I love you - and yet I do not presume to know you
Your secret self is a beautiful mystery
upon which my heart will not intrude
~Nanushka (Nan Whitcomb)
11.22.02
After the Party
by Edwin Morgan
Did you touch me? I thought
at the door, as the party broke up violently,
streaming out into the dark snow --
who wants to remember the bad wine,
the worse coffee, that raving blond on the stair
with his jagged half of a Mingus EP dipped in punch --
or his friend old whimpering cut-writst
squirming on his paunch on the bathroom carpet, imagine
a white fitted carpet and a botched suicide, but the host
went on smiling as he shooed us into the cold. The old
lizard clutched his dressing-gown about him, though -- I know.
I sat on the step and rolled myself a cigarette,
I remember that. It was just before,
in that struggle in the doorway,
all coats and hiccups and fumbling, that I thought
you touched me. I know you were sober
and I was mostly. You never looked at me
but you touched me. Didn't you?
It's all I want to remember
and yet it becomes less clear
than that crazy slut sobbing through the bannisters.
What could you get from it? My doubt is
that you even remember it. Or are you waiting
for me to find you? And what would happen then?
It all slips through my hands like snow in silence.
Brush me with your wing,
I'm lying here,
in my shadows, the ones
for that night's sake.
8/10/02
Oh, the comfort-
the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person- having neither to
weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out,
just as they are,
chaff and grain together;
certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping,
and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.
from 'A Life for a Life'
by Dinah Maria Mulock Craik
7/25/01
Somewhere I Have Never Traveled
by e.e. cummings
somewhere I have never traveled, gladly beyond any experience,
your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which I cannot touch because they are too near.
your slightest look will easily unclose me
though I have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose.
or if your wish be to close me, I and my life
will shut very beautifully,
suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow
carefully, everywhere descending.
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture compels me
with the colour of its countries; rendering death and forever
with each breathing.
(I do not know what it is about you that closes and opens;
only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.
05/10/01
The Good Morrow
John Donne
I wonder, by my troth, what thou and I
Did till we loved. Were we not weaned till then,
But sucked on country pleasures, childishly?
Or snorted we in the seven sleepers' den?
'Twas so; but this, all pleasures fancies be.
If ever any beauty I did see,
Which I desired and got, 'twas but a dream of thee.
And now good-morrow to our waking souls,
Which watch not one another out of fear
For love all love of other sights controls
And makes one little room an everywhere.
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone,
Let maps to others worlds on worlds have shown,
Let us possess one world, each hath one, and is one.
My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest
Where can we find two better hemispheres
Without sharp North, without declining West?
Whatever dies was not mixed equally;
If our two loves be one, or thou and I
Love so alike that none do slacken, none can die.
3/13/01
How Do I Love Thee?
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
2/28/01
If Thou Must Love Me
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
'I love her for her smile ... her look ... her way
Of speaking gently, ... for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'--
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity.
2/23/01
The Friend Who Just Stands By
B.Y. Williams
When trouble comes your soul to try
You love the friend who just stands by
Perhaps there's nothing he can do-
The thing is strictly up to you;
For there are troubles all your own,
And paths the soul must tread alone;
Times when love cannot smooth the road
Nor friendship lift the heavy load,
But just to know you have a friend
Who will 'stand by' until the end,
Whose sympathy through all endures,
Whose warm handclasp is always yours-
It helps, someway, to pull you through,
Although there's nothing he can do.
And so with fervant heart you cry:
"God bless the friend who just 'stands by'!"
1/17/01
Annabel Lee
Edgar Allen Poe
It was many and many a year ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;-
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
She was a child and I was a child
In this kingdom by the sea
But we loved with a love that was more than love
I and my Annabel Lee
With a love that the winged seraphs in heaven
Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea
A wind blew out of a cloud at night
Chilling my Annabel Lee-
So that her highborn kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulcher
In this kingdom by the sea.
The angels, not so happy in Heaven,
Went envying her and me:-
Yes! That was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of a cloud, chilling
And killing my Annabel Lee.
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:-
For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
In her sepulcher there by the sea-
In her tomb by the side of the sea.
1/04/01
It Takes Courage
Author Unknown
It takes courage
To refrain from gossip
When others delight in it,
To stand up for the absent person
Who is being abused.
It takes courage
To live honestly
Within your means,
And not dishonestly
On the means of others.
It takes courage
To be a REAL man or a TRUE woman,
To hold fast to your ideals
When it causes you
To be looked upon
As strange and peculiar.
It takes courage
To be talked about,
And remain silent,
When a word would justify you
In the eyes of others,
But which you dare not speak
Because it would injure another.
It takes courage
To refuse to do something
That is wrong
Although everyone else
May be doing it
With attitudes as carefree
As a summer song.
It takes courage
To live accordingly
To your own conviction,
To deny yourself
What you cannot afford.
To love your neighbor
As yourself,
To follow the example
Of our risen Lord!
1/30/01
Relationships
Author Unknown
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul
relationship with another -to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God
says to the Christian, "No. Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content,
with being loved by me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to
Me, with having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone,
discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found will you be
capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will
never be united with another until you are united with Me exclusive of any
desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most
thrilling plan existing.One that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the
best -please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting
the greatest things, keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep
listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait, that's all. Don't
be anxious, don't worry, don't look around at the things that others have
gotten or that I have given them. Don't look at the things you want. You just
keep looking off and away up to me, or you'll miss what I want to show you. And
when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any
you would dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for
you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the
same time) -Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I
prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies
your relationship with Me. And thus, the perfect love. And dear one, I want you
to have this most wonderful love, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of
your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the
everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer with Myself. Know
that I love you utterly. I am God. Believe and be satisfied"
1/18/01
Sonnet #116
William Shakespeare
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which it alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth is unknown, although w'height be taken
Love's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks
But bears is out even to the edge of doom
If this be error and upon me proved,
Then I never writ, nor no man ever Loved
11/10/00
Sonnet XXVI
Edmund Spenser
Sweet is the rose, but grows upon a briar;
Sweet is the juniper, but sharp his bough;
Sweet is the eglantine, but pr ick eth near;
Sweet is the fir bloom, but his branches rough;
Sweet is the cypress, but his rynd is tough;
Sweet is the nut, but bitter is his pill;
Sweet is the broom flower, but sour enough;
And sweet is moly, but his root is ill.
So every sweet with sour is tempered still,
That maketh it be coveted the more:
For easy things that may be got at will,
Most sorts of men do set but little store.
Why then should I account of little pain,
That endless pleas ure unto me gain.
10/28/00
She Walks in Beauty
Lord Byron
"She walks in beauty like the night
of cloudiness climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
meets in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
which heaven to gaudy day denies.
"One shade the more, one ray the less,
had half impair'd the nameless grace
which waves in every raven tress,
or softly lightens o'er her face -
where thoughts serenely sweet express
how pure, how dear their dwelling-place
"And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
so soft, so calm, yet eloquent
the smiles that win, the tints that glow,
but tells in days of goodness spent,
a mind at peace with all below,
a heart whose love is pure."
9/14/00
The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
tow roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Are You the New Person Drawn Toward Me?
by Walt Whitman
Are you the new person drawn toward me?
To begin with, take warning--I am surely far different from what you
suppose;
Do you suppose you will find in me your ideal?
Do you think it so easy to have me become your lover?
Do you think the friendship of me would be unalloy'd satisfaction?
Do you think I am trusty and faithful?
Do you see no further than this façade--this smooth and tolerant
manner of me?
Do you suppose yourself advancing on real ground toward a real heroic
man?
Have you no thought, O dreamer, that it may be all maya, illusion?
Parking Lot
by Jewel
It was the way
my thigh felt against
the cool car hood
that made me
like you so
And it was the way
a risk can run down
a spine that made
my blood race
as a few bleary eyes
stumbled to their cars
unaware
And it was the way
you took me with such
strength and stretched
me between the
moon and a Chevrolet
that made me
crave you so
We knew our love could never be,
for like the golden sand,
the more you try to hold it tight,
the more escapes your hand -
The mighty plans of mice and men
will often go astray -
and what was so a year ago
may not be so today -
We're born into a changing world,
the young too soon grow old
and storm clouds in a summer sky
can make the day grow cold -
And though our love can never be -
for love's like golden sand -
you'll know through all eternity
that I will understand -
The time may go -
the winds may blow,
and restless is the sea -
but you will know I'll understand
through all eternity.
Nan Witcomb
The book of life begins
with pages virginal and clean,
proclaiming innocence
yet strangely tempting to the childish mind
behind the unformed hand
to make its presence felt.
and leave a mark
to show where it has been-
and as we write upon the pages
each life
as stories lived and written by us all,
of drama, mystery or comedy
of heroes, villains and adventurers.
some written with a carefree flourish
some neatly following the lines,
and others in a careless scrawl-
No matter if our book is short or long,
or if it is remembered down the years,
we must expect
that even in the happiest of fairy tales,
there will always be some chapters
blank with boredom-
there will always be some pages
smudged with tears .....
>From The Thoughts of Nanushka Vols13-18
Young -
but with the wisdom of forever -
peaceful as the quiet beyond the sky,
Lonely -
yet sharing in a world of other people -
seeing life through other peoples' eyes -
Afraid -
but braver than tomorrow,
wondering if what is
will always be -
borrowing your happiness and sorrow
with the unrequieted freedom of the free -
Sad -
as Autumn snowdrift in the valley,
eyes with unshed tears too proud to fall -
A heart that trusts in love
but not in loving -
yet knowing all the while
that love is all.
~Nanushka
A Modern Declaration
Edna St. Vincent Millay
I, having loved ever since I was a child a few things, never having
wavered
In these affections; never through shyness in the houses of the
rich or in the presence of clergymen having denied these
loves;
Never when worked upon by cynics like chiropractors having
grunted or clicked a vertebra to the discredit of those loves;
Never when anxious to land a job having diminished them by a
conniving smile; or when befuddled by drink
Jeered at them through heartache or lazily fondled the fingers of
their alert enemies; declare
That I shall love you always.
No matter what party is in power;
No matter what temporarily expedient combination of allied
interests wins the war;
Shall love you always.