Everything I've needed to know from life I learned from the X-files

Everything I ever needed to know I learned from The X-Files . . . My fear of escalators is not unreasonable . . . even if you don't have small children, it's a good idea to get a lock for your toilet . . . no matter what it looks like, apparently there's no such thing as true love. . . always know where your gun is . . .make sure your skirts are an appropriate length for your height . . . bile and newspaper clippings do not make good homes. . . just because someone's father is an asshole doesn't mean they'll grow up to be one too . . . don't listen to talking tatoos'. . . home security is important . . . buckteeth can be considered a sexual attribute. . . vegetables should not have dirty feet . . . a parking garage can be a dangerous place . . . there are some questions we have no business asking . . .there are some questions we have no business NOT asking . . . watch your back; evil, evil bastards are everywhere . . .mortuary employees should be screened very carefully . . . never leave highly sensitive documents in your motel room . . .amateur lobotomies are never a good idea. . . once the probable has been eliminated, what is left, however impossible, must be the truth . . don't blame the aliens for everything-most of it's the government's fault . . . you never know when you're going to run into Alex Trebec, or Luke Skywalker, or Cher. . . never shake hands with the Amish . . . don't cut down the trees with the big orange X's . . . bring your mittens . . . don't put all your happiness eggs in one basket . . . obsession is not necessarily a bad thing . . . it's fun to mess with people's heads-or their hair . . . having a social life is not as important as they say . . . chatting is highly overrated . . . no object is more mistaken for a UFO than the planet Venus. . .the Ford Taurus really is the best selling car in America. . . sometimes the spirits just want you to clean the bathroom . . . take your showers when you can-you never know when something's going to come up, or down, or in . . . there's no such thing as talking a subject to death . . . . and. . . . . . . . the Truth will always be out there.