*Crushing Fears*
Paato Seruteifuoo;
*Kyoufu o oshitsubusu*
Part Thirty-four;
*Crushing Fears*
Paato Seruteifuoo;
*Kyoufu o oshitsubusu*
The inside of my heart is the waxing and waning moon
The shadow of love unseen to me trembles
White skin floats in the night
And embraces my unspoken heart, sheltering it
mune no ura wa
tsuki no michikake
boku ni misenu ai no kage ga yureru
shiroi hada wa yoru ni ukande
nanimo iwanu kokoro daite kakusu
Even if you search, you won’t find your way
Eternity is calling
The tomorrow that can’t see through
Your shaking lies is coming
motomete mo tadoritsukanai
eien ga yondeiru
furueteru kimi no itsuwari
miyaburezu asa ga kuru~
Indifferent kisses are the other side of the moon
Inside of darkness, I descend into love’s trap
My fingers get entangled in long hair
And like it’s binding me, my breath stops
sameta kisu wa tsuki
no uragawa
yami no naka de ai no wana ni ochiru
nagai kami wa yubi ni karande
shibaru you ni boku no iki o tometa
Even if you wake up, you’ll never come to your senses
Lost inside of dreams
I doubt even tears
Someone’s probably pulling my strings and making me
live
mezamete mo kesshite
samenai
yume no naka mayoikomu
namida sae boku wa utagai
ayatsurare ikiru darou
Even if you search, you won’t find your way
Eternity is calling
The tomorrow that can’t see through
Your shaking lies is coming
motomete mo tadoritsukanai
eien ga yondeiru
furueteru kimi no itsuwari
miyaburezu asa ga kuru
[##]
It's said the people felt it everywhere. In Uchuu, on the colonies, on Chikyuu... a terrible sadness that wrenched the heart and brought the Earth Sphere to a standstill. This was the power of the Uchuu no Kokoro, and when that one solitary name was screamed throughout the heavens, every living thing felt the misery of the boy.
" TROWA!!! "
A loss for a loss -- Quatre had to lose something precious to bring him back from a madness caused by the very same thing.
[##]
Hilde dropped from the cockpit and tore the helmet from her head. Dropping it on the wayside, she stormed out of the docking area. " Take them all to the barracks, " she snapped as she passed the soldiers ringing the room.
Trent watched her go. " Where's Barton and the Mercurious? "
" Barton is dead. Mercurious was destroyed, " came the short answer. Then Hilde was gone.
Trent stood stupefied, before professionalism took over. " Take those three to the barracks. " He observed the way the blonde was clinging to Hiiro and sobbing. " Put Zero-five in with Zero-two and the other two in a different cell together. "
" Roukai! "
[##]
Hilde Shreibeker turned the corner in a lonely hallway and leaned heavily on the wall. Wrapping her arms around herself, she sank to the floor and sobbed.
[##]
Sitting on the cot, Hiiro absently stroked Quatre's hair as the smaller boy continued to sob. He didn't know what to do. The situation was completely alien to him. So many new things... since he'd been a boy he'd known nothing but fighting, nothing but being a soldier. He knew nothing of love, compassion, or sympathy. He was the perfect soldier. He killed without question. He didn't see the terror he caused. The grief.
But those eyes.
Eyes framed by a sunset you can only get on Chikyuu, and hair the colour of honey. It was that day, in that instant, where Hiiro had been first aware of his own heart beating. Rilina Dorlain had unwittingly found the human in the soldier... with just those eyes.
[##]
How... how could they...? One of their own... and yet... the murderer cried for the dead. She didn't understand. It completely turned around everything she'd believed.
[##]
Duo looked up as the door opened and shut on his new cellmate.
" Damn Wufei, you look like shit, " he greeted, sitting up and taking in the Chinese boy covered in bandages and smelling like the medical bay. " You okay? "
" If I wasn't okay, I'd be dead, wouldn't I? " Wufei responded stiffly. He carefully lowered his aching body to the floor and crossed his legs.
" No need to snap at me, " Duo said, sounding miffed, " I was just asking. What happened to you? "
" I just watched my home and my pride be destroyed, " Wufei said quietly, folding his hands in his lap and taking a deep meditative breath. " This battle will likely be my last. I have no reason left to live. "
Duo sat up. " Oi, Wufei. There's no reason to talk like that. Especially with that tone of voice. "
" What tone of voice? " Black eyes glared at him.
" Like you're talking about the colour of the bloody walls! Don't say things like that so simply. " Duo leaned forward with the vehemence of his words. " Goddammit Wufei! "
" Without soldiers the world can be at peace. "
" Without soldiers to take the sins of battle, more innocent people would be wrapped up in war and die needlessly! It wouldn't be war! It would be slaughter! Are you willing to just die on the sidelines and let Oz destroy everything we've worked so hard for? Coward! " Bitterness filled the violet in the other pilot's eyes.
Wufei looked away. " Sacrifices must be made, that I agree on. But you're not the one who just watched your home be destroyed. "
" I never had a home to begin with. I'm fighting so that I might have one in the future. "
[##]
Hilde pressed her fists into her eyes in an attempt to stop the flow of tears. She was a soldier now, not the scared little girl her mother had sent to the colonies to be 'safe.' She had to stand on her own two feet and face whatever came at her.
But after Trowa... the whole prospect scared her more than she could ever fathom.
[##]
" Hiiro...? "
" Hn? "
Quatre sniffled and grabbed a fistful of the other boy's green tank top. " Am I a bad person? "
" No Quatre, " Hiiro answered after a pause. He spoke the words plainly,
stating what was to him a fact, not an opinion.
" You're as good as any human can be. "
Quatre's voice broke on the next question. " Do you think Trowa forgives me? "
" I know he does. "
[##]
Stop it! she commanded herself, tightening the grip on her own shoulders. You should be stronger than this. He was a Gundam Pilot anyway -- What does he mean to you??
But every time she closed her eyes, there was that image... that image of the Mercurious being destroyed.
[##]
Hatred and loathing were terrible things. They coiled within the stomach and stayed there, tightening their grip at every attempt to get rid of them. They shifted with every thought; every synapse firing. Everything was coloured by their existence. Hate. He had to hate everything, especially himself.
[##]
Terrible... it was terrible. So much confusion - she needed to talk to someone. But who could she talk to? Who could she confide in? Who would save her from this misery?
[##]
A knock at his door jolted him out of his reverie. Zechs stirred and looked to the door. " Hai? "
" Delivery for Mr. Peacecraft, " came the faint call from the other side of the door.
Getting to his feet, Zechs went to the door and accepted the delivery with a low, " Thank you. " Closing the door again, he set the package on the table and opened it. Within he found olive green and tan military dress. Formal in its plain design. Lifting the green coat that would hang to his knees, he let a smile fall upon his face.
" Presumptuous, " he commented. He knew it was from Quinze.
But really... it was more effective than what he was doing now. A diplomat for the Cinq Kingdom, what did that do? Invite assassination? It was time for him to do what he did best; take up the mask that was Zechs Marquis once more. Rilina could handle peace on her own. He had a war to aid.
Picking up the receiver of the phone, he dialed a number written on the lid of the box and didn't wait for an answering voice when the line picked up. " I accept your offer. Tell me where. "
[##]
Hilde got to her feet and stumbled down the hall. Her vision was blurred by the tears that clung to her eyelashes. Her throat was dry and her face was wet. Every movement was agony, and her body protested all it could. But her mind was set.
[##]
" Utsukushii... ka? " Treize echoed her choice of adjective and looked down at the young woman who occupied his chair. He watched her nod and questioned, " Would you like to be beautiful too, Nara? " He slid his hand down the smooth leather to her shoulder and let it rest there. " I can teach you how to dance, if you are willing. "
" I'm willing. "
He pushed the chair with his wrist, rotating it so that she faced him. Putting his other hand on her other shoulder, he leaned down and smiled at her. " I can't wait, " he said, studying the vehemence in her eyes, " you'll make an exquisite addition to the infinite dance in the stars. "
" Dakara, " she interjected.
" Hm? "
" If I go, then I go. You will teach me to fight, or dance, as you say, without the help of the computer. It will be my skill, and my abilities that I use. Understood? "
" Perfectly. "
[##]
The door slid open, just as her legs folded beneath her, unable to support her weight.
" Hilde?! " Duo cried in alarm, rushing to her side despite his own pain. Why? Why couldn't they act like the enemies they were supposed to be? How did they make it seem like she was the bad guy, when it was supposed to be them.
" How... " Hilde rasped, near his ear where he'd put her head on his shoulder.
" Hm? " he queried.
" How do you fight... with this heartache? "
[##]
Even if you wake up, you’ll never come to your senses
Lost inside of dreams
mezamete mo kesshite
samenai
yume no naka mayoikomu
[Phwew... took me a while to finish that one. I just couldn't figure out what to do with Hilde. But, things should start happening again in the NEXT CHAPTER! Boy, I feel like I've been saying that for eternity! But the end draws near folks. I promise. ^_~ ja!]
[Written by Inseiko, 2001]
[Song: "Other Side
of the Moon" by Weiss
[Lyrics taken from The Memorial Hall of Translations with permission from
the translator, Mina-P]