Biladoc's Encyclopedia of Annoying Lifeforms


Owlbear - Found in pairs, chained to the walls of underground caves in the sewers of relatively large coastal cities. Don't like other creatures hanging from ropes above their heads. Very aggressive towards dwarves, throwing them against any nearby wall, given the chance. When killed, can easily be reeled in by their chains to stand against the afore mentioned walls. Their corpses disappear the day after their death.
Possibly good to eat.

Devilkin - These nasty creatures earn their living as bridge keepers. As the Owlbears, they too can be found in sewers. With very reduced mobility, they also have a very limited range of expressions and vocabulary, normally consisting of one question and one statement. They dress in black and carry staffs that throw out cones of frost. They're bony, skeletons with horns, large fangs and flames instead of eyes. Not very concerned with each other. You can beat the living daylights out of one of them with another standing just a dozen feet away and it won't budge an inch to help. Don't smash the staff. It explodes in a ball of frost. The same with the devilkin itself. It blows up in a thousand pieces, throwing bone shrapnel all around.
Positively not eatable.

Drow - Another sewer creature. They use silk cloaks and gold masks painted red and black. The female ones wear dark body suits and black armour. As weapons, they have poisoned maces and daggers. They hate hawks and will summon black tendrils from the ground to crush them, if they fly close enough to get caught. Drows can make a large area pitch black just by grinning. When darkness appears, they begin to float and attack with bolts of light. Their vision is not affected by this darkness. They're, however, afraid of dogs and will run away if attacked by one.
Not eatable.

Ghast - Greyish skinned humanoids with wild looking hair, long nails and emanating a foul stench of carrion. They live in groups of four in underground rooms littered with rubble and bones. They attack howling, biting and clawing. Opponents can be paralysed if wounded by claw or bite. Afraid of dwarven holy symbols. When their heads are cut off, they still hiss for a while, before their eyes glaze over and they finally die.
Definitely not eatable.

Specter - Specters look like translucid dwarves with brilliant red eyes. They live behind silver mirrors in secret passages hidden by large tapestries depicting white dragons. Can and will attack without reason. As weapons they use almost invisible axes. If struck, their victims begin to loose energy and eventually turn into specters themselves, but maintaining their original form. They don't turn into dwarves, just get translucid as well. They're very fast and hard to hit. Normal weapons just pass through them without any effect. They can easily be defeated by dissolving them in holly water. When they disappear, they just leave a cloud of smoke behind.
When they're gone, there's nothing left to eat.

Kobold - Always found in dozens, like to hide behind broken down pieces of furniture. The group is lead by a female, more aggressive and well dressed than the males. They use crossbows and short swords. Some of the crossbows shoot little flying snakes. They're not poisonous, just boring. The kobolds stink, despite having laundry rooms near their lairs. Don't seem to like each other very much. Sometimes they even shoot other group members in the back, specially when there's someone else around to blame.
Not eatable.

Weasel, Giant - These over grown rodents are used to guard kobold laundry rooms. They're very loud, very fast, very aggressive and die very quickly. The pelt can be used to make garments (or belts, if you just happen to cut the weasel in slices).
Good to eat.

Dragon, Wind - Live in underground mazes. Are white and invisible. Can be detected by the small scales they leave in the ground or by occasional bursts of fresh air. Friendly towards arrogant elvish princesses travelling incognito but liable to eat anyone else. They sacrifice victims to increase the power of Orbs of Enchantment.
Possibly eatable (if nothing else is available).

Orcs - These pig-snouted creatures dwell in storage rooms of brownish red radiance in underground mazes. Here they keep a great number of rotten vegetables and crates with samite, fine camlet, moire, and musterdelvys. They also have huge wheels of red sharp cheese and partially chew hocks of smoked ham.
To entertain themselves in these warehouses, they play with little jumping jacks and a small leather ball. They keep iron flasks under the table, empty ones and filled ones. One of them, possibly the leader, keeps a strange playing card in his pouch, with several numbers in it. They appear in groups of five, armed with black bladed scimitars. When surprised, they throw small exploding pebbles that turn into giant fishbowls, imprisoning up to four people each. They don't speak and are easy to defeat.
Some of them, called shamans, wear robes and some sort of armour underneath. They have feathers sewn all over their cloths and a bone sticking through their noses and two more through their ears. They usualy chant and swing a mummified rat carcass around before sending globs of green liquid at dwarves that burn and eat through their armor.
Not eatable, but their cheese is great.

Toad, Giant - Not much to say about these overgrown amphibious. They appear in groups of three, they're large, they croak loudly, they've got warts, they leap. Apparently, they're very fond of orc meat. If you want to lure them somewhere, just spread some bits of orc around and they'll follow them. Maybe they turn into giant princes after being kissed, but nobody has tried that... yet.
Might make a good roast, especially au gratin, with orc's cheese.

Pudding, Brown - These lumps of moving chocolate-like stuff dwell in circular rooms with circular holes in the centre, around which they like to slide. They move by thrusting blobs of itself forward, and flowing after them. They move silently, its edges briefly turning purple as they expand and reach to grip. It is quite fluid in its motion. Don't try to cut it with a knife. The knife begins to smoke and is soon gone. Doesn't like gold coins. Magic missiles and flaming spheres hurt it and make it smaller. If exposed to fire long enough, it disappears.
Despite looking like chocolate, they're not eatable.

Lurker - The lurker can be found near the centre of the floor of underground rooms, between two blocks of moving stone. These cunning creatures react when someone triggers the trap.
They have tough and leathery hide, making any blows bounce off. The best way to dispose of them is to wait until it has wrapped around you, turning into a large leathery ball of flesh and then stab them from inside with a dagger. Lurkers hiss when attacked and constrict on their preys, suffocating them. They also use their leathery wings to swing at their enemies. When mortaly wounded, they shudder as they unfurl revealing any victim they were helding.
To tough. Probably make a better pair of boots or suit of armour than a meal.

Ogre - These huge creatures are found hanging around Orc Batallions, swinging a giant club in one hand and a decayed human head in the other that seems to be smoking. They can easily reach any opponents if they run full speed along with the orcs. But they seem to be pacing themselves as the orcs throw javelins at the enemy.
They get angry when they are hit by poisoned daggers, but they just pick up the pace of his charge. When caught in a large glob of webs, they curse and start to rip free of the webs. If someone lights the web, they give out a great cry of pain and agony. The smell of burnt flesh is very strong and almost as overpowering as the black smoke they produce. The ogres burst into flames when hit twice by a magical elven sword. The second blow cuts they head from their shoulders.
Definetly not eatable.

Troll - Can be found in underground mazes leading Orc Hordes. The troll reaches at enemy warriors tearing into them with abandon as they swing at its warty hide. He strikes with talon and claw. Swords sink deep in him, causing the troll to real back and stay out of the way for awhile. You can see his serious wounds healing at an incredible rate.
Didn't stay near one long enough to know if it's eatable or not.

Bugbear - These creatures live in mage's towers. Usualy they're kept in groups of four in large round stone chambers, with huge mirrors on the walls and inscriptions in a strange language underneath them. There is a trap door in the centre of the room, that leads downwards to the rest of the tower. The bugbears stand next to the trap door, disguised as statues of large furry goblinoid creatures. They wear shields for breastplates and have large wicked looking glaives in their hands. They turn from stone to flesh when people appear from a magical portal and land on the floor. They yell a warriors challenge as they charge the group.
It roars in pain if you smash your forearm into its nose or mace their toes. It may even stumble backwards, almost falling. They normaly move forward in order to slash the intruder's back (?!). When outnumbered, they start to look a little concerned. Although ready to run, they stay and fight instead. It would seem there is something they fear more than death itself. A wizard droping to al fours and bumping into one of them does not concern him at all. Even when someone slashes a huge gash in a Bugbear, he stumbles but somehow keeps his footing. The Bugbear, however, looks shocked if he is stabed by a hobbit, as he looks down at the little assailant.
Higly higienic creatures, they gurgle for a few seconds before falling to the ground.
Despite being very careful with their higiene and having their toes and nose smashed, their meat might still be a little too hard (they started like stone statues, remember?). Still, as a last resort...

Dog, Ferral - Wearing spiked collars, they are found in packs of four, obeying female drows holding whips he ends of which are snakeheads that hiss and snap. Also living in mage's towers, hate to see intruders. They can be easily cut in half by elven swords and even a hobbit jumping on top of them is able to stop one.
Possibly very good, if you like hot dogs.


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