==The lights come up to reveal an empty stage. The audience begins
murmuring, wondering where that bouncy, perky interviewer is. Presently
a voice comes eerily from off stage==
Voice; Hello and welcome to The Fans Want to Know. Tonight, I'm afraid that little miss Interviewer cannot be here to interview the cast of Slayers Next. Why, you ask? That's none of your damn business! Suffice enough to say that you may never see her again. OOOOH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!
Audience; ~falls over~
Voice; ~doesn't quite realize that her cover is blown~ Who am I, you ask? Why it's me, ~steps out from behind curtain~ NAGA, THE WHITE SERPENT!! OOOOOH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! I've put up with that uppity little Interviewer for too long! Now she has faced my wrath! How dare she interview Lina without including me, her most feared and powerful rival!
Nakago; ~from back of audience~ There she is!
Soi; ~cracks whip~ SO! I'll get her! ~runs for stage~
Nakago; ~runs for stage as well~ Wearing that kinky outfit won't save you from my wrath!
Naga; Ha! Try it! I'm through with running! That Interviewer didn't include Wufei in the Gundam Interview, and she interviewed Tomo instead of Mitsukake! Now she's not included me in the Slayers interview and I WON'T STAND FOR IT, HEAR ME!! And you can't stop me Nakago! Nor your little slut!
Soi; Insult!
Nakago; But... it's true...
Soi; I know but... at least I never wear anything as tacky as THAT!!
Naga; How dare you! Demonic Crystal!
==Soi is encased in ice==
Nakago; Oh, now you've done it! No one, and I mean NO ONE attacks my woman, hear me?!
Naga; What are you going to do about it?
Nakago; ~jumps on stage~ I'm gonna destroy you in front of a live audience!
Naga; OOOOOH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!
Nakago; ~keels over in pain~
Naga; Hah! So there!
Lina; ~storms on stage~ Naga! What the hell are you doing?!
Naga; Stay out of this Lina! I'm getting revenge on that Interviewer! She's done nothing but conspire against me!
Lina; So YOU were that annoying audience member!
Naga; Yes! I waited and waited! But nothing came of my waiting! I'm an anime character! Why don't I get to be interviewed? I don't know how she could have kept me out of the Slayers Interview! ~sobbing~
Lina; Naga! You were never in Slayers Next! It's a Slayers NEXT interview! Now, what did you do with the Interviewer?
Naga; None of your business, Lina. You'll never get that information out of me! And you'll never find her either.
Zelgadis; ~walks on stage~ Found her.
Naga; ~jaw drops~
Lina; Really? Good, then I'll just fireball Naga and we're good to go.
Naga; Um... um... Explosion Array!
==Zelgadis goes flying==
Naga; There! Now you'll never know where I hid her! OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!
Nakago; ~moans in pain~
Lina; Boy, I'd forgotten just what effect that laugh has on someone not from the Slayers world. Alright, Naga, I've had it. I'm just going to blow you from here to Lord Enma for the heck of it. I'll find the Interviewer later. Maybe when Zelgadis comes back to Earth.
Naga; Hmmph, try it, Lina!
Gourry; ~runs on~ Lina! Lina! Zelgadis just fell from the sky! He told me where the Interviewer is!
Naga; Demonic Crystal!
==Gourry joins Soi in the frozen foods section==
Lina; You attacked Gourry! How DARE you!!
Naga; So sorry for trying to maintain my revenge.
Lina; Naga! You're doing this for stupid reasons and in front of a Live Audience!!
Naga; Shut up Lina! This is a perfectly good reason! I'm not even going to let you get in my way!
Lina; DRAGON SLAVE!!!!!!
Naga; ~goes flying~ I shall retuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!! oh-hoohohohohohohohohohoooooooo!!
Xellos; ~wanders on stage~ Oh, Linachan! We've found the Interviewer! She was drugged and locked in the broom closet with a tape running an endless loop of Nagachan's laughter!! ~grin~
Lina; Figures. Xellos, allieve the audience and we'll see if we can get this interview going.
Xellos; O-K! Linachan! ~addresses audience~ Due to unforeseeable difficulties quite beyond our control, the Slayers Next Interview has been postponed. Please join us next time on The Fans Want to Know when you'll see all of us being asked inane questions by the lovely interviewer and hopefully see some amusing hyjinx. I certainly hope so. ~grin~ Ja ne!
[Written by Inseiko, 2000]