Fox Mulder: No government agency has jurisdiction over the chicken. The chicken is out there, Scully, and we will find it.

Dana Scully: There is a logical, scientific explanation for the chicken crossing the road. We need more evidence.

Walter Skinner: You've got 24 hours to find out why that @!!*@!@ chicken crossed the road!!!

The Cigarette Smoking Man: There was no chicken.

Alex Krycek: Because he can't decide WHAT side he's really on. Byers: It was trying to escape the most heinous and evil force of the twentieth century.

Langly: It was on its way to the grassy knoll, dude.

Frohike: I don't know, but she's hot.

Bill Mulder: It heard the words, and they made sense to it....merchandise...fryer parts....

Mrs. Mulder: I have told you that I don't remember any chicken.

Mrs. Scully: I had a dream about the chicken being taken away....

Melissa Scully: The chicken needed to get in touch with its inner self, to find the light and the good. It was in a very dark place...

Bill Scully, Sr.: One day the chicken and I will be together again...

Bill Scully, Jr.: Dana, you spend too much time worrying about chickens...for HIM? You should be home with your family!

Queequeg: Woof! (translation: to avoid being eaten by Big Blue.)

Agent Pendrell: To get Dana a birthday present.

The Well-Manicured Man: It will cross the road in one of two ways....

Deep Throat: Mr. Mulder, they crossed the road a very long time ago. Trust no fowl.

X: The chicken is choosing a dangerous time to cross alone. The road is still out there, but it's never been more dangerous.

Marita Covarrubias: I don't know how much I can tell you about the chicken....Oh yessssss, the chickenssssss. How much time do you have?

Jeremiah Smith: I can't tell you right now why the chicken crossed the road, but if you come with me, I'll show you....

The Mighty Morphin' Bounty Hunter: Tell me where the chicken is!



WAR OF THE COPROPHAGES
Dr. Bambi: To eat, sleep, defecate, procreate. Who cares about the road...what bugs did the chicken eat for lunch?

Dr. Ivanov: I don't know much about... *chickens*. What is it? SYZYGY
Det. White: To solve the mystery of the horned chicken.

Terri: The chicken killed Mr. Tippy!!

Margi: Hate him, hate him, wouldn't wanna date him!

GROTESQUE
Agent Bill Patterson: To really understand the chicken's motivation, you must get inside its head and risk letting the chicken into yours.

PUSHER
Robert Modell: The other side of the road looks very interesting. The sky looks so blue on that side. Cerulean blue. I bet you want to go to the other side of the road. The chicken's right over there, waiting. Go on, cross the road...

Holly: I don't know why the chicken did it! I'm so, so sorry, sir...I'm so sorry...

Season 4

UNRUHE
Gerry Schnauz: Because it needed to get rid of the Howlers. Er hat unruhe....

Mulder: Chickens and roads come back together...different, but always together...again and again...

PAPER HEARTS
John Lee Roche: I can tell you about the chicken... but you need to help me. I want a deal. Trust a chicken molester?

NEVER AGAIN
Betty tattoo: Another chicken in my bed! If it crosses the road, it's dead!!!

Ed Jerse: Can you hear that? She's driving me crazy...She's so jealous...she hates it when chickens cross the road...

LEONARD BETTS
Leonard Betts: He's sorry. But the road had something he needed.

MEMENTO MORI
Dr. Scanlon: The chicken's going to feel like dying.

Kurt Crawford: I saw several chickens, and they were all wearing white lab coats and were headed for the Lombard Research Facility... After all, they want the same thing you want...

TEMPUS FUGIT/MAX
Sharon Graffia: The chicken wrote to me.. just before he crossed the road. He knew what was going to happen.

Sgt. Frisch: I did it. I made the chicken cross the road.

Max Fenig: So, I've devoted my life to providing all you disbelievers out there with proof. Proof that there are chickens right now, as we speak, crossing the road in alien ships for purposes of a rather troubling agenda known only to the government, the FBI, and certain high-ranking members of the military/poultry community. Not that they'd ever admit it publicly... of course. Nor would they admit they have salvaged some of this poultry technology and are using it in military applications. No, that would be un-American. And they won't admit it until someone confronts them with unrefutable, undeniable proof. Someone like me. And I should probably mention that I do this at great risk to my personal health and safety. But, hey, when everyday is just another day you're going to be kidnapped by little feathered dudes from Foster Farms, what's a few CIA spooks to worry about?

SMALL POTATOES
Eddie Van Blundht: Let's just say hypothetically that the chicken did cross the road. Now if that's what the road wanted and nobody got hurt, then hypothetically where's the crime?

ELEGY
Chuck Forsch: Oooh! That was me, I did it! I admit it, I did it! I made the chicken cross the road! I'm just a human being after all!

GETHSEMANE
Michael Kritschgau: The chicken was an elaborate hoax all along, planted so that you would believe the lie that chickens existed.

Season 5

REDUX II
Samantha Mulder: I didn't want to come here. I was afraid to see the chicken. I have another life now...I have chickens of my own.

Dr. Zuckerman: I've seen chickens go very far to cross roads...farther than I can explain...but I wouldn't call it a miracle.

UNUSUAL SUSPECTS
Susanne Modeski: It wasn't paranoid enough.

Detective Munch: Don't give me that crap about the chicken! Do I look like Geraldo to you? I'm *not* Geraldo!

Frohike: Because its Kung-Fu was the best.

DETOUR
Michele Fazekas: It couldn't have been a chicken. The weight distribution is all wrong. Look how it walks on the balls of its feet as it crosses the road.

Agent Kinsley: To build a tower of furniture.

Agent Stonecypher: It didn't want to miss the wine and cheese social.

POST MODERN PROMETHEUS
Shaineh (Izzy's Mom): It wanted to get on the Jerry Springer Show.

KITSUNEGARI
Linda Bowman: Why should it wait when it had true love on the other side? You never know how much time you're going to have.

CHINGA
Demon Doll: It wanted to play.

Jack Bonsaint: Ah Yuh. Well, that was never really explained to anyone's satisfaction. Maybe you can help us out.

Melissa Turner: You don't understand! I've seen things. I saw the chicken cross the road *before* it crossed the road. I saw it there in frozen foods!

Jane Frolich: That chicken's a witch as sure as I'm standin' here and now it's crossing roads...our ancestors would have known what to do. They would have burned the demon right out of that chicken before it crossed any more roads.

Old Fisherman: You ask that kind of question around here and you get as many stories as you have fishermen. The eyes play tricks at night, but the moment I saw that chicken, I knew.

KILL SWITCH
Esther Nairn/Invisigoth: Are you going to take these cuffs off, or does the chicken have to cross the road with its tongue?

BAD BLOOD
Sherriff Hartwell: We used to have chicken 'round here, but the EPA made us take to callin' 'em dinner.

Scully: The chicken is arguably having a worse time crossing the road than I am. Liver - 3 ounces, tissue appears healthy. Feathers - 20 ounces, tissue appears healthy. Beak - 5 ounces, yadda yadda yadda...

Mulder: There are as many chickens crossing the road as there are stories about them. But one thing that all the legends have in common is the obsessive/compulsive nature of the chicken. If they see a road, they must cross it.

Ronnie Strickland: Aw man, why'd you have to show me that road? You're going to be in a lot of trouble once I get done crossing it!

THE RED AND THE BLACK
Scully: Oh my god...oh my god...the chickens...they're crossing the road...the road...OH MY GOD!!!!

TRAVELERS
Secretary: The chicken crossed the road because it ran out of room on the freeway.

FOLIE A DEUX

Mulder: Oh, so I'm Chicken Boy, right?

THE END
Gibson Praise: The chicken crossed the road? I never get good entertainment like that in the Phillipines. You know, chickens think about crossing the road all the time, but they're worried about what the other chickens are thinking, when really all the other chickens are worried about what other chickens think. The chicken is thinking about one of the two roads it's crossed. But it doesn't want me to say which one.

X-Files: Fight the Future
Stevie: (in thick Texas accent) No way, buttmunch! Get your own chicken!

The Bartender: That about does it. I think the chicken's lucky number is 86.

Mulder: I don't know if I want to cross the road alone. I don't even know if I can. And if I quit now, the chicken wins.

Dr. Ben Braunschweig: Sir? You know the impossible chicken we didn't have a plan for? Well, we'd better come up with a road.

Child on Bike: That wasn't no chicken. Looked more like a traveling salesman...

Well-Manicured Man: *GO*, Agent Mulder! Find that chicken! Only then will you realize the scope and grandeur of the road!

Dr. Alvin Kurtzweil: They blew up the building to hide the fact that the chicken had ALREADY crossed the road.

Writers & Miscellaneous
Chris Carter: You'll have to wait until the movie comes out to find out.

Howard Gordon: Because it was too tired to work anymore.

Darin Morgan: Because he saw the comic potential of introducing such a novel concept.

John Shiban: Because it was being chased by El Chupacabra.

Vince Gilligan: Crossing the road was true to the chicken's nature. It was familiar, something that he had done before.

Fox censors: The chicken crossing the road is unacceptable!

Fanfic writer: Because Chris Carter wasn't letting it go anywhere, and it needed someone to let it cross.

X-Phile: Maybe the chicken is so fed up waiting for the %@#&*@ premiere that it decided to go play in traffic.

Non X-Phile: Who cares? It's just a stupid chicken! It's fictional! Why the heck are you so concerned about chickens, anyway? I just don't see what you see in this whole thing!

Shipper: The chicken and the road had undeniable chemistry and were fated to cross.

NoRoMo: I can't understand why you people can't be satisfied with the chicken walking by the side of the road. Why does the chicken have to cross the road? Why are you focusing on that? It would ruin the chicken!

Jackie St. George: To get a bottle of Labatt's.

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