// Diet Disasters //
"The only thing that's ever helped me lose weight is stress.
I don't know how to diet - I'm so bad at it. But I was a
huge infomercial watcher for years and bought everything
I saw. That's a really bad habit. So, I bought this
fat trapper' stuff, which they recently proved didn't work
and there was a big lawsuit, so I just got a check
in the mail for $7.48.

I also bought this thing that's a strap you wrap around
your stomach, and it uses electricity to exercise the muscles.
Totally didn't work either, and you had to use this
jelly before you put on the strap ... gross.
And, I lost no weight."