Options & Choices: Goin' Courtin'

One of my main problems with his and with the category of books that agree with Josh Harris' method is that I'm not in favor of anything that widens the gap between men and women as sexes. Quite frankly, there's a lot of difference in the first place, and it doesn't need any help. All that "Mars and Venus" crap has become a huge excuse to not communicate. If a man and a woman need an intermediary during their courtship, that man and woman are either just making things more difficult for themselves because they like it, or they're both too immature as individuals in the first place. I'm sorry, that's just how I feel about it.

The argument that tends to come up here is about modesty in clothing. So, no, I don't think girls need to prance around in skimpy clothing. I do think they *can* be blamed for arousing men, because that's what they want in those cases, but I also say men are in charge of their own selves. They have to compensate for this kind of stuff all the time. At the end of the day, it's *their* problem. Yes, the females need to take responsibility for their end of the deal and for certain consequences. But this is an even-steven situation, not a "women should bow to the male sensitivities" thing.

Yes, family should be involved. Absolutely important. And I have no beef with the families that go in for betrothal or who send the prospective male to the father for approval before anything goes anywhere. Just doin' that thing they do. I have serious issues with all the strict rules (must not: be out of sight of other member of the family, hold hands for more than 1 minute, hug face-to-face; must: be accountable to pastor, as in tell pastor intimate details and discuss such for at least half an hour) and regulations, but, again, mostly consider it a "whatever floats your boat" kind of thing, because I *personally* am not interested in a man who follows all the rules to the letter. Or a man who comes to me or my family, hat in hand. I'm interested in a man who is boisterous with my brothers, sweet and funny and respectful but not condescending with my mother, and indulgent with my dad, a man who understands everything that's important to me about my family, but a man who will still drop all of that because it's *me* that is the connection that ties it all together for him. I would expect to do the same (or some similitude) for him and his family. But that's me. I would also expect to speak frankly and directly with him about our own situation, without anyone else injecting their two cents worth. I wouldn't expect him to *need* to formally ask my father(s) for my hand as he would already be accepted in a familiar way (and I personally would consider it a step backwards in his hopefully informal relationship with my family and also second-hand news by the time he got to me), and I would expect to speak to my family myself and in my own informal way about what's going on and any possibilities (as opposed to some elaborate family meeting), and I wouldn't expect him to enlist our families to help make the proposal a surprise somehow. Again, that's me. Josh Harris never suggested he had any set way to do the courtship thing. All that came around and was enforced by ultra-conservative youth groups and in several books describing the actual courtship process as put into practice. So, again, I'm not blaming him.

The end point is: choose your own romance. Yes, I'm deliberately bringing to mind those "choose your own adventure" books, because that's exactly what this is like. Choices are made, turns are taken, and it's all apart of a grander plot because love is a *part* of you, not just a sideline activity. And each and every person you love, becomes a part of your book. I'm a writer, so I can tell you about the delicate balancing act it takes to keep only plot-relevant scenes in the story. Adding a faux "love interest" just to throw the reader off the scent is rarely appreciated if it doesn't make sense to the rest of the novel. If you think of it that way, casual dating and recreational love just doesn't make any sense.

The truth is, we might not be forcibly shoved down any particular course, but there is a plan for each of us, and God designed it. And most of us fight against it just as hard as we can. Just as the viewer of a superhero drama thinks it's ridiculous that the superhero doesn't want to be a superhero, there's not a very good reason for fighting God's plan in each of *our* lives.

Using, for example, the story of Superman: Clark knows -has been told all his life, implied or in words- that he will be some kind of hero/epic 'helper' when he grows up. But from his vantage point, he doesn't have a clue what kind of legendary status he will eventually achieve. He doesn't know that people won't laugh at his red spandex and blue tights. (He doesn't even know that he will be regularly wearing his panties on the outside in the future.) He doesn't know that he'll make the world a better place, not really. He doesn't know that people will accept his help and not fear him. Of course, fictional examples can only take you so far; the real problem with Superman is that he doesn't have any assurance that Someone's looking out for him -that Someone actually called him to do what he's going to be doing. That's the difference between entertainment and your reality.

Here's the cute catch phrase you've been waiting for: everyone's a hero, God's waiting to make each one a superhero, and there *is* a plan.