certain death by disobeying that rule.
26. At the sight of a cockroach you utter, with a tortured look on your face:'Bugs, they drive me crazy'.
27. Your pet bird has to change its feeding habits because you eat away all its sunflower seeds.
28. You zap through all the channels on your satellite dish at two in the morning, just in case.
29. Your neighbours are wondering about the 'X' in your window.
30. Looking up to the sky in a starry night, you can't help thinking: 'No other object has been misidentified as a flying saucer more often than the planet Venus.

BACK