Top 20 Ways To Tell If One Of Your Good Friends Is A Little Too Obsessed With The X-Files
20. She believes she has been abducted by aliens, or...
19. She wants to be abducted by aliens just to see what it would be like.
18. She answers her cell phone by saying her last name.
17. She wants to dye her hair the exact same color as Scully's.
16. She only takes a romantic interest in tall dark men wearing trench coats.
15. She becomes convinced that everything is a carefully orchestrated government conspiracy.
14. She forces you to become familiar with all major characters, terminology, and plotlines from the show.
13. You can't have a conversation with your friend without The X-Files being mentioned at *least* twice.
12. Her dream vacation is to go to Vancouver, Canada.
11. She has a strange knack for being able to link anything you say to the show, its characters, or the actors who play them.
10. You know that if you called between 8 and 9 on Sunday night, her answering machine would come on after only one ring with a rude message asking why you were stupid enough to call during The X-Files.
9. She can recite quotes from the show, *and* act them out if you need a demonstration, from perfect memory...even if she never saw that episode!
8. You start to think of Monday as "X-Files Day", resigning yourself to the fact that if you let her babble about last night's episode all day today, she won't feel the need to talk about it so much the *rest* of the week.
7. Your friend swears she has a tumor in her nose, just like Scully's.
6. You know that if your friend really *was* dying of cancer, she would call the "Make-A-Wish" foundation and ask to meet Mulder and Scully before she died.
5. She still holds to the story that she really *did* have an alien implant removed, but she can't show it to you because then she'd have to kill you.
4. She *hates* guns, but she can pick up a Smith & Wesson and hit a target 100 ft. away.
3. You only need 10 words to cheer her up: "You know, you really do look kind of like Scully."
2. She is currently seriously considering a career with the FBI.
1. Not only is your friend convinced she *really is* Dana Katherine Scully...YOU'RE convinced that she is too!!
Top 11 Ways to Turn a Non-Watcher Into a Full-Blown X-Phile
11. Begin slowly, so as not to overwhelm your friend. Start by giving him/her a different intriguing quote every day on a neat little index card. Pick quotes that make your friend feel the need to ask, "What made him say THAT?"
10. Don't let your friend know that you're trying to win him/her over to our side. Keep a low profile. Let your friend think that he/she really isn't that interested in the show, and that they can quit any time.
9. Slip the basic X-Files lessons (The Truth Is Out There, Trust No One, Apology Is Policy, Deny Everything) into as many of your conversations with your friend as possible. When they agree with your little quote, ("Hey, I want to believe too!") tell them that that valuable knowledge was something you learned from watching The X-Files. This way, they can see the importance of the X-Files lessons.
8. Repeatedly tell your friend interesting stories about all the times Mulder and Scully have touched, comforted, and made sexual comments to each other. Then drop the little tidbit that they haven't slept together; they're not even a couple! Your friend will be immediately drawn to that sizzling Unresolved Sexual Tension (UST). =)
7. Begin to refer to everything weird or unexplainable as "An X-File", and everything that goes wrong as a "government conspiracy". This seems so simple, but soon your friend will be doing it too!
6. By now, your friend has probably started to make references to The Show without even realizing they're doing it (See #7). When he/she stubbornly smacks him/her self on the forehead repeatedly for doing so, get your friend a bag of ice and console him/her by saying, "It's OK. You're starting to become one of us. Just don't try to fight it." Now might be a good time to repeat steps 8 and 9.
5. Now it's tim to try to get your friend to actually want to watch an episode. This stage may take longer for some to reach than others! When you feel that your friend is suitably weakened, start making references to The Pilot ("Oh, the Pilot! The one that started it all! What an amazing hour of television! The look on Mulder's face when Scully came in in her underwear..."). Don't ask your friend to watch though, make them come to you so you know for sure that he/she is ready to take this huge step toward X-Philedom!
4. Play little guessing games with your friend. This is a clever and creative way to teach him/her the most basic trivia that every true X-Phile should know (Mulder and Scully's apartment numbers, where they work, CancerMan, the story of Samantha, what an actual X-File really is, David's dog's name, Gillian's daughter's name).
3. Convince your friend that Vancouver really would be the coolest place to go on vacation, and smile to yourself as he/she actually stores away a little cash to go there. (You're making progress!)
2. Make sure your friend has an email address so that you can send him/her interesting pictures that will instill curiosity about the actors: Gillian licks David's face on the cover of "US" magazine ("Why the hell is she doing that?"), the infamous Rolling Stone pics ("Whoa, I though you said they weren't a couple!").
1. Soon, your friend will realize that this is your hobby, and that there's no way he/she can talk to you without being pulled in by your addiction to The Show. After repeating steps 1-10 possibly many times, your friend will inevitably succumb to the greatness of The X-Files and will no longer be able to deny that they scan the sky for UFOs, check the backs of their necks for implants, and every once in awhile consider dying their hair red or purchasing a trenchcoat. Once your friend is ready to admit these things, you will know that you have won another over to our side. X-Philes forever! *G*
Top 20 Things To Do Over The Summer While There's No X-Files On...
20. Use the internet every day, collecting pictures of the stars, join every newsgroup, and become a member of every X-Files online club known to man.
19. Write an entire season's worth of scripts and mail them all to Chris Carter at the same time.
18. Instead of your usual summer vacation, go to every single X-Files convention held.
17. Decide to redo your room to be exactly like Scully's. Tape the number 35 to your door, get and old-fashioned claw-footed bathtub, and tear up your carpet so you have hardwood floors just like hers.
16. Have a contest with other X-Philes to see who can convert the most people to watching The Show.
15. Fill in all the gaps in your video collection by taping all the episodes you don't have.
14. Start a "Dana Scully" wardrobe, complete with smart-looking suits, professional pumps, and a long black trench coat.
13. Make an X-Files board game. Roll a 3 and a 5 and go to Scully's apartment; a 4 and a 2, go to Mulder's apartment; roll an 8, you get eaten by an alien, return to start. :)
12. Make an X-Files meal, complete with BBQ, iced tea, sweet potatoe pie, and sunflower seeds.
11. You and your friends all write a script that resolves the season 4 cliffhanger, and whichever one is the closest to the real thing wins a prize to the author.
10. Go see every movie that comes out during the summer in hopes of seeing a preview for The X-Files movie.
9. No matter where you go on vacation, send X-Files postcards to all your friends.
8. Watch the X-Files reruns every day on the Sci-Fi channel.
7. Pick your favorite episode and learn to recite every line from it. This could be a great ice-breaker at parties! :)
6. Practice firing your Smith&Wesson.
5. Make it your goal to collect every piece of X-Files merchandise ever produced.
4. See how many days you can go drinking no berverage but iced tea.
3. Wallpaper your room in X-Files pictures and articles, and try to leave as little blank space as possible.
2. Take a trip to every space center you know of in search an Apollo 11 keychain.
1. Decide that you want a basement office, just like Mulder and Scully's. No basement? No problem! Dig one, you've got all summer! *G*
Top Ten Disney Movies That Should've Starred Mulder and Scully
10. The Rescuers Down Under (Mulder and Scully could've solved that case much faster than those stupid mice.)
9. Aladdin ("Scully do you trust me? DO YOU TRUST ME?")
8. The Little Mermaid (Scully's got the red hair for the part of Ariel!)
7. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (Of course, the title would have to be changed to "Red Rose and the Seven Extraterrestrials...")
6. Peter Pan ("It's a Scully bird, it's a Scully bird!")
5. Puff the Magic Dragon ("Scully, what do you mean you don't believe in the big green dragon?")
4. Cinderella (Dana and her two evil step sisters, Bambi and Phoebe...)
3. The Fox and the Hound (It's a sweet frienship story.)
2. Bambi (In this version, Bambi gets shot after all, Mulder and Scully don't even really have to be in it!)
1. Pinnochio ("Mulder, that thing better not be getting any bigger...") Hey, she's talking about his NOSE! Get your mind out of the gutter! *G*
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