In-Box

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: azlina <azlina@POP.JARING.MY> Save Address Block Sender

Reply-To: Galaxy Rangers <RANGER-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU>

To: RANGER-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU

Subject: [fanfic]"Buzzwang's Science Project"

Date: Sun, 14 Feb 1999 09:33:27 +0800

Reply Reply All Forward Delete Previous Next Close

Happy Valentine's day, everyone. Hope you have good things planned :)

I also want to take the time to wish all our Chinese members of the ML a

Happy New Year. GONG XI FA CAI!! (And hope you get plenty of red packets

^_^).

=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Begin fic =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D

Project #24: The Vaporous Chemical Dispenser for the Standard

Starship=92=

s Air

Recycling and Purification Systems, by Galaxy Ranger Buzzwang.

5/1/2087 1305hrs

BETA Mt.

This project was inspired by an offhand comment made by Ranger Walter

Hartford while in hyperspace to Earth, aboard the starship Ranger 1,

from

Bisty Fenokee (see mission logs; file #463889). To quote Ranger

Hartford=92=

remark, =93This place sure does stink. I wish we had some way of making

his

recycled air smell better.=94 (Refer also to audio logs; file

#98667321.)

After the success of my Buzzbot experiment, I had decided to take Ranger

Hartford up on his suggestion. Although I, myself, lack the appropriate

sensors to analyse and comment upon the odour or apparent lack of

quality=

the starship=92s air, I nonetheless felt it wise that I attempt to

create=

better working environment for the Series 5 Rangers.

Entry 1:

9/1/2087 0930hrs

BETA Mt.

Having ascertained that my own mission roster was relatively free for

the

next week or two, I requested and received the appropriate clearance to

ake

use of a small section of Longshot=92s chemical laboratories. Q-Ball has

been

most helpful in securing the necessary clearance. My complaints about

how

much the bureaucratic procedures appear to have become more complicated

see

Form 32a #3760) when it comes to applying for permission to use the

resea=

rch

facilities seem to have slipped through the cracks once again.

Entry 2:

13/1/1087 1849hrs

BETA Mt.

Spent my first two days sorting through and analysing the 854,981

references to =93olfactory pleasures=94 that could be found in the

resear=

facility=92s library. (Actually, more than 67,983,921 references were

fou=

nd,

but most were of the type that cannot, unfortunately, be printed in a

rep=

ort

of this kind. Personally, I found it to be a pity; a great number of

thes=

texts provide for some fascinating reading.)

My true experiments began on the morning of the third day. By combining

knowledge I obtained from several hundred detailed books on the

manufactu=

of perfumes, I first began to create my control sample. I had decided to

compose a chemical that would give off a subtle fragrance. I used a

recip=

e I

had pieced together from fractured documents to recreate a popular

women=92=

perfume of the early 21st century. Though some small setbacks happened

(s=

forms 54 and RE0021 #4693 and #99081 respectively) I successfully

recreat=

the perfume. The perfume now sits in Longshot=92s cool storage (sample

BP#028).

Entry 3:

19/1/2087 2200

Longshot

This is most unsatisfactory.

It has been close to a week since my last entry. I have not yet managed

synthesise a modified version of my control sample. What I aim for is to

create a new smell; something like the control sample, but unlike it at

same time. Something that will be appealing to both the men and women

who

will almost constantly be crewing the starships throughout their long

interplanetary journeys.

Unfortunately, no real breakthroughs have come about. I have so far

obtained five samples =96 two of which turned out to be illegal

substance=

another two proved to be extremely flammable and the last one, as I am

to=

by the lab techs, =93smells like a dead skunk factory=94. These samples

and the

remains of two of them) are in cool storage (samples BP#029 - #033).

Perhaps I will have better luck tomorrow.

Entry 4:

23/1/2087 1753hrs

Longshot

I think I=92ve done it! After twelve days of ceaseless experimenting, I

ave

finally managed to synthesise the perfect fragrance. Tests on its

flammability, viscosity and acidity have yielded results that are

extreme=

encouraging to the purpose of my experiment. Also, since I am no real

authority on how good or bad a smell is, I employed the lab techs=92

expe=

rtise

to test the =91goodness=92 of the sample=92s fragrance. As before, the

re=

sults are

extremely encouraging. The recipe for the perfume has been stored into

th=

databanks (file #4426).

I will send this sample and a quick report to Q-Ball, then get to work

manufacturing more of it. I will also ask if Q-Ball may help me in

obtain=

ing

permission to field test this fragrance in its intended environment (in

starship).

Entry 5:

27/1/2087 1030hrs

BETA Mt.

After a further three days of wheeling and dealing, and a lot of earnest

appeals on the parts of both Q-Ball and myself, Commander Walsh finally

relented and gave me permission to test my fragrance. Also during those

three days, Q-Ball and I have built a small dispensary unit (the specs

this unit can be found in Longshot=92s databanks) to be attached to a

sta=

rship

=92s air circulatory system. Now the question of which ship to test it

becomes paramount.

Fortunately, Ambassador Waldo and Ranger Hartford were both quite eager

find out about the sample. With their support, we managed to convince

Captain Zachary Foxx to allow me to use Ranger 1 as the starship for my

field test. The techs installed the sample dispensary unit into Ranger

1=92=

circulatory systems and it will be ready for testing when we blast off

fo=

our next mission.

Entry 6:

6/2/2087 1400hrs (Earth Standard)

Starship Ranger 1

We are now just leaving Earth orbit. I=92m told that this will be a

routi=

mission to the Jade-Wokev borders (see mission logs; file #470011), and

hat

our journey will be a relatively short one. Still, I am pleased to have

een

given this chance to test my sample.

The unit has just activated and so far the responses have been good.

Rang=

Niko herself has expressed surprise at the change. Ranger Hartford and

Ambassadors Waldo and Zozo also seem very pleased. Only Captain Foxx and

Ranger Shane Gooseman have deigned to comment.

The ship is readying to enter hyperspace once we are out of the path of

lunar traffic, and we should arrive at the Jade-Wokev border in a matter

hours.

Entry 7:

6/2/2087 1920hrs (Earth Standard)

Space Sation Luther, Jade-Wokev System

We have arrived at the Jade-Wokev border. Everything has gone well,

although the sample is indicated to be more than halfway finished

already=

. I

=92m afraid I had not made enough. Still, it serves its purpose. Perhaps

next,

I shall work on some way of manually adjusting the amount of fragrance

released into the air.

Entry 8:

8/2/2087 0930hrs (Earth Standard)

Starship Ranger 1

Our mission at Jade-Wokev is done. We are now leaving Space Station

Luthe=

and are inbound for Earth.

I am very happy with the results of the field test so far. Once we are

ba=

home, I shall certainly apply to have the dispensary units and the

fragra=

nce

to be tested some more. If all the field tests are this encouraging,

then=

think I may be able to get the perfume and the dispensary unit to become

standard addition to all our starships.

Entry 9:

8/2/2087 1055hrs (Earth Standard)

Starship Ranger 1

Oh, dear! Things have taken a sudden turn for the strange aboard Ranger

It started just thirty minutes after we had entered hyperspace.

Ambassado=

Zozo, who had not exhibited any signs of illness or exhaustion, suddenly

curled himself into what can be described as a fetal position and fell

asleep. He gave no response of any kind to Rangers Hartford=92s and

Goose=

man=92s

attempts to stir him.

Ten minutes later, Ambassador Waldo began to fidget in his seat. It is

my opinion that his continued movement served to irritate Ranger

Gooseman=

who asked the Ambassador what was wrong. The Ambassador=92s reply was

qui=

perplexing in that he said, and I quote: =93My dress has no lace!=94

agai=

n and

again. Then, the Ambassador rose from his seat and, after observing us

fo=

several long moments, said, =93You three need a good bath and

shampoo.=94

Looking down upon the slumbering Ambassador Zozo even as I thought to

tel=

him that I did not ever need to bathe, Ambassador Waldo then said,

=93The=

poor

baby is obviously in need of his nap. I shall have to bathe him

later.=94=

saying, he picked up the hem of his robes and made his way to the

cockpit

somewhat imperiously.

Ranger Hartford attempted to communicate his distress to the Captain

only

to receive a rather terse and clipped reply indicating that the

Ambassado=

had already made his presence known in the cockpit. I could plainly

hear,=

the background, Ranger Niko trying to placate the Ambassador by telling

where the sewing kits were stored.

Ranger Hartford turned to me and told me to watch over Ambassador Zozo

whilst he and Ranger Gooseman make their way to the cockpit. However,

his

suggestion seemed to be lost on the other man. Ranger Gooseman growled

an=

began a series of what I can only call =91stalking maneouvres=92. At

Rang=

Hartford=92s query, he only gave the reply that he was =93hunting Hyrean

field

rats=94. Both Ranger Hartford and I thought this very strange,

especially

since we were nowhere near the Hyrean system to pick up any of their

rats=

the first place.

Ranger Hartford then dashed off by himself towards the cockpit, leaving

to monitor both Ranger Gooseman and Ambassador Zozo. After a long wait,

however, Ranger Hartford still had not returned. By that time, Ranger

Gooseman had stalked off into the cargo hold of the starship, shouting

th=

he would =93destroy the evil fiends=92 nesting grounds with his bare

hand=

s=94 and

left his weapons behind on his seat. Knowing that Ranger Hartford had

instructed me to watch over the sleeping Ambassador, I nonetheless

decide=

to head off to the cockpit myself, intending to seek advice from Captain

Foxx.

Along the way, I almost collided with Ambassador Waldo, who now seemed

be intent on sewing himself a new article of clothing from his robes

that=

had previously worn. He studiously ignored my observations that he had

neglected to put on his spare set of robes. Not knowing the proper way

address an Ambassador who was in the nude, I continued on to my task of

speaking to the Captain.

The doors to the cockpit were sealed. Nobody answered my communications,

although GV assured me that Captain Foxx and Ranger Niko were in there.

my insistence, GV requested that they allow me in, but reported back to

e a

moment later, saying that the Captain had ordered that he should not be

disturbed. I then asked that GV request permission from Ranger Niko.

Afte=

another moment, I learnt that she, too, had given orders very similar in

content to Captain Foxx=92s. Helpless, I could only leave.

I thought to find Ranger Hartford and enlist his help. I found him near

the main corridor. He had pried open one of the panels that covered one

the ship=92s many data nodes and was accessing his CDU. At my query, he

nly

stated that he was to become =93one with the machine=94. No amount of

dis=

cussion

would change his mind.

What am I to do?

Entry 10:

8/2/2087 1140hrs (Earth Standard)

Starship Ranger 1

Ambassador Zozo still sleeps. Occasionally, he mumbles things in his

slee=

that I have not been able to catch. Ambassador Waldo seems to have

finish=

his dress (for want of a better word) and is moving briskly along the

ent=

ire

lengths of the ship (or what areas that are accessible) commenting on

how

dusty the whole place is and lamenting on not being able to find a good

op.

Ranger Hartford has not moved from his place. He carries on some

interest=

ing

arguments with his programs, and seems to be trying to jury rig a set of

data input plugs that would be able to fit into his badge socket. I can

nly

guess that he is attempting some kind of information transfer, though

whether it be from his CDU to the ship or vice versa, I cannot be sure.

has so far refused to comply with my request that he leave the data

nodes

alone. He has pulled rank on me twice and threatened to switch me off

thr=

times unless I leave him be.

Ranger Gooseman has sealed the cargo hold off to any outsiders. I can

faintly hear sounds of activity behind the doors, and video logs (file

#66529300) confirm this to be a form of intense shadow-boxing. From time

time, Ranger Gooseman shouts something that sounds like a =93Hoo-yah!=94

but I

cannot be absolutely sure.

The cockpit remains sealed. For some reason, I cannot access the video

lo=

to find out what happened in there. Neither Captain Foxx nor Ranger Niko

will answer my pleas to open the doors and I have no way of assuring

myse=

that they are all right. GV tells me that they are indisposed and cannot

disturbed for any reason at all.

Entry 11:

8/2/2087 1216hrs (Earth Standard)

Starship Ranger 1

The ship is still moving in hyperspace, so we should arrive at Earth in

about two hours from now.

I have been contemplating everyone=92s odd behaviour and the possible

cau=

ses

for it. I have ruled out xenoviruses as everyone here had undergone

decontamination procedures prior to our leaving Space Station Luther. I

ave

also ruled out concussions, prior psychological trauma, and hyperspace

fever. The only thing left to consider is the sample I had installed.

It pains me to think that my sample could be the reason why things have

become so unruly, but I have no other explanations. I shall have to gain

access into the air circulatory systems and unplug the unit, or better

ye=

remove the sample from the thing entirely. Also, I shall probably have

replace the air that remains in the ship with something untainted. I

hope

that the air purification system has not been damaged in any way.

I write this now before I go into the bowels of the ship because I am

concerned that I may not be able to return to end this report. Ranger

Gooseman still has the cargo hold to himself and has taken my

suggestions

that he open the door quite badly. Perhaps I may be able to trick him

int=

opening the doors.

Entry 12:

8/2/2087 1600hrs

BETA Mt.

My plan to remove the dispensary unit while in hyperspace was

unnecessary=

as it turned out. Even as I arrived at the cargo hold, Ranger Gooseman

opened the doors out of his own volition. He looked quite puzzled and

dishevelled. His clothes were torn in some places and, when I asked him

it came to be that way, he told me that he vaguely remembered something

about seven-foot tall Hyrean rats armed with retractable claws in the

hol=

He seemed distressed when we could not find any evidence of such a

creatu=

re.

His mood alleviated when we met up with Ambassador Waldo in the

corridors.

The Ambassador was still dressed in his new cut of clothes and Ranger

Gooseman was quite frank in his critique, after which the Ambassador

demonstrated a heretofore unsuspected proficiency in the use of certain

words within the English vocabulary.

Ambassador Zozo was still asleep in his seat, and remained so until we

touched down in BETA Mountain.

Ranger Hartford was unconscious in front of the open data node.

Obviously=

his attempt at a direct data transfer did not go as well as he had

hoped.

Once he regained consciousness, he was determined to accompany us to the

cockpit despite his complaints about having a =93killer=94 headache.

The doors to the cockpit were unsealed, to my relief. Entering, we found

both Captain Foxx and Ranger Niko in their seats. Both insisted that

they

had not seen or heard anything while everything else was going on. We

fou=

no evidence to the contrary, aside from their slightly dishevelled look.

For

some odd reason, though, their faces would turn an alarming shade of red

whenever they caught sight of each other.

The only explanation I have for the sudden return to normality is that

th=

sample of perfume has finished and the purifying systems have managed to

purge any trace of the chemical from the air. (Later inspection of the

sh=

ip=92

s circulatory systems and the unit itself confirm this.)

We are now back in BETA Mountain. The dispensary unit has been removed

per everyone=92s request and the sample sent to Longshot=92s Chemical

Tes=

ting

Laboratories. Commander Walsh has ordered everyone to write a report

explaining why Ranger 1 is in shambles. I have already completed and

sent=

mine.

Entry 13:

9/2/2087 1532hrs

BETA Mt.

Commander Walsh called me to his office not more than two hours ago. He

demanded a personal explanation of what had happened, since I was the

onl=

known sane and conscious observer. I only told him what I had written in

earlier report. He found it unsatisfactory, but let me off after a long

grilling session.

I almost bumped into Captain Foxx on my way out. He had schooled his

face

into an expression of intense stoicity (if there is such a word) and

only

nodded back in response to my greeting. Evidently, the Commander has

demanded a personal explanation of the events from everyone who had been

the ship.

I can only surmise what the Commander will decide to do with my precious

sample. I hope that the results from the Chemical Testing Lab show

nothin=

untoward about it.

Entry 14:

11/2/2087 1203hrs

BETA Mt.

I have finally received word from Q-Ball. The results are in: my sample

will be turned over to the Weapons Development Section in Longshot for a

more indepth study into its applications. I have no idea what kind of

applications a perfume could have in the field of warfare, but I can

only

comply with the decision. Q-Ball seems to be most interested in the

developments of this project. While I am flattered that he finds it a

subject of fascination, I cannot help but feel unhappy that it took an

unfortunate incident to gain his attention.

Entry 15:

22/2/2087 1930hrs

BETA Mt.

This will be my final entry for this project.

It has been two weeks since the incidents aboard Ranger 1. There has

been

little to no mention of what happened outside of the odd rumour or two,

a limited edition of the video logs copied off the main databases that

gi=

unedited footage of Rangers Hartford, Gooseman and Ambassador Waldo

durin=

the aforementioned incident (files #66529299, #66529300 and #66529298).

Commander Walsh had stepped in quickly and virtually eliminated all

deman=

for such tapes with a well-delivered speech during an unofficial

assembly.

However, I=92m told that the video footage for Ambassador Waldo=92s

brief=

romp

in fashion land can still be found if one were to ask the right people.

Of course, no one has yet been able to secure any kind of footage from

th=

cockpit=92s cameras, or even any audio logs. Not even Ranger Hartford

can=

dig

up anything, which is a very odd thing in itself. It is as if the whole

cockpit had fallen into Antrope=92s Edge during the entire incident.

Both

Captain Foxx and Ranger Niko maintain that nothing happened. GV remains

tightlipped and will not tell us anything, either.

On an odd note, Ranger Niko had come up to me yesterday and discreetly

ma=

inquiries about getting her hands on another batch of my perfume. She

was

disappointed, but understanding, when I explained that Commander Walsh

ha=

ordered me not to make any more of the perfume. Two hours later, Captain

Foxx came up to me with the same request. He, too, left empty-handed.

And

just this morning, I spied the two of them together in Longshot=92s

libra=

ry,

apparently trying to locate my lab files (the one with the recipe I used

concoct my perfume). I wish them luck, as I certainly am not able to

acce=

my own lab file now.

No one in the Weapons Development Section will answer my questions

regarding my sample. The Commander himself has told me to stop asking

aro=

und

about this. I feel bad having to abandon a project in this way, but what

can

I do? The order comes from Commander Walsh himself, after all.

Perhaps I may one day be able to find out what the real status on my

perf=

ume

is. For now, though, I suppose I should satisfy myself with my new

projec=

End of Report.

=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D

- Liz -

Reply Reply All Forward Delete Previous Next Close

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------