Date: Wednesday , August 31 , 2005
Time: 7:07 pm EST
Current Conditions: Mostly Cloudy , 87° (feels like 95°)
Music: Kenny G | The First Noel
Mood: A lil' down

I was going to try and get some sleep last night. I got off the phone with Rob and told myself, it's now or never, so I went and laid down. I couldn't sleep so I read some. I think I started dozing after roughly two hours so I put the book down and I must have fallen asleep because 20 minutes later when my phone rang, I was cursing. That was about 2:00 a.m. I had a hard time going back to sleep after that. I clutched on to Teddy all night and haven't parted with him for too long today either. Mom use to tell me that I had a little pink clutch pig that I got for my first Christmas and I wouldn't let it go for anything. The same seems to be true for this teddy I have.

Jordan took that yesterday. I guess I could snip the little tag from his ear, it isn't inscribed with anything, apparently he felt there was no need to write anythign sweet on the lil' card but oh well. I was floored that I recieved such a lovely manninal in the first place.

Tomorrow I'm working in Bishopville in the morning. Genovia won't be there, hopefully she's going to the doctor. I called and talked to her today and she sounds like crap. Jerome is going to be back from Canada tomorrow and it will be his first day back.

Perhaps if all goes well Rob will be here tomorrow night. He told Jordan Thursday and he remembers that and he knows tomorrow is Thursday. He's been counting down nights since Sunday night. I just dumped glue all over my hands like I use to do in Elementary school. Such fun it is. I lost my connection to the interent, once again so I'm going to go ahead and get off of here. Write more later.

--Something Catchy here
Janett

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Date: Tuesday , August 30, 2005
Time: 7:16 pm EST
Current Conditions: Heavy Thunderstorms & Windy , 77° (feels like 81°)
Music: Kenny Chesney : The Tin Man
Mood: Dandy, Just dandy...

It's thundering really bad outside, which is totally cool! I love this. It seems like since I've gotten older, the thunderstorms aren't as bad as they use to be. Is that because as I've gotten bigger I've downplayed nature? I guess it's possible, aging has terrible effects on people. I just hope I never forget what it's like to be a kid. As long as I got that, I"m doing better than most.

For some reason I haven't been able to part with my Teddy today. I even took him to work with me and he's in my lap as I'm typing this. On my lunch break I came home and played dominoes. I remember the first time I ever played. I was at Dave's and Melissa's and I whooped but. I won every hand but one.

Today was Jordan's first day back at his regular school and he loved it. He is in a class with 3 of his friends from last year but there are about 7 students from his class last year that are in the same class. This morning he saw Mrs. Goshorn as well. I don't think he wanted to leave her class. I really like her. She was a cool teacher. She's not from here of course. She's from Vermont. I guess that explains it though. Jordan has been wanting lasagna for forever so after I went and picked him up, we went to the train store and purchased the necessary items and he made his first dish of lasagna at the tender age of 5. :-) I cooked the meat and he did the rest. Told me what to cook it on, when to take it out, all that good stuff. I of course, took a picture.

There is a helatious thunderstorm rolling though and it's cool. Took some pictures of that too. Anyways. I am going to scoot.

--I'd give anything just be the tin man
Janett

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Date: Monday , August 29, 2005
Time: 5:05 pm EST
Current Conditions: Mostly Cloudy, 88° (feels like 97°)
Music: My Chemical Romance: I'm Not Okay
Mood: A lil' sleepy

I guess this is a continuation of my posting from this morning. Jordan is officially enrolled in Sumter Christian now, he starts school tomorrow. I was suppose to fork over $450.00 but I didn't have it so I've got 300 more to cover by the end of September. Let's just hope this is a good pay month for me. I was thinking that this Friday is payday but it isn't this past Friday was payday and I should have known that but it's okay. I was just thinking maybe I could have forked over more but whatever. I'll get paid. '

On another note, I had some people come look at the house today. I'm not sure how it went but then again I am. I wouldn't hold my breath. I'll put it like that. That's fine by me though. Whatever ya know? I guess I need to fix dinner now. Guess this is one of those things I'm going to have to learn to deal with, fixing food that is. Not that I have anything against fixing food, I'm just not use to eating it.

I'm out.

--Empty
Janett

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Date: Monday , August 29, 2005
Time: 9:40 am EST
Current Conditions: Mostly Cloudy, 79° (feels like 29°)
Music: Vince Gill : What Child Is This
Mood: Elated

Yesterday I went to Elgin and met with Carly and then we went to Lexington and went to a flea market. I think I"m beginning to realize why they are called "Flea" markets. I'm so evil. On our way over there to Lexington we stopped by Bryants and I picked Jordan up and told him about what time we'd be back and he said "fine". We were there exactly the time I said and we waited for almost an hour and I tried calling him several times and he didn't answer his phone either so I just left and took Jordan home with me. I'm now waiting on Bryant to come out here with the paper work so we can get Jordan enrolled in school over here. He's going to be going back to Sumter Christian this year. That is where he went last year and it's a real good school. They have small classes and such. Their dress code is a little crazy but they do not have to wear uniforms. They have to wear shirts with collars which, with a kid can be a bit challenging.

I had a training class in Columbia this past Thursday and in my class was Todd and Richard from Sumter. There were other people in there too of course but I didn't know any of them. Of course, I was pounded by Todd about questions on Caywood. I immediately told him that I hadn't talked to him. I think that's the reason I haven't been getting called into work over there. I don't think it has anything to do with testing. Michelle got jealous and ran and squealed and that was it. Somebody said Alma said something, she might have but I know it wasn't her that squawked. Juanita may have. Jim did say that Todd pulled him in his office and said for him to leave me alone and that was the last I heard on that stretch from Jim but I still heard and still hearing stuff from other people even though that's been a while ago. *sighs* Postal rumors never die.

Jordan is outside playing on his slideset at the moment. I'm regrouping some crap on my computer. I'm also listening to Christmas music but I guess that's already obvious. Jordan put some on last weekend and I've been listening to it on and off ever since. Rob kept putting it on as well so I've got it from both ways now. He says it's because of Jordan, Jordan started playing it and somehow now, he's just gotta listen to it. He didn't say that, I did. I think this is kinda funny, it's August. I have Halloween magazines beside me and Christmas music blaring on the radio. Something wrong with this picture? Perhaps, but I'm content just the same.

I think I'm going to see if I can't start working on my Genealogy again. I'd been doing very well but I took a break from it. I kept hitting dead ends and such. My Grandpa has since passed and I don't know if Jim or Uncle Tim will be able to help me any. I'd like some pictures of Grandma that Jim has but I'm a little scared to call him. He creeps me out. Guess that's a given though. He seems to creep everybody out. That's a horrible thing for me to say.

I got some things I need to do and some people that I need to contact about certain things and for me to do that,I need to get off here. I'm not accomplishing much by being on the internet so I'm going to scoot and do my stuff.

--It is not I who am mad...it is I who am crazy for you
Janett

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Date: Tuesday , August 23, 2005
Time: 12:25 pm EST
Current Conditions: Mostly Cloudy, 83° (feels like 89°)
Music: Tracy Byrd : For Me It's You
Mood: Throat is a lil' scratchy

I was suppose to be working in Bishopville today but I got a call yesterday at work right before I was to leave and it was Barbara and she told me that I needed to call and tell them I was going to have to work my office today because she still needed to be in Gasden. Alright, no problem there. I could have gotten an additional 4 hours of work in Bishopville but whatever. Work is work is work.

I tried to get Mada to go to a movie with me last night but she blew me off for bushogging. I thought that sucked. Anyways, I called Climmie this morning and asked her if she'd like to accompany me tonight and she said she'd call me back so now I just wait. I think if I get blown off again I'm heading out by myself. There's 2 movies that I wanna see one is The Skeleton Key and the other is Red Eye.

I'm home on lunch right now, I was going to walk home but decided against it. I think I'll just walk back to work and then walk home. Anyways, I promised Lauren I'd start eating some and I ate a salad today for lunch and Mada brought me a chocolate milk to work. Jan was suppose to work but her priority had dibs on her first.

I'm going to make a new thing on my blog for quotations. I've been running across a good many. Some of them are stupid, some of them are grand. I'm just running off my mouth. As you might have guessed, I have nothing particular to speak about.

Carly called me at work this morning and I talked to her for like 30 minutes or so. That was kinda cool. I like talking to her. She was asking about Rob and some other specific thing that I'm not going to mention here just yet. But there are a few people who know what I'm speaking about and for them I'll tell you this. There's this man that comes in the PO and talks to me sometimes, I harassed him once about destroying nature, but anyways, he was talking to me and asked what I meant when I said "Possibly 1 and a half". I told him so I'm wondering how long it's going to take to get around now? Who knows, who cares.

It's a good thing that this is pay week. My funds are seriously low. I'm assuming all of this of course.

I found another "STUPID CRIMINAL" watch. Go here to read. This is local news mind you.

--*Hiccups*
Janett

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Date: Sunday , August 21, 2005
Time: 4:05 pm EST
Current Conditions: Mostly Cloudy, 93° (feels like 108°)
Music: George Strait: I'd Like To Have That One Back
Mood: A little sad but other than that, fine

I had a real good weekend. Jordan was here, he wasn't behaving but he was here. Rob was here too. He wasn't behaving all that well, but he was here and having them both here with me was enough. They're going to have to learn to get along though, both of them fighting over me all the time, just isn't going to work. HA! Other than Jordan not behaving properly, I thought the weekend went real well until Rob left. He told me not to cry, not to let him see a tear in "that" eye, pointing to my left one or to let him hear from Jordan that I cried. Then stated something to the effect he wasn't worth crying over. (His opinion, on this, doesn't count) I guess it's a good thing that Jordan was laying down for a nap and that my left tear duct doesn't seem to work properly. My right one flowed a little more than the left so. But then again he'll never know so it's all the same. Might be stupid but I can't help it.

Jordan also informed me Friday afternoon after we were home and he was coloring that I loved Rob. I asked him "What did you say?". He goes, "I know that you love Rob and that's why you're happy Mom." Then he went back to coloring his picture. I told Rob this or the part where Jordan told me that I loved him and he goes wait a minute and reiterated the scene and that was it. He said some sort of comment like "I know you do" or something to the same effect. What's that suppose to mean? I guess maybe there are just some things we aren't suppose to know or understand.

Speaking of knowing and understanding, I think I have night terrors. I'm not just meaning bad dreams either. This whole past week, I've slept like crap,been jolted awake, and once, on Thursday night, I actually screamed when I awoke at 3:30 in the morning. According to one website, Night Terrors occur during stage 4 of your sleep patterns, which I knew but here is some more info.

Sudden awakening from sleep, persistent fear or terror that occurs at night, screaming, sweating, confusion, rapid heart rate, inability to explain what happened, usually no recall of "bad dreams" or nightmares, may have a vague sense of frightening images. Many people see spiders, snakes, animals or people in the room, are unable to fully awake, difficult to comfort, with no memory of the event on awakening the next day.

I don't have or recall having any dreams of spiders, snakes or other animals. But I do have several dreams of people being in the room, and it's isn't a pretty thing. I almost never have "nice or pleasant" dreams. All my dreams are very gory and while they don't scare me, most of the time anyways. I do recall one dream where I was talking to Mom and she was telling me stuff and I woke up very sad, but it was a happy said. I was able to tell her things that I didn't get a chance to tell her when she was alive and in my dream I was able to tell her.

I'm being harassed on AIM right now. I'm thinking about taking it off my computer. I don't ever talk to anybody on it anways. I do talk to Sarah sometimes but I think she's the only one. Most of the people I talk to are on YP.

I've got to go to Bishopville. I'll be back later.

I'm back now and wanted to write more so here I am again. I don't recall if I mentioned this earlier, but those of you guys who know me, know how I am about my "stuff" mainly my music stuff and my books. Rob got one of my books, not like stole it or anything, I LET him borrow it. Yes, yes, I know, can you believe it? I can't.

--I (still) miss Rob...
Janett

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Date: Friday , August 19, 2005
Time: 5: 27pm EST
Current Conditions: Partly Cloudy, 92° (feels like 102°)
Music: Somebody beating a bottle...
Mood: Head hurts, tired, want to go to bed, want to go do something...

Got to work this morning and found out I was working with Heyward, which was fine. Now that Rob guy is here again, What is wrong with this guy????? Cant he get the hint I don't want his sorry ass around any more? As you guys know, I would not have said that but it was typed by none other than Rob himself. So anyways, as I was saying. A lady came in and wanted a letter, a certified letter and I asked her if she wanted both of them, she replied yes. So I, being the subpurb postal employee that I am, handed her both of them and she signed the 3849 and the green card for the other one, walked out the door, came back in and said I gave her somebody elses letter. She read the letter before she signed for it. So I told her I'd take care of it. She walks then comes back in yelling at me telling me I deceived her. Whatever. It went on and on. Anyways. She made my head hurt and it's been hurting ever since.

For lunch, I left, came home, went to the station and met Heyward for lunch and we talked and stuff. That was a table full of men behind me and that made me very uncomfortable. Anywys, I got Jordan for the weekend. Bryant brought him to work today. Rob is here to, as if you didn't already know so I'm gonna go and entertain.

--Tina, come get some ham...
Janett

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Date: Wednesday , August 17, 2005
Time: 11: 34pm EST
Current Conditions: Showers in the Vicinity , 77° (feels like 77°)
Music: 3DD: Let Me Go
Mood: Sleepy

All around good day. On my way to work this morning I almost ran over Genovia. She was walking in the middle of the road and it being that early in the morning, I wasn't thinking anything about it, of course then she started skirting around the edge of the road. Up a little ways I saw Gary, her husband's car, in a ditch backwards. When I got to work I was the only one there other than Rene. I kept thinking about G and all. I thought when she gets here she's going to tell everybody that I tried to run over her and sure nuff she did. It was funny. Eddie laid it on thick and it's a good thing Jerome wasn't there because he would have had something to say.

Rob was over tonight. Made him some food. Guess it was good, he didn't say, just ate. That could have been because it was good or he was just hungry. Maybe there is some middle ground I'm suppose to be reading from BUT sometimes I (waves hand in front of her face) get nothing. He's easier to read when I can see him than when I'm on the phone with him. He didn't stay the night, wasn't expecting him to, though it would have been nice. He left around 9:00 I guess. He was here for a bit, not as long as I'd have liked but it was better than nothing. He told me I was greedy. I don't know about that, I just want my fair share. Maybe I am greedy, but only when it comes to certain things, like the things that I want. Specially when it's something special. So take that how ever you want it. I do have to be honest, I didn't want him to go, seems like I never want him to go, I'd never say that to him, but I guess in a way I kinda just did but not really. Anyways, that scares me too, the part about not wanting him to go. I know that he has to and I know it's stupid for me to want him to stay too I guess. I don't know w hat I think anymore. I do but then again I don't. I'm not 100% sure I know where he's coming from a lot of the times. He says stuff or do stuff that will make me think one way and then later he'll do or say something and I'll think the exact opposite. I guess the bold thing to do would be just ask but I'm too much of a wimp for that just yet. Then again, another part of me thinks that if he wanted me to know, he would drop some kinda hints or just come out and tell me. Then again, I can't expect that from him when I don't do that. Maybe I'm expecting or asking for some type of miracle, who knows.

I can't believe I'm writing that much about how I feel about him and all those kinds of things. It's weird for me. There is so much stuff that I want to ask or would ask eventually I guess I'm just not sure how to ask it, if it's too soon to ask that kind of stuff, whatever. There's just a bunch of stuff I guess I still don't understand. Hell I don't even know what we are. He says he hasn't really thought about it, great right? Not really sure what to say to that either. I wish I had a better understanding of all this stuff and what it meant. I wish that my observations were at least somewhat correct or somewhere on the right track at least. I don't want to misread signs and all that other stuff. I guess that's why it's usually better if people just come right out and say it, whatever that might be. Totally confused.

It's way past my bedtime.

--You can't escape...
Janett

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Date: Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Time: 4:45 pm EST
Current Conditions: Partly Cloudy, 92° (feels like 102°)
Music: Kenny Chesney : The Tin Man
Mood: Fine

Work was great again today. I found out that Jerome is going to be heading to Canada tomorrow. He's got to go for training. I was kinda sad. It'll be good for him though I reckon. He'll be gone for two weeks. I'm not sure who is going to be doing his route while he's gone. I'm sure to get some extra time while he's out though. I guess that is one up side to it. I was able to get away from the window today when Jonathan was there and I made him give me my 5 bucks. I got to take a super early lunch today. I was out at 10:00 this morning. Genovia, Erika and me all walked (Genovia's bright idea) down to Hardees' BUT we didn't get anything to eat. We stopped by the Pig on the way up and Erika suggested we walk to Hardees' so we did and I thought G was going to fall out. She kept telling everybody that we all walked all the way down to Hardees'. She was proud of herself. I like working with her and I"m glad that I've gotten to know her better. She's going through a difficult time right now. That's kinda sad.

I'm going to go into work in Bishopville in the morning but I'm not sure how long I"m going to stay. I'm suppose to be there at 6:00 and I'll get to work with Vi tomorrow too! I haven't seen her ina while so it should be interesting. She's a trip too.

When I got home today I checked my mail and I got my nother book I was wanting. I'm psyched about that. Also some other news. I got a call yesterday from Jason that they are going to be up here this weekend. They'll either leave Thursday night or head out early Friday morning. It's looking like I'm going to have to work Friday so I'm not so sure about what's going on.

I went and voted when I got off work today. I did my part, now let's hope these folks vote for the best candidate. I'm sporting a sign in my front yard for my candidate. I'm also sporting my blue and white "I Voted" sticker. I just don't understand why folks don't register to vote.

I went for a walk with Lil' Sarah the other day and I found she has a thing for mushrooms. She squashes fairy houses! Can you believe the madness? She has totally flipped. I saw this one mushroom and I hauled off and kicked the crap out of it and it pretty much exploded. It was cool.

I need to go to the store. I was going to go tomorrow but I might as well go today and get it over with. I'm out.

--Vote folks, vote...
Janett

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Date: Monday, August 15, 2005
Time: 8:40 pm EST
Current Conditions: Clear , 87° (feels like 98°)
Music: Kenny Chesney : I Lost It
Mood: Exhilarated

Today was a great day. I got roughly 2 hours of sleep last night but it was a good day. I went into work this morning in Bishopville and I got to see all the folks that I haven't seen in a while. It was super sweet! I got to see Jerome aka Peanut, Eddie, and Rick. It was neat. I really like working over there. Rene' is going to be out of the office at the end of this month, she's going to back her office and the lady, Deborah, is coming in to fill the postmaster position. I was under the impression she was suppose to be there on the 6th of this month but apparently not.

I got my 5th Harry Potter book today. I haven't started reading it yet but depending on how the night goes, who calls, how I feel, so on and so forth, I might pick it up and start reading it tonight. I ordered another book, The Little Book of Celtic Myths and Legends, that I'm really looking forward to getting. I ordered them both at the same time and now I'm just waiting. I can't wait for some more book fairs. I go freakin crazy for books. I prefer books to movies too, not sure why that is but I do. There are some that I prefer the book to the movie, but not often. There is also another book, 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America by Bernard Goldberg, that I would like to at least look at. Wonder if they'll have that at the library? Guess there is only one way to find out. :-D

I'm going to order myself a dvd player tonight. I'm not getting mine back and well,frankly, I'm tired of watching movies on the computer. Granted I have almost no dvd's anymore either, just the ones that were at Bryants when I was gone, but it's better than nothing I guess.

Genovia's birthday is on the 27th of this month and I overheard her saying that she wants a good book. She a sucker for romance novels. I have no earthly idea what to get her. I'm no good a romance itself, forget the book.

I've got phone calls rolling in. I didn't get to say all I wanted to say but I"m going to get going anyways.

--You had me from hello...f
Janett

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Date: Sunday, August 14, 2005
Time: 7:34 am EST
Current Conditions: -----, --° (feels like --°)
Music: Bryan Adams : Can't Stop This Thing We Started
Mood: Just Dandy

It's early Sunday morning, durh, and I'm sitting here typing this. I was going to get up and read this morning but for some reason decided against it. I'm suppose to be at church too. I'm suppose to have nursery duty but I don't think that would be a good "back to church" impression on me. Mac is suppose to be preaching today anyways too. I'd like to go listen to him. I like listening to his dad preach. They are more like life lessons than history lessons. Which people, in my opinion, seem to carry with them more easily.

I talked to Dad yesterday and he's still wanting me to move up there. I'm not going up there. I couldn't do that. I'd use that as a last resort only. Tasha would get so pissed at me if I were to move up here. To be totally honest, the thought never crossed my mind. I don't know if he could handle me, the grown up me. From what I remember he didn't handle me to well as a child either so... That is one subject I really dont' wanna touch on at the moment. Brings back old bad memories ya know.

I talked to Lauren the other night on Yahoo Messenger and she is utterly hilarious. She made a total ass out of herself but then again, she usually does. KIDDING! She is a horses ass seriously. I've got some pictures that can prove so, I just have to see if they are scanned. Then again they might be digital pics so I can might stick them up here anyways. Lemme see.

Now, tell me those aren't classic symptoms? She's a nut! Those were taken when I was in Texas in September of 2003. I'm due a return trip. I don't know if I"ll be able to make it down there this year, there are a few good places that I'm due to go.

I had a uh..weird dream last night or this morning and I think that is what woke me up. I had a dream about Josh. It was my house except it wasn't here in South Carolina. Me, Tash and Jason came in and he was on the coffee table with somebody, I assumed a girl, with a shaved head and then he got up and was standing by the door and was crying and stuff saying how glad he was that I knew now. The guy, who reminded me of Steven Webb, was short and had a big attitude. I think his name was Al or some crap like that. I am due a phone call. I'm going to find out if that boy is gay. Very disturbing.

I'm going to get off here and continue with my daily or not so daily activities.

--Bouncing Around..
Janett

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Date: Thursday, August 11, 2005
Time: 8:33 pm EST
Current Conditions: Mostly Cloudy, 76° (feels like 76°)
Music: The Killers : All These Things That I've Done
Mood: Just Dandy

I went the the attorney today and he didn't help me much. Just basically sat there and asked questions and I answered. Sarah went with me, thank lord. I need to get started on finding people to go and make statements that I don't abuse Jordan, why he should be with me other than Bryant and things to that affect. It's a big damn mess. I don't want to talk about that anymore. After we went shopping. I spent like a lot of money I didn't have and she felt sorry for me and bought me an outfit. I know that's why she bought it. We listened to a lot of cool music and I have a great deal of it still in my head.

I finally went shopping and got the stuff to make Mada's bananna pudding and the things that I needed to buy so I could make dinner tomorrow night. Still really scared about all that. Mada came by to get her stuff and asked about some Japanese food that she was asking if I could make for her and George and I told her sure. She asked if I was going to do it over here and I told her sure, that I could do that. I told her I would make it a real romantic time for them, they need one, then she says what about the four of us. I say the four of us? She goes yea, me, George, you and Rob. WHA! I was blown away! She wants to meet him more formally I guess. She says he seems like a real nice guy. There is a good reason for that, he is. Now that that is said and out.

I think tomorrow morning I'll get up and then start working on some crap around the house. If I get up early enough I'm going to go run.

--Just Signing Off
Janett

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Date: Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Time: 10:23 pm EST
Current Conditions: Mostly Cloudy, 76° (feels like 76°)
Music: Rascal Flatts : It's Not Just Me
Mood: Happy

Tomorrow morning at 11:00 a.m. EST I will be going to see my attorney. I'm kinda scared a little. I'm not sure why though. Sarah is going to go with me and then we might go to Coker, which is in Hartsville, after. Barbara wanted me to go to a training class at the post office in Florence but I was like no way, not tomorrow. I think she got a little aggravated with me, but that's okay too.

I got a phone call from Bryant and he canceled the insurance on the car today. What an ass. I don't know what to do with him. I'm just going to see what I can find and get rid or that piece of crap and get something where I don't have to worry about it blowing up on me as I drive down the road cruising at the great speeds of 35 miles per hour. What a dork.

I just got really hyper writing that and I'm not sure why. I'm suddenly reminded of mine and Lauren's "Boogie Nights" poem. But I"m not here to discuss that.

I had lunch with Heyward and Barbara today. It was cool. I like talkin to him, he's cool and he's young! WOOHOO go young postals!

I'm going to bed now, Rob just left me so I'm going too.

--Iamma Sleepy Head
Janett

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Date: Tuesday, August 9, 2005
Time: 10:39 am EST
Current Conditions: Thunder, 79° (feels like 82°)
Music: Brad Paisley : Whiskey Lullaby
Mood: Empty

I tried to write this yesterday but found myself fumbling at the keys. As I'm assuming those of you who read this know about me and my situation, Bryant took Jordan Sunday. The rundown on what happened? Bryant said he was coming over here to "get Jordan's things" that Jordan was staying with him now. I said no I didn't think so. Anyways when they came here, I fixed Jordan some chocolate milk and told him to go to the living room and Bryant and I went outside on the front porch and started talking. He said he came to get Jordan's things that Jordan wanted to stay with him and then he comes off with this.

When I came to pick Jordan up Thursday there were bruises all over his back and his legs. Then he said that Jordan told him that I did it but told him not to tell or show anybody.

I know Bryant well enough and have been through it before with him that is crap HE tells Jordan, not me. Jordan is usually really good when he's with me. I'm not saying he doesn't get spankings and stuck in the corner and all that but hitting his back and legs is ridiculous. I have never and will never. This past Wednesday I went and registered Jordan for school and while he was there he misbehaved and he did on the way home so when we got home, I gave him a whipping, with my hand, and told him to go lay down for a nap. I gave him a bath that night, no marks. I put his shirt on him Thursday morning, still nothing. Then before Bryant came and picked him up Thursday I made him change his shirt and he did so right in front of me and again, nothing. So when he left here he was fine. Who's to say Bryant didn't take him to his place and beat the crap out of him and then came up with this story. He's saying that there have been bruises before and he always just passed it off as him being a boy but now he knows different. SUCH HORSE SHIT! I have never hit my kid or anybody hard enough or in the wrong way to leave bruises. Except maybe my sister Naomi. But seriously, That is ridiculous.I just don't understand people. I understand his sick twisted screwed up family and I can't help but think that part of this has to do with them.

I went to Family Court yesterday and was told there was nothing I could do, no report to file, even though he forced his way in to my house, and forcefully shoved me into the wall, hard enough to give me a sweet line across my back. He did all this in front of Jordan with him screaming all the while then tried to run me over in the car. I'm sorry but the police force in Sumter, South Carolina or for Sumter County I'd say totally fucking sucks. What the hell do we pay for? Them to drive Expeditions, Camaros, F-150's around town? Apparently so.

I was suppose to work in Rembert again this morning but I've been up since 4:00 this morning. I can't hold anything down. I don't know what to do. I'm going to go to the library in a little bit and see if I can't do some research. I might see if I can't ride out to Elgin for a little while too. I need some company. Selena stopped by this morning and that meant a lot. I just don't know what to do. I know I keep saying that but it's the truth.

I talked to a few people last night. I called Jason and talked to him for a little bit. I'm not sure where Tash was but she wasn't there. I haven't talked to her since this past Friday. She was suppose to call me but she never did. I can't seem to catch her either. I talked to Rob last night. It was refreshing to talk to him. He makes me laugh, a lot, and that's a good thing. I also talked to Carly for a few minutes, not too long though. I talked to Jason the longest almost 2 hours.

I've got to get out of this house before I go crazy. I'm out. If anybody out there feels the need to call me, I'm assuming you have my cell phone number if you're reading this, just shoot me a call or leave a message.

--I wish they would all just dissappear
Janett

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I'm back from my weekend festivities. I went to Robs place for the weekend. I had a good time, enjoyed myself but something didn't seem right. I went over there Friday night and he gave me something most adorable. A lovely teddy bear. I've never gotten anything from a guy like that other than Chad Gentry and that was in 9th grade I think and for Valentine's day. That wasn't really the same thing either though. Here's a picture of my Teddy:

As I was saying before, something wasn't right this weekend. I came back and worked Mayesville Saturday and I was told by some people there I was acting weird and I spoke with Climmie later on the phone and she said I was being weird. I talked to Tasha and Jason Friday night and they said I was being weird. I didn't think I was behaving any differently, but maybe I was. Rob told me today I was behaving awkwardly all weekend long. I thought it was just him. I do have stuff bothering me and I try not to let it come through, maybe I was having a bad weekend. My week this past week totally sucked as it was. I met some people this weekend and that was really weird too. Meeting people is weird for me anyways.

Saturday night we went for a long walk kinda around the pond to start with then kinda drifted all around the base. It was nice but by the time we started heading back it was so dark and had rained so much it was kinda hard to see. I was trying to get a hold of Bryant so I could talk to Jordan seeing as how I had been trying to get a hold of him ever since Thursday when he left and never was able to contact him until later that night so I called my friend John and asked him to take a peek for me and eventually I got a phone call from Bryant. We watched Dodgeball last night. That movie is freakin hilarious. I would have never watched it on my own, but I'm glad he had it. I needed a good laugh.

I've been thinking about Dave a lot lately too. I haven't talked to them in a good while. I hope everything is all right with them and that his time in the service is treating him well. My dad is pressuring me to try and enlist. I don't think I'd mind the military life, the moving and all, I hate staying put but I do have a kid and he's the one I'm thinking about.

I talked with Bryant earlier on the phone and he's telling me that he wants Jordan to stay with him now and go to school over there. I'm not sure what brought on this change. He has Jordan right now and was suppose to bring him back today. I called Carly and she put Brady on the phone and he said I needed to call the Police and so I did and I was told there isn't anything they can really do, he's his child to and there isn't any binding legal documents to enforce anything, so I'm screwed. When he comes, I'll just ask him to leave and leave it at that.

I go this Thursday to see my lawyer. I'm hoping he'll have good news for me. This week is going to be crazy. Monday and Tuesday I go work in Rembert, which is going to suck and then Wednesday morning Jordan has orientation at his school, then I'll take the rest of that day preparing for Thursday, might see if I can get Rob to come over and possibly fix a nice or decent dinner. Thursday is Jordan's first day at his new school. I'm not going to do anything that day. I'm going to relax that day. I always say that and never do. Anyways, nothing is planned for that day. Friday I might see if I can't go work in Bishopville for a few hours and then Saturday nothing pressing comes to mind. I have to work that morning. Sunday I'm expected in Elgin to take some pictures for Brady and Carly. I need to get them something. Well, I don't "need" to get them something, I'd like to just to do it. Lord I love those two. I'm going to skit.

--Dreading Monday
Janett

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I went to work this morning in Rembert for get this, one freakin hour! I can't believe it. I think I might have gotten paid more for driving there than actually working there. Whatever though. I also left a note for her saying that Jordan's school orientation was on this coming up Wednesday and that I needed to be off for that but would be able to work that afternoon. Well she didn't like that and she called me and said that she could give me one of the days but not both. That I needed to decide what I wanted to do. So when she called back about an hour later I told her that I was going to go, it was a new school and I still had things that I needed to get done to get Jordan ready for school. She didn't like that she said "I'll tell you what, you come and work until Tuesday and then you can count your draw and turn it back in to me." I just said "fine" and left it at that.

I'm going out for the weekend so I need to go get dressed and get my crap. Thanks Carly! Love you girl!

--Weekend Baby!!
Janett

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Not much has been happening today. I went to work this morning, couldn't find anybody to watch Jordan so I wasted an hour down there. I went to the school to register Jordan for school and finally got that taken care of and have a list of other crap I have to do piled on top of it. Coming home from the school, I thought I was going to pass out so I came home and went to bed. I got home around roughly 11:30 and I didn't wake up until after 2:00. I feel better but I still feel a little light headed. I guess I should eat something. That might help, but I don't want to. I don't like to eat and I don't want to eat. I do think I have a problem but I'm not going to do anything about it. Who gives a shit.

I wrote my dad this morning and I heard back from him when I got up. He seems to be doing well. I told him some stuff about Bryant and he said "I hate to tell you this but I told ya so." I felt like saying, Gee, thanks Dad, just what I always wanted to hear. He did invite me to go to Alabama with him and his new wife in mid-September. I would like to go but I don't think I"ll be able to get time off form work to go. Moreover, I don't think I should take the time off from work to go. I'm still really screwed up from taking a week off to go to Alabama in the first place. Granted this time, I wouldn't have to pay for anything, not even gas unless it was something I wanted. I'd pay for my food too. But nowadays, that isn't much.

I got a lot of stuff pulled together that I want to get rid of. I need to finish cleaning out my closet to get rid of all my clothes that are too big for me or is crap that I would never wear in the first place. Then I need to move to Jordan's room and dispose of all his baby clothes and stuff that I still have. I will save some of them but not like I have now. The way I see it, I'm more than likely finished so why keep it. I would love to adopt a kid or two later but as far as having any more of my own, I'd like to have two, maybe three, but I don't see it happening. Anyways, after Jordan's room it's off to the spare room and the possibility of everything that is in that room going is looking real good. There isn't anything in there other than crap. I have my stationary bike upstairs. I want to chunk it and get a treadmill. I can't afford one right now so I'll have to wait.

I went looking for Rascal Flatts tickets for Carly for her birthday but they are super expensive. I was thinking I could get her those and that would be her birthday and Christmas present. Her and Brady are talking about getting married in the second week of November but they haven't really started anything just yet so I'm still waiting to hear more on that. November isn't that far away, specially if you're talking about getting married! I really do wish Brady and her the best. They both deserve it. They've both been through hell. They've earned their right to be happy badges. :-) As weird as it is, I just got a phone call from Carly and she said she went to the doctor and they think she's diabetic. She hasn't eaten and her BS level was 189. I was tested and mine was 82, a big difference there. If she is, I hope it's something that can be controlled with weight loss and a change in eating habits.

I've noticed over the past several days I'm slipping back into my old ways and I don't want that but I can't seem to get a grip on anything. As long as I don't pick up alcohol again, I should be okay. I'm not going to start with the drugs again. I have too much going for me for that. I have started picking up smoking every now and again and that is one thing I do NOT want to start again. I quit almost 7 years ago and I don't want to start now. I think I'm just stressing too much and I"m looking for outlets is all it is. I think I need to find somebody to converse with ona regular basis and somebodythat I can see often and go do things with. I have friends in Columbia but that isn't really conveyant. I have a friend or two around Mayesville too, it's just, well it isn't the same.

I haven't heard word one from anybody in my family. I really miss them but that's okay too I guess. Everybody has their own agendas and I understand, they don't involve me. I can't wait to move away from here. If I'm not someplace where it would be okay for them to come visit and they don't, that bothers me but if I move away from here, then I would be all right with them not coming because it would be inconveyant. If that makes any sense. I'm so tired of being shoved aside and that isn't just by my family, it's by everybody.

My boss told the RCA that she didn't want me to go anywhere. I came back from Alabama and informed her that I would be moving as soon as possible and her mouth kind of dropped. She asked and or kinda told Mada that she was just being selfish wasn't she and Mada said that she told her yea she was. I told Mada and she started crying and that hurt a lot. I haven't had a close friend like her since Tasha and Lauren in Alabama before everything went to hell. If this house was smaller, the schools were better, and I felt like I had a reason to be here or felt like I belonged here, I'd consider staying but it's none of the above. Maybe I'm never going to find that place where I just feel like I "belong" but I'm sure not going to stop trying. If I sit here and say there is no place for me it's like saying there is no magic and I don't know if I fully believe that just yet. I'm just in a rut, that's what I keep telling myself.

When I worked in Horatio this past week a lady gave me a phone number and I need to call it. I still have it and she gave it to me in good faith. I really liked that lady. I've been considering sending her a little card and telling her so. She was super nice. She kept me company while I was in the "hole".

I'm going to go ahead and go. I'm going to make dinner. Having spaghetti. I think I'll go to the mall tomorrow and get some vitamins. That might help with something, not sure what but it might help. I'm not buying a crap load of them either because then I know I won't take them. It's going to be hard enough to remember to take them as it is. I also need to get some other stuff. I'm going to call Climmie tonight and see how her date went. I think she might have met this guy while she was working out at Shaw. There is no telling. I'm happy for her too!

--Mankind owes to the child the best it has to give
Janett

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Date: Tuesday, August 2, 2005
Time: 9:11pm EST
Current Conditions: Mostly Cloudy, 81° (feels like 84°)
Music: Rascal Flatts : Like I Am
Mood: Sad & Lonely

I went and worked in Rembert today. It wasn't as bad as it could have been but not as good as it should have been. First thing this morning Neal, the driver, came and started pounding on my window. He asked me what I was doing, I told him I was sleeping. He wanted to know why. He thought something was wrong with me.

I met a cool lady today named Wanda. She was full of spunk and fun. I really like her. She's sassy.

I have a weird bad feeling in my stomache and heart. It's a bad empty feeling. I'm hope it's just feeling like that because it's use to being whatever but that it really isn't going to happen. Need to put Jordan to bed and take a shower, make my bed and pass out. I was going to try and stay up and chew the fat with John again tonight, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to do it. Eek!

--It's not about you, It's all about me
Janett