The prime minister of Israel sits down with Arafat at the beginning of negotiations regarding the resolution of the conflict. Prime Minister Sharon requests that he be allowed to begin with a story.

Arafat replies, "Of course."

The prime minister begins his story: "Years before the Israelites came to the Promised Land and settled here, Moses led them for 40 years through the desert. The Israelites began complaining that they were thirsty and, lo and behold, a miracle occurred and a stream appeared before them. They drank their fill and then decided to take advantage of the stream to do some bathing -- including Moses. When Moses came out of the water, he found that all his clothing was missing.

"'Who took my clothes?' Moses asked those around him.

"'It was the Palestinians,' replied the Israelites.

"Wait a minute," objected Arafat immediately, "there were no Palestinians during the time of Moses!"

"All right," replied the prime minister. "Now that we've got that settled, let's begin our negotiations."

1. Give God what's right - not what's left.

2. "Pray" is a four-letter word you can say anywhere -except in public schools.

3. Man's way leads to a hopeless end - God's way leads to an endless hope.

4. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

5. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

6. To be almost saved is to be totally lost.

7. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.

8. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.

9. God grades on the cross, not the curve.

10. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a facelift.

11. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.

12. God doesn't want shares of your life - He wants a controlling interest.

13. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.

14. We don't change God's message - His message changes us.

15. The church is prayer-conditioned.

16. When God ordains, He sustains.

17. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.

18. Plan ahead - It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

19. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.

20. Suffering with truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.

21. Exercise daily - walk with the Lord.

22. Coincidences happen when God chooses to remain anonymous.

23. Wisdom has two parts - 1) having a lot to say 2) not saying it.

24. Never give the devil a ride - he will always want to drive.

25. A clean conscience makes a soft pillow.

26. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.

27. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.

28. He who angers you controls you.

29. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.

30. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.

31. Forbidden fruits create many jams.

32. Be ye fishers of men - you catch them & He'll clean them.

33. Deciding not to choose Jesus is still making a choice.

34. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

35. Read the Bible - It will scare the hell out of you.

36. When God guides, God provides.

37. If God is your co-pilot - swap seats.

38. Giving God just a piece of your heart will never bring you true peace.

39. God is Love, Love is God...so, what's Love got to do with it??? Everything!



A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God.

Here are some of the results:

God is like BAYER ASPIRIN He works miracles.

God is like a FORD He's got a better idea.

God is like COKE He's the real thing.

God is like HALLMARK CARDS He cares enough to send His very best.

God is like TIDE He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

God is like GENERAL ELECTRIC He brings good things to life.

God is like SEARS He has everything.

God is like ALKA-SELTZER Try Him, you'll like him.

God is like SCOTCH TAPE You can't see him, but you know He's there.

God is like DELTA He's ready when you are.

God is like ALLSTATE You're in good hands with Him

God is like VO-5 HAIR SPRAY He holds through all kinds of weather

God is like DIAL SOAP Aren't you glad you have Him. Don't you wish everybody did.



One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

***

And this particular four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

***

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church, asked: "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?" Gary answered soberly: "I asked God to teach me to whistle...And He just then did!"

***

One night Mike's parents overheard this prayer. "Now I lay me down to rest, and hope to pass tomorrow's test, if I should die before I wake, that's one less test I have to take."

***

A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. "Dear God, thank you for these pancakes." When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, "I thought I'd see if He was paying attention tonight,"

***

A little boy's prayer. "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess." (AMEN)

***

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if You can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am!"

***

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so then pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex." "Good morning, Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's Voice was barely audible, trembling with fear, when he asked, "Which service? Morning or afternoon?"



A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist.

They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.

"Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.

That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?"

"I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's Pentecostal !"


ha, ha