" Quite Simply Put: A Crossover "
silly fic by Inseiko

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the miriad of series, characters, obscure references made within this. I don't pretend to either. Please don't sue me, I can't technically afford the internet time it'll take to post this. ^_^

Warnings: Extreme silliness, obscurity, crossover (as stated) Self-insertion, OOC-ness, hentai jokes, random annoying characters, plotholes, PWP, fish...

Prologue: If You Colour the World a Certain Way... (Gundam Wing)

(Insert song: "Haruka" by Pierrot)

Consider this one of those improbably fics where the Gundam Wing boys are all together getting missions from the Doctors, when in reality they had little-to-no contact with the doctors and were hardly ever all five together. It's like someone expects them to be sitting in a darkened room listening to Doctor J go " Gundam Hunters, fight the future of Oz" or something. But look at me, it's the first paragraph and already I'm digressing.

Duo Maxwell was getting groceries. Normally such a menial task would have gone to Quatre, since the Maginaks were guaranteed to help him and it wasn't really work then. But Quatre and Trowa had disappeared to go to a movie. Jurassic Love didn't sound much like Duo's cup of tea, (pun intended in full, as is the obscure reference) so he agreed to do the shopping. Hiiro couldn't be counted on to get anything interesting. (oh look, milk and bread again) As for Wufei... well, Wufei had been moping about some thing or another and Duo's innocent inquiry as to whether Wufei would like to join him was met with a biting reply and numerous Mandarin words not found in any dictionary.

Duo enjoyed it anyway. He made his way through the crowded sidewalk with a slight bounce in his step. The armload of bags swung gently as he walked. His long brown braid flapped along behind him, while long bangs wavered alluringly over glittering amethyst eyes.

Duo reached 'home' which was a plothole in itself. A quaint little house standing at the end of the business part of a street. He entered it and kicked the door shut behind him. " Tadaima! " he called cheerily, heading for the kitchen.

Hiiro met him coming out of the kitchen, loading a clip into his gun as he went. " I'm going out, " he said simply. " There's a letter for you and Wufei on the counter. Nice way of keeping our cover. "

" A letter...? " Duo raised an eyebrow. " Sorry Hiiro, but the only one of us with a stalker is you. "

Cue Hiiro deathglare.
Cue Duo sweatdrop.

Hiiro left and Duo went into the kitchen. Sure enough, there on the counter was a letter addressed simply to Duo Maxwell and Chang Wufei. Snatching the letter up, Duo shoved it in his pocket and quickly put the groceries away. Meandering his way around the living room furnature he knocked once on Wufei's room and entered before any call could hail him.

" Yo, Wu, we got mail, " Duo said, then froze as he realized Wufei was not alone in the room.

Wufei was, in fact, tied to a folding metal chair. He was gagged too, and didn't look too happy about it. (can you blame him?) Behind him stood a young woman with waist length violet hair and eyes the same colour that glittered with the evil smile on her face. She wore a blue shirt with chinese buttons across the shoulder and plain black pants over black boots.

" Okaeri, Duokun! " she greeted in a familiar tone. He was immediately put on guard by a distinctly Canadian accent.

" Who are you and what have you done to Wufei? " Duo demanded.

" Why don't you read your letter and then ask questions. Wufei has already read it. He disagreed and now look at him. " She happily patted the fuming Chinese boy's shoulder.

Duo opened the letter and proceeded to read;
 

  To Duo Maxwell and Chang Wufei,
 I am writing a huge crossover-- er... I mean.
 You have been selected to help save the Universe... no wait, that's
 not it. Aw hell, I'm sending you on a journey, not necessarily to the
 west, but in some sort of direction for some sort of purpose. That's
 all I can tell you at the moment. I'll be sending you to gather some
 other people to help you out on this quest. But part of the fun will
 be you trying to find them yourselves. XD
 I hope that you will accompany me on this journey. Thank you.
  Sincerely, Riva Allard

 PS If you refuse, I will subject you to the folding metal chair
 and take you anyway. ^_^

Duo finished reading and looked at Wufei. Well, the PS wasn't a joke in any case.

" Dou...? " she inquired.

Duo sweatdropped. " Ano... you really can't tell us anything more? "

" I can tell you where we're going next. "

Duo contemplated this. Finally he decided to bite the bullet and asked, " Where's that? "

" Tokyo version CLAMP-002, circa the early ninties. We're going to get an omnyouji named Subaru Sumeragi. " The manic gleam returned to her eyes. " And deal with a certain bastard who dares even think evil things about Subaru... "

Duo could have sworn he felt a cold breeze blow through the room. " I really don't have a choice, do I? "

" Nope! "

Duo sighed. " At least let me grab my gun and hat. "

Cheerily the call followed him. " I knew you'd see it my way Duokun~! "

**

Next chapter: Death to the Cherry Blossom Well!